…These two ladies came into the cafe and were full of joy and questions. I was happy to help as I always am, but something about these women struck me and I couldn’t help but start talking to them. I asked how they found my cafe and they said Yelp and that they just looked up good coffee in town. Then we started talking about their drinks and what types of milk I have on hand and such. The conversation diverted to near-diet talk! I said semi-humorously, “I should tell you that I don’t usually allow any sort of diet talk in here because I think it supports self-hate and certainly no one needs any of that!” and they were elated! We talked about nutrition and health and genetics and everything and then I told them about Fat Acceptance and my blog and then one lady wanted me to write it all down and then she wanted a picture with me! WOW! I wasn’t expecting that!

Out of nowhere life can surprise you, but it is amazing how something so small, a conversation, a smile, can lead to something so much greater than us as individuals. No one wants to hate themselves. No one wants to live in shame. And just sharing a tiny bit about myself and my passions and suddenly these women opened up to me and we had the best chat! And now? Now I know that at least one of them will be in touch and who knows? Perhaps I in this small gesture helped lead if not her then perhaps someone she knows to fat acceptance and this incredible community I am so grateful to be a part of.

I know that I can close myself off without warning and often times without realizing it myself. I am so glad that I didn’t do that today. I don’t know what’s gotten me out of my mental funk (I’m certainly still stressed out), but I am thankful that I was alert and present for these fabulous gals in my cafe.

Thank you!

<3

S

This time of year, no matter how busy you are or how many parties you attend, can often leave us feeling lonely. Oh sure, we may be surrounded by family & friends, but often they can make you feel overwhelmed, helpless, shamed, etc… I think it is so important to have someone in your life (in some way, shape or form) that you can vent/rant/cry on without judgment or shame. I think a lot of us need that in our lives throughout the year, but this time of year for me, especially, leaves me feeling worn-out and just not willing to keep on keepin’ on, ya know?

Please, if you have no one else to turn to, you can turn to me! I have seen the deep dark underbelly of depression, suicide, sadness, family bullshit, abuse and so on. I won’t judge. I have no weird motives, just want to reach out to those who feel there is no one to turn. There is! There is always someone who can help and/or who cares. email me: notblueatall@notblueatall.com If you like, you can even text me if you have a severe moment where you just need to tell someone something NOW! Email me! Hit me up! I’m here!

Also, if you’re a fellow FA blogger, consider offering yourself up as support for those who need it. Surely we’ve all been there. Sometimes we just need a little venting or someone to listen to our side of the story (isn’t that why we blog?).

And please do not forget to take care of yourself! Do something! Anything! Just do something special, no matter how big or small, for yourself. Get a massage! Get a pedicure! Watch a movie! Have a girl’s night or hang out with some old friends.

Do something that makes you feel good!

Thank you all for being so kind and loving to me when I needed it and I hope to give back for as long as I possibly can.

<3

S

P.S. Check out Golda’s  Holiday eating tele-class from a Health At Every Size POV . Sign up here for free! –> http://bit.ly/eJ7KoN

So, here’s a bit of an admission: I’ve been taping Oprah. It’s a bit of a guilty pleasure, a bit of wanting to see what she does during her last season and also wanting to know what millions of people are watching every weekday. I don’t watch all of the episodes. In fact I delete most. But I try to watch 2 episodes a week.

Yesterday I watched the episode called, “30 Year Old Virgin”. I was interested in what these two ladies had to say and to understand the motivation behind not wanting to have sex. It seemed apparent to me that both ladies knew exactly why they didn’t want to have sex. But I also appreciated seeing Dr. Laura Berman counsel them and start them on a hopefully healing journey.

But then there was this part where they take Carmen to Marie Claire’s offices for a mini-makeover. Carmen visits Ashely Falcon, author of the column “Big Girl in a Skinny World” and what killed me was that the first thing she said to Carmen after hearing about her daily struggle to get dressed was, “I am not the size I want to be right now, I’m not, it’s that simple. But you know what, I still need to get up in the morning, I still need to go to work and I refuse to be in a garbage bag.” Really? A garbage bag? Wow!

