I wanted to pass on this link from my good friend Stephanie’s blog: http://www.wasabimon.com/archive/skimming-the-surface-bad-dietary-choice/#more-2896

Today she posts about her struggles with her gluten allergy and how even the most well intentioned around us in the end, aren’t. I particularly identify with the part about patterns and how we often fall into them. She also offers some great advice and solutions. A great read! Please, pass it on!

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Last night on my long drive home from work, I was listening to KPFA (as per my usual) and heard a report where they were talking about food banks and pantries and how the face of poverty is changing. The middle class is dwindling right into poverty and how we’re not prepared for this major change. There is an ordinance up for vote in Los Angeles that would make it easier for local business to donate foods that are still good without threat of legal repercussions. Basically, the food and safety regulations currently in place do not allow for this because of set time guidelines or other guidelines that dictate how long a certain food may be kept/stored/served. This is why grocery stores often have to throw out perfectly good food, if they didn’t they could be sued for a number of reasons. This new ordinance would cost the state/city/fed zero dollars and actually cut waste that would otherwise head straight to our landfills.

Well, all of this got me thinking about that changing “face of poverty” and an idea/image popped into my head that made me catch my breath, think and just feel pretty sick overall. I also think it’s a real thing and could happen and well, LA isn’t exactly the fat friendliest place on earth, but…

Can you imagine a fat standing in line for food at a food bank or soup kitchen? Would they be harassed? Would they be refused? I cannot imagine. I don’t know what it is like to have to rely on said food banks and pantries, but I am happy as hell that they are out there to help people who are food insecure. I had never heard that turn of phrase either: food insecure. I get what it means, but never heard it that way before. I mean, when I was a kid, I was just poor. My family never went on well fare or received food stamps, but we probably would have qualified and probably should have. Luckily we were often helped/supported by my grandma.

What about the mom trying to feed her kids? Is she going to be more reluctant because of her size? Doesn’t she work hard enough? Man, I just can’t fathom it. You know? But there are assholes out there who just make it their life’s mission to be a dick to any and all that they possibly can.

My thoughts, love and hope go with you!

If you’d like to hear the broadcast I heard yesterday:

In regards to this post Socially Fat , it was recommended by a great friend and commenter that I x-post to an LJ community. I did and the response was an impressive tale of online dating adventures and failures (not on the part of the responder, mind you). She mentions that many guys she met were under the impression that “Fat Girls Are Easy.” Of course the first thing that came to mind was the fabulously cheesy 1989 film “Earth Girls Are Easy.” I know, it wasn’t intended and I know what she means as I have encountered this way of thinking myself in various moments of my life. But then I began to see some strange parallels. Forgive my tangent, but I think I have something here…

Man, I love that movie! I could not tell you how many times I’ve seen it if I tried. And I was a valley girl, still am I guess. I mean, if I get particularly excited about something, I slip right back into the verbiage and everything. Just need to Aquanet my bangs, put on the jelly bracelets and I am there! Ha! I had wanted to be a hair stylist back then, too. Though I also was convinced I’d be the greatest Pop star ever “Blaze” was going to be my stage name. Ugh! *bows head in shame*

The movie was about a gal whose relationship is falling apart after she catches her doctor boyfriend sleeping with a female nurse. And hilarity ensues, but then it doesn’t. This movie is truly about a girl who has been betrayed by the man she loves and at first she wants him back, that is until she meets three fine strangers who distract her and show her that there’s more to life than some jerk of a boyfriend. Her BFF played by Julie Brown (not the “Downtown” one, either, the Original!) is there to help her along the way and give the three strangers a brilliant valley-esque makeover. The result? More hilarity but also a slowly brewing romance.

One could easily compare the “aliens” to fats in this plot. You see, a fat in a valley dating scenario would easily be considered alien. And certainly any salon-a-tron would jump at the chance to makeover a fatty! Always seems to be someone around to transform a fatty, be it on t.v. or movies or what have you. There was nothing wrong with the strangers when they arrived, but in this valley world they simply don’t fit in. So they emerge as the salon-a-tron’s ultimate success as these hairless, hipster dorks (in my opinion). Suddenly the main gal played by Geena Davis in full glam valley-osity, sees them in a whole new light! Suddenly these strangers/aliens/fatties are A-OK because they fit in her version of the norm.

