Oh my sweeties! I have had one hell of a week, and it ain’t over yet! I know I haven’t been very posty lately, and I do apologize for that, but with all of the madness that is running your own business while also dealing with random maladies, well, it just happens.

I was doing my usual reading of various blogs in the fat-o-sphere and came across this list of the top 40 fat fashion blogs when I had a sudden realization: I may have fallen out of love with FATshion!

Please, don’t feel sorry for me. It happens to the best of us. Things do tend to wax and wane, yes? I just don’t know. I think it may have started when I went to Big Moves Bay Area’s Cupcake & Muffintops 2.0 last month. I was at first overwhelmed with what to look at and try on and buy and then mega-underwhelmed when a pile of bottoms (mostly denim & capris) did not fit. I did buy some tops, but left with the weight of disappointment on my shoulders.

Next was the “Kaden” boots from Target that were posted on LiveJournal’s Fatshionista community with the promise of affordability and fit for larger calves…alas, it simply wasn’t so (unless you wear a size 11). And finally, when I went back to Target the next day to try on this Converse One Star dress (I was so bummed by the boots that I left without perusing the plus clothes) and it didn’t fit either. Maybe that is when I fell out of love with fatshion.

Or perhaps it is entirely due to the fact that I no longer have any sort of personal income with which to buy anything over $10. I had to save my tips for an entire week for the Cupcake & Muffintops 2.0 last month. All $29 of it were spent there, too. Glad I went. I had an incredible dark chocolate cupcake and got to talk to so many lovely fats. But damn. When you look forward to something long enough I guess it just builds up in your mind until it cannot possibly live up to whatever it is you think it should be. Like those damned boots!

I hate to sound bitter, but I have wanted some knee-high boots to wear with dresses for over two years now. And with all of my internet resources, wisdom and secrets I’ve still come up short. And damn, those boots would have looked amazing in that Converse dress, yo! Ha-ha! Of course it all plays into my fantasy of creating the ultimate grunge (to me at least) outfit. I suppose in the truest sense of it though, the heart of grunge, was to made due with what’s available or cheap or handy and not about buying brand names and whatnot. And certainly the things I had wanted to buy were/are cheap.

There is another reason: My current closet/wardrobe situation. It’s a nightmare! I have a pile of things I want to sell, donate and reorganize but never find the time/inspiration/motivation to even tackle it. I know, I know…little steps. Commit to one small task at a time, thus less guilt to harbor. But you gotta know by now, I just don’t do things the easy way. And we have so much less space for things than we used to. With fall & winter on their way I am looking forward to digging out the cardis and sweaters and layers! Oh how I love layers! But I also live in CA and that means those are probably a bit far off for now.

How do you organize your clothes? By season? By occasion (formal/casual/etc)? I have a friend who organizes all of her clothes by color! She even has hangers that match each item! I can’t get behind that because it would drive me insane. But I am open to your creative suggestions or advice! Please, help me fall back in love with fatshion, even if it’s just my own wardrobe!

Thanks for reading.  =0)

*Listening to Presidents of the USA “Everybody wants to be naked & famous” and loving it!

You read that right! Today is Tank Top Tuesday! Weather you call it a vest or a wife pleaser (there shall be no violence here), I want your pics! This will be the first in a weekly offering of fatties with heads and arms wearing TANK TOPS! I just had such a great experience the last time I went out sleeveless that I thought this would be a fun way to keep that positivity flowing and also to hopefully help normalize fat arms!

That’s me, death fat and all, in an Old Navy Tank from about two years ago. I love the top, but so rarely wear it because the color doesn’t go with much. But I do have a gorgeous cardi that will go nicely when the weather cools down again.

Submit your photo by first commenting with your email address (just the first part/username, so I don’t spam you) then emailing me: notblueatall@notblueatall.com with the attachment and if you have a blog, please submit the web address so I can give you & it some mad props and any info you’d like me to include in the post. Please submit only one photo at a time. If I receive many I may do a special post or just post date them for the next several Tuesdays. If you have any questions, please leave a comment. I hope this becomes a very fun and continuing adventure for all of us. And guys!!! That means, you, too!  =0)

It’s been very hot in the bay area the last couple of days. I know this isn’t the same hot the east coast gets or tropical climates, but it’s hot for us, nonetheless. This sudden bout of heat has made me rethink my day-to-day and focus more on what’s important: Self Care!

