But damn, this just bothered me!

Okay, she hated herself, starved herself, did all of those terrible things you do on diets and then struggled with her body image. I get it! I understand, I really do. Later reading the book, “Size 12 Is Not Fat” by Meg Cabot and later deciding she was beautiful just as she was at a size 12. This I’m okay with. Yay!You’re accepting yourself and that’s rad.

She then mentions the Marie Claire Incident and follows up with, “Are you listening, size 12s? You’re beautiful, just the way you are. The choice to see yourselves that way is all yours.”

What if you’re over a size 12? Is that still okay? Do I still get to be “beautiful?”

Perhaps I’m reading too far into what appears to be non-news, but it just rubbed me the wrong way. Ya know?

I think this week has left us all a bit raw or vulnerable feeling. It almost seems as though the entire nation is coming to a head over various topics of hate. Suddenly, hate is all popular for some reason. I’m wondering if that reason isn’t related directly to the election next week. I’m also considering the possibility that a lot of this is due to sheer frustration with our lives, economy and impotent government. So much hate spewed back and forth, criss-crossing all over the place. For what? What does it get you in the end? It certainly can’t help you sleep at night.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about this over the last two days. I have spent a lot of time in my head thinking about a lot of things. Yeah, I’m having one of those moments in time where I’m looking at my life as a whole. After a fabulous week last week and then a huge-ass downer of a b-day on Monday? Well, I’m pooped! Maybe I spend too much time in my head, maybe not enough. I don’t know.

I do know that I’m still here and willing to fight the good fat fight! It’s super hard, but I’m patient and stubborn. I’m not going anywhere. Because no matter who you are, what you look like or what you’re doing? Someone hates it! But more importantly, someone loves it and you!

I have been so impressed with my fellow FA bloggers this week. I am so grateful to have them in my life. They seriously know how to write some great and articulate backlash posts! I’m not so good with that. You see, I get mad and just start swearing up a storm until the words go away entirely. Ha! And where my head is at this week? I don’t need anyone telling me that I don’t deserve the life I have worked so very fucking hard to have let alone love or the movement of my own body. I don’t need hate in my life. At all.

I don’t want the world to see me as exclusively sexually attractive or not. I don’t want to be the example of someone’s morality diatribe. I don’t want to be seen as anything but me and my multi-faceted self. I want to be left the hell alone to do my living and breathing things. I don’t need lady magazines telling anyone that just by existing I am somehow wrong and representative of all things sinful and gross. Had I wanted the opinion of, well, anyone? I’d fucking ask!

I don’t believe in hate. My religion is truth and kindness. I do think that your actions come full circle back to you. I believe in equality for everyone and not just a select few. I’m not saying that we can hug and positive think our troubles away, not at all. What I am saying is that when someone comes from a place of great privilege, they need to check themselves before they (yep, I’m gonna say it) riggety-wreck themselves! And gee, you don’t wanna see fat people kissing? Well, too bad for you! Better close your eyes today, for tomorrow fat love shall rule! (Man, I wish I could be there).

The more we are publicly fat, I think, the more normal we will (one day) be seen. I think this hate spewing is done by just a select few, but loudly. So hey, time to crank up the volume on our side and let those who are fearful know that they are not alone, they are worthy and they should have every right to all things anyone else does. You can end the hate in your heart by loving and giving when and where you can.

How else can we fight against those who would have us killed simply for being fat?

Please go to Fatshionista.com and read today’s post! Because it perfectly illustrates exactly why I write this blog and why I go out of my way to be publicly fat and why we have to fight tooth and nail to be seen as even close to equals. And I know it’s never easy! And it may never get easier, but I sure as hell am not giving up, especially in the face of such fat hate as the above post talks about.

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” George Carlin

stu·pid adj \ˈstü-pəd, ˈstyü-\Definition 1 a : slow of mind : obtuse b : given to unintelligent decisions or acts : acting in an unintelligent or careless manner c : lacking intelligence or reason

(This will be a long post, just to warn ya!)

I get these daily emails from “The Universe” (via www.tut.com, it’s free, check it out!) and this morning’s just made me laugh and smile and then Whoa! Made me think about last night, a lot:

They bring me to tears every single day, Sarah.

They’re almost too much to bear.

Sometimes, I even wonder how it’s possible…

Of course, I’m talking about your supernatural resilience, your steely courage, and your gritty determination.

YOU WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS, and they shall say THANK YOU, DUDE.

