This is the eighth in a series of things that have helped me, I believe in, or people have asked me to share. Basically, things I do or think or whatever that have helped me be a better person, activist and positive fat lady. Check out  Step 1,  Step 2, Step 3, Step 4, Step 5, Step 6 and Step 7.

Step 8: Keep The Past There

This one is tricky. This one may even be tougher than the “Letting Go” or “Be Brave” ones. This time of year especially. Having to be around family and old friends or people you just don’t see that often, it can bring up some bad stuff. To put the past truly behind you is to let go of a lot of stuff that you may not even realize was there to begin with. Especially if you’ve experienced any sort of abuse or trauma. Things can creep back up on you when you least expect it. I am grateful for every single day I get without a PTSD symptom. I am grateful for every day that I am not in the past. But it’s taken me so long to get to gratitude that it can be difficult to articulate just how I got here. I know I spent many years dwelling, wallowing even, in my own misery. I made myself a nice comfy nest of hate and shame and guilt and sadness and worse. I lost myself in that hidey hole. I lost who I was and what I wanted and I lost my future entirely. There’s an entire year of my life just gone. I wasted it by not acknowledging it. I wasted it by not enjoying it. I wasted it by not living in it.

Sometimes the only way to get past the past is to get angry. Have a fit over it and then just let it go. Walk away! Holding onto emotional baggage from the past isn’t helping you live a better life. Holding onto physical things from the past is the worst! Get rid of it! Let it go, let it all go! (Note: This post was written before the film “Frozen” was released in theaters and then pop culture with the famous song “Let it go”) That boyfriend that didn’t treat you right, no matter how much you loved him…either burn whatever relics of his you still have or give them to charity, because I promise you, it’s holding you back and bringing you down! You cannot be your most authentic and fabulous self with that shit hanging out in the back of your mind or closet. Delete that phone number from your contacts list and learn how to forget! It’s not easy, I never said it would be and I doubt anyone honestly would, but it’s for your own mental health and well being. You are worth way more than your past gave you. You are new and free and awesome and you stopped giving a damn anyway, so now it’s all about what makes you happy! And the past just doesn’t fit with your current agenda!

So much of who I am today is because of my past, good and bad. I used to say that I had no regrets because those horrible aspects of my life in the past made me and took me to where I am now. I’m not so sure that I am completely without regrets now, but what those regrets are have certainly changed. Instead of dwelling on that though, I have begun to work towards making my present better. I regret not staying in touch with friends and so I am getting back in touch with some and trying to start anew. It’s so different now. Trying to restart a friendship in adulthood that you started in childhood is no exact science, but I am hoping that it’s worth it. I am hoping to refresh and regain the love and support from these folks that I once had and perhaps didn’t appreciate back then. That’s okay. I’m letting go of the past and moving forward, onward and hopefully upward!

I think it’s important to have someone to call/text/email when you’re going to be dealing with family for the holidays. That support is so vital. I know it is in my life and if you have someone like that in yours you know all too well. But without that support such endeavors can seem futile or worse. So I think we should start setting up little networks of support with and for each other online so that when we are in that mega time of need we will know who to reach out to for support!

Please comment with your concerns or email addresses and we’ll see if we can get people connecting. For now I offer my own email for such support, and now that I have one of those smarty phone dealies, I can read those emails on-the-go! notblueatall at notblueatall dot com, do reach out if you feel the need. Don’t hesitate, second guess or question yourself…just do it!

And don’t worry, my “life stuffs” series isn’t over yet. But in case you missed ’em, here ya go:

Step 1: Stop Giving A Damn

Step 2: Do What Makes YOU Happy

Step 3: Keep Going

Step 4: Be Honest Even When It Scares You/Them

Step 5: Be Brave

Step 6: Take Lots Of Pictures

Step 7: Let Go

I do hope that these have helped you as much as they have helped me. I hope you keep these in mind when dealing with haters and assholes and people just who just don’t get it and may never will…but also for those who may also need such guidance and advice when they are dealing with their own struggles and journey.

I would love to hear from anyone who has had any experiences using the steps. Have you tried taking pics of yourself? Have you bought a cape or tiara? Have you been truly honest and stopped lying all together? Have you considered letting go of a relationship in your life? How are you brave today? I want to hear from you! I would love to do a series of guest posts or picture essays…I know how much it helps me to see others doing radical and awesome things and I want you to know that I know for a fact that it helps sooooooo many people when you do.

So as you go about your holiday business, don’t forget to honor and trust yourself. Be honest with yourself and others. Let people know if they have disrespected you or if they rock your socks! Keep going!!! Because you are incredible and amazing and you are worth every ounce of effort and energy and love in the universe! <3

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You can also “Like” the blog’s Facebook page for additional info, articles, funny things, random OOTDs and more!

I’m also planning a big fat liberation/acceptance/pride event in San Jose, CA this January. I don’t have an official website for it yet, but here’s the FB event page if you’d like to share…please do! The website should be up soon and more info will be added to the event page as things get confirmed. Hope to see you at “Fatty Affair!”

You ever get ready to go out but don’t wanna fuss or anything and truly you just wanna be comfortable? I think we have all been there in some way, right? Well, last Monday night I was getting ready to go to karaoke with my BFFs and I just wasn’t in the mood to dress up. I was already wearing a perfectly comfortable t-shirt and jeans, why fuck with a good thing? So I threw on a necklace and a vest and this neat-o feather thingy I got at Joann’s and just went with it. The feather thingy sort of looks like a little flower, but it’s feathers, so it looked like a casual boutineer. I was feeling quite fabulous actually. This insta-outfit was almost exactly “my style”. I popped on a couple of bracelets before heading downstairs and ta-da!

I’d wanted a classic black vest for years and finally found one a couple of months ago at Kohl’s of all places! I had a ten dollar off coupon and was shocked when the vest actually buttoned up! I wore it with my costume for Halloween this year, but this is my first attempt at rocking it classic old school 90’s style, yo! What do you think? I still like it, though I’m not as in love with the outfit now that I’m not wearing it. The necklace was on clearance at Avenue, the t-shirt is old navy from about 3 years ago, the jeans are Avenue Denim Lite straight leg-discontinued, and I’m wearing my not-yet-famous-but-totes-should-be five dollar doc martens. They’re a size too big, but for five bucks including shipping? I couldn’t say no…and they’re so comfy!

I’m so over other people’s expectations anyway, this outfit to me says exactly that. This is who I am, take me or leave me, that’s your choice, man.

What outfit makes you feel this way? Are you secretly wanting to rock a style you’ve never tried before? What’s stopping you?

This TMI Tuesday post is a review of a Sex Toy! If this doesn’t interest you, you’d rather not know about my sex life or toy preference, or you’re at work and don’t wanna get in trouble, do come back tomorrow for your regularly scheduled random fatty talk right here on my blog-a-ma-thing. Thanks! <3

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Every time I go to Good Vibrations in San Francisco, I try to buy something. To support them, to support my sexual well being and well, it’s an awesome place to shop. I find it hard not to look around and grab a little something before I leave. There are a bunch of reasons to go to and support Good Vibrations, but you can find those at the linky there. Today I wanted to talk about the latest toy I purchased.

Meet “C-Spot”: The C-Spot has a very special job indeed — its main function is as a clit stimulator, and wow, is it good at its job! Long and thin, the head is angled for the perfect fit on your clit. Slim enough to fit in between bodies during partnered sex, this little vibe also provides an extended reach for folks with disabilities. Not limited to external fun, this vibe also makes a great internal G-spot stimulator. Oh, and it’s waterproof too!

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