I had been struggling lately with eating during the day, I just didn’t want to eat. Yes, I get hungry. But I own/run a  cafe and am around food all of the time. (Luckily my cafe’s focus is offering natural/organic goodies for everyone to enjoy.) This does make for a difficult choice at lunch time when I need to eat! Being broke as a joke leaves me with two options: make myself something here or starve. And for about three weeks, I chose the latter. UGH! It drives me crazy. Last week I vowed, to myself, that I would eat a normal lunch each day. And I did. That is until this little heat wave arrived.

I have red hair and fair skin. I don’t do well with any extreme temperatures. When it’s very hot I don’t want to eat or sleep or anything, I am simply miserable. I must force myself to do the things I don’t want to in order to survive. I have no trouble drinking water, I love the stuff, but reminding myself to stay hydrated can be difficult, too.

So, here’s what I have been doing to take care of myself, even when the thought of it makes me sigh:

1. drink lots of cold water. 30 degrees (F) is ideal, but 40 is fine, too. (And keeping my Brita pitcher full!)
2. buy foods that I’ll want to eat. This week that means watermelon, peaches, apples, bananas, carrots, berries, greens, cold cuts, picnic salads…things that can be eaten cold either together or not!
3. Popsicles! stock the freezer or make a bunch on your own! If you have an ice cream maker, that rocks, too! I just know that I get very absent minded in the heat and need something quick and ready. And smoothies! So easy to make and tasty no matter what you throw in there!
4. cold showers! Maybe my fave part of summer! (or swimming or both!)
5. EAT! Yeah, it’s kind of sad that I have to remind myself to do it, but that’s how it’s been lately. And I’ve been eating smaller meals but more snacks in between, so that helps too.
6. Wear lighter fabrics. It’s simple, I know, but I still grab for the usual things. I won’t even go into the whole sleeveless debate, but if your okay with that, do it! I spent far too much time worrying and far less time being comfortable. Now? Comfort is queen! And besides, you look better when you feel better.
7. Did I mention COLD WATER?! I run a cold tap over my inner wrists to cool down at work. And sometimes I sneak away to the ladies room and splash my face and neck. A quick fix, I assure you! And don’t be afraid to dab your brow if you’re feeling some sweat. I say better that than suffering.
8. Water for everyone! We have a pup & a kitty and have to make sure they are hydrated, too! The pup loves ice and the kitty loves the bathroom tap, so no worries there. Just need to be a little more frequent when it’s hot.
9. Keep the shades drawn & windows closed during the day. This helps keep it cooler & when we get home from work we can open everything up for fresh air!
10. I don’t currently have a fan in the cafe, or a personal one. So I keep the front door open and hope for a breeze. On my way home I roll all of the windows down or crank my car’s AC. At home? We have an AC but it’s not efficient and we’re conservationists. So we stick to more fun ways to stay cool like the above.

My point in all of this is that we’re working and running around taking care of things and often forget to take care of ourselves. No matter what weather you’re currently dealing with, it’s so important to treat yourself right! I think of it like this, you wouldn’t let your best friend or partner allow themselves to be treated poorly or forget their bodies needs, so don’t do it to yourself either!

How do you handle self care? Are you so busy that you forget to take care of yourself? Tell me about it!  =0)

Okay, so on the “Snark” thing, I don’t really want to snark about anything specific, I am just still sleepy and a tad cranky and I just love the word “Snarky!” Ha-ha!

I love this: Your Permission Slip From The Universe

Randomly, I typed “Fat Acceptance” into google and the only ad on the page: Feminist Therapy Associates

Did you know,I Have An Etsy Shop?

It took me awhile to find him, but this used to be the blogger/founder of Fabulon! J’adore! <3 Thombeau!

