That can make you feel so friggin’ awesome!!!

Like my tried and true pug-love, he is such a snuggle:

One dollar fingerless gloves from Target, you know those magical dollar bins when you walk in:

New tube of mascara, I am loving Maybelline’s Falsies Flared, just tried the “Drama Black”:

New lip stain for cheap, that claims it is “smooch proof” we’ll just have to see about that:

 

I’m wearing the “Berry Long Time” in the third photo above…I love the color!

Funky sneaker that reminded me of my niece, so I had to have them…they make me feel like a kid and a bad ass:

What simple things make you feel awesome? Share! <3

This is the tenth and last in a series of things that have helped me, I believe in, or people have asked me to share. Basically, things I do or think or whatever that have helped me be a better person, activist and positive fat lady. Check out  Step 1,  Step 2, Step 3, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6, Step 7,Step 8 and Step 9.

Step 10: Share!

This is perhaps  the best and most fun step of this series: sharing! Woo hoo! I mean, sharing is fun, dude. I love to bake simply because I then get to share my goodies with my friends and family. Sharing can be hard, too. I mean, I still have a difficult time sharing certain things about myself with strangers or acquaintances. Y’all know I am far from afraid of TMI topics, but I mean simple things like my fat blog and activism…I hide behind the words I use and this makes me sad. I should be proud of what I do and I am, usually…but it’s hard sometimes! But let’s break this down, shall we?

Share yourself with others. You can take this in any direction you like. Share your whole self! Don’t hold back! You’re already being brutally honest with yourself and others and you stopped giving a damn what other people think…so go for it! I firmly believe that one of the greatest parts of existing, and how we can grow as  a society, is simply to share what we know and love with others. Human connection! Why else exist? To keep all of your wisdom and experiences to yourself? No thanks. It feels good to share, too!

Share what you know and what you’ve experienced! Ever feel like you’re the only one to have X happen to you? Or are the only one to have X problem? You don’t know if you don’t share! I didn’t know that I had hidradenitis suppurativa until I saw other gals sharing their experiences and talking about what it’s like to live with HS. Had they not shared this, I would have continued to feel like a freak! And sharing my story of abuse survival with you all here has allowed me to gain a new perspective on what I’ve been through and have been touched by so many other abuse survivors who have reached out to me as well. No, I think sharing is the best part of being human…well, sex is good, too! Ha-ha! That’s sharing, too, though!

When you keep things to yourself, positive or negative, it weighs you down. You feel burdened or guilty or shameful. That’s  bullshit because you’re awesome and even if you have a terrible problem, we can’t always figure these things out on our own, ya know? SHARE! Share with a friend or relative or me! But do share. I know that I often need a sounding board to work through things, even minor things. I love it when I have the right person to talk things out with, it can even sound like I’m talking to myself, but I need that other person’s reactions and thoughts and opinions and experiences to push me to my own creative solution or idea. I can’t be alone in that…can I?! (See?! Sharing!!!)

You may be thinking, “Well, no one ever shared with me. I work too hard for what I have. Why the fuck should I share?!” That is precisely why you should share! Share BECAUSE no one shared with you. Share because you can! Share because it feels good and it looks good on ya! Start off small if it scares you. Talk to strangers at bus stops and check out lines. Share your thoughts on baby hedgehogs and rooster art! Just share and share alike and watch as others feel the positive impact of your sharing and pay it forward in their own special way. It’s magnificent!

Share your creative endeavors! Share your skills! Share your talents and abilities! Don’t let fear or worry hold you back…you’re too awesome for that! Share a hug and share the love and share your cupcakes and carrots and puppy-love and kitty snuggles! Share it! Share a smile, a wink, a nod, a factoid, a bit of good news or share your story with a trusted friend or the world. Sharing will lift a burden from you and help you see things in a new way. Perspective you cannot buy, sharing is free and it can get you just that.

In a time where sharing is considered socialism, and somehow that’s a dirty word, why not be a radical bastard and share the fuck out of everything you see fit?! Share your time with a neighbor or old folks home. Share your dinner leftovers, too! Share your rarely-worn clothing with a fellow fatty and spread the rad fatty love all over the damn place! Sharing is like the best drug, you try it once and you’re hooked and next thing you know you wanna share it with all of your friends so they can get high on sharing, too! Just please be mindful and try not to share too many germs…wash your hands people. Ha-ha!

Share what you have learned from Fat Liberation/Acceptance/Pride! Share your thoughts and feelings about it! Share your feelings on diet talk when the subject comes up. Most people only know the societal norm and would never come across our radical ideas and movement. Share this amazing self-love lifestyle! Let people know that they don’t have to go through life hating themselves, they are worth more than that and so are you! Let them know that it IS a choice once you realize it.

Share the steps of this series. Share what makes you happy! Share what works for you to keep you sane or healthy or feeling more like  your authentic self. Share not because it’s “that time of year” *groan* but because you just want to! Share what has given you strength when you didn’t think you had it. Share what you’ve been through and stop keeping secrets that are a source of pain or shame. Be brave! Because I know you can do it and I know how it can impact other people. It can only lead to good, folks. It’s so very worth it and so are you!

