My beautiful piggy got shipped out today, back to her home away from her decorator/designer/etc…and back to the loving arms of Amanda where she can do more good than she ever could here. And so, I introduce to you and the world, my lil’ Piggy babe (don’t really have a name for her…Body Activist Pig? Meh.):

Isn’t she lovely? I love her to pieces! I put a lot of time into adorning this little wonder, and I am so glad to see the end result. For more information about the project she was created for, check out: http://fatwaitress.wordpress.com/ and say Hi to Amanda! This is her project and her passion and commitment to positive body activism inspires me and gives me so much hope for the movement! Thanks Amanda! You rock my socks, lady! <3

You ever do something that surprises even you? Yeah, I did that! I had considered entering a model contest, for the club I go to about once a month, but chose not to…until yesterday (the last day for entries)! I entered my info, answers to cool fatty questions and pictures. And hit submit! WHAT?! I know!!! What?! I don’t know what I was thinking, but it really doesn’t matter. I mean, it’s a fun idea and if I get picked, awesome. If I don’t? No biggie. I just can’t believe I did it at all!

I have been really pushing back on the ideas of presentation and how women are “supposed to look” and all of that bullshit. I generally don’t do things like wear make up or high heels or anything one could identify with a model. But shit, dude, I can break down those standards of beauty and flaunt my own version of it! I can be a model and a bad ass, right? Secretly, being a model for something/anything is on my bucket list. So is joining a book club…and tonight I might just fulfill both! A good friend invited me to join her book club and after some questions I accepted! Woo!

I am all about getting the hell out of my comfort zone lately and repeating the phrase, “Why Not?!” So, can I be sexy in Doc Martens? You bet your sweet Asparcreme I can! (I miss those ads, always cracked me up!) And if I don’t get into the semi-finals or finals or whatever, so be it! I tried! Ha-ha! Today is about possibilities. Tonight is about fun with my gals! Right now is about nourishing my body with these  lovely fresh blueberry scones (Trader Joe’s Freezer Section, yo!) and espresso! YUM!

I am nearly done decorating my piggy for Love Your Body Day and have been surprised at how much fun I’m having while doing it. At one point I had it all planned out, something flubbed and now I swear to you it is creating itself! My ideas? Out the window! This piggy knows what she wants! My hands are merely the instruments she’s chosen to beautify herself into her truest and most authentic form (sparkly)!!! And then I shall be sewing/repairing the dress I’d like to wear to the club tonight! Woo! I’m terrible at sewing, but luckily the repair is on the seam and that should be about what I can manage. I had meant to do it yesterday, but piggy demanded more of my attention! Ha-ha!

It’s Friday and I’m in Love…with The Cure! I heard “Fascination Street” in the car yesterday and have been listening to their best of ever since…non-stop (okay, I slept)! They are so great! I can’t even handle their greatness! I’ve fallen for them all over again. I love when that happens! Like a couple of years ago and I “discovered” The Pixies! Oh man, one of the best bands ever! I’d just never been introduced to them back in the day. Oh well, still plenty o’ time to love! Now to start my own band…another bucket list item for sure!

Tomorrow we visit our local Renaissance Faire! We have a bogo coupon and the weather should be just right! Woo!

What are you stoked about today or this weekend? What was the last thing you did outside of your comfort zone that you’re glad you did? I wanna hear all about it! Let’s celebrate something, shall we?! Woo!

The other night my husband was pondering his physical circle of influence, like where he walks the dog, places he interacts with basically. He wanted to clean up litter (angry that doing so on the freeway can get you arrested) in our neighborhood and possibly around his work. He considered the people he interacts with regularly, too. Co-workers, myself, neighbors or other people walking their dogs. This concept had never been made so plain to me before. I always appreciate his grand scheme ideas, but don’t always get or follow them. Or I’m that ugly voice of reason telling him that he can’t do it on the freeway. It’s no fun being that voice, but someone has to be it or we’d lose everything in the name of bail monies! Ha!

Last night we went to see the new film “Contagion” for the $4.50 Tuesday deal our local place has. I will say that the film is good, convincing, effective, horrifying…it’s good, I’ll stick with that! And it made me consider what/how/where/who I touch or come in contact with. Since I’m already fairly germaphobic, this just sent me right into a tizzy! Usually though, my toughest germ-zones are public restrooms or food places that don’t follow the safety laws. I have no trouble shaking someone’s hands or hugging my pals or what have you…but this film made me rethink it all! They quoted a statistic in the movie, something about how we touch our faces 3,000 times a day! Yikes! This freaked me out and I will probably obsess on that awhile. Ha-ha! But seriously folks, it made me think about what I influence on a daily basis. This has significantly changed for me ever since selling the cafe, but I almost think my human interaction (as well as sheer mileage) has increased!

