For years I have joined and participated in fat related facebook groups discussing a myriad of topics. One thing I have noticed more in the last twelve months, more than ever before, is a very real fear being voiced in these groups. Fear of what? So many things, but it all seems to be under the umbrella of being treated with cruelty and/or fear of the validity of their concerns being questioned/ridiculed/ignored/worse. It has been absolutely heartbreaking but at the same time very understandable. As a fat person, I simply cannot know if every new service or treatment or whatever is going to welcome me as a regular human being. I feel this has worsened in the pandemic, but I have stayed home, except for once a week visits to my empty office.  

I am in fat groups specific to fashion, bargains, health things, accommodations/adaptations for easier home life/care, cooking, movement, you name it! I love it. I love hearing about experiences from fat people all over the world. Certainly the experiences of people the world over would be similar, regardless of body size, right? It should be! Sadly, that is not what I am seeing and hearing. Some of the things I have seen most often is finding regular items in the world that can hold/support/last in accommodating a fat body. Such as furniture, for both home and work, and being able to access and afford such things. Chairs, of all sorts, though very often portable or folding options are sought out. Sofas and couches that will last for years without breaking or degrading over time. Bed frames that can support two fat partners, or even mixed sized partners. Office chairs have got to be the number one thing I see folks searching for and how difficult it is to find and afford them with higher weight limits. The pricing and quality do not align, and I say this as a very experienced office manager who has tested and ordered hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of office furniture in the last three years. It may have a higher weight limit, but often the quality of materials is subpar, in my opinion. Or maybe I just hate pleather? The styles are dreadful as well, but I guess I’m used to a specific look and feel from my professional life. It is upsetting though. 

I found myself in that very same battle, hunting and searching, and looking up specs on manufacturer’s websites looking for my own home-office chair last August. I finally found one I liked the look of, was confident in the weight limit, and then I got hit with a medical predicament that left me unable to sit in said chair for many months. Having to sit on my couch to work has had its ups and downs. Mostly it’s a mix of cushions that provide the back support I so sorely need, but I have a rolling laptop table that is old as hell that is always my handy helper. It has also made me reconsider my lil’ Macy’s loveseat I bought 5 or so years ago. I had no idea then just how much use I would get out of it but I am wondering at what point one should replace such things. I think I will hold out. Flexsteel is the brand/material everyone recommends for couches and such for fat folks. It is expensive, but about the same pricing as Joy Bird and similar modern furniture places. I cannot recommend a specific brand or style for an office chair, however. With everything shut down it’s impossible to try things before you buy them and office chairs require assembly. 

Fat people put up with a lot of hate and cruelty from a variety of service providers. I have seen fat people afraid that they would be refused services such as hair, nails, tattoos, physical therapy, massage, spa services, buying a bicycle, buying a car, and so much more. It is so upsetting to see the stories and experiences folks have shared in the fat groups I’m in. Their fears and experiences are very real and very reasonable in my opinion. Not that the way they’ve been treated is reasonable, but the fear in response to past cruelty is. The truth is I have not personally experienced fat hate while seeking these same services myself, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real or didn’t happen. That is something we all need to work on I think. Just because you haven’t seen or heard or personally experienced something doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. And there is no reason anyone should have to fear for their safety or health or sanity when wanting such services. (I’m hoping one day aps like “All Go” will provide a way for us to all report on such things.)

The number one thing fat people are afraid of during the pandemic has been health care. Needing health care, seeking it, being taken seriously (regardless of the need at hand), affording it, getting existing insurance to cover things, getting/having covid while fat, and so much more. Body size should not prevent people from seeing us as human, and yet here the hell we are. We get treated as though having a fat body is something like forgetting to take out the trash to the extent that it has taken over your life and you are a lesser human for it. We know this isn’t reality, but it is akin to how we are often treated in medical environments. I have been incredibly fortunate to have received care from so many medical care professionals in the last six month while trying to figure out my medical mysteries and not one has mentioned my weight. That is not the norm. I have had to advocate for myself and have even had physicians stand up and walk across the room to get in my face in the past simply because I refused to listen to them insist my stomach required amputating. It does not. My stomach is fucking fine! Ahem!