“Ideas should be worth spreading. There is no delight in owning anything unshared.” ~Seneca

Have you tried any of the steps? I would love to hear from you! In fact, I would love some guest posts with your thoughts/experiences/pics/etc from the series. Please hit me up! notblueatall at notblueatall dot com

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So last Friday, you know the shopping one, my friend Jeanette and I decided to hang out. I was feeling funky, fresh, dope and fly and so I put together an outfit I’d never worn before. Not only that, the top I didn’t even pick out. Someone at Cupcakes and Muffintops insisted it is too cute for me not to get and so I bought it without even trying it on. It was that cute! But it took me months before I attempted to wear it and until this particular Friday, I hadn’t found a way to work it. The cardigan has a similar story. I’d purchased it for a steal at Target on clearance, but it’s ivory and what am I doing with an ivory cardigan? I get things dirty without even trying! It has this lovely deco-esque square latticework on the front…just fabulous, which is why I bought it of course. Never in my dreams had I thought of these two cherished but unworn pieces together…but they do, perfectly:

And I started rocking my “pomp” again. Which I am quite enjoying. I am sick of my shortie hair in the back, but I am hopeful and patient that they will get to growin’ soon here. I wasn’t sure what color glasses to wear, so I went with my usual/casual/go-to pair of dark purple. You can hardly see, but I’m wearing the earrings and necklace set my then fiance bought me 6 months before our wedding. I hadn’t worn the necklace in ages and I love it’s simple elegance. And of course my usual Avenue denim lite straight leg jeans. I am loathe to even imagine the day I need to buy new jeans. I have five pair of these and wear them constantly. They are thin and have stretch. I buy them a size bigger than I should, but I never have to unbutton them and they are the perfect length this way. They are discontinued though, so yeah, they better last forever. Ha-ha!

The Puggyman doesn’t like his picture taken. Always a suspicious eye when the camera is out:

I had never gone black Friday shopping, truly. I’d always worked on such days for my many years of retail. Jeanette and I only went to Avenue, but it was fun! No crowds, no rude clerks, it was fabulous. For a grand total of twenty-six dollars, I made out like a bandit: Two free tote bags*, one pair of leg warmers, one printed henley, one black henly, one pair of glam earrings and one pair of sock-slippers. And the tote bags are nice, too! It was not only the best black Friday experience I’d ever had, but it was the best Avenue experience, too! I will say that I am super disappointed and a bit angry that they no longer carry EE tights…not even on their website, except for the plainest of plain ones. I did order a pair of the sweater tights in an E, but they haven’t come yet, so fingers crossed that they fit. This shopping trip was a hoot and a half, too. Jeanette and I tried on shoes and played with accessories and she got so many cute things, too! Then it was decided that these were the sexiest and most glam shoes ever! But I insist that we find the exact same style, or similar, in a flat. I refuse to suffer for such beauty. We tried them on and made up stories of our would-be glamorous lives, had we these magical shoes and finally put them away with a catch in our throats…if you know of a similar shoe in a flat? DO EMAIL ME! Ha-ha! *I made two separate purchases, thus earning two free with purchase tote bags.

This is the eighth in a series of things that have helped me, I believe in, or people have asked me to share. Basically, things I do or think or whatever that have helped me be a better person, activist and positive fat lady. Check out  Step 1,  Step 2, Step 3, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6 and Step 7.

Step 8: Keep The Past There

This one is tricky. This one may even be tougher than the “Letting Go” or “Be Brave” ones. This time of year especially. Having to be around family and old friends or people you just don’t see that often, it can bring up some bad stuff. To put the past truly behind you is to let go of a lot of stuff that you may not even realize was there to begin with. Especially if you’ve experienced any sort of abuse or trauma. Things can creep back up on you when you least expect it. I am grateful for every single day I get without a PTSD symptom. I am grateful for every day that I am not in the past. But it’s taken me so long to get to gratitude that it can be difficult to articulate just how I got here. I know I spent many years dwelling, wallowing even, in my own misery. I made myself a nice comfy nest of hate and shame and guilt and sadness and worse. I lost myself in that hidey hole. I lost who I was and what I wanted and I lost my future entirely. There’s an entire year of my life just gone. I wasted it by not acknowledging it. I wasted it by not enjoying it. I wasted it by not living in it.

Sometimes the only way to get past the past is to get angry. Have a fit over it and then just let it go. Walk away! Holding onto emotional baggage from the past isn’t helping you live a better life. Holding onto physical things from the past is the worst! Get rid of it! Let it go, let it all go! (Note: This post was written before the film “Frozen” was released in theaters and then pop culture with the famous song “Let it go”) That boyfriend that didn’t treat you right, no matter how much you loved him…either burn whatever relics of his you still have or give them to charity, because I promise you, it’s holding you back and bringing you down! You cannot be your most authentic and fabulous self with that shit hanging out in the back of your mind or closet. Delete that phone number from your contacts list and learn how to forget! It’s not easy, I never said it would be and I doubt anyone honestly would, but it’s for your own mental health and well being. You are worth way more than your past gave you. You are new and free and awesome and you stopped giving a damn anyway, so now it’s all about what makes you happy! And the past just doesn’t fit with your current agenda!

So much of who I am today is because of my past, good and bad. I used to say that I had no regrets because those horrible aspects of my life in the past made me and took me to where I am now. I’m not so sure that I am completely without regrets now, but what those regrets are have certainly changed. Instead of dwelling on that though, I have begun to work towards making my present better. I regret not staying in touch with friends and so I am getting back in touch with some and trying to start anew. It’s so different now. Trying to restart a friendship in adulthood that you started in childhood is no exact science, but I am hoping that it’s worth it. I am hoping to refresh and regain the love and support from these folks that I once had and perhaps didn’t appreciate back then. That’s okay. I’m letting go of the past and moving forward, onward and hopefully upward!