^ Photo by Lisa J. Ellis ^

This past weekend was the annual Big Moves Bay Area dance show by emFATic Dance. It was the seventh year that Tigress & I have performed as a duo, and her eighth as a solo performer. The name of the show was Covering Our Tracks, as most of the songs performed by emFATic Dance were cover songs and they were fantastic! Tigress & I spent months trying to find a perfect cover song that just fit us and well, we didn’t. In the end we went with a song I came across randomly down a YouTube rabbit hole one day, Billie Eilish’s “Bad Guy”. We called our piece, “We are the ones your mother warned you about” and went with a vampy-vibe.

Tigress flew in last Saturday night and stayed with me throughout the week, diligently working on costumes and the choreography for her solo number. We had tech and dress rehearsals in the evenings and it’s almost a 2 hour drive at this point to Oakland from San Jose (Bay Area traffic is no joke!). Any other free time we had we worked on our number together and drank to our heart’s content! She also made our fascinators! So fun!

A lot of this year’s performance, at least for me, felt very chill or almost routine. I didn’t even get nervous once! Wild! We kept our choreography a bit loose and uncomplicated due to the short amount of time we had to practice, as well as the additional stress of her having to travel and stay with me during this time. We looked great, though, for sure! We worked our sassy lil’ outfits and smoked that audience right in their damned seats! It was a blast! I wish you could have seen us! And you really wish you could have seen Tigress solo number, it was electric!

I had watched some YouTube hair style tutorials last year on a simple up do and gave it another shot, despite the fact that I didn’t have all my usual tools for this. It worked out awesome! It’s basically a “pull through braid” at the back, or just a bunch of overhand knots that you keep adding the last set to as you move forward up the back of your head. When I got to my forehead I simply created a fat braid that I then fluffed up and bit before pinning in place.

I like the back to look a bit messy. I’m not a fan of an overly “done” look, ya know? But I really dig how the front turned out!

^^^^ I mean?!?! ^^^^

Oh! And this dress?!?! This dress is Calvin Klein, jersey knit in a size 24 (I’m a 26/28 usually but yay stretch!).

I bought it second hand from one of the dancers in the show and I am in love with it!

It just hugs the right places and feels extra sassy-sexy!

In case you couldn’t tell from my pics alone! Ha-ha!

And then the very next day I receive a package from my bff Mychii in Ohio with a custom made light-up nameplate for my desk at work and this lovely rose gold coffee thermos with “Fierce Fat Femme World Treasure” on it and I am just so blown away!

I needed to re-sync with my fat community. I needed to be surrounded by radical fats. I needed to see all our fat bodies on that stage lit up for the world to see our inner sparkle! It was and always is an incredible experience. To share space with such talented artists, friends, and badasses is like nothing else in this world, I promise you. And every time I think I am done or I can’t go on, one of these shows comes up and for the last 7 years it reminds me why I do it, why we all do the work that we do, for the show and in the world. It is so special.

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Instagram & Facebook!

Check out the Fat AF podcast on your favorite podcast app for all things fat sex with me and my BFF, Michaela! (You can listen straight from the web, too!)

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And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

On March 3, 2019 I drove to SFO to pick up my BFF Michaela. You might know them from our awesome Fat As Fuck Podcast, or a bunch of other amazing things they’ve done (aka Dr. BadAss!). I was excited to see them and nervous about being a host to an out of town guest for a whole week for the first time. I had baked a cake in preparation, but ran out of time and didn’t frost it. Oh well. I put on what is now my new favorite outfit (and possible soulmate-look) I cleaned out the backseat of my car in anticipation of luggage needs and hit the highway headed north! I arrived in time to beat the line at the airport Starbucks (text her for their order) and waited patiently for their gloriousness to arrive.

I had a vague plan for each day of their visit with plenty of room to just chill out or shoot the shit or random distractions. We headed straight to Drunch with my BFF “P” from the airport and even had to push the reservation back a bit. Good food and plentiful mimosas were enjoyed by all! Then we got back to my place and I frosted the hell outta that cake! Ha-ha! I am a nervous host, but had read some articles about preparing one’s home for guests and how to make them feel more welcome.

The next day we hit up 2 different Ross (Dress for Less) and 1 Home Goods store and lemme tell you all right here and now: Michaela has hella good Ross luck! I found items I had been longing for and at incredible prices! We had yummy Thai food for lunch and laughed a ton! The next day, unfortunately, I was feeling like hot-soggy-garbage and had to pretty much stay in bed. We had made plans to visit their college friend and hit up the Alameda Pinball Museum together. Instead they came down to pick up Michaela and brought me a lovely and very unexpected bouquet of flowers. They spent the day together lunching and caught a movie while I rested and tried to feel human again. Win-win!

