I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Hanging Out With Non-FA People


It’s been about three years (although I think it’s been four) since I discovered the community online that is Fat Acceptance. It’s been a wild ride. It’s been a personal journey. I’ve grown so much and learned so much. I’ve met cool people both online and in the real world. I’ve found my self-esteem again. I am more open. I am more honest. I am more truly me. I promote these things in my life, too. I lead by example. I have discovered that there is very little in this world that I cannot handle or tackle or do. I smile much more easily than I ever have before. I enjoy life. I am happy!

I try to keep my friends and my husband in my little FA loop, but sometimes things get lost in translation. And sometimes people just don’t want to hear it. Just like I don’t want to hear their diet and weight loss talk. I get it. Sometimes I think I get a little too excited about this stuff and I get very caught up in it and sort of mouth-splode all at my husband. He’ rad though. He wanted to read the “Lessons from the fatosphere” book and he enjoyed it. So I forget sometimes that he’s not truly part of the FA community. He’s never read a blog or an article or anything. He doesn’t know the “Fat Nurse” from the “Fat Nutritionist” and could never tell you why Marianne Kirby’s blog is called

I have friends who understand my thought on fat and FA and can generally get behind what that means to me. They will say things like “that’s so refreshing to hear” and generally seem happy that I have found this strength within myself because of FA. Sometimes though, these same people will say things to me like, “Gawd! I just need to lose ___ lbs!” or “I know if I join Weight Watchers again I will lose the weight again.” and “I just want me pre-baby body back!” never thinking about how this may seem to me. These friends who are certainly under 150 lbs, though some much much lower than even that. I was mentioning this to my husband and I had had a sort of revelation on this and he interrupted me saying (not verbatim), “How can they look at YOU and say that about themselves with any seriousness? Somehow their fat is in some other context from yours? I don’t get it.”

But then I told him what I had come to realize earlier that day. It’s nothing terribly new or exciting, but to me it was a bit of an “Ah-ha!” moment. I told him, “But they don’t see my fatness the same way they see their bodies. They may think I’m fattastic or whatever, but in their own mind, they feel fat or what they think of as fat. It has nothing to do with me at all. And it certainly isn’t met as anything towards me.” He understood this immediately. If you change the context from fat to say general insecurity anyone can relate. I mean, everyone has some part of themselves (body part or inner characteristic) that they don’t like about themselves, even when others insist that thing isn’t true. It’s somehow just in our nature as a society. I think that is the biggest part of this, too. Society! Somewhere along the way “Society” has turned us all into perfectionists when it comes to our appearance. We’re supposed to look a very specific way or we are considered worthless.

This little revelation actually had an immediate effect on me. While watching t.v. later that night some promo for some awful show came on and had all of these obviously surgically altered ladies strutting and catting and whatever to promote their reality show and my husband just sort of groaned in disgust and I turned to him and said, “Wow! These are supposed to be some sort of an example of a beautiful if not perfect woman and yet I find them completely unattractive.” He smiled and agreed. I love him so!It was as though this whole societal pressure veil that’s been shoved down my throat my entire life had been lifted from my eyes. Let’s hope it’s for good!

I do still have friends who will never see the beauty in themselves the way I see it in them. There are others, still who just don’t get that 10 extra lbs. is not the end of the fucking universe. And some just feel unhealthy despite their 110 lbs. weight. they just know that they are inactive and need to move to feel good again. If only we were all so attuned.

Let’s try this together. Stand up. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in and then out. Again. Then put your hand on your heart. And sat out loud to yourself the following (only, use your name instead of mine):

I love you, notblueatall. You matter and are important and strong and loved. I love you notblueatall

Now take another big deep breath in and let it all the way out. Open your eyes and see a brighter world waiting for you to take a big fat bite out of! YOU FUCKING ROCK! =0)

Thanks for reading. <3

3 Comments to

“Hanging Out With Non-FA People”

  1. On July 18th, 2010 at 11:31 am j. Says:

    This was a wonderfully inspiring post! Kudos to you.

  2. On July 19th, 2010 at 8:45 am admin Says:

    Wow, thanks, darlin’! And thanks for reading & commenting as always, you rock my socks!

  3. On November 2nd, 2012 at 4:11 am NotBlueAtAll » Blog Archive » “I Don’t See You As Fat.” Says:

    […] thing is, how people see our bodies, how they see their own bodies, how they see fat bodies in the world differs greatly. We all see the world and ourselves and those […]

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