NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

TMI Tuesday!!!

June7

Today’s TMI Tuesday is about communication in relationships. Nothing not safe for work or triggering that I can think of (but do let me know if you find something to be of issue). Please share your thoughts and experiences in comments; as always this is where the action happen! Ha-ha! I love TMI Tuesday, don’t you?

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I have talked quite a bit here about my own issues within my marriage. Hey, 13 years with someone, you’re bound to have some stuff come up, ya know? So I met up with an old friend and had a nice long heart to heart last Thursday. It was both a relief and a bit scary. I mean, it was nice to get some things off of my chest, but a bit scary when someone you’ve known for so long will say something in a way you totally get yet weren’t expecting. Ha! We’ve been friends over twenty years, we get each other, go figure! I value our friendship even more now as adults than I ever could have when we were a couple of ridiculous teens.

My husband, B, had been trying to get me to go fishing with him pretty much from the get-go. How he described it however was basically the reason I didn’t want to go. It sounded like torture! But then she explained why I HAD to go (she knows she can’t give me an option). Then she told me about a book that she says would have saved her marriage had she read it sooner. Saturday morning as I was opening the cafe, FedEx arrived with that very book! She’d sent it to me because she knew how much it would help.

So I spent most of Saturday at the cafe reading that book. With many interruption I read the whole thing in 3 hours. Not a long one, for sure. But man did it make a ton of fucking sense! It’s not that B and I were fighting or not getting along, but we aren’t exactly communicating or enjoying each others’ company like we used to and this has bothered me for some time now (as you may know already if you’re a regular reader of this here blog-a-ma-thing).

I’ll admit right now that at first I thought, “A book to help my marriage?! Oh brother, give me a break!” And despite the cheesy title and all, it has already helped! And B has promised to read it, too (I presented it as an option with no pressure). We even had a pretty deep discussion of our own that afternoon. It was interesting. I guess we’d been sort of not discussing things for so long that I never mentioned how much my views had changed about things. It seems a lot of my actions early on in our relationship still affect him deeply. So it was nice to talk it all out.

Ah, yes! The book! The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman (756 5-star reviews on amazon? Wow!). To break it down, there are 5 main languages that people speak when expressing love. Rarely do two people in a couple speak the same love language and so the book explains them and offers ways in which to figure it out and fulfill the needs of both partners in the relationship. I know this sounds pretty basic, but I can assure you that while reading it was describing my relationship, my friends’ and more! And what I love most about it is that you can put things into action immediately! You don’t even need the other half of your couple to read it if they don’t want to. It’s that good! ha-ha!

So, we will see how or if anything changes after B reads the book. I already see how it’s helped. So yay! And hopefully we will go back to having more of these deeper conversations because they really help. Just talking things out in a calm way, ya know? It’s nice! And so I already wanna loan my copy to two different couples I know! Ha-ha! But I won’t push it on anyone, I hate that!

What communication issues do you or have you had in your relationships? What have you done to try to help?

TMI Tuesday: Dating!

May31

Yesterday’s post got such a response I thought we could continue the conversation today. Dating! The good the bad the UGLY! Let it out! Let’s all share our best and worst dating moments. Get it off your chest! Guys, too! I find it healing and helpful to share these things and enjoy reading others’ stories, too. Feel free to get as graphic as you like, no worries on TMI Tuesday! =0)

TMI Tuesday: Toys! Toys! Toys!

May24

(To the tune of Lady Gaga’s “Boys Boys Boys”)

This TMI Tuesday post is all about Sex Toys! If this doesn’t interest you, you’d rather not know about my sex life or toy preference, or you’re at work and don’t wanna get in trouble, do come back tomorrow for your regularly scheduled random fatty talk right here on my blog-a-ma-thing. Thanks!

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On my recent visit to Good Vibrations for that fabulously fun Burlesque class a couple of weeks ago (oh how time flies!) I picked up a toy I’d been looking at online.  I loved the color and the feel of the outside of it and the length seemed fab, too! But then, like so many toys, it left me unimpressed and generally dissatisfied. I know, for $22 what do I expect?! Well, I expected something! Perhaps I had high expectations, but that $22 is hard won for me (more than a week’s worth of work/tips) and so I always have high hopes when spending my dough.

