“I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him.”  ~Booker T. Washington

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I saw the above quote on Tumblr.com yesterday and it got me thinking very specifically about what “this time of year” brings out in people. Suddenly simply eating a regular meal becomes a teachable moment weather you like it or not. Holiday meals are now a spectator sport. Everyone must tell you or anyone within earshot how they simply “can’t indulge or I’ll be on the treadmill for the rest of my life!” And everyone has something to say about somebody else. Ugh!

First, fuck gossiping about people. Period. Second, since when what you or I do with our respective bodies is it anyone else’s business or concern?! End it immediately. Diet talk? BORING! Change the subject! Depending on the situation, be blatant about it! “So, how about those Lakers?!” When everyone knows I don’t care about sports…you get my drift?

You are under no obligation or social contract to listen to or deal with this stuff. You have every right in the world to say, “Excuse me but your topic of conversation is ____.” That blank? Boring, offensive, making me uncomfortable, wrong, over-sharing…whatever it is you are thinking or feeling. You’re thoughts and emotions are valid! Don’t let anyone try to insist otherwise. Because sadly, they probably will.

If you haven’t managed to avoid the holiday advertising you may want to brace yourself for the coming onslaught of resolution ads. I do think that those are the worst ones of all! Those and the “bikini body” bullshit ones. When someone asks what your resolution is, why not tell them it’s no longer dealing with nosy assholes? Ha-ha! Instead of resolutions, why not offer positive revolutions?! Celebrate all things YOU! Why the fuck not?! I mean, even when times are tough, and I know that they are, you gotta simplify and just do You!

But let’s all agree to not let these fuckers get to us. We won’t sink to their body judging levels. We will not feel shame or guilt for simply eating a damn meal! Food is not our enemy, it can just stay theirs. We will not engage in body talk of any kind, even what would be deemed “positive.” Do not comment or even acknowledge weather or not someone has lost weight. Don’t let the bastards get you down, no matter what. They will try and they will test you, but you are strong and amazing and you can do whatever you want! Hating someone allows them to get the better of you. Why waste energy on such a person? By remaining calm and cool and shrugging off their hate, ignorance and cowardice will only serve to show that you are the better/more positive person.

If you need support, we are all here for you. I am here for you. You matter. You are worthy. You are loved. You are a multifaceted individual. You know what is best for you. Trust yourself and your body. Listen to your heart and don’t second guess your gut/intuition. Stay safe. Stay true to you. Don’t take crap from anyone. Love yourself just as you are right NOW.

I’ll leave you with my fave quote of all time:

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless.” Mother Theresa

Attain at least 1 Star Rank for all Mirror

Bit of a ranty post, folks. You know how I roll.

Have you had this happen?
You’re talking to some person about yourself and you refer to yourself as fat, feeling all full of activism and pride, when the person stops you with a look of horror and exclaims, “You are NOT fat!!!” Ugh! It’s almost as though admitting you are fat there in makes them fat…or something. It’s bullshit. It’s their hang up, not yours. And here’s the thing, you have every right to identify as anything you want to. Period. No one can take that from you.

This time of year makes these situations all the more difficult with the endless presence of food. But we are strong…no one can tell us we’re wroooooong! Sorry, my inner Pat Benatar does tend to come out occasionally. I personally believe that it is vital to assert your preferred identity as something wholly your own and in no way a reflection of others. When people try to take this from you it is rude, disrespectful, but also very fucking belittling. As though you couldn’t possibly know or understand how you yourself think/feel, etc. Ugh!

When faced with this situation, I quickly and calmly attempt to educate them on their misstep. Not in any way rude or overly aggressive, but again calmly and as simply as possible. Most people receive my little schpeel of info easily and even tend to ask questions…but then you get these insistors! They insist XYZ is bad/unhealthy/the Devil! Yes, I still attempt to explain to them that food has no moral value. If they get even more insistent, I smile and deliberately walk away, if I can. If I cannot and I don’t know the person I will attempt a polite, “well this is going nowhere” with a giant cheesy grin. Why? Because fuck them, that’s why!

Why do we let people walk all over us and then apologize to them on top of it? WHY? There’s no reason! Apologize for nothing you had zero control over! I am sick of hearing people say “sorry” for every little fucking thing! Stop it right now! You have no reason to be sorry. It’s some bullshit social construct either foisted upon us or by our own design, in either case I am throwing that off and away for good. No more, “Sorry” when someone bumps into me or rudely steps on my feet. I mean, why the hell should I be sorry? THEY SHOULD!