Thy kingdom come,
The Universe

(It was the “Thank you, Dude.” that made me laugh) Moving Mountains? Hmm…

Last night I was treated to an evening with Michael Moore. Yes, that Michael Moore! He was being honored that evening at San Jose State University with the John Steinbeck award. There was a vibration of sorts in the auditorium. Anticipation can do that, from a crowd of individuals to a humming sea of oneness. Though they started late (nearly an hour I believe) it was well worth the wait.  (for more info, video, etc http://www.michaelmoore.com)

I have seen all of Michael Moore’s films, read a few of his books and follow him on Twitter. I look up to him in a way that is difficult to describe. He’s sort of the hero of the underdogs, I think. He’s the hope for the hopeless at times. He’s the fearless for the fearful. Or something like that. If nothing else, he’s a great filmmaker and a patriot. Seeing him last night and hearing him describe how he grew up in an idyllic town, Flint, Michigan, in the 1960’s nearly broke my heart because I knew what would follow, the reality that is his great state, today.

I believe Michael Moore to be a humble man and a speaker of truth. And what a great speaker he is! I admire his mind like few others in this world. I don’t think that he gets the amount of respect he deserves and probably never will. His reputation and eventual legend will be the kind allotted only to the great authors of the 19th and early 20th centuries. He will be missed like a Truman Capote, possibly. Being in his immediate presence (first row, baby!) I had expected to feel his presence or spirit or what have you. I didn’t. What I felt was a kinship for a man who has worked tirelessly for decades seeking truth and justice for the working class folks of the USA. And last night, while speaking to a packed auditorium, laid out the harshest truth that could be delivered: it is now the Corporate States of America.

*sigh*

My heart sank with the weight of this truth as it quickly absorbed into my mind. It’s true, isn’t it? We, Americans, own nothing. Everything worth anything has been bought or stolen. He got fired up about the state of our government, too. I wish I could quote him word for word, but it boiled down to a moment that I will describe here as white-hot, after being asked about certain companies: “We all know what they’re doing! We know it! We all do! I don’t need to tell you.” He slammed Obama about the Health Care Reform Bill, about the two wars, about keeping wall street insiders inside the white house, about liberals policing the left so they don’t go too far in that direction…he does give Obama credit for some things and hopes for nothing but greatness over the next two years in office. But?

Yeah, it’s very difficult for me to even consider myself slightly patriotic these days. I’m not treasonous or anything, but dang, man…this government of ours? They don’t make it easy for anyone, except the wealthy, certainly. Yet their greed dictates our nation. Their hatred and bigotry create nothing but exactly that. They destroy not only lives of individual families but entire cities and towns and states (California, Michigan…). For what? More money, more power, more say in what we can and cannot do in our personal lives.

Early on in the evening’s talk, the subject of Michael Moore’s “TV Nation” show was brought up and how he used to go to CEOs of corporations and ask them to do whatever it is that their company does. For instance, the one CEO who stepped up to the challenge was from an Auto Manufacturer, Moore asked him to change the oil in his Chevy Bronco, and he did! Wow! Sweet! But most could not oblige or simply refused to participate. This says a lot to me as a small business owner, because it is one thing to run or manage a company, but something entirely different to have the ability to quality control, in a real sense, what is actually going out to the public. For me that means every latte, mocha, smoothie and panini are made, by hand, by me, the owner. The bigger a company gets though? Yeah, the likelihood  of  the upper management being involved at all in the day to day or even month to month? Not gonna happen!

Please, don’t get me wrong, I was moved by Michael Moore. I was on the edge of my seat at one point, hanging on his every word! He asked who was voting in November. He asked if anyone intended on bringing ten people with them to the polls. He wanted to know who was running the phones that night, reaching out to voters or would-be voters. He has a way with words. I was very pumped up. But then of course the other side of this had to be addressed, that the democrats aren’t really doing anything at all. That our so-called majority is a bunch of cowards. And this I believe to be true.(For the record, I’m non-partisan, but lean so far left that I’m often seen as a hippie.)

I’m just going to lay this out there on the line, but as long as politicians are required to fundraise for their millions of dollars campaigns? They will continue to be lily-livered idiots who want nothing but more fame, wealth and glory. *barf* I personally believe that a congressperson should not be allowed an income greater than the median income of their own congressional district. They should also have to fly coach, stay in dormitories in DC (instead of 5 star hotels) and actually be held accountable for their actions. Crazy, I know! I also think it’d work best if congress & the senate were made up of regular folks in a sort of lottery system. Radical? Yeah, so?! It’s what I think. And we certainly need some seriously radical fucking change RIGHT NOW!!! Because I am sick of being ashamed of my nation and it’s government. I’m sick of feeling shit upon by a bunch of older, rich, white, men! I’m appalled by the actions of the people in power who are supposed to be representing the people when all they really do is represent the whims of the corporations who sponsor them. UGH!

