NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Some Random For Ya!

July29

Ask me ANYTHING: http://www.formspring.me/notblueatall

Sign up here: http://www.tut.com/theclub/

and get neat-o emails like this Mon-Fri (some are amazing):

S****, everything is easy when you live in a dream world.

As long as you know that you’re dreaming.

You do and you can –
The Universe

I would like to be under worked and over paid! Ha-ha!

I was reading some of my fave blogs and it seems like more and more are getting to review products and services by the company sending them free stuff. I thought about this. My issue? My size alone cuts that possibility down to…I dunno. Just down. Oh sure, I could review beauty products and pretend to be oh-so-girly, but that just isn’t my style. If it was something that fell in line with my own beliefs and passions, maybe! But I would always give an honest review. No matter what.

I have been struggling with eating again. I am doing well with eating a breakfast, not always the greatest on offer, but I manage. It’s lunch that is my current hurdle. It used to be my fave meal of the day. Now? Not so much. I own & operate a cafe and thus am around food and drinks all day long. So when I get hungry, and I do, I can’t figure out what to eat and often just don’t. Ugh!

Big Moves Bay Area’s Go Big or Go Home 7-10-2010

July12

Saturday evening my two very best friends in the world and I attended Big Moves Bay Area’s “Go Big or Go Home.”
I have to admit, straight off the bat, this was an emotional roller coaster for me. To be attending a fat friendly event?! So exciting! So I was a tad nervous but completely stoked to go. I wanted to also start off with one of the Big Fat Summer Challenges and did so by wearing a strapless maxi dress. I am not sure if this counts as two of the challenges or not, so I’ll probably pull out another maxi dress later on this month. I wanted to look good so that I would feel confident and more truly myself. And I did! I felt great!
We had a little bit of a hard time finding the venue (Chabot College Little Theater), but once we did it was no problem. We whisked through the doors and to our seats promptly. In fact the seats were OMZ-SO-COMFORTABLE!!!
The show began with The Fat Fly Girls performing “The Fat Song” to the tune of “The Jets Song” from “West Side Story.” This is when my emotions started to go all topsy-turvy! These incredibly beautiful FAT women, dressed adorably perfect for the setting in 50’s-like attire, singing about being FAT! OMZ! I got chills, I laughed, I welled-up!
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Then the ever fabulous Kirk Willett, the evening’s MC came out and delighted us all with his humor, outfit, fat talk and just great personality overall! The evening’s event was organized to celebrate Big Moves Bay Area’s 10th birthday! Kirk later dazzled us with a touch of his own dancing. His outift? Oh man, so lovely! Full Egyptian chic! We’re talking a bare chest & belly (shown with great pride and beauty I might add) with a white skirt and gold lame` belt, black and blue eye make-up and a lovely blue “Dress Size 3” head wrap! He introduced the next performer, Vicadonia who performed, “Fame” from the film “Fame.” I loved her! It was a drag show-esque endeavor with just the right amount of kitsch & humor.