A friend told be about Questionable Content and now I am obsessed! You have to read it from the beginning. It’s magical! And this sums up how I felt on Saturday night:

My friend Jery has a fab blog about our local arts scene, theater, movie reviews and so much more. He does a podcast, too! Check it out here

What do you like to read about on Twitter? I’ve been on Twitter for years, but rarely use it. I follow too many people to keep up with, but I do enjoy it now. Before I just sort of ignored it. I enjoy posting things, but would love to know what people are looking for there. Thanks!

Have you heard of Current T.V.? One of my fave channels and a lot of viewer generated content. YAY!

I have had the pleasure of getting to know this amazingly talented artist, Carmen Reid. She was at first a customer at my cafe and now a good friend. She is a freelance graphic designer and enjoys taking on new and funky projects. Need her help? Find her here! I also feature some of her paintings in my cafe.

Looking for some cooking/baking inspiration? You gotta check out my friend Steph’s gluten-free blog

This website lets you create a font using your own handwriting. FUN!

Tie your shoelaces in different and fun ways!

Go on, Ask Me Anything!

I have just not been very posty lately. Sorry ’bout that. I have no excuse, really, just lack of inspiration.

I wanted to talk about our Inner Critic & My Fat Band. These things belong together for me, at the moment. I have long dreamed of starting a band. My first year of high school was a magical time for music (’91/’92). Yep, Grunge! At heart, I still feel 14 and flannel clad and all. *sigh* The good old days, as they say. I have wanted to be in almost every type of band. From L7-esque to Lush-like. I have wanted to be Joey Ramone as well as Frente’s Angie Hart. As the years went on I sort of put all of that on the proverbial back burner.

Then not so long ago I started to dream of a fat band! Yes, a band of fat musicians! I would wax philosophically with my friends and they would just smile and nod because that’s what friends do when they think you’ll never actually do whatever it is your talking about. Not to knock my friends, they are the best, but it’s true, I can be full of whimsy and day dreams. But a couple of weeks ago, after getting fed up with musician ads saying “No Chick Singers”, I put an ad of my own on craigslist. Lo and behold, I got a few bites, too.And just when it started to feel like it wouldn’t happen for me, ever…I heard from a guitarist and a bassist. And now? OMZ! We’re meeting up this weekend! And I can’t friggin’ believe it!

The moment this all came together (yesterday) I panicked. My dream might just become a reality! I may actually get to be in a fucking band! I’ll finally sing, in public, and not just at karaoke! Holy shit! And thus my inner critic was awoken: You don’t know what the hell you’re doing! You don’t sing that good! They will take one look at you and say, “Um, no thanks!”

That stupid irrational fear. The fear that makes you dream of going to work/school/etc naked. That fear that lurks within us all that bubbles up from time to time to piss on your cheerios. Damn! I hate that inner critic. Such an asshole! And so not helping me at all. WTF?! I mention my fears to my hubby and he was understanding of the fears. He has the same ones and thus has never been in a band because of it. Though he does play a mean guitar!

A couple of years ago I read Eckart Tolle’s “A New Earth” and it helped me squash my inner critic/ego. It taught me to be in the present. Not to think too far into things and to somewhat separate the emotional side from the logical. This helped me so much, especially in job interviews! Ha-ha! I remember walking into some nondescript office building, riddled with fear, and repeating to myself with each step, “Calm & Confident” until I walked in the door. I would smile, hold out my hand, and say, “Hi! I’m here to see ____.” Like, a giant fucking smile! This worked for me a lot, though not enough to land me a new career.

This helped me, too when I was constantly in a state of anxiety over opening my own cafe. We’re all human. No one wants to see us fail. Yet that is our biggest fear! Failure and humiliation. I don’t so much fear those simultaneously, but nobody wants to make a giant ass of themselves, either. Ugh!

So this fat band dream of mine, it may just come true. But I have to look my inner critic in the eye (or whatever it has-I think mine is a gray vapor, to be honest) and tell it that it’s simply not needed and walk away. It’s worked before and it should work again. Because deep down I know that trying to do this for real will mean so much more to me than if I didn’t try at all. Even if it blows up in my face, it will be an experience and I can finally say I did it!

What does your inner critic say? Do you have a dream you’re too afraid to attempt? Tell me all about it! =0)