I nearly cried when Michael Moore talked about his hometown in the 1960’s. It seems like a fairytale to me. But it also seems like what life should be and was and could become again. But dammit, we have to fucking rise up against these idiots of power and demand our rights back! We have to demand to be heard and fight for what’s right! Because they’re holding us fucking hostage and aren’t we all sick of it? Does anyone you know LOVE the way things are done (has anything gotten done lately?) in our government?

When Moore talked about his trip to Cuba for his movie (and excellent film), “Sicko” he correlated it to Iraq. Stay with me now. He said, “What did Cuba do to deserve a 50 year embargo?” Damned if I knew (I seriously need to read some history books, man). It seems the people didn’t like who was in power and they rose up against them. He said that if Iraq truly hated Sadam Husein, they would have risen up against him! That it wasn’t up to us to do it for them. He mentions how we asked for the help of France in our own revolution against the Brittish, yet they couldn’t have fought that fight for us. And in Iran, where we all feel as though we are on the brink of yet another irresponsible war, the people are choosing to rise up. They are organizing and they will rise up on their own. They will find a way, just as so many other nations have done so before them. And it is not up to us to do it for them, it is their fight and their revolution! Wow! The truth. It doesn’t need to be shouted from a rooftop when it speaks so loudly all on it’s own!

I do love Michael Moore. I enjoyed seeing him in person and hearing him speak his mind in a fairly relaxed setting. I smiled a knowing smile when his shirt puckered open a bit exposing only a hint of white belly beneath it. I smiled knowingly, too, as he made so many familiar gestures to me. The gestures of someone uncomfortable being publicly fat. His tucking the rogue shirt button into his belt, the adjustments of his blazer, etc. And then he mentions his preference (true or not I don’t know) for fat-free brownies (discussing California’s Propisition 19 to legalize marijuana which Moore has never actually tried but said before he dies would like to try at least a brownie to see what it’s like). He said something funny about how the discussion had suddenly turned to dieting tips. He said “you can’t find a salad in Texas if you drove 100 miles.”

*bows head in sadness and frustration*

This man whom I respect so very much and I find to be a true American hero if there ever was one, appears to me to be a serial dieter. And who can blame him? He’s been attacked for his size in the media endlessly! Not one major media outlet can discuss his films or books without also referring to his girth, weight, insert other fat-hating euphemism here. How can such a great mind and activist be caught up in all of the dieting myths? I admit, I was saddened. So to him, I have the following to say:

Michael Moore, you don’t have to be ashamed of your body! You don’t have to stay on the dieting hamster wheel forever. You can be healthy at any size! You don’t have to follow the rules of the diet industry. You can enjoy food and your life simultaneously. You deserve to feel good in your own skin at it’s current size! I encourage you to poke around the interwebz a bit and maybe even check out this incredibly enlightening book by the wonderful and talented Linda Bacon PHD. I ask of you only to open your mind to the possibility that we’ve been lied to by our government for decades because the big food corporations and diet industry have been funding it! That big Pharma only wants sick Americans while the “health care” industry refuses to treat us for ailments created by these corporations. Look to our Surgeon General Dr. Regina Benjamin. And look around and see that we deserve better than what’s being shoved down our collective throats! You are worthy of happiness and self-acceptance! And who knows? Perhaps getting off the dieting loop will free up some of that incredible brain of yours to do what even you thought impossible in order to change our country for the better. I know you can do this, because I have!

I am an average, hard working, small business owner, fat acceptance blogger, fat activist, wife, sister, daughter, auntie and friend. I weigh around 300lbs and I am happy and healthy! I care a great deal about my health. I care a great deal about the truth and fighting for what’s right. I believe that this lie we’ve been fed for all of these years was constructed similarly to those HMOs you mentioned last night, sir. For profit and nothing else! Just as you mentioned having to force these health insurance companies to pay for the very coverage they provide, we must force our government to stop oppressing Americans with the threat of OMG!OBESITYKILLS! It’s a bunch of crap and deep down, you know it! Please, consider a better life for yourself and for all Americans. Consider fat acceptance.

Together, I know we can move mountains!

*bows*

Thank you,

S