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Next up were the amazingly talented belly dancers “Raks Africa” and can I just tell you, while they were on stage, I couldn’t stop smiling! They seemed to be having the time of their lives and I felt it to my very core! My cheeks hurt after! Ha! To see these lovely large ladies rocking and shaking and swaying and just DANCING! Oh my gosh, you guys?! Incredible! They held us all in their hands as we were riveted to our seats taking in this gorgeous spectacle!
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Next was another performance by The Fat Fly Girls who performed a dance number to a couple of Morphine tunes. I loved every moment, too!
Then Kitty Von Quim performed solo and wowed everyone there! She came out one side of the stage and then turned around abruptly, allowing this gorgeous and unexpected dragon tail to flip out dramatically and dazzle us with it’s sparkliness! Mid-way through her number, a couple of people threw little airplanes at her which she quickly destroyed/devoured and growled at them all the while. It was FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!  I hadn’t read the program too intently before the show, so the Godzilla theme had escaped me until that moment and I squealed with joy! She finished her number with a sassy striptease and I now envy her guts and her costume!
Next was another lovely performance by The Fat Fly Girls. I love them so much! I wanna be like them when I grow up, y’all!
During intermission we popped outside to get some fresh air, walk around and take pics. My friend J has this great camera that always get the best shots and since I just got my camera and am not yet comfortable with it I was relived that he brought his fancy wonder along. While J took a pic of me and one of me and my friend P, we wanted one with all three of us. So he asked a woman nearby if she wouldn’t mind taking it for us. Not only was she just sweet & funny, but she also used to be a professional portrait photographer! What are the chances?! So she had us pose a couple of different ways and we were laughing and cracking jokes the whole time! And her pics were fab! Thanks Carol!
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My “granny” impression:
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The second act opened with The Fay Fly Girls in full-on Go-Go regalia for the tune “These boots were made for walking” and they did more than that! They rocked my socks!
Next, Vicadonia wowed us with a performance of Patti Labelle’s live version of “Over The Rainbow” and we were dying, it was so funny & good!
Then…Then! These three lovely ladies came out for a Bollywood style number that left us all wanting more, more, more!!! Picture three ladies, two quite slender and one in the middle fat and fabulous. All three smiled during their performance, mind you, but not like the gal in the center. She freakin’ shined! She is probably close to my size and I was just in awe of her talent and passion for dance. My friend J and I have vowed to take a Bollywood class! And the music? Fantastic!
The Fat Fly Girls returned for a fun performance featuring adorable monkey costumes (which I LOVED so much I am considering trying my hand at sewing again).
Another spectacular performance by Raks Africa, more smiles, and my cheeks were in gorgeous pain from smiling back. I love those ladies! They make belly dancing look so effortless and fun!
Then the effervescent Marilyn Wann (author of “Fat? So!”) came out and lead us through “Fat Libs.” Just like you’d imagine, it’s mad libs, but FAT! Then we all sang the result to the tune of “Bingo was his name-o” and laughed our collective asses right the hell off!
After Marilyn’s fun exercise there was a performance by “Rubenesque Burlesque” which started out sad and made me uncomfortable (totally the point). There were four gals in gym shorts and t-shirts that said “fat camp” on them with a very skinny “instructor” leading them through awful 80’s “sweatin’ to the oldies” moves while the fat gals were growing angrier by the moment. Then the “instructor” walked around assessing the girls and grabbing their fat. Finally the music changes and Marilyn Manson’s “Beautioful People” begins to play and next thing you know the fat gals are ripping the “instructor” apart and devouring her appendages with an evil glee. They then proceeded to dance like nobody’s business and strip to little more than pasties & panties…I was in awe of them! Their performance gave that song such a new perspective for me. Ha!
Kirk came back out before the last performance and told us a story of when he was little and saw the Rockettes with his dad. It was such a sweet story, I totally got all misty eyed, you guys! Ha!
Lastly, The Fat Fly Girls danced to “Pump it Up” by Elvis Costello and well, what can I say? I wished for a third act! I never wanted that show to end! Ever! It was so good!
After the show there was birthday cake in the lobby for all to enjoy, mix & mingle. And we did! I was complimented a few times on our way out to the lobby for my hair and my dress and well, I had so many compliments to return since everyone I encountered was so fucking lovely!
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I have to admit that Marilyn Wann was part of the reason I had wanted to attend that night. I had been corresponding with her through facebook since last summer. We had intended to meet up at last years’ “Cupcakes & Muffintops” (sort of a fat used clothing thrift for charity) and missed each other. I arrived too early, she much later and thus we’ve never met in person. So my friends and I waited for her just outside the lobby. But she never came out. I asked my new BFF Carol if she’d seen her and she hadn’t, but did go look for her. To no avail. Marilyn had left the building. And so she is now, to me and my bestest friends, Elvis! In all of her glittery splendor! Ha!
All in all, this was an incredible night. It left me with such strength and pride. It left me thinking about my own fat activism of general public fatness. It left me wanting to fucking dance, yo! I had been looking casually for a space I could rent so I could dance on my own, privately. But seeing these amazing women on stage without worrying about jiggly bits and belly rolls? Inspiring! This was a mind altering/life changing show for me.
And my big fat summer challenge #1:
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Some info: www.bigmoves.org/bayarea.html check it out and attend a rehearsal if you can. Beginner friendly/All levels are welcome!
Also, Cupcakes & Muffintops will be held Saturday, August 28th at the Humanist Hall 390 27th St. Oakland, CA to donate clothing, contact: matilda@bigmoves.org or cindy@bigmoves.org proceeds benefit the programs of Big Moves & NOLOSE.
And please check out my friend J’s blog: www.theactorvist.com for his take on the evening’s event as well as other fabulous local art & theater reviews and information.
(**We didn’t know about no photography until midway through the first act. J had kindly emailed the organizer earlier, but they never responded. These are personal photos and can be removed upon request from Big Moves or those involved, but please do NOT re-post these under any circumstances.**)