This film makes no bones about the fact that the women in this “valley” are quick to bed only the hottest of hotties and thus you see many a scene of flirtation and so on. Everything seems to revolve around sex, even when it doesn’t. While Geena Davis’ character seems a bit on the light-headed side, she does “get it” eventually and beds Jeff Goldblum’s character. After which she is of course in love and cannot be without him. Because, of course, sex = love for ladies, right? Um, not exactly.

Here’s the thing, everyone is an individual. Every person is a multi-faceted personality with varying emotions and experiences and thoughts. Amazingly, this applies to fatties, too! Yep! Incredibly, just like “normal” gals, fatties, too have different ideas and experiences and feelings on any given subject. And when it comes to sex? Yeah, we’re not all the same in that arena either. I have actually been both the prude and the slut in my lifetime and now fall somewhere in between. I’m a unique individual. Fun! I get to have my own ideas and opinions and go about my life in a different way (than most).

So, when I heard this “Fat Girls Are Easy” thing again I thought about it awhile. And just like a lot of people think that blonds are dumb and redheads are feisty (I so f-ing hate that stereotype, yo!) fatties are not necessarily easy. YOU GUYS!!! Fatties are unique individuals, too! Being fat is no more or less a descriptor than being tall or having long hair. Yet somewhere along the way in our civilization (or more to the point U.S. society) fatties have become the aliens and must be changed! They must fit into some pre-labeled concept of we just can’t deal as a society.

Well, FUCK THAT! I refuse to fit into any category. Wait! Unless Bad-Ass-Punk-Fat-Awesome is a category? No? Okay, then FUCK THAT! Ha-ha! I won’t compare anyone to a fucking snow flake, but dude! DUDE! We are all unique, no two are alike and while we may have some traits in common with someone else, just being fat does not make me or anyone else a slut by proxy! Yes, I’ve been treated like a one night stand when all I was looking for was love. Yes, I’ve treated guys like a one night stand when they just wanted to get to know me better. This doesn’t mean anything about anyone else but me. I hate to keep harping on this, buy you guys? This stereotype won’t kill itself. We have to actively remind people that not only are we human, but we are our own people and can make our own choices. DAMN!

Thanks for hanging in there for my “Earth Girls Are Easy” comparison. Hopefully it came across as intended.

IMDB info on the film: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097257/

This outfit was what I wore on my day off this week. I went to get coffee and grocery shopping and then saw a movie. I was out & about! And…Publicly FAT!

Still getting used to my new camera, but I found my little gorilla tripod and it turned out okay.

Headband: Ross $3.99 (I have four!)
Dress/Top: Ross, can’t remember the brand, but it was $12.99
Crops/Capris: Avenue Chinos
Pearls: Shane Co. $100 a few years ago, love them!
Glasses: JC Penny, Yo!

I must admit, it was a bit of a challenge for me to go out like this (read: sleeveless!) for all of my various errands and fun. Somehow though, I felt very powerful. People looked at me and I didn’t cringe. I saw a fellow fats at the mall where I saw the movie and we smiled at each other. She was wearing a tank top! So at least my sleeveless-ness wasn’t a solo effort! Ha-ha! In fact, when I did notice people looking at me, I smiled and looked them in the eye. This can be very uncomfortable for a lot of people, but I figure it’s gotta be harder for me than them, right?! I’m the one being appraised here. Again, powerful stuff, my lovelies!

Yesterday while chatting with my good friend, Lu (she’s 85 and fabulous), we saw this gorgeous butterfly fly right into the cafe and was desperately trying to get out but was caught up on the window and finally rested awhile and I snapped a pic. Later we decided we had to intervene, so I sort of gently scooped it from the window and you know, when I took it outside it didn’t want to leave my hand! I thought I’d have to name him! Ha-ha! But eventually I placed him on a marigold and he took off into the clear blue sky!