Lucid Dreams No. 14 Waterproof G-spot Vibrator - Click to enlarge
See? It’s perty!
The last toy I purchase was the Butterfly Kiss and while I have enjoyed it a couple of times, it’s length is problematic (the butterfly doesn’t actually do anything for my clit as it either doesn’t reach or is so weak as to be meaningless). I do appreciate the design of it though. And again, the price was great at $18.

Talking to some friends though, I’d realized why I’ve had so many toy failures. Cheap price = cheap or shoddy toy! Doy! (They were much nicer about it, I promise!) I’d only previously used bullets. I’ve owned 3 so far as they have all been wired and thus that tiny wire always manages to break at some point. Boo! My last bullet was $6 on Amazon (they sell everything!) and it lasted about four weeks. It worked great though! It was this one by “Doc Johnson” (ha-ha!)
Doc Johnson Ivory Egg VibratorSo compact yet powerful!
I’d purchased a longer bullet a couple of years ago that lasted quite a long time, but eventually that damned wire fizzled out and that was that. It was nice to have the extra length, but now I’m wondering if I shouldn’t invest in something a bit nicer and more sure to please, ya know?
And so I turn to you, my fellow fats! What toys do you love? Why? What was an eye opener for you? How do you use yours? Do you use it with a lover or on your own? Positions? What questions and apprehensions do you have about sex toys and vibrators? I wanna know! I wanna talk! Let’s chat about this, shall we? Nothing is TMI on this blog, so let loose and speak up! We’d all love to hear about it! <3

TMI Tuesday!!!

May17

Y’all I’m drawing a complete blank today. If you have any suggestions, lay ’em on me! If you’d like to share your own TMI stuff, please do! Only thing I really have to share is that I just bought some completely adorable tops at Target this morning and I am still giddy that I found them in my size (stock was limited and both weren’t in their proper place…fate much?). I also took it upon myself to once again fill out a comment card complaining about the women’s plus sections complete lack of signing as well as the fact that the entire section is crammed onto four racks so that if you touch one garment half of them fall on the floor. Also had to talk to management about a couple of negative ninnies working there standinga round talking shit about their co-workers. Inapropriate doesn’t even cover it, yo! Sometimes you just have to speak up and tell people they are wrong and sometimes you just have to go over their head. I know I did the right thing and I was satisfied when the manager seemed more upset about it than I was. Hey, I’ve been there, retail management sucks, but lousy employees are worse!

How are you today? What can I help you with? Lay it on me! I love you! <3

TMI Tuesday!!!

May3

For Today’s TMI Tuesday we will explore our fantasies. Any/all of ’em! If this may be triggering for you or you’d simply rather not know my sexytimes wishes, please come back on another day. Thanks so much!

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Oh fantasy?! Such a varied topic, no? I love it! Where possibilities are only as limited as your imagination. Where celebrities and neighbors are equally sexy and the deeds to be done may be dirty and/or cheap! Ha-ha! And I’m not talking about your sleepy time dreams here. No, I’m talking about the ones you create in your mind! To pass the time, to lift your spirits or to inspire you!

I ask that you share a fantasy of your own in comments (you may be anonymous if you like, I think) and I shall share one of my own. Feel free to get as explicit (or not) as you like. No judgment zone here! No back stories needed! Just dive on in…the water is just fine! <3

My Fantasy: It’s always the same, right? I head out to another rock show after so many. So why am I so not looking forward to this one? Ugh! I’ve seen this band before, they are amazing, but will it even be different? Ah well, better find a place near the stage at least.
The band plays, they are amazing. It feels like he’s looking at me…but that can’t be! I always think that. Ha-ha! I’m so silly! The just get into their final encore when I make my way towards the side exit, hopefully I’ll beat the crowd. I can barely hear anything over the screaming, they must be done. Well, it was a good show. Too bad about that asshole behind me. Why do drunk-ass people insist on talking to everyone so close?! Dude, it’s call gum, get some! Ha-ha! This exit is a bit odd. Maybe I made a wrong turn. Oh look, there’s security, maybe they can tell me how to get the hell outta here. “Excuse me–” Security, “You’ll have to wait here for a second, miss.” “Oh, I just wan–” “I’m sorry, I can’t let you past for just a minute until it’s all clear.” he says. All clear? What the hell does that mean? Oh well. It’s not like I’m rushing anywhere, really. Holy–He’s coming out this door into THIS HALLWAY!!! Oh Maude! Here he comes…there goes the drummer…right passed me! “Hi! You were great!” I say to her. She’s so beautiful! Did she even break a sweat out there? Damn! Ohmyshit! “Hey…Oh! Uh, Hi!” He says. “Wha?” I half breathe out. Is he fucking talking to me? This is not happening…but he’s standing right in front of me. Why is he looking right at me? “Hi. You were–” I stammer. He gives the security guard a nod. The security guard nods back and looks back towards the backstage and he slips into the door opposite. The security guard comes back to me and I’m in a daze. “Right this way miss.” Security guard says to me. “Huh? Wha? I just…” I’m being lead into the door opposite the backstage door. Is this the exit? Friggin catacombs or something man, I just wanna get out of here.

I’m suddenly face to face with Him. He’s drying off his face and neck with a small black towel. Oh gawd, he looks so amazing. You needn’t a towel! I’d gladly lick you dry! Ha-ha! But I could never say that! “Hi.” He’s smiling at me! ME?! What is happening? Did I blackout or something? Shit, did that drank-ass slip me something? What is…”Hi.” He’s talking to me? What in the…”Are you alright?” He’s asking Me?! Oh shit! I’m screwed. Say something coherent, dammit! “I’m, uh…I’m…You were…I’m sorry.” I suddenly can’t breathe. My throat just ran away or something. Shit shit shit! “Here! Have some water.” He’s handing me a bottle of water. I watch as the sweat from the water bottle and his own mingle and all I want to do is lick those luscious hands of his. He catches me swooning over his hands. Shit! “Um, is this okay?” I snatch the bottle and take a large swig before answering. *gasp-gasp* “Yes, thank you very much. Really, you’re too–” he cuts me off by holding up a single digit. My eyes are transfixed on it. I want so much to feel that finger, to taste it to know it! He walks up close to me. His eyes never leave mine. He gets to within an inch of my face. I look down and to the right. My cheeks flush. I can feel my ears turning red with the rush of blood. He lifts my chin to meet his gaze. “I can’t–I think–No!” he says as he drops his hand from my chin and takes a step back and looks around the room. I’m so befuddled I can’t think. I focus on the water bottle. I’m drinking it like I’m in a contest or something. “Are you hot? Here, have a seat.” he offers an antique tapestry sort of chair. I go to walk towards it but can’t move. C’mon feet! Get to movin’, will ya?! Ugh! He places his hand on the small of my back, gently guiding me towards the chair. I sit and the chair groans. “Sorry, I’ve had this chair for ages. It was in my house growing up. I think it was my great-grandmother’s.” he explains. “That’s so nice.” I manage. I feel like such an idiot. I must seem like the worst fan girl right now. He’s going to kick me out as soon as he find the chance to, I just know it!

“I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable, but when I saw you in the hallway I just, well…I was so taken with you. I know I have sort of a reputation with red haired women and all, but, well, you seem so different.” He says as he sort of crouches/squats to eye level with me next to the chair. “With me?” I ask. “Yes, of course.” he says. “I don’t understand.” I say, plainly. “I wish I could explain it to myself, but…well? I don’t know what to say. I just, you captured all of me.” he looks away bashfully. But how could this rockstar-god be bashful? Around me? Nah! This is crazy! I must have passed out and am not in full-on hallucination mode, right? “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. If you want to leave, you can. I’ll get John to escort you out safely.” he starts to get up and walk towards the door. When did he shut that door anyway? “No! I mean, it’s okay. I’m not uncomfortable. Thank you for the water. I’m not really sure what it is that you say “captured you” but I will stay as long as you want me to.” I say to him. Oh gawd, please stay!