Wasabimon.com Blogger, Writer & My Friend of 20+ Years…

July6

Stephanie Stiavetti is, as always, more than meets the eye. A talented writer and impassioned food blogger with a gluten allergy. Her work has appeared in such major media outlets as Pregnancy Magazine, Clean Eating, and NPR Online. Stephanie’s professional website is located at StephanieStiavetti.com. She also Twitters under the user-name ‘sstiavetti’ where she posts about food, nutrition, and writing. 

It was so much fun interviewing someone I’ve considered a good friend for my blog. I was delighted and even learned a bit more about Steph. Please read on for our interview. 

How do you know me? 

I’ve known you for what seems like forever – since Junior High, sitting on the concrete at McKinley in PE.
I know, right?! I remember getting a bunch of ear piercings and was having trouble changing out to new hoop ones and you totally helped me out. It may have been the first time we spoke. Whoa! I just got chills! Ha!
OMG, I wonder if those holes in my ears are still there? I think I had like eight in one year at one point! 

What did you wanna be when you grew up? 

Oh geez – so many things. A veterinarian, an artist, a mountain climber, a cake decorator. I woke up one day and a lot of the stuff I had from those years is painfully foggy. I know stuff is supposed to fade over time, but I felt like a lot of it blurred out during the time I got sick a few years ago.
I can totally see how all of these are a part of your life now, though. Cool! 

The 90’s! Man, what a crazy time. What’s your fondest memory? 

Honestly? Driving around in your Dart, feeling like we owned the world. No one understood like we did, no one else could even dream of ever “getting it.” I remember tie-dying old sheets, eating at Taco Bell, singing Under the Bridge. I guess there’s no single fond memory. It’s all one big one, with a bunch of bumps along the way.
“Oh My Shit!” Ha-ha! My ’76 Dodge Dart! Man, good times! Like doing the “Time Warp” at stop lights and oh yes…Taco Bell! I just remember long summers hanging at your old house and basically being mini-hippies.
Remember my John Lennon glasses and my tie dyes? I think I was wearing a tie dye in every one of my high school photos. 

What led you to writing in general? 

I’m overly verbose by nature, so it makes sense that I would write. I have so much to process, so much to get out, that it literally sweats from my pores. Too many thoughts to keep inside, so I guess you could say that writing, whatever form it happens to take, is like my pressure valve.
I am constantly amazed at the sheer amount you can output in a given month! It has been a great motivator for me as well. 

What made you want to write about food? 

It’s something that I’ve come to know a lot about over the years, which makes it something that’s easy for me to write about. There are so many aspects of food that are key to living our lives. It’s something I’m passionate about, both from a cooking and eating standpoint. But honestly, I don’t want to write about food forever. I want to write fiction or creative non-fiction outside of the realm of food.
Yes! It is just too simple a concept for some people to grasp, I think. I mean, I talk about this stuff every day with my cafe’s customers and it always amazes me how little the average person knows not only about food in general but about their own specific intake of foods overall.  

I’d like to know more about your food allergies and how you found out about them: 

I fell terribly ill for a few years, and after repeated medications and hospital stays, I’d finally had enough and figured there had to be another reason for what was going on. I tried going vegan for a while, but that didn’t help. Then I met a person who had a gluten intolerance and thought that might be a possibility – turns out gluten was a BIG part of my health issues. After going on an elimination diet, I felt immensely better. I started eating gluten again, and felt like crap. Cut it out, I felt better. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on.
And don’t you do the same elimination diet or a juice fast once a year now to sort of reset?
Only if I’m feeling icky, usually. I’ll do a cleanse if I’m feeling I need it, but the elimination diet kind of sucks, so I tend to save that for troubleshooting. 

