Fuck them for being so expensive.

Fuck them for carrying only very limited sizes.

Fuck them for offering things I didn’t even know I wanted (or dreamt of)

And just fuck them.

(This post was inspired by my fave design/fashion/food blog www.ohjoy.blogs.com I love the blog but damn! So frustrating to see amaing and gorgeous things and knowing I can’t have them.)

That is all. Thank you!

So, here’s a bit of an admission: I’ve been taping Oprah. It’s a bit of a guilty pleasure, a bit of wanting to see what she does during her last season and also wanting to know what millions of people are watching every weekday. I don’t watch all of the episodes. In fact I delete most. But I try to watch 2 episodes a week.

Yesterday I watched the episode called, “30 Year Old Virgin”. I was interested in what these two ladies had to say and to understand the motivation behind not wanting to have sex. It seemed apparent to me that both ladies knew exactly why they didn’t want to have sex. But I also appreciated seeing Dr. Laura Berman counsel them and start them on a hopefully healing journey.

But then there was this part where they take Carmen to Marie Claire’s offices for a mini-makeover. Carmen visits Ashely Falcon, author of the column “Big Girl in a Skinny World” and what killed me was that the first thing she said to Carmen after hearing about her daily struggle to get dressed was, “I am not the size I want to be right now, I’m not, it’s that simple. But you know what, I still need to get up in the morning, I still need to go to work and I refuse to be in a garbage bag.” Really? A garbage bag? Wow!

I don’t know why this surprised me. But it did, y’all! It truly did! Am I so disconnected from outside the FA world that I have a hard time hearing this stuff? Ugh! I guess I just felt that a huge opportunity was missed here. I didn’t feel at all that they tried to show Carmen a world without self-hate. Lots of us in the FA community have PCOS and I’m sure many have fallen into the spiral that Carmen did. But damn! 10 years of hating yourself so much that you would just rather stay in bed? It makes my heart hurt for her. She gave up on herself and life! I know ladies with PCOS who are sexy as hell, have lots of or steady men in their lives and I just fucking admire them! It’s not an easy life (for anyone, right?), but to just give up? Because you’re fat? Dear Maude, please help us all!

I wanted to reach into the television (yes, it was recorded so even if that was possible it would be for naught) and hug Carmen and tell her that she is worthy of love and life and joy and pleasure! I didn’t really feel that they did that. They told her she was beautiful (Ugh! Why is that always the first thing they say when someone asks for help?) and referred her to a psychiatrist and nutritionist and endocrinologist, but damn! I would have showed her the LiveJournal Fatshionista Community! It IS a revelation! And honestly? I’d want to meet each of her friends and demand to know what the hell, ya know? Why didn’t they make her feel worthy and loved enough to get the hell out of bed?

People don’t always ask for help. Many are very good at hiding their inner struggles. But this girl spent so much time in bed! WTF?!

If I could talk to Carmen right now I would say, “Carmen, you are an amazing person. There is an entire world out there just waiting for your impact! We are all waiting for your input and sparkle. We need you to participate in this world. Forget about men and sex for a minute and ask yourself why it is that you think it’s so terrible to be the size that you are right now? Because there is nothing you can’t do right now. There is nothing that will magically change with the size of your body. You deserve all of the magic and wonder the universe has to offer you. You just have to reach out and grab it!”

I know I have fallen victim to my own depression, but I would be dead without my friends. No lie! They have verbally and physically and emotionally saved me. Sometimes it took some tough love and other times some tenderness. But that is what friends are for!!!

If you need to talk to someone without judgment, email me! notblueatall@notblueatall.com I will listen and I will love. Please, reach out!

Long day, heck, long weekend and well, I got things on my mind. I try to keep things fat related but, shit! It’s my blog and I figure some of you may actually want to know what’s on my mind. If you don’t, no worries. Tomorrow I’ll post something fat, I promise!

I’m not a religious gal, but lately I feel as though kindness is my religion. I feel as though it is a lost art that requires our attention and care. The following is stuff that is on my mind, but also a request to be more mindful as you go about your business in the world. You are touching the lives of everyone you encounter. Why not make it a pleasant one?

• Do something kind for someone. Anyone, anything, but please just do something kind. A lot of us are very good at masking our moods and bad days and you can make a world of difference with a small gesture. I swear it’s true!