The barriers and obstacles of life are everywhere for everyone, but for some they are greater and carry far more impact on our daily lives and well being. These fears are based on past experiences. Not everyone is able to fight back or advocate for themselves. Often it is our own loved ones that make us feel these fears or even that we somehow deserve to be treated poorly. (If you love someone you would never suggest such a thing, in my opinion, but I don’t have a lot of friends or close people in my life because I cut out that nonsense immediately. Your mileage may vary.) No one deserves to be treated poorly for their body size, period. I will say that it does help to have someone present to simply act as a witness or to ask follow up questions when we’re in these more intimidating situations such as health care. So often we are not believed. So often we are blamed. 

To live in this world in a fat body is to know that every time you leave the house there is a great likelihood of being subjected to harassment, shame, ridicule, abuse, violence, denial of services and then some. Simply existing in a larger body pisses people off and that is the real shame. Fat people have always existed. These fat groups are a way for us to connect, share stories, share resources and tips, and to witness and hold each other up when we cannot on our own. It is a beautiful thing to have such a community to be a part of and rely on. I would want such a community even if we weren’t so often marginalized. Having these groups has helped me even when I had no need to post or comment myself. Seeing what fat people experience in the world is important to me. It validates and confirms so much of what we’re told “can’t be true”. Ha! I had an ex who would say that so often to me I question why I stayed in that empty relationship for so long. Ugh!  

Fear is such a fucked up thing to live with and under the constant influence of. We cannot live the lives we choose for ourselves when it feels the world wants us all dead. That is the harsh truth. How can anyone find their true and best authentic self when constantly fearing for their lives? No one can convince me that fat folks are weak, that is for certain. We have found ways to support and accommodate and connect and to find ways to improve our lives through community. Community is how things get done! Community is how people thrive. It’s just a fact! We see it everyday at this point, people coming together to support a cause or person or need in the world. How many go fund me campaigns have you seen for medical and funeral expenses in the last year? Countless! That is a form of community helping itself. The internet has broadened what community is and means. I am so glad that we have it. 

What online communities are you a part of? What have you seen as a need for fat folks in the last year? What resources do you wish were more readily available to fat people? Is there a big fat need you haven’t been able to find a solution for? Share it! 

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I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Instagram & Facebook!

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Have you ever purchased an item of clothing that was not your usual style, yet you were for some reason very attracted to this garment and had to have it? Yeah, I did that! And holy shitballs am I in love with this dress! When I first saw it I loved the print but the peplum thing I just never even tried before. I was hesitant af! I think I even put off buying it because I was so uncertain of it looking right for me. I’m at the point where I have a pretty darn good idea what styles and cuts of dresses work best for me and this didn’t check any of my boxes. Then they had a ridiculously great sale…So I went for it!

Prepare yourselves! (If you even can!) I was really feelin’ myself in this dress. I wore it to work that day and even though I ran around the entire day, I got tons of compliments, and the dress was comfortable as hell! I love it soooooo much!!!

You aren’t ready!!!

But here we goooo…

Impish? Perhaps.

Femme fatale? You better believe it!

Boss ass bitch?! Yeppers!

Sultry seductress? When it tickles me. 😉

Positive Posey? Sometimes!

Gallant goofball? Uhhhhhhyuuup! 😛

Tantalizing Trixie? When I wanna be!

“I just can’t fight this feeling anymooooooore”

Spreadin’ my wings…I guess?!

I call this one, “Is that my boob?”

And this one, “Is that my feet?” Ha-ha!

And maybe I had a glass of wine after a really long fucking day and decided to just laugh at it all in the end…HA!

Unfortunately, I no longer see it on their site though I only bought it a couple of weeks ago. But here’s what it looked like on their site (with my custom measurements listed if you’re into that sort of thing – and yeah it was on sale and I had a gift card).

If you’ve been hesitant to try eShakti because you can’t try stuff on, I get it, but they do custom sizing for $10 more than the regular price. Sometimes they even run free customizing deals! I’ve been a customer for nearly ten years and I’m hooked! I never wore dresses before I started buying from them. Their customer service is excellent beyond my American belief! Returns? Not a problem! They even give you a lil’ more than your purchase price if you choose store credit! How cool is that?! If you wanna give it a go, here’s my referral info below, but please feel free to hit me up directly with question you may have.

The eShakti customer can refer any non-customer to eShakti, by giving a personalized referral code. The code itself has been kept simple and will essentially be the name of the referrer.

The referral code entitles the new customer to additional $15 OFF over & above the new customer offer of 33% OFF on the first purchase.

The referrer gets a $25 gift card when the referred order is shipped to the new customer.

