Well, hello there!

I hope the past weekend didn’t do you in. I survived, in-tact even!

For today’s Tell Me Tuesday I want to talk about things we feel guilty for having/doing.

Today I will be participating in our second annual “Pajama/Video Game/Donut Day” which will include a movie this time around. I do feel guilty for having the luxury, but since I don’t get any sort of true vacation except this one week a year after the holiday, I’m not going to be too hard on myself.

What do you feel guilty about doing/having? Did you receive a holiday gift that makes you feel uncomfortable or question the relationship with the person who gave it to you? Did something happen over the weekend that you just have to tell someone or otherwise get off your chest?

Tell me about it!  =0)

Notblueatall Podcast Episode Two (Player at the bottom)

Or on iTunes (Please subscribe if you can, Thanks!)

My guests this time were Brenda & Julie of TheBustyTraveler.BlogSpot.com Do check it out!

The post we were talking about “Double Double Featurette”

We talked about her friend Psycho Sue’s Blog: Sew Misunderstood-Fashion for Wayward Girls

Brenda’s Skirt tutorial!

Road to Wellville Trailer

This is the Etsy shop I got my “Know Fat Chicks” button!

Post on the LiveJournal Community Fatshionista about activism and grass roots ideas

My post with the business card that has a positive body message.

You Are Beautiful

Scene from Heathers that Brenda quotes:

If you haven’t been following her blog (get over there!) you simply must read this post! This is how I often feel in FA. I’ve made some missteps, but damn, sometimes I just stay mute in fear of the inevitable verbal beat-down! And I hate that! (Awful childhood memories of being told not to talk unless I had something worthwhile to say.) I am of the thinking that you learn by experience and exposure and if you are new to Fat Acceptance, don’t hold back! ASK QUESTIONS! Lots of them, please! But please, do not slam someone for sheer ignorance! I am possibly the least educated of fat bloggers, but so fucking what?! I have a voice and I choose to use it! I have this blog so that other newbies and fats can ask questions and express themselves, too! I think there is room for everyone! If someone says something that burns your biscuits, take a deep breath and think on it a minute, then re-read their comment/post and think about what might have motivated it or perhaps address it as you would someone who hasn’t been exposed to all things politically correct and true. For years I used two words that once I found out their origin and meaning (as opposed to how they are often used in common phrasing) I stopped using them. I was horrified. And let’s be honest here, most people don’t know a lot about the words they use. I sure as shit don’t know the origins of most words, but I like finding out! So show me! Hold my hand if you must, but don’t disrespect someone for not knowing! We all have area/topics where we could use a little more information. Teach with love, not a ruler to the knuckles.

Thank you to Beej, of thebustytraveler.blogspot.com & Julie (the OP) for writing and posting and sharing your refreshing perspective on this touchy subject. *tips hat to you both*

I don’t know that I was ever not camera shy, but my reasons for being so changed over time. First, well, I was just a super shy kid! The only pics of my childhood are generally x-mas gifts being held up or riding my first or second bike or, well, maybe that’s it. I do have a rad pic of myself doing a cartwheel wearing knicker-bockers (just over the knee pants that button on the sides). But yeah, that’s it! As time went on, well, my family didn’t take many pictures at all, actually. Puberty sent me that special gift otherwise known as “OMZ! Don’t look at me I’m hideous!” As I grew fatter? Well, it only worsened.

Even into my late twenties, I would avoid cameras unless I was the one pressing the button. A friend of mine is the same way, but I never felt he had reason to be because he’s a brilliant actor/dancer/writer/handsome & everything-under-that-sun-of-ours! After discovering the Livejournal community of Fatshionista, I was suddenly bearing witness to hundreds of fats posting pictures of themselves, On The Internet! What? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? I know, right?!

After seeing some pretty terrible pics of myself I decided I needed to do something. Then I read a quote from Paris Hilton to the effect of she started posing for the paparazzi when she got sick of seeing bad photos of herself. Gee, I thought, that kind of makes sense. So I placed my little toe in the water and posted an OOTD (Outfit of the Day) picture on Fatshionista and was floored by the feedback I got. Not just on the outfit, but on my everything! And it was all positive! I was in a state of shock!I just couldn’t wrap my head around it! But I was sick of feeling icky when it came to taking my picture.

Experimentation! Ah-ha! Taking your own pics with a digital camera helped me so much! One day I decided to make every face I could think of and take a pic. The rule? No deleting! Then I did more OOTD posts. More positive feedback received. More OOTD posts. And so on. Then I got to the point where I figured out how to hold my head, smile the right way and stand for a camera! What? I know! And now? Now I pose for the camera! I laugh when they say “Cheese!” I flirt with it! It’s fun now! Had you told me I would be writing this a couple of years ago I would have thought you mentally ill. But it’s true! There is actually a full folder on my laptop with all pics of myself. That sounds so very vain, but some are just parts, like my nose or chin or ear. It was a learning experience, to say the least. We don’t get to see ourselves from many angles.

The subject of vanity and how others might see self-portraits as that I can understand, but for me it was a bit of confidence building/experimentation and just stubbornness, “I will no longer shy away from cameras, dammit!” And I think it’s worked for me. I still don’t love every pic of myself, but sometimes, even the goofy ones, I enjoy! If you can’t appreciate your own quirks, who will?! (Also great for documenting various hair dos, don’t and cuts!)

If you’ve always shied from the camera or dread those “Kodak moments” of your life, why not try it on your own. It is amazing what you’ll see when you control the shutter! Try it out and let me know what you find! Or team up with a trusted pal and see if you can do a fun and friendly photo-shoot! I have some plans for this myself, I’ll be posting the results if we can sync-up our schedules!

Thanks,

<3
S