I am done with people pushing their prejudices and baggage on me. DONE! And I feel so much better about myself and social gatherings. I even went to a party the other night and found myself chatting with all kinds of people I’d never met before and I had a blast. Body stuff didn’t even come up…not once! Shocking!

So yes, when someone is rude to me, I tell them. It’s important to me that someone tell them and since most people are fearful of a social faux pas . Well I had no say in the building of such social constructs, honesty is best so long as you’re not rude about it. Civility is important. Calm and intelligent discussions are vital! These are the things we are lacking in society today. You don’t see much of that in films or television…it’s up to us to create the world we want to live in.

And because I had a shit morning and spilled my perfectly crafted coffee all over my kitchen in an attempt to make myself something for breakfast  besides coffee I will leave you with the above to consider for  yourself. I really need to finish this second coffee before anything else happens. ha-ha!

This week’s Tank Top Tuesday submission comes from none other than my fabulous friend Jeanette!!! You may have seen her in any of the many pictures I’ve posted on our clubbing adventures. She inspires me and motivates me and I love her for it. She is also a fellow Scorpio lady, which is so nice ’cause I’d never met one before. She just got back from Puerto Rico and I cannot wait to hear all about it! Woo!

I think I started wearing tank tops regularly about three summers ago when I was unemployed and frankly just wanted to be cool and comfortable.  I didn’t really think of it as some form of self acceptance, but I guess it was unconsciously to some degree. It was about being more comfortable.  Prior to this I would occasionally put on a tank top with a skirt for work but would always add a jacket or shrug. I’d get self conscious in meetings if I was sitting close to someone and start wondering what they must be thinking about my arms. Crazy, huh?

I think the summer I started wearing them regularly, it was easier because I was around fewer people. However, when I went back to work, I kept wearing them.  And now they are an absolute staple of my spring, summer, and early fall wardrobe. Why should I be warm and worried about what people think,  when I can be cool and confident? They are just arms, people. We all have them, if we are lucky.

I’ve been learning a lot lately about getting outside of my comfort zone.  I mean four days in a rustic cabin in the Puerto Rican rainforest is not something I do every year, or well ever really!!  Not only did I do it, but I stayed that much cooler by baring my arms!

Sometimes getting comfortable, starts with discomfort. Seems obvious right?

Jeanette blogs at www.sustenanceaside.com about cooking delish dish for one (or more) and about random other things at www.theneighborupstairs.blogspot.com

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I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms for future Tank Top Tuesday posts! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion/venting area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0)

(Trigger Warning for food issues/demonizing)

I witnessed an exchange yesterday that made me cringe. The son has a severe gluten allergy and my cafe makes gluten-free Belgian waffles. He ate his entire waffle, but his sister barely touched hers. Mom then began to eat the waffle after eating her own panini, but grew too full. She then insisted out loud that it was just too good to waste! And tried to get her son to eat it:

Mom to son: Please, take this last bite of waffle! I didn’t touch it!
Son: No!
Mom: You’re going to make me eat all of these extra calories?!
Son: What? (looks very confused)
Mom: C’mon! Just eat one bite!
Son: No!
Mom to me: He is a germaphobe, very OCD if you know what I mean. Ugh! I can’t believe he won’t eat it! It’s so good! *chews*

Prior to this exchange she was asking me about my paninis and which was “the least fattening?” To which I replied (with a smile), “Are you asking my opinion, because I’m not sure you would want it.” She laughed, so did I, but insisted on which had the least fat and calories and I refused to answer. She went with the vegetarian one (grilled eggplant with sun dried tomato spread, grilled onions and mozzarella) and insisted it was the most delicious thing ever!

My next customer wanted to know similar things, “What kind of bread do you use? Is it thick? I am trying to cut my carb intake…*mutters* and calories (with a sad face).” I reply, “But you need carbs and calories for your brain to function, for your body to move and work and play! Don’t you hate that we’re told that all of this stuff is bad and they make us feel awful for it?” She nods yes and looks slightly surprised by my response. Then I say, “Sorry, I don’t mean to preach, but I read a lot about nutrition and I get so upset that so much of what we’re told about food and nutrition and health are lies. It’s all marketing, you know? It is too bad.” She agrees and orders what she wants and then admits that the restaurants that show the calorie counts on foods really affects her. She says she has a hard time making a decision when faced with these figures. And I agree that it doesn’t really help. Then I explain that our body craves certain foods because it wants those nutrients. Substitutes don’t give those nutrients and often lead to more severe cravings. To this she agrees wholeheartedly and smiles.