I don’t know why this surprised me. But it did, y’all! It truly did! Am I so disconnected from outside the FA world that I have a hard time hearing this stuff? Ugh! I guess I just felt that a huge opportunity was missed here. I didn’t feel at all that they tried to show Carmen a world without self-hate. Lots of us in the FA community have PCOS and I’m sure many have fallen into the spiral that Carmen did. But damn! 10 years of hating yourself so much that you would just rather stay in bed? It makes my heart hurt for her. She gave up on herself and life! I know ladies with PCOS who are sexy as hell, have lots of or steady men in their lives and I just fucking admire them! It’s not an easy life (for anyone, right?), but to just give up? Because you’re fat? Dear Maude, please help us all!

I wanted to reach into the television (yes, it was recorded so even if that was possible it would be for naught) and hug Carmen and tell her that she is worthy of love and life and joy and pleasure! I didn’t really feel that they did that. They told her she was beautiful (Ugh! Why is that always the first thing they say when someone asks for help?) and referred her to a psychiatrist and nutritionist and endocrinologist, but damn! I would have showed her the LiveJournal Fatshionista Community! It IS a revelation! And honestly? I’d want to meet each of her friends and demand to know what the hell, ya know? Why didn’t they make her feel worthy and loved enough to get the hell out of bed?

People don’t always ask for help. Many are very good at hiding their inner struggles. But this girl spent so much time in bed! WTF?!

If I could talk to Carmen right now I would say, “Carmen, you are an amazing person. There is an entire world out there just waiting for your impact! We are all waiting for your input and sparkle. We need you to participate in this world. Forget about men and sex for a minute and ask yourself why it is that you think it’s so terrible to be the size that you are right now? Because there is nothing you can’t do right now. There is nothing that will magically change with the size of your body. You deserve all of the magic and wonder the universe has to offer you. You just have to reach out and grab it!”

I know I have fallen victim to my own depression, but I would be dead without my friends. No lie! They have verbally and physically and emotionally saved me. Sometimes it took some tough love and other times some tenderness. But that is what friends are for!!!

If you need to talk to someone without judgment, email me! notblueatall@notblueatall.com I will listen and I will love. Please, reach out!

I had some fab idea for a post today and my brain lost it in the rolodex that is my memory. Sorry ’bout that. But I’d like to open up this little space of mine to any and all who would like to discuss or ask something. It doesn’t have to be fat related, but should stay true to FA commenting rules. So, tell me something, ask me anything and let’s see where that leads us!

Thanks for reading. You rock my socks!

Are you watching Big Boy Fashion? Not only is Bruce, the owner/blogger, posting mad-rad photos of fatshionable guys daily, but also compiling a retail clothing list for big guys! Rock on!

Have you tried The Daily Booth, yet? I have been taking a pic of myself every day (almost) but I’m not yet sure what I’d like to do with them. I had an idea in mind when I signed up, but I’ve sort of forgotten. Ha!

How To Eat Healthfully During The Holidays — Free 60 Minute Teleclass! As always, Go Golda Poretsky!!! If you’ve never heard of Golda & what she does, well don’t hesitate! I was fortunate enough to attend one of her “How To Feel Sexy At Any Size” teleclasses and thought it was great, especially for those new to Body Acceptance. Check out her blog, too! I love her weekly affirmations!

Brace yourself before reading, but you must read this from bigfatblog.com about how it seems nearly okay to kill a fat person.

Saw these (awesomeness!) on Tumblr.com:

“This is not just a fat people’s issue, and it doesn’t have a physical face. My fat body does not engender consumerism or over-consumption. My fat body is not an epidemic. My fat body is a combination of genetics and shame breeding compulsion and failed diets adding pounds I wouldn’t have gained had my parents known how to encourage me to love my body as it was. It’s also the empty calories of a standing in line for government cheese, working class, meat and potatoes, latchkey kid, TV as my babysitter kind of youth. My fat body is also a warrior that carries my tender heart safely through a world that judges it every single day. My fat body is not a signifier or a dark omen. It is not part of the fall of mankind. My fat body is mine and only I know its story. This is true of all fat bodies and lumping those of us with them together and calling us an epidemic is both insulting and dangerously oversimplified.”

“Self-loathing is not a fucking character-builder. It doesn’t make you stronger. It doesn’t make you better. It’s just an ever-deepening, creepy-ass trap; a trap that is a huge moneymaker for corporations that do not have and never will have good intentions. You’re not disgusting. You’re not freakish. You’re not ugly. And you’re never going to be perfect. And holy shit, that is so okay.”

As for me? Today, this is in my head and that is alllllllriiiiight!!!

(Shakes head realizing exactly where my personal dance-style is rooted! Ha-ha!)

What’s on your mind? Tell me all about it! =0)