• Smile and say hi! It won’t hurt!

• Support small & local businesses. We’re hurting and need you (even a $1 purchase) to keep above water! Also, don’t be afraid to talk to business owners, about anything! It’s the highlight of my day! It frustrates me when people treat me and my cafe like another faceless s-bucks employee. I’m not and this isn’t and I put a lot of love, work and pride into everything I serve. When you come in to buy your vanilla latte, sometimes? I want to just hug you!

• Skip the self-checkout at the store. Sometimes it’s a miracle to be able to check out your own purchase, but remember that cashiers/checkers need their job. So please, wait in line a moment longer and talk to the checker. Ask them how They are!

• Be kind to retail clerks! They get treated like garbage day in and day out and NO, they can’t just get another damned job! Also, I think everyone should have to work at least 9 months in a retail shop in a mall, including the holiday season! It builds character

• Stop lying! It helps absolutely no one! Even if the other person doesn’t know you’re lying to them, you know and it can only harm you in the long run. Why not try some honesty for a change?

• Give people notice! Don’t text your friend whom you never see when you’re two minutes from their apartment on a Sunday night. Seriously! I need some notice if for nothing else than to mentally fucking prepare for your tidal wave of energy or to simply tidy up!

• Be grateful! I can guarantee that you have something to be grateful for! If nothing else, the air you breathe!

• Stop judging others! It will eventually hit You where it counts!

• Be kind to yourself! Even if you only have five minutes, do something lovely for five minutes!!! Put on a song and dance! Give yourself a face mask! Or simply close your eyes and go to your happy place!

Wanna get something off your chest? Leave it in comments! Want some random advice from me? Ask me anything! I’ll do my best!

Thank you for reading. You rock my socks!

ETA: Just read this amazing article and am blown away! I must try this stuff out!

Are you watching Big Boy Fashion? Not only is Bruce, the owner/blogger, posting mad-rad photos of fatshionable guys daily, but also compiling a retail clothing list for big guys! Rock on!

Have you tried The Daily Booth, yet? I have been taking a pic of myself every day (almost) but I’m not yet sure what I’d like to do with them. I had an idea in mind when I signed up, but I’ve sort of forgotten. Ha!

How To Eat Healthfully During The Holidays — Free 60 Minute Teleclass! As always, Go Golda Poretsky!!! If you’ve never heard of Golda & what she does, well don’t hesitate! I was fortunate enough to attend one of her “How To Feel Sexy At Any Size” teleclasses and thought it was great, especially for those new to Body Acceptance. Check out her blog, too! I love her weekly affirmations!

Brace yourself before reading, but you must read this from bigfatblog.com about how it seems nearly okay to kill a fat person.

Saw these (awesomeness!) on Tumblr.com:

“This is not just a fat people’s issue, and it doesn’t have a physical face. My fat body does not engender consumerism or over-consumption. My fat body is not an epidemic. My fat body is a combination of genetics and shame breeding compulsion and failed diets adding pounds I wouldn’t have gained had my parents known how to encourage me to love my body as it was. It’s also the empty calories of a standing in line for government cheese, working class, meat and potatoes, latchkey kid, TV as my babysitter kind of youth. My fat body is also a warrior that carries my tender heart safely through a world that judges it every single day. My fat body is not a signifier or a dark omen. It is not part of the fall of mankind. My fat body is mine and only I know its story. This is true of all fat bodies and lumping those of us with them together and calling us an epidemic is both insulting and dangerously oversimplified.”

“Self-loathing is not a fucking character-builder. It doesn’t make you stronger. It doesn’t make you better. It’s just an ever-deepening, creepy-ass trap; a trap that is a huge moneymaker for corporations that do not have and never will have good intentions. You’re not disgusting. You’re not freakish. You’re not ugly. And you’re never going to be perfect. And holy shit, that is so okay.”

As for me? Today, this is in my head and that is alllllllriiiiight!!!

(Shakes head realizing exactly where my personal dance-style is rooted! Ha-ha!)

What’s on your mind? Tell me all about it! =0)

In a post titled “Link Love” by Nubby Twiglet, the second to last item reads:

“• This (now infamous) Marie Claire article about the author’s disdain for fat people set off a huge fire storm with over 3,000 comments.”

I suddenly felt upset. I go to this blog for it’s design & style tips and I generally love her links…so I felt compelled to comment: