Make Room Not Doom!
March26
I had to keep repeating this in my head yesterday. The day started off fine enough, got up and showered and made it to work with two minutes to spare. Little hiccups at work popped up, but nothing major. In fact, turns out I was able to take care of some things that I wasn’t sure I could until next week. Sweet! Yes, I do actually enjoy being productive. Judge not! 😉
Then I went on my lunch break. I went to my usual place, a cafe by name, but more like a mom & pop version of a Denny’s or something similar. I go there because I can sit alone with a book and not feel weird about it or get the stink-eye from the staff (this happens in a lot of places I’ve discovered). They know me there and typically have a table ready for me by the time I walk in. Today was no different. I take a later lunch and so it’s usually quiet, often other single person lunchers there, too.
I ordered the pancake combo because, reasons. Ha-ha! I enjoyed my meal, the eggs were just how I like ’em and as I got up to leave I felt this woman’s glare behind me. I turned to my right slightly to see what it was I was feeling and sure enough, big ole glare of hate filled judgment. She looked me up and down with full on stink-eye all over her face. I shrugged it off and headed out to my car, her eyes on me the entire time. “This must be the woman who was complaining about her retirement” I thought to myself. I had overheard a bit of her conversation with her lunch companion, nothing but complaining. When I got into my car, which was parked just outside the window by her booth, I looked up and caught her stare again. This time I gave her a nice big cheesy grin!
(Example: big cheesy grin)
I didn’t give it a second thought. I had to drop off some boxes at UPS and as I was driving back to work I needed to get into the next lane to make it to the light to turn left. I had my turn signal on for ages and finally moved into the lane, just as I was halfway into the lane the car behind me sped up and began blaring his horn, stone faced. Ugh! Really? I made it to my turn and was waiting for the light to change when the same car came up next to me, slowed down and blared his horn again, stone faced. Wow! I flipped him off with another big cheesy grin. I mean…?
I got back to work and just figured it takes all types to make this rockin’ world go ’round. I went about my business, well my company’s business and started to think about what I would do after work, like ya do. So, I hit up my local Trader Joe’s for some veggies and wine. There’s always a space crunch in the produce/deli case section, so I grabbed a handy basket instead of a cart. I grabbed what I needed and evaded a few run-ins with cart users along the way. When I made it up to the check out area nearly every line was full. I chose one nearest me and set down my basket on the floor and waited.
It was at this time I began to wonder what the hell was up with the entire damn day. The line I was in, while having far fewer people, seemed to be at a stand still while the line next to me was buzzing right along. “Patience” I told myself, “It’s not like you’re in a rush to be anywhere” *self-chuckle* Then quite suddenly I felt something hard and cold pressed against and sort of dragged along one side of my ass. Startled I turned to look and felt the same on the other side of my ass. When I realized what had just happened my chin nearly hit the floor. This older man who seemed to be above it all wanted to switch to the faster moving line.
Somehow the ten foot radius of space between my ass any any obstacles at all just wasn’t enough for this guy to get around my giant ass! I don’t want to exaggerate or anything, but when I attempted to make eye contact with this guy, he looked annoyed at the world not bowing to his whims. He did not make eye contact with me, nor did he seem to be avoiding it. His nonchalance infuriated me. I felt fucking violated or assaulted. The least he could have done was apologize to me, but to act like every person there was in his way?!?!
I was filling with rage, standing there in disbelief when I was smacked in the lower back by a dude in the line to my left (where jerk-face had just retreated from). He half muttered, “Uhh, sorry?” and continued to flail his hands and arms around, not to mention the rest of him, as though he’d just snorted an 8-ball to his dome! What in the ever loving fuck?! I took a deep breath, then another and told myself, “Well, at least ants in his pants said he was sorry. Ugh!” and waited as the cashier made inane chit chat with the lady in front of me even though it was obvious she wasn’t interested in chatting at all.
The cashier began to ring me up when he noticed my stellar pin (Ewan McGregor as Mark Renton from Trainspotting made especially for me by some lovely friends) and we began to very quickly name awesome 90’s movies of that time…before carding me for my two-buck Chuck. D’oh! Ha-ha! He said, “Sorry for the bummer about carding you.” I replied, “Yeah, it’s not like kids these days are sporting Trainspotting pins.” but then I told him I didn’t mind and isn’t it a compliment in some odd way. *Sigh*
I walked out sort of still steaming from being assaulted by that handy basket. That guy and the antsy one made me feel like I was trespassing in their space. Fuck that! I wasn’t taking up any more fucking space than anyone else! In fact, these douche canoes were taking up more than two average folks would. RUDE ASSES!!! And it all started to ring in my ears this whole bullshit of anyone thinking they are better than anyone else or we’re taking up their time or we’re in their way.
No, I’m sorry, nobody owns the fucking world, yet.
I was done with this day, damn you Monday! Okay, it could have been any day, but the events had me just fuming and I didn’t feel right about it at all. I so wanted to tell that basket-guy off! HARD! In the heat of the moment I felt wronged, harmed and I know it was such a simple thing, but still. I don’t shop at Whole Foods because I had so many occasions where someone actually made eye contact with me before ramming me, on purpose, with their cart. This was before the whole charging fatter employees more for their groceries. UGH!!!
I don’t know that I could have done anything differently or should have, but I spent my Monday evening at home, in my pajamas, watching cartoons while eating my veggies and drinking my wine. I needed to reset, refresh and reboot or whatever. I hated how these people made me feel and I needed to get back to the me I want and know myself to be. We cannot control the actions or reactions of others, but we can control our own.
You are such a good person! It’s really amazing. Your anger was so justified, but the way you aren’t keeping any sort of resentment, but rather optimism, in your attitude is really inspiring.
rock on!
Elizabeth: Thank you! I mean, I felt like such a complainer, but I just didn’t want others poor behavior to ruin my entire day. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. 🙂