I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Dissapointed in Oprah’s “30 Year Old Virgin”


So, here’s a bit of an admission: I’ve been taping Oprah. It’s a bit of a guilty pleasure, a bit of wanting to see what she does during her last season and also wanting to know what millions of people are watching every weekday. I don’t watch all of the episodes. In fact I delete most. But I try to watch 2 episodes a week.

Yesterday I watched the episode called, “30 Year Old Virgin”. I was interested in what these two ladies had to say and to understand the motivation behind not wanting to have sex. It seemed apparent to me that both ladies knew exactly why they didn’t want to have sex. But I also appreciated seeing Dr. Laura Berman counsel them and start them on a hopefully healing journey.

But then there was this part where they take Carmen to Marie Claire’s offices for a mini-makeover. Carmen visits Ashely Falcon, author of the column “Big Girl in a Skinny World” and what killed me was that the first thing she said to Carmen after hearing about her daily struggle to get dressed was, “I am not the size I want to be right now, I’m not, it’s that simple. But you know what, I still need to get up in the morning, I still need to go to work and I refuse to be in a garbage bag.” Really? A garbage bag? Wow!

I don’t know why this surprised me. But it did, y’all! It truly did! Am I so disconnected from outside the FA world that I have a hard time hearing this stuff? Ugh! I guess I just felt that a huge opportunity was missed here. I didn’t feel at all that they tried to show Carmen a world without self-hate. Lots of us in the FA community have PCOS and I’m sure many have fallen into the spiral that Carmen did. But damn! 10 years of hating yourself so much that you would just rather stay in bed? It makes my heart hurt for her. She gave up on herself and life! I know ladies with PCOS who are sexy as hell, have lots of or steady men in their lives and I just fucking admire them! It’s not an easy life (for anyone, right?), but to just give up? Because you’re fat? Dear Maude, please help us all!

I wanted to reach into the television (yes, it was recorded so even if that was possible it would be for naught) and hug Carmen and tell her that she is worthy of love and life and joy and pleasure! I didn’t really feel that they did that. They told her she was beautiful (Ugh! Why is that always the first thing they say when someone asks for help?) and referred her to a psychiatrist and nutritionist and endocrinologist, but damn! I would have showed her the LiveJournal Fatshionista Community! It IS a revelation! And honestly? I’d want to meet each of her friends and demand to know what the hell, ya know? Why didn’t they make her feel worthy and loved enough to get the hell out of bed?

People don’t always ask for help. Many are very good at hiding their inner struggles. But this girl spent so much time in bed! WTF?!

If I could talk to Carmen right now I would say, “Carmen, you are an amazing person. There is an entire world out there just waiting for your impact! We are all waiting for your input and sparkle. We need you to participate in this world. Forget about men and sex for a minute and ask yourself why it is that you think it’s so terrible to be the size that you are right now? Because there is nothing you can’t do right now. There is nothing that will magically change with the size of your body. You deserve all of the magic and wonder the universe has to offer you. You just have to reach out and grab it!”

I know I have fallen victim to my own depression, but I would be dead without my friends. No lie! They have verbally and physically and emotionally saved me. Sometimes it took some tough love and other times some tenderness. But that is what friends are for!!!

If you need to talk to someone without judgment, email me! I will listen and I will love. Please, reach out!

6 Comments to

“Dissapointed in Oprah’s “30 Year Old Virgin””

  1. On December 1st, 2010 at 12:51 pm silentbeep Says:

    This is an awesome post. That is all. 😀

  2. On December 1st, 2010 at 1:13 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    *blushes* Thank you! <3

  3. On December 1st, 2010 at 1:33 pm Twistie Says:

    This. So much this.

    Side note: if I had a dollar for every time I’ve wanted to reach through the television and give someone a message of hope or slap some sense into them, I would be rich enough to eat gold-plated dodo eggs for breakfast. All too often, they’re not even real people but actors playing roles.

  4. On December 1st, 2010 at 1:46 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    You’re totally right! I’m terrible with movies, too! If I’m at home (I’d never do it in a theatre) I yell at them to stay in the car or what have you. Oh man, too funny!
    Perhaps that is exactly what TV is for, to show us the things we’d rather not see or to show things in a way that makes us want to act? Hmmm…

  5. On December 3rd, 2010 at 10:17 pm Kath Says:

    I actually know how she feels. I was in that place for a lot of years. My PCOS symptoms and weight made me so deeply ashamed of myself and I had been so viciously bullied for what I looked like, I just stayed home, except to work. I dressed in whatever was practical – with no thought of dressing to express myself or for enjoyment. I believed I was worthless.

    It has taken many years of working on my self esteem and mental health to get out of that place to where I am today.

  6. On December 4th, 2010 at 10:23 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Yes, I have been in that dark place, too. I feel for her, I just didn’t feel like they truly dug deep enough and maybe that was the point. I dunno. I just felt let down.
    I am so glad that you are where you are today. You make me feel good and certainly many many more. Keep on rockin’, Kath! <3

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