Step 2: Do What Makes You Happy
I always joke about wearing a tiara to the grocery store, or my wedding dress…I’ve actually done the tiara one. Ha-ha! The point is, do what makes YOU happy, period. Not what you think would make others happy. Let them worry about that. Because you’ve already stopped giving a damn, remember?!
Stop holding yourself back. Just do whatever your heart desires, but especially if you’ve been keeping those desires to yourself. Always wanted to splurge on a fancy-frilly dress that is so “not you?” Fuck it! Do it! Fuck Flattering and just do what FEELS RIGHT!!! Because no one is or can do that for you. No one can suddenly make you more you.
And you cannot be your most authentic self without doing what makes you happy. You just can’t. We all tend to put others first, and that is no crime, but by neglecting your needs and desires you diminish their importance to you and that is bullshit. You will be of no use to others if you keep neglecting yourself! Call it self-care, call it Caturday, call it whatever you must…but DO IT!
“But I don’t want to be rude” then don’t be. But don’t be nice at the expense of your own happiness. Don’t stay late for your boss if you’re not getting paid, period. Don’t ignore your own instincts out of fear of being seen as rude (many victims of violence have said that they ignored their instincts because they didn’t want to be or appear rude). Worry about you, your wellness, your safety and for fuck’s sake, your happiness!
Now that you’ve stopped giving a damn, you can do what makes you happy more often and hopefully easier, too. Wear clashing patterns and colors. Break all of the fashion “rules” and have fun, too! Try something you’ve always wanted to, like a dance class or hula hooping or roller skating or rolling down a grassy hill. Why not?! If it makes you happy, DO IT! Life is just too short not to.
I cannot count the times I’ve neglected to speak up and share what I really wanted or even needed. But I have only just begun to do the things that make me happy. That belly dance class? I’d wanted to do that for a long time. Why didn’t I? Lots of reasons, or at least I’d convinced myself of them. I love to dance, since I was born practically, yet I’d held myself back from connecting with my body in this way out of fear and shame and guilt and the perception of others. Since I started to go out dancing again with friends? I’ve never had so much fun!
No matter what it is that you want to do, don’t hesitate. There is no ultimate reward for self-sacrifice of this nature. NONE! The only prize is a heavy sense of regret and depression. I know, I have been there. You don’t have to dive in head first, start small if you must, watch an instructional dance video or something, but don’t wait. Time flies far too fast to wait anymore. When times are as tough as these, I feel the urgency of trying to live it up as much as I can with what I’ve got while I still can. I don’t want to be the sad old lady in a rocking chair talking about the old days. I want to be the bad ass disco granny in the sequin skirt and crazy hair do making all of the hipsters jaws drop as I stroll into the hottest horror movie premiere. Yeah, that’ll be me! Watch out!
“I think perfection is ugly. Somewhere in the things humans make, I want to see scars, failure, disorder, distortion.”