What can you suggest to someone with or who suspects they have a Gluten allergy? 

I’d say skip the western medical doctor and see a naturopath. My doctors still tells me that my food allergies are all in my head and that I should just take the steroids they keep offering me. Really, what kind of advice is that? Kind a healthcare practitioner that will support your health, not beat it into submission.
And if you ever feel sorry for yourself because you can’t eat something you want, think of all the people out there who have no choice
what they eat, if they even get to eat at all. And most of all, don’t be afraid of feeling better. Yes, you do deserve it.
YES YOU DESERVE TO BE/FEEL HEALTHY! It is perfectly okay to take care of yourself. But you know, it IS hard, too. Just accessibility can be a huge road block to getting what you need or avoiding what you can’t have. I don’t think a lot of people get that. Even I can’t fully explain why it is only $1 for a chicken sandwich at a fast food place and $2.99 a pound for nearly any given vegetable or fruit. 

  
Any tips on living gluten-free on a tight budget? 

Wow, yes! First, buy foods in bulk. I’m talking grains, cereals, etc – they’re much cheaper in bulk. Also, Amazon.com is a great source for gluten free foods on the cheap. Like, they have Pamela’s cake mix (make this a link to here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000DZH19K?ie=UTF8&tag=httpwwwwasabi-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B000DZH19K ) for like $4 a bag if you buy it in a case of six. That’s almost half of what they charge at my local Whole Foods.  

Amazon is also a great source of ideas. Like, I just learned when I got that link that Betty Crocker makes gluten free cake mix as well ( http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002AQP5FW?ie=UTF8&tag=httpwwwwasabi-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B002AQP5FW ). Who knew? 

Fave guilty pleasure? 

Right now, it’s kettle korn from the Oakland Grand Lake Farmers Market. The past few weekends I’ve scarfed an entire HUGE bag in less than 24 hours. Another guilty pleasure? Sushi. I guess it’s only a “guilty” pleasure because it’s so expensive. Honestly, I could (and would) live on the stuff.
I imagine it’s healthier than a lot of other foods, too. When you eat such fresh and pure things you just feel better. A truer you! So I would never feel guilty about that one…yes spendy, but again it’s the whole thing about better foods costing so much more. Oh kettle korn? I guess I missed the boat on that one. I’ve only had the Rock ‘N Roll Gourmet ones that I sell in the cafe. I can’t imagine eating more than a handful though. To each their own I suppose. =0) 

What do you wanna be when you grow up, now? 

As long as I have a sense of clarity and know who I am, it doesn’t matter what I’m doing.
Oh I love that! I have been finding myself sort of heading in that direction, too. People assume it was my life-long dream to own a cafe, but that simply isn’t so. I always encourage people to get the hell out of their comfort zones and try things that scare you a little. Get out there! Do things! Create things! 
What scared you to try but you were so glad you did? 

Er, well, eating differently. That’s really hard when all of society eats one way and it’s no longer good for you. Also, moving out of state was really hard, but I was glad I did it. So was quitting my job to go back to school and get my BA, which I’d count as one of the most important things I’ve done in my life. Probably the hardest, scariest thing I’ve done is letting my husband be the breadwinner for a while so that I could get my health back in order. I’m used to being in control of bringing in the money, so it was really hard to let someone else take the reigns on that! 

What projects are you currently working on? 

A cookbook that my agent is currently shopping around, and I’ve got some novel ideas rolling around my head. Starting a novel is hard, though, so I’ve been making a ton of excuses as to why I haven’t done it yet. Probably the biggest project at the moment are the blogs, Wasabimon and the Good Taste Review. I’m trying to get them to a point where they’re as valuable as possible to my readers.
I cannot friggin’ wait to buy yourcookbook! And you better sign that thing, bi-otch! Ha! No, seriously! You have an agent? That’s hella Pro! You’ve worked so hard, too. I know times have been very tough lately, okay, the last couple of years for all of us, but I have seen you persevere on so many levels. It truly is awe inspiring. Even if it makes you a bit of a stranger to your friends… 

Dream project? 