The next day they were feeling a lil’ crummy, so we took it easy and hit up Daiso that afternoon after enjoying a delightful Japanese BBQ place nearby. Daiso is a Japanese housewares store, only everything is $1.50 (unless otherwise marked). I friggin’ love Daiso! My BFF “Q” and I used to talk about starting a Vlog called, “Daiso Life” because we love it so much. I do not have any pics of our loot from that shopping trip, but just know that we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and found lots of fun home-y items. Ha-ha!

I had gotten us tickets to an experience thing in San Francisco as a surprise! I lucked out with a Groupon, too, or it would have been quite spendy! It was a 2-part thing in a venue called One Dome. One part was called Hidden Garden and was an augmented reality, interactive experience. You wear these VR-like things on your face, only it’s different and you can “interact” with and “unlock” things as you progress. It’s not really a game, but had that vibe. It was created by many digital artists and you could even unlock info about them as you went along. Since this was all in the headset thing I don’t have any pics to share except the one with our dorky visors, but don’t fret, the other part of this was pic-tastic!

The second part of this “experience” was called LMNL and was basically just 14 rooms with different stuff happening in each. Fun times! We took turns using my Pixel 3’s camera (because it rocks!) and gave each other direction in how to pose or evoke, if you will. We had a friggin’ blast! Their outfit was perfection for these purposes as you can plainly see! Ha-ha! I loved the striped room best I think, but we made use of most of the rooms. It was expected that you take pics and selfies, much like the Color Factory or Ice Cream Museum you may have seen pics of on Instagram.

That Friday we had Drunch again but with “The Boys”, meaning both “P” and “J” (the usual Drunch crew, minus Tom) and had another grand ole time of ourselves! Michaela ordered the Chilaquiles and I think we were all envious!  After we went to Peet’s for some much needed caffeination and I snapped a pic of me and P (a rare one without my glasses!). Once sobered up (whew!) we headed to what I thought would be a fantastic photo op spot in Santa Clara where they have these huge spectacles made of recycled glass outside the museum. Well, it was fun anyway. Ha!

Later that evening we met up with a mutual friend and fatty dancer for pizza in Mountain View. I snapped the pic above of Michaela in the red jacket, so hot! Yet time flew by and the next thing we knew it was time to pack up and to head back to SFO again. It was hard to believe that we spent an entire week together, just fattin’ it up and doing our thing, but we did. And for that I am truly grateful! And this lil’ guy had a blast getting all kinds of love and attention from Mychii, his new BFF!

I cannot express in words the feeling of knowing, loving, and sharing intimate space and experiences with someone who is also a radical fat activist and bad ass. I’ve known Michaela for over ten years, first on Live Journal, later on all the things. They were my first guest on my own podcast, years ago, they popped my Skype cherry, were the first to call me a Bad ass ever, and now we have a podcast together! Life is nuts, but it is the people in it that make it so much better and brighter! (I love you, Babes. Five-Ever & Vadgie-D, Biiiiiiitch!)

This past weekend was full of such fun, but such struggle for me, too. After a whirlwind of a week at work office manager-ing, there was a dance night in downtown San Jose: Madonna Vs. Blondie, that a bunch of friends were meeting up for. I was so excited for it! After work I went home to rest and unwind before getting ready to dance the night away. I just kind of spaced out completely for two hours as I was fucking braindead! I did finally get myself together and changed and made it to the club before anyone else. It was more new wave music than just strictly Madonna and Blondie, but it was great music over all. When I first arrived though it was like a bad junior high dance flashback with everyone clinging to the walls and the deserted dance floor looked haunted! Ha-ha! I grabbed a cider at the bar and people watched until my friends arrived. Once they played the first Madonna song folks started to flood the dance floor. Once my friends arrived we spent the next three hours solid on the dance floor and I could barely walk the next day! So fun, though!

I want to thank the readers of this blog for the endless support and inspiration! It was a reader comment on a masturbation related post that lead to this one. Please comment with your thoughts, tricks, and tips! This post is centered around vagina having humans who may have trouble reaching said vagina for pleasurable penetration/stimulation. If this is a topic you’d rather not read about, or would prefer to not know my own preferences and experiences on the subject, I hope you will return another day or dig into the archives for some fat-positive fun!

