Step 9: Show Your Gratitude

December1

This is the ninth in a series of things that have helped me, I believe in, or people have asked me to share. Basically, things I do or think or whatever that have helped me be a better person, activist and positive fat lady. Check out  Step 1,  Step 2, Step 3, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6, Step 7 and Step 8.

Step 9: Show Your Gratitude

This one may seem easy, but you’d be surprised by how much we hold ourselves back from acting out and on it. It is one of those things we tend to think we do automatically, but actually takes some mindful effort. I’m not just talking please and thank you here (manners are free, use them freely). I mean truly letting people know that you are grateful to have them in your life. Expressing gratitude is an exercise in positivity and vocabulary, I think. It can take people by surprise and you can watch as it pays itself forward, almost effortlessly at times.

I was so inspired by Living400lbs and how she would post her gratitude on her blog. I wasn’t at first comfortable doing exactly the same thing on mine, so I went to my LiveJournal personal blog and did it there for awhile. Then I began to talk about it more openly and soon posted my own list of things I am grateful for. Listing what I’m grateful for was easy at first, I am always grateful for my health and friends and husband, etc. But to do it more often and trying not to repeat myself was difficult. But if you’re mindful, you’ll discover that there is little in this world to not be grateful for.

I now see expressing gratitude as part of my self-care routine. While my husband and I have always said “thank you” to each other for the tiniest to the biggest of things, it can lose it’s intent/meaning. I try now to find ways to really let him know how I feel. Ha-ha! Not always like that! But you’d be surprised whilst living with anyone how rarely you actually make and hold eye contact with a person. It matters, too. Almost as much as what you say. How things are said, your body language, all of it can affect how your gratitude is taken and accepted.

You may come across folks who don’t know how to accept your gratitude. They don’t have to accept it, mind you, but some will even try to deflect it. This is a lot like deflecting a compliment in my opinion. To deflect it is to reject it and to basically tell the giving party that you think they’re nuts! Let’s have none of that, shall we? If someone does try to deflect, tell them you wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true because you’ve stopped lying all together anyway! Try to hold their eye contact. Try to make them feel your gratitude as you say it. It makes such a difference, let me tell ya! And it can help prevent the fake, “Oh, I’m so grateful for you, too!” knee-jerk responses. Not that those are bad, but no one is feeling anything there and it’s best to give and walk away, I think, when you get one of those.

Now comes the hardest bit: tell people you love them! I started to do this several months ago and soon found more and more of my friends responding and spreading that love. How often do we tell people we love them and really mean it? I tell my husband probably 20-40 times a day and mean it every time. But friends? Family? It’s not easy. But when you start to do it, even when it’s uncomfortable for you to get the words out at first, you feel so fabulous having done it! Now I have friends who say it more than I do and that is fucking awesome! And I have been surprised by some of my friends’ expressions of love towards me. I am grateful for each and every one of them!

It just seems to me that when you show your love and express your gratitude it makes you feel great and the other person, too. It seems a shame to keep so much greatness inside. We’ve come to a point in our civilization where such feelings are rarely shared with one another except in romantic or private scenarios and I am here to fuck that up in a positive way! Why can’t I tell a friend I love them? Why shouldn’t I tell the guy at the post office that I am so grateful he was there to help me today? Both are deserving and open to my feelings here, so I go with it, man!

It really is all about using what you have, even when that is barely enough to get by. We gotta do what we can to see another day and I choose the positive route more often than not. It’s not always the easier option, but the rewards I reap are all mine, baby! And they keep me warm at night! Ha-ha! Have fun with it and mean it. That is the most important thing. Please do not use phony gratitude in an attempt to butter someone up or get something you want. If you believe that what goes around comes around you know that this will only lead you astray. Listen to your heart, show some love, share the gratitude and shake your booty, babies! I am doing it right now!!!

How do you show gratitude everyday? Who do you tell you love them? Who do you keep your love from? Why?

 

posted under Blog, Buzz, DIY, Easy, Free, FUN!, inspiration

“Step 9: Show Your Gratitude”

1. On December 1st, 2011 at 8:26 am jery Says:

   Too cheesy to say I am grateful for you? Loving these posts. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy!!

2. On December 1st, 2011 at 10:54 am Not Blue at All Says:

   Jery: Never too cheesy! I am so glad you like this series. I will have to talk to you about my future plans regarding them soon.

3. On December 1st, 2011 at 1:46 pm April Says:

   This is strangely appropriate for me, because last night, I decided (after printing out your Steps 1-8), that this month, I would document 5 real things I am grateful for every day throughout December. I thought it would help me with supporting Steps 1-8 for 2012… and waaa-laaaa… you are magic!

   And I too am grateful for you, awesome stranger!

4. On December 1st, 2011 at 1:56 pm Not Blue at All Says:

   April: WOW! You made my day!!! You actually committed my words to paper? That is lovely and amazing of you, hun! I love you for that, stranger or no! I would love to hear more about your lists…care to share? They don’t have to be posted…I’m just curious. If you’re struggling with any of the steps or want me to expand on them, I’d be happy to. Just hit me up! <3

5. On December 1st, 2011 at 7:23 pm Veronica Says:

   “Gratitude Turns What We Have Into Enough.” I really like that!

6. On December 2nd, 2011 at 10:54 am Not Blue at All Says:

   Veronica: me, too! It kind of makes everything seems so damned simple, which I love.

7. On December 2nd, 2011 at 4:05 am NotBlueAtAll » Blog Archive » Step 10: Share! Says:

   […] This is the tenth and last in a series of things that have helped me, I believe in, or people have asked me to share. Basically, things I do or think or whatever that have helped me be a better person, activist and positive fat lady. Check out  Step 1,  Step 2, Step 3, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6, Step 7,Step 8 and Step 9. […]