I was chatting with a very good friend on FB the other night and we were talking about “The Man” and all of that sort of thing (“Damn the man! Save the empire!”), and I think I have come to some sort of chill head space around our current social situation. And I said to her, “I try not to dwell too much, but everything is so fucked up everywhere. All we can do, all I think I can do, is to have as much of a positive influence on myself and those around me.” I really liked the sound of that, as vain as that may seem. What about our influence on ourselves and others? What do we think and say to ourselves and how does that affect us on a daily basis? What about others? I mean, I can remember things said to me and around me at age 4 and 5 that still mess with my head. I didn’t choose to be influenced by that, it just stuck in my subconscious or whatever and I’m stuck with it until I can address and process it out I guess.

Because things are fucked up everywhere, we can only do what we can actually do. Ya know? Does that even make sense? It’s late when I’m writing this and so I’m not sure. But fuck it, I’m going with this…

Why not try to begin by influencing yourself in positive ways. You can branch out and try to influence your loved ones and co-workers and postal workers and so on. Why not? It doesn’t hurt! I mean, I forget myself sometimes and I really noticed when I started to pay closer attention to this stuff. And I feel so fabulous right now I can’t even tell you! I’m not drinking or anything, I’m just, like, I dunno…awesome? Can I just be awesome? That’s weird sounding, but it’s how I’m feeling at the moment. I like this feeling and want to perpetuate and infect it into everyone I know, in the best possible way! Ha-ha!

You ever hear someone laugh in a restaurant and their laugh makes you laugh? THAT!!! I want to do that to the people of the world, yo! Again, why not? I cannot think of a reason why I shouldn’t at least try. It’s like that whole random acts of kindness thing, or paying it forward. It makes total and complete sense to me. Perhaps it’s my grandma’s influence over the years (she was an RN), but most of my family has been service people. I’m damn proud of that, too! I often apply to jobs with something in my cover letter like this: I get a real kick out of helping people in nearly any arena. Customer service is a life philosophy for me and not just a career choice. I just believe in treating people with respect and a dose of humor and trying to help those who could use it! That could be why I have had so many spells of unemployment in recent years, but maybe not. It’s honest. Honesty is powerful! It can scare people. It can help people. It can hurt people. I get it, I do, but it’s also important. If you are not first honest with yourself, how can you be honest with others or expect  them to be honest with you?

Ever hear of fake it until you make it or some variation? That’s kind of what I recommend. I chose to stop lying to myself years ago and felt better about myself. I then stopped lying to my loved ones and eventually everyone. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be. I no longer say something looks nice on someone if I honestly don’t believe that it does. Seems trivial, but you try it out and get back to me! Ha-ha! And while part of me can be very negative and untrusting or protective of myself and others, there is always a little nugget of sunshine in there that seems to grow brighter as I trust in myself and in the truth. I have seen the power it has on me and its influence on my friends and strangers. It was easy to gauge in the cafe of course because people came to me. Now that I’m a free agent, I go out into the world in an active way. It’s much more difficult to see a change in people if you just happened upon them in some scenario. But sometimes I catch it! I can see it! Sometimes, I swear it’s true, just seeing a fat redheaded lady with a giant hot pink flower in her hair is enough to see a change in a person.

Yeah, it’s cheesy! Fuck it! By being happy I can make or help others be happy, so why the hell not?! You can do it, too! If you wanna…this isn’t like a mandatory thing. Ha-ha! By not actively hating myself or my body, I can go about the world with confidence and see how people respond to that. It’s shocking! And it’s just good for my mental health. I first saw body acceptance and fat liberation and purely political, but I’ve come to see it as down right therapeutic, too! I couldn’t as for more! <3

“God, it took me forever to be able to wear something without sleeves, but when I started, I really threw myself into tank tops, tube tops, spaghetti straps and halter tops. I’m not sure at what point I stopped wearing 3/4 length sleeves in the summer (with long jeans I might add)…. in North Carolina. I know it was before I knew anything about fat acceptance, but damnit, I wanted to just be able to wear clothing like everyone else! I think when we moved to an apartment with a pool and my (then) 4 year old son insisted on going up every single day that the pool was open and I had to dust off that bathing suit I got more comfortable with my body even before I knew that that was a thing. Yeah. Speaking of my son.. I am constantly aware of and grateful for the fact that I discovered body acceptance before I had a chance to rub off any body hate onto him. When he finally asked me why I was fat (and he and daddy weren’t) I just said “because my body is really good at storing energy!” and “everyone’s body is different- isn’t it awesome that people come in all shapes and sizes?” This is from my son’s first day of school.