I have these exchanges almost everyday. I don’t always get so wordy or mouthy about it, but I am tired of just smiling and nodding and letting these people demonize my food and my fat! Half the time it’s the adults that are the pickiest of eaters, kids just was food! No guilt or emotional attachments…just food/fuel! And food allergies are a serious concern! I cannot stand it when people make light of someone’s allergies or illnesses. Ugh!

I’m sick of people just repeating the exact same lies that are in ad campaigns! I want people to question this shit! To research it and to decide what is right for themselves. But they don’t know TO do that. They just take things on face value. “Oh! Whole grain means healthy!” Um, not exactly. *sigh* It’s an uphill battle. I don’t have $65 Billion to get the truth out there. The diet corporations do. And this is why Fat Liberation seems so daunting to many.

This is where I think we can make an impact though: with our moolah! None of us is rolling in money these days, but there are small things we can do to make small changes in the world and that begins with how you spend your money. Do you buy something that is suddenly advertising in a magazine or on a tv station that is fat hating? Call or email or tweet or facebook them to let them know you cannot support them if they support the fat hate! It works! So few people actually do speak up and contact these companies that when they do get more than say three people calling, they are surprised and want to please their customers (usually). Look into parent companies and see if you can contact them, too! In fact, get to know your congressperson and contact them regularly about discrimination based on height & weight! Many haven’t even heard of this stuff and will be interested and will want to listen to you!

You don’t have to get all shouty or overly political about it (even though it totally is), you can simply tell them that you refuse to support their products and company because where they are advertising (specify) supports the oppression of people based on their looks (weight/height/etc). Yes, you will most likely get a canned response, but you’d be surprised at how few people/complaints it takes before someone takes action! I saw this in the town where my cafe is. People were so annoyed at dealing with the strict 1 hour parking, but few actually complained to the city. I complained, a few of my customers complained, but not enough people did at first. Then I just got angry because they were straight up lying about how many tickets they were giving out (they claimed one a day when I watch them give out a minimum of five!) and started telling anyone who complained to contact the city. It took awhile, but it’s now been changed to two hours. I thought I was dreaming the day I saw the guys changing out the old signs to the new ones! Ha-ha! But they specifically said that enough people complained! Simple as that!

People don’t like to complain to the city/county/state/country. They like to complain to their friends/spouses/neighbors/etc. It’s like a past time for some people. When you suggest they take it up with someone who can actually do something about the issue? “Oh, they won’t listen!” is all I hear. And that is bullshit! If you don’t try how will you or they ever know?! They need to know, dammit! Business need this feedback, they need to hear from their customers or they will ASSUME they are doing the right thing every damned time! I don’t want anyone assuming what I want. I prefer to make my own choices and my own voice heard, thanks.

Okay, so I’m ranty this week, but that’s okay! It’s what I do. I’m tired of just complaining to like-minded individuals (and wonderful as y’all are), I feel compelled to start actually speaking up to these corporations and letting them know what I think. I may be naive in some of my thinking, do let me know, but it’s just too frustrating to be silent.

What products are advertising in fat hating media? I’d love to put together a list and post it. Thanks for reading! Happy Friday (for those who have weekends)! I hope you are all well and in good spirits! <3

I had this very cohesive thought and it was so great…when I was in the shower this morning. D’oh! I hate that! So much has happened since then that I can’t really remember my whole schpeel, but here goes:

You know the people who insist it’s unhealthy to be fat? The ones who are major yo-yo dieters? The ones where dieting is a religion? Or the ones where, “I just want you to be happy and healthy and you can’t be happy and fat?!” The people who practically gargle with diet soda and energy drinks? The people who believe in their heart of hearts (how did that become a saying?) that being fat is a choice? That being fat is a personal failure or sin?

These are the people we cannot change. They refuse to question the information being fed to them. They are marketed to very specifically and they swallow every last calorie-free morsel with a smile (and a side-eye towards the fat)! They have resigned themselves to a life of judgment, shame, guilt, penance and sadly, ignorance. Those who don’t even bother to read the labels on their diet beverages and bars and energy thingies but will most certainly tell you why what you’re eating is so “bad bad bad!” go about the world in a bubble. We cannot reach them. And I don’t think we should even try.

You may be thinking that this is very cynical of me or very judgmental, I’m not judging people by their looks, but by their actions. I do think that this is an acceptable form of judgment for the most part. I believe that your actions and impact in/on the world should convey your true self or nature. I may be off base here and if I am, do let me know. All I am saying is that this group of people who insist upon “health” and then turn around and commit to a life of feeling gross in the name of dieting? We cannot get to them or even convince them that being fat is not a choice. No more than we can convince many other groups who target and/or attack the oppressed and marginalized with hate and violence. We just can’t and I don’t think we should waste our resources on them. I am saying that it’s time to walk away from these people and let them be. I know they won’t let us be, but we don’t have to engage with them in conversation or debates.