Your personalized referral code: SARAHREDMAN

The moral of this silly fashion story is to go ahead and push yourself out of your fashion comfort zone from time to time. You might just surprise yourself with a new love! 😉

Wheeeeew! This week, y’all! This week has entirely kicked my ass so that I’m already too exhausted for next week! Ha-ha! Seriously, though, I am so burnt out from this week’s pace and chaotic activities (at work) that I may try to talk a colleague into covering for me on Monday! UGH! That is not typical for me at all. But I also know when I’ve had enough and lemme tell ya…I’ve had ENOUGH!

This morning I woke up with part of my face swollen! I was exhausted though I slept pretty good for a spell. I don’t know what could have caused the swelling but it’s almost okay now. I got ready for work and was already running late when I went to grab my keys out of my purse and saw that damned mouse/rat had eaten 1/4th of the banana I left in it and it shit in my fucking purse! I wanted to scream and cry and stomp my feet! But I had to go to work so I cleaned it up, cursing the entire time, and ran out the door. Didn’t even have time for coffee. *Whimper*

Then on the way in I had a terrifying thought that I had forgotten to order lunch for my office today. Luckily I didn’t forget and my boss even confirmed the other day, unbeknownst to me. We’re a great team, though. Ha-ha! Mind you, I set up three different events this week plus today’s lunch that I will also have to clean up. On top of all of my usual things and projects. I feel like a madwoman! I do enjoy the pace most of the time, though. This week just happened to be break-neck!

One event I actually got to attend and enjoy was a paint and wine night! I had always wanted to do one but friends have been flaky or not interested and so never had the chance. Always felt odd to go alone, though I think they do singles events now, I’m too shy (maybe) for that. Ha-ha! But I enjoyed myself thoroughly and entirely and even feel sort of proud of my lil’ painting. It was fascinating to see how everyone was painting the same thing yet they all came out very different and lovely! I was blown away!

I did try my best to start the week off right. I even went to the salon to get a trim I’d been putting off for ages! I didn’t realize that my usual stylist, the salon owner, was on vacation. I was nervous about someone new cutting my hair, but I’m happy. Look at my ridiculous makeup-less face!

They always straighten my hair when they cut it but I don’t mind, just feels fancy for a day. Ha-ha! I don’t normally do anything to my hair at all but wash, condition, brush, go! Or put in a bun to sleep, wake up shake it out, go! I spend more time on my eyebrows than my hair on a typical day. I am fortunate to have good hair genes, I suppose, but had you said such a thing to me in previous years I would have laughed and argued. My stylist got me to finally love my hair’s natural texture last year and now there’s no going back!

My lil’ babyman! I think he’s bored of the heat. It’s been too hot some days to go for our usual walk, so we try to play in the house for a bit. I snapped this pic as he was pouncing on his chew toy and just looked up with those lil’ teefers! Irresistible!

I’m mostly happy, y’all. It’s weird, and it’s not like I’m perfectly contended in every way or anything. Lots of room for improvement…like getting rid of stupid mouse/rat, ugh! But honestly there’s not much more I could ask for at the moment. Time is just flying and life does keep on moving and well, I’m here for all of it! I’m also in love with this plant in our lobby at work.

The couch is gorgeous (I picked it out, thanks) but I was more focused on the plant when I snapped this pic. Ha! It’s just so dreamy to me for some reason. My lil’ patio plants department is doing just swell, too! I finally figured out my hose situation and have been tending to my lil’ garden each week and I am really enjoying it. I do occasionally wish I had a person to sit with on my patio and just enjoy their company. I just started reading Great Expectations though, so I will be on my patio for a stretch this weekend for sure! It’s no paradise but it certainly feels like my own private oasis at times.

I did also make some decent progress on organizing my bedroom. Unfortunately, the clothes rack that I had repaired myself broke again and now I don’t know what to do with it. I love it but it’s not cheap to replace and I can’t figure out how to mend it. UGH! Kind of waiting on my next paycheck to go to Ikea to get some things I really need/want. I can get a cheaper clothes rack there but I know I will spend quite a bit so I’ll keep my repair dreams alive until then! ha-ha! This weekend I will jump back into it and see if I can really downsize my wardrobe like I need to. Fingers crossed!

As I grow and age and learn to appreciate things better, I still find myself fighting things that are innate or natural and just…UGH! It’s so ridiculous! I’m feeling strangely blue today for truly no reason at all. I’m just tired I suppose and very much starved for affection. And that’s the thing, I try really fucking hard to pretend I’m a hard ass bitch who doesn’t need such things when, A) I know better and B) you can be a hard ass bitch and need snuggles, it’s science and science is beautiful! Ha-ha!