What a lovely weekend I had! I mean, I’ve had a rough couple of weeks and this weekend was just what I needed. Firstly, I’m house sitting for my boss. It’s kind of awesome. It almost feels like a vacation, only with chores and you know, I work in the house usually. It’s a woodsy-garden setting and it’s so quiet at night. I’ve been enjoying watching “Girls” and some movies on her amazing entertainment system.

More so, it’s been lovely having wonderful company. Thursday night, my first night house sitting, I had a guy I thought I liked come over, but I don’t think I like him at all anymore. Funny that. Nothing bad happened or anything, just…meh. But Friday some friends and I went to see Jery’s show Sugar, based on the old comedy “Some Like It Hot” and it was a hoot and a half! Jery was, as always, shining brighter than the rest and really impressed me with both his dance moves (in heels no less) and vocal styling. Also, the show was hilarious.

Saturday I got to hang out with some awesome friends during the day and watched “Wreck It Ralph” in 3D at their place. Ohmigosh! Fantastic movie! So cute, so funny, so great! After we watched this super cute-sweet animated short, “Paperman” and well, I was all swept up in the romantic nature of it all…aaaaand looking forward to (and super nervous) about my third date with a certain somebody. *Blushes*

I’d invited him over for a home cooked meal and a good old fashioned viewing of “Trainspotting” (Ha-ha!) and well, I haven’t cooked for a date before. I was all caught up in looking cute and then had to worry about food turning out, too?! I am so silly, I tell ya. But it all turned out perfectly, I think. We talked, a lot, watched the movie and all of the extras (geek out!) and talked some more. We had some lovely wine and laughed a bit, too.

It was such a great evening that I didn’t really want it to end, but end it did and on a wonderful note, too. 😉 I couldn’t stop smiling! I was wide awake and couldn’t bare the thought of trying to go to sleep by then. When I went to my room to fuss about I realized that I’d completely forgotten to grab clothes for the next couple of days. Oops! So, after chatting online with a beloved friend, I decided I’d go home and sleep in my own bed (woo!) and come back in the morning to tend to the chickens.

I made the right choice, I slept well and took my time getting ready the next morning. No matter how much I say I just want to get away, one’s own bed will always be the greatest comfort. Okay, I’m sort of in love with my Tempur Pedic. And since it’s only a 15 minute drive back (well, on weekends) it was no problem at all to come back to the house, sort out the chickens and relax with my coffee and muffin. Ahhh!

(How cute is this Fat Cat Moscato? It’s quite sweet, but good. And the Bordeaux he brought for dinner was surprisingly lovely. I’m not usually a red drinker. Also, if you click on the photos you can see the full shot.)

And here’s what I wore, because some will wonder or ask. 😉 My $15 Avenue dress from a few years back now, not sure where I got the red sweater hoodie thingy, I think at a clothing swap? I removed the tag, so no clue. The shoes were from Payless, adorable canvas slingbacks with bows on the toes. And the necklace was made my a lovely reader of this very blog and gifted to me a bit over a year ago (you may remember the other one she sent me, the doll). I don’t know why I hadn’t worn this one out and about yet. I know I used to dislike gold, but I have these beautiful ginko leaf earrings to go with it now and I loved the pairing.

Sunday was spent almost entirely indoors due to the rain and a general feeling of just needing to. I watched the last couple of episodes of the second season of “Girls” and then a few of my favorite movies of all time. I had some very delicious pizza and very cheap wine and had a great day/evening. I cranked up Pandora and danced about the house in my socks a bit, too. All in all, fabulous!

I have a lot going on in the coming weeks and I hope to simply stay grounded, grateful and hopeful. The right things will come into my life at the right time. I must remember this. I am so lucky to have such amazing and supportive friends. I would not be the person I am today without them. 🙂

<3
S

Last night when I got home from work I was feeling very mopey. I didn’t even know why I was feeling so tired and sad, but I was. I tried to take a nap, thinking sleep would surely help, but I am a terrible napper. I simply lay under the covers with thoughts of all the things swirling around in my head. *Sigh* I tried little things like taking out the trash, opening a window and lighting a candle in my room to set a different tone for the evening. Nothing seemed to help.