An article or fiction piece for the New Yorker. Also, traveling all over Europe, researching some aspect of common cooking that is poignant and important to document.
Oh can I come with you? I pack light and do laundry! That would be an incredible experience. Maybe spend a week at various culinary schools across teh continent? Just a thought. And you know, I’d die to go to one! 

The $10 million question (lump sum, no taxes): 

What would I do with $10M? I’d buy some land way in the middle of nowhere and build my idea of Utopia. I’d have a fire garden, an insane food system, and someone to feed me sushi 24 hours a day. Then I’d probably run all over the world writing, filming and photographing the essence of places.
So, you’d build your ultimate utopia only to leave it behind for travel? Or is it so that you can travel knowing you have the most supreme home base? I always say I’d buy a huge cul de sac so everyone I know could be my neighbors. No, I wouldn’t buy the world a coke, but I dunno, I like the idea of building a community of my friends who are my family. 

What are you excited about right now? 

Honestly? Getting healthy. I’ve poured so much of my energy into external things for so long that I can’t afford to do that right now. I need to focus it all inwards. But as always, I’m excited about the future in general, and I still get little tingles of joy when I think about all the things that can be done with narrative.
Yes, it does seem like a moment at the crossroads for a lot of people recently. I makes me wonder if there is a huge cultural shift on the horizon or just so me sort of planetary motion. I just think about these things, I can’t explain why. Ha! 

If you could go back and talk to your 14 year old self, what would you say? 

EAT BETTER AND GET SOME FUCKING EXERCISE. And for the love of god, chill out.
I know, we freaked over everything, man! And for what? I was thinking about how we used to play tennis all of the time back then, do you remember? It wa so fun! But I try now and it’s so HARD! I had forgotten how athletic we used to be. Like basketball? I loved that game. Hell yeah! I can hardly walk up the stairs now without getting winded. I can’t wait until my acupuncturist clears me to go back to the gym. I really felt amazing while I was going. Life was a lot less overwhelming.  

Was there a moment when somebody gave you a great piece of advice? Something that encouraged you? 

One bit of wisdom my dad shared with me once was this: “It feels really good when you stop beating your head against the wall. In fact, I think that’s why people do it to begin with… because it’s really nice to stop.”
Oh that’s really fucking good advice! How many of us have woken up and realized that there is this hug ugly pattern you keep repeating and only you can find your way off that track. Ugh!  

Is this something that you pass on or do you have your own tidbit to pass on to youngsters? 

Hrmm. I’d tell them that life sucks no matter what – the only that changes is how you see it. You know those happy people that go around with a smile on their face? Those people who the world just doesn’t seem to shit on? Well it does, just like it shits on everyone. They just don’t let it get the down. 

Something you wish was never invented? 

Computers. Capitalism. Cars.
Sorry, but I’m surprised that computers is first. You were the first of my close friends that were in my eyes technologically advanced. I mean, You showed me so much even when I was all aloof and bitter about it (sorry ’bout that). I’m with ya on the capitalism front. Whoa did we wreck things with that! I love cars, though. I just wish we’d have locked onto the other fuel technologies of that era, there were far better alternatives and I can’t quite remember the story of how we ended up on petroleum.

Something you’re forever grateful that was invented?

Curry.
Of course! Perfect, too. =0)

Pic from my 30th B-day:

“Huge” A Review & Thoughts

June29

Huge

The new ABC Family show “Huge” premiered last night at 9/8central.

I haven’t read any reviews yet, nor have I even talked to anyone about this show because I wanted to watch it and let it soak in before talking/reading about it.