From outside the window:

Just lovely! I’ve always loved butterflies and have two tattoos of them. They are amazing creatures.
And if you’re into them, I highly recommend the book “Dangerous world of butterflies” Oh so good!

Have a great weekend! I will be giving it my all. It is a choice, after all,  and I have chosen to make it so!
Cheers!

I was thinking about social networking on my way into work this morning. Okay, I think about a lot of things in the car, I have a 45 minute commute after all. And well, I listen to things like KPFA & today, the Fatcast: Two Whole Cakes!  On said Fatcast, they were talking about gender in relation to fat. And while my thoughts were wandering at a stop light I found myself thinking about fats and how we can use social networking to our fatvantage (totally made that up but I like it!). I only use social networking sites (like facebook, twitter, myspace, linkedin, etc) for staying in touch or up to date with friends. Mostly people I know in my social circle, but also people I have met through blogs or livejournal. I enjoy getting updates on their lives or things they’re into or what have you. But this morning I started thinking about dating.

Okay, so I’ve been married 6 years and my husband and I have been together for over 12 years…so it’s been awhile since I’ve dated (if you can even call it that). Back then it was just AOL and chat rooms. Ha-ha! Oh man, so much time chatting with all sorts of people. I found myself in an San Francisco based one even though that wasn’t where I lived. Made some friends, but mostly just found drama. Today there’s a ton of dating specific sites, not to mention the usual ones like I mentioned above. Back then I would simply identify as full figured. Funny, I would never say this now. I prefer FAT! I remember a specific instance that turned out alright after all was said and done, but the guy in question when answering his door for our “date” (he was going to make me dinner, oh yeah!), “Um, you’re more full figured than I thought.” and I responded unflinchingly, “Yeah, you’re a lot skinner and shorter than I thought.” but we got along so well over the phone it seemed silly to let this get in the way. We eventually became friends, but then life happened and we lost touch.

It makes me wonder about fats in the dating scene today. Especially online? I mean, your employer can look you up for free so it’s best to keep these things low-key, right? When MySpace was at the height of it’s popularity it seemed to be full of nothing but wannabe porn stars mugging for (or showing other things very close to) the camera. Now it seems like only comedians and aspiring musicians use it. I don’t see much of that sort of thing on Facebook, I wonder why. Or maybe it’s there and just not in my circle of friends. At any rate I was thinking on this and wondering how one presents themselves in the dating environments of the interwebz. I think if for whatever reason I found myself “out there” again (like what, in the cold & rain? Ha-ha!) I’d be much more willing to identify as fat and think it would be a great jerk filter simply by using that word.

Certainly there are fat specific communities and events. I’ve seen many a BBW night at local clubs/bars, meet up groups and such…I’ve never been to one, being that I am married, but have wondered what that’s like. Is it a bunch of sleezeballs on the prowl for their next fat-lay? Because it does seem to be an accepted (although mega-wrong) concept of a fat woman being easy. I don’t think I ever hat to beat them off with a stick (as my uncles all warned when I was a little girl), but I was hardly in want of a lover, for sure. I just can’t wrap my head around how technology has taken over that part of our social interactions.

I have always been one for more spontaneous human interactions, preferably in a public place. Do blind dates still happen? Do successful relationships ever start at a bar? I met my husband by hiring him for x-mas help at a music store, so that was easy. He came to me. Ha! Prior to that though I would usually meet guys at music shows or goth clubs or through friends or at parties, just whenever wherever, ya know? Ugh!

I know it’s rough on the old self-esteem no matter how you find dates, but with the amount of control you have over your profiles and images online, is it easier? Are people photo shopping and glamor shooting themselves into an unrecognizable fantasy? I guess it’s pretty dang random of me to even care, but hey I just think about stuff!

I would love LOVE to hear from anyone who has some first hand experience on the subject. Speak up! I wanna talk!
Thanks for reading as always, darlings.

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