I do think we should be trying to get our message of positivity and overall health for everyone out into the public! I think that their are millions who would be open to it and benefit from it! The more people I drop the f-bomb on (FAT!) the more are surprised and open to hearing more facts! Because people are suspicious, people are angry and people are tired of the same old marketing and dieting run around. Somewhere along the way their common sense said, “Hmm…this doesn’t seem quite right.” but with nothing else to go on they simply leave it be. That’s where Fat Liberation can fit in! We can offer our resources and information and help people! Yes, help actual people live better lives & happier lives! Without guilt or shame!

Yes, I wish everyone could read “Health At Every Size” by Linda Bacon PHD. I do! Because it is an eye opener, a mind expander and a path towards understanding just how fucked up this dieting thing is and what it’s doing to our bodies and minds! It’s sick and it’s dangerous! When I first read that dieting fucks with your brain chemistry, I had to take a lap, y’all! I had to let that shit sink in for a good while. I value my brain! I value my body! I value my sanity and my life! I just do, not sure if this is an instinctive behavior or if I’ve developed this over my 33 years of life. But damn! We are being abused and punished and shamed for lies made up by someone else (dieting industry/marketing) for profit! But what it’s doing to millions of people all over the western world is a crime against nature and not just humanity!

These corporate machines are created for one purpose: Profit! Greed! Riches! The result is hundreds of millions of disordered eaters, self-haters, body abusers, fucked up brain chemistry and the inability to even know what and when and how hunger feels like or fullness feels like or how to satiate and fuel our bodies. We’re complicated little entities. No doubt! But these corporations know exactly what they are doing. Jenny Craig is owned by Nestle. Weight Watchers was owned by Heinz (and they still make their packaged products) and is now owned by Artal Luxembourg who is also heavily invested in Keebler cookies and Sunshine biscuits. Think about that for a minute. These corporations have no interest in your health or well being, they only want your wallets emptied into their coffers! You tell someone this and their eyes bug right out of their head. Go ahead, lay some truth on ’em!

A friend recently posed this to me in regards to intuitive eating:
“encouraging intuitive eating while also insisting that  processed foods are A-Okay. there are armies of evil scientists working round the clock designing foods that are intended to completely fuck all normal human hunger and satiety signals. how can anyone manage to eat intuitively when they are pumped full of pseudofood-drugs designed to insure they will never feel either genuine hunger or genuine satiety? different foods don’t have different moral worth. but they do have different biological effects. to me it just seems like setting people up for endless frustration and unhappiness, if they continue to attempt to eat intuitively while also ingesting things that make that completely impossible, by design.”

My response:
“We’re talking about teaching intuitive eating to disordered eaters. To help get them started on the path to healthier/healthy eating you must start with the behavior first and then worry about the ingredients. Fish versus fishing, you know? Once a person does actually begin to listen to and understand the nutritional cues their body is signaling then they can start to focus on specific nutrients they need and various ways to get it. It is so difficult to break away from the disordered eating and food associated guilt that I wouldn’t worry about what actual food they are eating yet, they have to start somewhere, ya know? To remove the pretend moral values of food is a near impossibility for some.”

And she got it! It made sense. And it gives me hope that the more people we can explain this stuff to the better our chances of seeing an end to the discrimination and hate…one day. And I know it sucks to read those two words: one day. *sigh* but it’s enough to keep me in the fight! It’s worth it! No one deserves the hate and shame and bullshit that gets flung so freely towards us just for how we look! It’s bullshit and I feel that we need to be more vocal about the specifics on why it’s bullshit! Follow the money trail and you will see what I mean!

I want to nurture our bodies and minds. I want to embrace my fellow fats and let them know that I love them, I value them. I want to keep our allies close! I think we need a very specific and simple Fat Liberation hub where all resources and information and links can be found. Not a blog, mind you, just a resource database type of thing. Something anyone could stumble upon and understand. I want us to create a truly supportive community and branch that out into our local communities. We can do workshops and educational seminars. We can create fun and positive events and encourage activism! And finally, but I think most importantly, we should continue to support one another and encourage each other!

I know this was a bit of a rant, but so be it. This is how my brain works sometimes. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Or you know what? Just let me know how you’re doing! Ha-ha! Thanks for reading! <3