I realized that I might be hungry and certainly that could make someone a bit mopey. I made some teriyaki chicken and rice (as much as heating frozen things is making anything). I opened a bottle of two-buck-Chuck and poured myself a glass. With a bowlful of hot deliciousness, I headed back to my room and flipped on the television. At this point it was much later than I would normally eat anything, but I knew I had today off, so I figured I’d just stay up later.

I caught the newest episodes of The New Girl and The Mindy Project, but somehow even those funny faves just didn’t do the trick. Finally I switched over to a tried and true, heartwarming and funny classic: The Golden Girls! I can’t believe this show is still so good. The writing, the acting, the 80’s fashions! So good! And I love how they would talk about hot topics like marriage equality, feminism and aging.

These were women that were roommates, but more so, friends. They didn’t start out that way, in fact they didn’t get along at first, but in the end they always gathered around the kitchen table with a cheesecake and somehow it all worked out. They are always there for each other, doling out advice, supporting one another even when things seem dire or the advice is ignored. It is a beautiful display of friendship and sisterhood in later adulthood. You just don’t see that sort of thing now days.

It lifted my mood and made me grateful for the few fabulous females I have in my life whom I cherish like little else in this world. I didn’t have a relationship with my birth mother, or any positive female figure growing up. One of my only regrets is that I wasn’t very close to my grandma until much later in life. But my grandma and I always did love The Golden Girls, especially Sophia! Oh man, she was so snarky at a time when that wasn’t such a regular thing you’d see on t.v., especially from an older woman. Woo!

I’m feeling so much better today and started my day off with a ton of pampering self-care. No cheesecake…yet! Ha-ha! But I wanted to feel my best for a big date I have tonight. 😉 I’m quite excited. I don’t know what had me so blue last night, but I’m glad that I was able to find my way out of it, with a little help from my friends…

Having one’s identity tied to their relationship, to anyone, is a tricky thing to handle once that relationship has ended. Dear Zod have I been navigating this for over a year now. Figuring out my own personal identity, what I want from life and my place in the world. Even having different relationships begin and end affecting random and surprising parts of my life. What I have come to learn or know is that I can only worry about me. I can only say what I must and then it is up to the other person or people to do with it what they must. It hurts sometimes, I feel it isn’t fair, to be seen or judged or treated as something because of your association with so and so.

(This manatee is here for no reason other than: Ohmizod, Manatee! Squee!)

Somehow it’s all beginning to feel new again. I can’t explain it exactly, but I’m hopeful and excited about the world and life again. Last week was the pits and I’m ready for all the awesomeness to come into my life, please? My personal life, I feel, is finally starting to feel like more of my choosing. I’m finding a stride and going with the flow. I’m trying to say yes to things that I want to and seeing where that leads me. Spending time with my amazing friends lately has helped so much. Staying mindful of how I’m feeling in a particular moment has been helping, too. I should re-watch those Alan Watts videos on YouTube…they really helped me about this time last year.

I really don’t understand where in our evolution seeking pleasure became an act of rebellion, sin or taboo. This makes zero sense to me. Shouldn’t we all be seeking some pleasure in our daily lives? I mean, what is it all for, then? For me, silliness is pleasure. Laughing and making others laugh is pleasure. Doing new things, random things, awkward things and even uncomfortable things, in their own unique ways, are pleasure. Like a familiar scent in the air, I want my life to be made up of  small comforts, simple pleasures, warmth and love. Oh, here I go again, being all hippie-dippy! Ha-ha!

One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the way others can teach you so much about yourself. I cannot help but feel that life itself is it’s own education. I’m not just talking about life’s lessons. I’m talking about how the entire thing is one fleeting moment after another, never to return or re-do and all we can do is relish in each the best we can. This makes me smile! Meeting new people is like picking up a new book. You aren’t quite sure what you’re getting into, but it’s is exhilarating! I love that feeling.