He takes one of my hands and electricity shoots through it straight to my heart. I’m flushed all over again! He smiles at this. My wedding ring catches the light and twinkles. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I—uh…I see you’re married? I’m married, too. It’s so nice to have found someone to have and to hold, forever. Isn’t it?” he asks, his face the picture of expectation. “Yeah. I mean, I knew you were married. You’re a dad. You’re amazing!” what the hell did I just say? Oh man, this is awful. Why am I even talking?! What could he possibly want with me? I’m a lunatic! “I mean no disrespect, I just. Well, I would be honored if you let me kiss you. Just, just on the cheek.” He seems surprised by his own words. This poet? This craftsman of melody and lyrics. This singer of my heart and soul. I shoot up out of the chair to meet his eyes once again. “Yes!” I say, trying not to sound desperate or needy. He kisses my cheek like a total gentleman. I feel the back of his hand softly brush it, too. I feel all swoony and dizzy and just grab the back of his hair and kiss him fully and deeply on the mouth. His tongue shoots into my mouth and dances like no other. It is a tango of two tongues, locked in a frenzy.

I nearly fall back into the chair. I look up at him again and he is looking down at me with his mouth agape. “But I want you now. And so there it is.” he says in a graveled whisper. My voice catches in my throat and I can’t say a word but find myself scanning the room for something I don’t know what. He kneels in front of me, I’m in the chair, his hands on top of mine which are on top of my knees. He moves his hands up my arms and stops at my shoulders. I grab his right hand and hold it up to inspect it. He seems confused at first, but then I hold it to my cheek and softly kiss each line of his palm. You can feel the tension in the room. Time has frozen and it’s just us here, alone. I do the same to his left hand. His eyes watching as though dining on the finest meal. “Please?” he says, his perfect eyebrows raised in question. I release his powerful hands to do as they wish and he cups my left breast while sweetly kissing the tops of my bosoms. I stand up, pushing him away. “I’m so sorry, I–” he starts. “No, I just–” I grab the bottom of his red t-shirt and he helps me get it off his torso. Oh how I’d longed to see this pale flesh before me. I can’t help myself now. I am filled and overcome with desire. I start kissing his chest when he stops me and motions for a nearby chaise I hadn’t noticed. It’s gold velvet and is covered in shirts and towels and things. He guides me over, holding my hand like a duke would a duchess and I try not to run.

As he motions for me to sit, I slip off my shoes and he slides off my jeans. He is so gentle, yet firm. So sweet, yet the electricity is painfully obvious. “Are you sure you don’t mind? he asks. I throw my head back and laugh. I pull off my top and I stop, catch my breath and say, “Mind? I want no other.” and he spreads my legs for the softest taste. He grabs my ass and thrusts his tongue into me. I had no chance of catching the moan before it escaped my lips. It had to come out! And it’s so lovely and deliciously sweet. As I cum he gently rubs my belly. He reaches up to my breast and licks and sucks and finally bites my nipple. Then the same with the other. I am trying desperately to gain some semblance of composure while trying to get his pants off. “I want to taste it!” I whimper. “Please, let me have  all of you.” he says as he slips on a condom. He looks deep into my eyes as he glides his cock into my already satisfied pussy. “How have we never met before tonight?” he says as he thrusts into me, pausing and then thrusts again. “Does it matter?” I say. I grab his glorious arms, pulling him into me again and again. I’m screaming like a banshee when finally he cums, eyes up in his head. He collapses onto me and I stroke his hair. “Thank you.” I say to him, still stroking his hair and playing with his ears. “What?!” he says with great confusion. “You amaze me. You satisfy me. You made me cum. Thank you!” I say explain. He laughs at this.

“Please tell me I can see you again?” he says, hoping/asking. “But we’re both married. You’re a dad. I love my husband. This was like nothing else and I will cherish the memory always.” I say, looking deeply into his now sad eyes. “I’ll never know you?” he asks. “But you do. Right now. You know me.” I offer. He starts to get up and looks embarrassed. I stand up and kiss him again. He holds my head to his chest. I can feel his breath grow deeper again. “Please. At least tell me your name, give me your number, let me know that you exist outside of this room?!” he begs. I’m speechless. This man of my dreams, this god of the stage wants to know I exist?! I smile. I hold him tight. I cling to his chest as though his breath was my own. “But it can’t be.” I say. And I let go and leave the room. Still straightening my top as I grab the doorknob. His hand covers mine. Our eyes lock up once again. Then he lets go and turns away. I leave the room and wonder if I’ll ever be the same again. (And if this were truly the ultimate he’d write a song and only I would know it was about me.)

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