I saw this graphic on Tumblr yesterday and it sparked a little thought so I figured why not just go with it?! This will be the first in a series of things that have helped me, I believe in, or people have asked me to share. Basically, things I do or think or whatever that have helped me be a better person, activist and positive fat lady.
Step 1: Stop giving a damn!
Stop giving a damn about what other people think of you, how you look, etc. Just stop giving a damn and do what feels right. Go to the grocery store in a tiara. Paint giant hippie flowers on your car, it’s fun and if you use poster paint the rain will wash it off in a gorgeous display of runny-rainbow-ness! Stop giving a damn about what your family thinks, too, while you’re at it. They know how to push your buttons and you theirs. So it’s already an unfair battle and it can certainly feel like all out war at times. It’s not worth it. Just think of the pain and misery and energy wasted on giving a damn about all of that?!
If you can’t get behind this straight off the bat, fake it until you make it! Play the role of Blanch Devereaux from the Golden Girls. Strut your stuff and don’t worry about who is or isn’t watching. Walk through your campus quad with an air of Elizabeth Taylor or the bounce of Debbie Reynolds. Sashay your way to a better day with only the RuPaul way! Get your diva on and watch as people turn their heads to take you in like a desperate drink of water on a 100+ degree day! Soon you’ll find that this role suits you just fine and you lose the need to pretend anymore. You’re holding your own head high, and you stop looking behind you, wondering who is snickering or pointing or judging.
There is no greater waste of time or energy than worrying about the perception others may or may not have of you. You can’t control them, you can only control you, so stop giving a damn and love yourself today. Pick out a theme song and if you don’t have access to a player, sing it in your head, hum or sing it out loud. Who cares? You don’t! May I suggest Mika’s “Love Today” or “Big Girls You Are Beautiful” or my theme song, by Della Reese “Come on a my house.” Pick your song and work it all day and night long! Strut your shit and have so much fun with it! Buy a big floppy hat and sunglasses and force people to wonder who you are! It’s none of their business anyway…you just keep walking by with that tune in your head and a smile as wide as Nebraska!
Think of a motto to help you let things roll off your shoulders. “Whatever’s clever” or “wouldn’t you like to know” or “that’s nobody’s business but my own”…find some phrase that give you a little strength, that allows you to walk away gracefully and hopefully empowers you, too. If someone shouts some slur at you, turn on your heel and shout as loud as you can, “Ignorant Coward!!!” and turn back to whatever you were doing as though it didn’t happen. I’m not saying you should bottle up your emotions, quite the opposite. I just think that we allow people to get the better of us and waste it on them. It’s no good for anyone. So stop giving a damn!