I can honestly say that so far (one episode mind you), I love it!
From the official site: Huge, based on author Sasha Paley’s book of the same name from Alloy Entertainment, is being developed by Winnie Holzman (Wicked, My So-Called Life, Once & Again) and daughter Savannah Dooley.
Promising, no? Look, I’m a death fattie now, but as a kid I was a string bean. I always felt weird around “pretty” girls and when I had to go to summer camp (Catholic/Charitable one at that because I was so poor) I loathed the idea of bunking with strangers, outdoors and away from the few comforts that home provided. “Huge” brought  back those memories and feeling from my own childhood.While this show takes place at a fat camp, I was so overwhelmingly pleased to see the main character “Will” played by Nikki Blonsky, stand up for herself and fight the powers that be. When she said, “I think that inside of me there’s an even fatter girl waiting to get out.” and then annouced her goal of gaining weight while at this weight-loss focused camp? Well, I just about lost it! I mean, I squealed a bit and then laughed and then couldn’t stop smiling. I’m not sure how I feel about the counselor character yet because she just seemed to walk around with a sad face. You want to believe she wants to help these fats, but I get a feeling that’s not her true ambition there. Just sayin’.

I love so many of the characters. But the one that really struck me (and it’s no wonder why) was “Ian Schonfeld” played by Ari Stidham. When he’s in the boat under the dock (?) playing guitar? *sigh* too adorable! And then the talk about the Pixies?! I honestly hope that he and “Will” hook up or become partners in crime or something. They’re just so cool!!!

So, I just checked out the official site (link at the bottom) and there’s actually some pretty cool stuff going on. There’s a bus tour promoting the show that will stop in 8 states at various festivals. Sounds cool, but it ain’t stopping anywhere near me, so I search around a bit. What I find is a link for their “Live Huge Wall” where you can upload your photo and post how you’re living “Huge.” You can also click on the mosaic and see other’s pics and see how they’re living “Huge.” I think this is such a cool thing! I will upload my on pic, tomorrow since I am not on my own laptop today.  Ha!

Overall I think that this show is great! I don’t know that it will change anything in our society, but it means a lot to fatties everywhere to see some semblance of their own image on television. I am glad that they used real fats and not smaller people in fat suits. I just hope the weigh loss thing has some lesson or facts and doesn’t just perpetuate stereotypes and myths.

Official page: http://abcfamily.go.com/shows/huge
Bus Tour page: http://abcfamily.go.com/shows/huge/blogs/null-clone/472087
Live Huge Wall: http://abcfamily.go.com/specials/live-huge/wall

 

BodyLoveWellness.com

June25

I only recently discovered www.BodyLoveWellness.com and Golda Poretsky, but I am glad that I did!

Last night I attended the free “How To Feel Sexy At Any Size Teleclass.” I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I was pleased to be on the listening end of so much positivity and self-love! (For a recording of the teleclass: http://tinyurl.com/sexyatanysizeteleclass) I think that this is perfect for those who are super new to fat acceptance/size acceptance or are simply struggling with low self-esteem or food issues. Since I’ve been a part of the FA movement (and publicly fat) for a few years now a lot of it was a reiteration of the same HAES (Healthy At Every Size) message, but valuable to be reminded none the less. But again, that positivity was a-flowin’!

The hostess of the teleclass was  Goddess Oceana who was very charming and full of love and positive energy. I have to say it though, Golda Poretsky was the star of the show. I really felt that she cared about us (those on the call). I just felt it! Ya know? I especially appreciated her message about pleasing the senses. We’re so overly self-aware sometimes that we aren’t! Does that make sense? I mean, we’re so worried about how we appear or seem to others that we forget to please ourselves at all. She suggests engaging each of the senses. Taking a walk without the phone or iPod and just enjoying the sights/sounds/smells/etc. Love this! I highly recommend it to everyone. Although I would add to this by suggesting bringing a camera. I have done this and look back fondly on those few snapshots of trees and whatnot that I witnessed on that solo stroll.

She also generously offered a free 1 on 1 session for the first 20 committed applicants and I am sure that those spots went fast!  At the end there was a Q&A session that I stuck around for as I am always curious. I appreciated hearing voices from various parts of the nation & London even! Again, so much positivity!

I highly recommend this teleclass as well as the BodyLoveWellness.com blog. The writing there is superb and now that I feel I know Golda a bit better, I’ll be staying up to date on the happenings there, too! (Definitely check out the Biggest Loser posts).

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