Lovely picture & dress, Heather! Thank you so much for sharing this with us all here. I love your ability to rock magenta hair, too! Ha-ha! Just proves that we (fats) can do anything. We can be mothers/fathers/aunts/uncles/etc…and still lead happy and healthy lives, too! Woo!

I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms for future Tank Top Tuesday posts! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion/venting area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0)

**Friend of the blog Erylin, has a clothing swap coming up in Kansas city mo. we will be having one on September 25th at the north Kansas city library right off of armour and I-35. (if you need more info leave a reply and we will connect you somehow). **

Yesterday I was headed out to a fatty meet up across the bay and as per usual, I was stressing on what to wear. WHAT TO WEAR!?!?! It is the question that never truly gets answered. We are left constantly unsatisfied with our own wardrobes and styles and long for some mythical perfect outfit of splendor! Psshht! I’m slowly but surely getting over that concept, but I still struggle. I am always fearful of over or under dressing. I am usually a jeans and cute top type of gal, but have begun to explore, experiment and play with fashion more than, well, ever before! I am loving it, too! Overdressed? Oh well, ain’t like I’m doing manual labor, it’s just a meet up after all, so I went for it. I went and tried to put together the nuttiest thing I could with what I had. Mind you, I love lots of colors, but usually don’t go for anything super bright. But I’m getting there. I tested the waters of the color Hot Pink with great delight. So, yesterday I really dove in head first into colors…no, I mean COLORS!!! Prepare your eyes, babies, prepare them, shield them and remember that fashion and fatshion should be fun!

Bam! COLOR! But I felt like a little kid and maybe not in the best way. So I asked my husband to snap a pic and I text it to Nicole to ask if it was too much (I also had a yellow cardigan to go with it, ha!). She responded that it may be bit too much but that she liked it over all. My husband said it did in fact look like I was trying to dress and as a kid and I did feel a tad silly in it. Perhaps if I had a specific occasion for this type of technicolor outfit I would rock the hell out of it, but I just didn’t feel that the meet up (first impressions being what they are) was the right time or place.

So I headed back to my bedroom for a  wardrobe change and I actually love what I ended up wearing even more than the mega-brightness you see above. All of what you see in these outfits are mostly newly swapped or given pieces and I am so grateful for such opportunities when I am out of work and without the moolah. And yes, the TEGGINGS!!! The hot pink ones above as well as the black ones below are made of awesome sauce! I can’t say enough about them and feel compelled to own all of the colors they come in! Oh yeah, the outfit:

I friggin’ love this dress (it has pockets)! I got it at the Cupcakes & Muffintops event last month and it fits like a glove! It’s so me! I love daisies! And that gigantic purse is actually a “bocce” bag from Tokidoki for Le Sport Sac in “arancia.” I’m a major Tokidoki fan and lusted after the Le Sport Sac stuff for ages before finally tracking down this little baby for myself when I opened my cafe two years ago. Who knew it would fit so perfectly with this outfit?! I love it! And yes, the wingtips are Doc Martens (via eBay). You can’t see it, but I have the black flower headband rockin’, too!

Best of all, I had a great time hanging out and meeting new fatties, catching up with good friends and just enjoying a lovely Sunday afternoon in Oakland. Woo! Thanks to Lisette for organizing the meet up! Thanks to Jeanette for driving me all over the place! Thanks to Nicole for the help, the dress and for hanging out even though you got blisters from having to walk so much, and hanging out with me. Thanks to Marilyn Wann for being so rad and kind and just a great listener and advice giver! <3

Now, for more fatty events!!! I am hitting Club Anton in Oakland on Friday for their Full Figure Entertainment night! Then on the 23rd is Big Moves Bay Area’s “Fat Dance: Oh What A Feeling!” in Oakland. And what I truly cannot wait for (but in a way I’m nervous because I’m gonna sing some karaoke, y’all) is Marilyn Wann’s “Squak & Gobble” B-day & Fundraiser bash in Oakland on the 25th! Woo Hoo! I suddenly fucking love September! Ha-ha! It’ll be the fattest month of my 2011, that is for sure! Thanks for reading. Hope you have a fat-abulous day! <3