**********************

To begin with, I just want to say that there is nothing wrong or shameful with self-stimulation and masturbation, period. I think everyone should be getting off in whatever comfortable and safe way they see fit, regardless of size, ability, gender, age, race, etc. We all deserve pleasure and it has been proven time and again in scientific and medical journals that masturbation is a healthy practice! It’s heart healthy and stress relieving, we all need more of that!

***Please do not masturbate in public or in front of others without their prior and expressed consent. Thanks!!!***

I have what myself and my BFF call a “B-Belly” because it sort of looks like the letter B in profile, or a double belly if you will.  While I have taught myself to love what my body has to offer, it can occasionally present issues in the boudoir and without. I also have a knee that won’t bend very far, so some things I simply cannot do without accommodation. There are other things, like using a menstrual cup, that I can do that other friends simply cannot. This is because of reach. It could be for a variety of reasons, but for me, it’s my boobs and belly often get in my way or prevent my reaching. (Seriously, restroom sinks/counters are the bane of my existence.)

I hope you can try these or any self-pleasure experience in a relaxed state and take your time, too! Try not to have any expectations other than fun and exploration. Getting to know yourself in your own way, in your own time, is so important and exciting, but also the first step, I believe, in being an even greater lover for others. We all just wanna have fun, but when you know what you want you can make your lover feel more confident in pleasuring you, too! It also takes some of the pressure off when you’re first getting acquainted with someone new, or yourself for the first time. Set the mood, take some time, breathe deep into the glory of all that is you and your fabulous body and how amazing it can feel!

I realized that I had only mentioned the subject of reach, previously, and I have a couple of options that may work for you, but please see this as a starting point and not the end-all of what may work best for you. Positions for digital or toy penetration may prove difficult depending on your personal flexibility and mobility levels, but I have found that laying on my back, with a pillow or two under my butt/hips, and my legs straight up the wall in a v-shape, provided more access/reach. It sort of redistributed my belly/boobs in such a way that allowed me to reach, and because this of just who I am I guess, I quite enjoy the scenery of my topography, too!

Another old favorite for me is a sort of squat position with my back against the wall or even just against the side of my bed with my feet on the floor (this is how I first discovered that I squirt/ejaculate, so have fun and don’t be alarmed if things get wet – I panicked). The edge of my bathtub (when I had one) also worked great for getting a wide enough spread for better reach, though I prefer my massaging showerhead than penetration in that position, I did occasionally throw in my “Lucid Dreams” when the mood demanded it (I friggin’ love that toy – mine is old enough that the vibration died but the shape of it hits my g-spot perfectly)!

My immediate thought for reach for vaginal penetration was to suggest a dildo with a suction cup base. I have personally tried this, though I was a bit too excited by the idea, and ordered a size far too large for my anatomy. I have had friends who have used this style in the shower (suctioned to the wall for a bent over position), the tub ledge -if you have one- for a seated option, and even suctioning it to the toilet seat lid (sounds strange but they really liked the height of their toilet). This seemed like a cheaper option for me at the time, but as I quickly regretted my size choice, I also struggled to get the base to stay stuck on my bathroom tile. I will always recommend reading reviews online, but if you have an awesome store in your area like we have Good Vibrations here, where it is a friendly, inviting and educational environment, I hope you will ask your local experts, too!

I happen to be friends with a couple of sex education professionals and my BFF who has taught fat specific sex workshops, so I hit them up for ideas, too! They suggested some toys you may be interested in checking out and I can vouch at least for the womanizer pro 40, though pricey (it was a 40th B-day gift from my BFF), and only for clitoral stimulation, once I got used to it, it became quickly my preferred toy (even over my magic wand!). If you already have a magic wand (or a knockoff) you might check out an attachment for g-spot stimulation, mine came with two attachments, one straight and one curved. I remember enjoying the hell out of those and the wand provided more than ample reach. I have always wanted a glass dildo, but have never tried one. I’ve heard that the option to heat or chill the glass is a nice thing to play with. Please do look into different materials and how best to care for them. Regardless of your own personal hygiene, different toys require different care and cleaning solutions, so be aware before buying and never share an unclean toy.

Please also check out the fat-specific sex shopping guide here, as provided by my friend Andy: https://www.goodvibes.com/s/sex-toys/c/gv206/shopping-guides/shopping-guides/fat-positive-shopping-guide You can find more content/info and fun on Twitter and Instagram @GoodVibesToys and @EducatorAndy

I hope you find what works best for you! And either comment here or let me know what you think: notblueatall@notblueatall.com

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Insta & FB!

Donate to this blog here: https://www.paypal.me/notblueatall

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (and updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

I also have an Instagram I’ve finally started to actually use: https://instagram.com/notblueatall/

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com