I got some unexpected sun this weekend and I quite liked it. Revelation! Ha-ha! I did get a bit sunburned, but it was well worth it and it faded the very next day (no pain). I went miniature golfing and had such a blast. It always seems like a silly thing to do (Yay!) but is quite difficult. Well, it is for me. Ha-ha! I’m absolutely terrible at it. Luckily my day-date wasn’t keeping score. 😉 Some sunshine, great conversation between two geeks, what more could you want from a Saturday afternoon?! Well, I was lucky enough to follow it up with friends singing the night away and having a ball doing it.

In spite of my disappointments and struggles, I do feel very rich in love and support. Enjoying my alone time more has been great, too. Getting out and doing things on my own and just generally feeling slightly more in control, ya know? I say this,  but I’m doing my best not to freak out over my job/financial situation. It seems that is the missing piece of the puzzle at the moment. So be it. Fretting over it won’t change anything but my current state of mind. *DeepBreath*

Sometimes all we can do is push ahead and do our best. That’s all I can do. So I turn up my Jams, I savor my espresso beverages, I “ride my own melt” and see what the next fleeting moment has to offer. In the end I know I have been through far worse and come out of it alright. And hey, what doesn’t kill us, eh? 😉

Rad Fatty Love to you ALL,

Sarah
<3

How is it only Thursday?! This week has been such a roller coaster of emotions. Boo! Exhausting stuff, this emotions having business. Can we all just pretend that today is Friday? No? Damn!

So, the big job I wanted so badly, the one I interviewed for on Monday…I did not get. It was a bit devastating as it felt so right. It was the first time a job had emailed me just two hours after an interview to say that they went with someone else. Top that off with discovering that my current job is ending much sooner than expected and I wasn’t just down in the dumps, I was hysterically crying and swimming in the sewer of feelings.

I had a mini freak out. I went from feeling everything is possible and that job would be the solution to most of my problems to feeling as though I would die tomorrow. Yeah, I’m melodramatic, I know.  But suddenly the one thing I always thought I had was gone; the luxury of time. I have been looking for a new job since the December. How did it get to be mid-March already? *Sigh*

I was having my mini freak out on Facebook (I don’t recommend it) when some friends began insisting that I join them for dinner. My interview make up running down my face, I protested that I could not be in public in the state I was in, but thanked them for their kindness. Their response was a firm, “We are coming over with pizza and booze!” I fought and fought, my phone even crashed…twice! But still, these amazing friends would not be deterred and even threw in a “Stop being so stubborn, we know how to pick locks!” to which I finally relented.

They showed up, I allowed them only one look of pity in my general direction, and then we all hugged and ate pizza and drank hard cider and talked. It was lovely! We caught up on the goings on of my personal life and how things have been and all. I shared my confusion over the after-interview communication and even made plans to see each other more this very week!

By being there for me in a very difficult moment, by insisting on not only giving me the love and support I needed, but by showing up at my house they showed me that I’m not alone at all. I’m loved and cherished. Oh sure, not by everybody, but “everybody” isn’t as smart as my tribe of weirdo-genius-friends. Sometimes it’s necessary to have a good cry. Sometimes I like just chilling at home with a bottle of two-buck-Chuck and a big salad. Yet somehow these fab friends knew that wasn’t the best time for me to be on my own. They were super right!

And I have been thinking about this all week. As I have created space where I felt it was needed and began to once again look at who is in my life and why, I have a new found appreciation for those I wouldn’t have previously considered myself close to. Yet somehow? They just knew I needed them. I have always been in awe of these friends, still am, but I also feel so very special for having them in my life. I have discovered that you can’t always trust what is simply “known” or taken for granted.

People change, relationships change, our needs change and over time what once was isn’t there at all anymore. If we’re so caught up in our daily struggles it becomes difficult to maintain those relationships, let alone nurture them. I’m seeing this all around me lately. New friends are proving themselves to  be great confidants and old ones, um, not so much. Ha! To know that amid this chaos I have people who do care and insist on being there for me even when I fight it like mad, and win? They are keepers!

Here’s to keepin’ on when keepin’ on ain’t easy! Here’s to my finding a new job…SOON! (Have another in-person interview tomorrow morning!)  Here’s to good people and good times! Here’s to you and me and everyone and creature and thing on this planet! No matter how hard or how tough, “Baby it ain’t over ’til it’s over…”  <3