Have you registered yet? I’ll be on there with a heap of other fabulous fats! Come, join us! =0)  

http://www.bodyloverevolution.com/

Tonight’s Telesummit:

Intuitive Eating & Healing Through Storytelling with Dr. Anita Johnston

Tuesday, January 25th at 8PM EST/7PM CST/6PM MST/5PM PST/3PM HAST/1AM London/Noon Sydney

And be sure to read Golda’s blog, always interesting: http://www.bodylovewellness.com/

As brave a face as I often put on, I am hardly the courageous type. I am often frozen in fear or nerves. Depending on the situation at hand, this may require a simple self-pep talk or a nice glass of wine. Then there are those times, more often lately than I would care to admit, when my anxiety or would-be anxiety sneakily convinces me that it’s just so much easier to turn down invites and stay the hell home. And then you find me here griping that I have no life, I never go out, I never see my friends, yadda yadda yadda. It’s a vicious cycle!

Many years ago as I was preparing to give a presentation in front of 150 executives and upper management, a colleague saw that I was freaking out and told me something that I will never forget, “You know those butterflies in your stomach? It’s not about getting rid of them, it about making them soar, in formation!” Okay, so I’m a sucker for butterflies (y’all! You seriously have to read the book “The Dangerous World of Butterflies” by Peter Laufer PHD), but she had a point. It’s not about letting your nerves get to you, but about using them as fuel or inspiration.

My BFFs and I have been going to karaoke off and on for several years. The first time I went I was so terrified that I ended up singing a Tori Amos song with a complete stranger because I just couldn’t bear doing it alone! Which is so silly, I performed a lot as a kid, but somehow at that point in my adult life, I had completely forgotten what that meant. After singing that first song? I put in another, SOLO! Woo!

As fatties, we are often worried about how others may judge or perceive us, but especially when up in front of everyone: all eyes on you! Yikes! Depending on your job, lifestyle, etc…You may never have to get up in front of people. That’s cool, too. However, I really had no choice, thanks to my last career (oh, if only I could just be a professional fat blogger). After that first presentation, which I flubbed but my boss totes covered for me all slickly, I felt accomplished! I faced my worst fears and gave ‘em a swat on the ass!

After a few more presentations (five to be precise), I got the hang of it and started to actually enjoy it! Just like with karaoke, once I felt more sure-footed, I wanted to do it on my own, on my own terms. And then, I had a friggin’ blast! And guess what? My workshop attendees did, too! That’s the thing! No one wants you to fail, you don’t want you to fail, but when you’re up there under the lights (or what have you), it seems your only option, right? Ugh!

Being fat in public can feel this way as well. Today, after a bit of a slow start thanks to a later than I had planned evening of karaoke with my BFFs, I got ready to head out and looked in the mirror: I looked cute and fashionable and more like me than I had (or had felt) in awhile. Woo! So when I did walk into my local coffee house, I held my head a bit higher, walked with a little more swagger and just didn’t even think about other people’s judgment of me. Wow! That felt good? Yep! Shocking!

I will hold that feeling in my thoughts for awhile and remember them when I am starting to feel the old anxieties creep back in, because they always do. It’s just part of being human. I mean, if Cher still gets stage fright, shit, I shouldn’t be worried at all! Another thing that has really helped me is having a song that gets you fired up. Now I’m a bit off beat in this way, but I love this one song by my fave singer of the 1930’s & 1940’s Betty Hutton *sigh*, and I would put that song on repeat in the car on the way to the venue and sing along, really belting it out, over and over, until I felt I had expelled my anxiety. It became such a source of strength for me. It helps that the song in the movie it’s from is used as somewhat of an audition for her character, but it works for a lot of things I have found.

I’m especially terrible when going to parties. Oh how I used to love them, but I was dating Jose Cuervo at the time (Ha!). Now? Oh dear Maude! Now I am a bundle of pressure and stress and nerves and that’s just the getting dressed or wrapping a gift part. The drive over itself? Oh I’m such a mess. I don’t know why, but I always think I’m going to walk into a party in full-swing and lose my motor skills! Like I’ll smile and say hi and embrace the host/ess and then my tongue will literally fall out of my mouth and droll all over the place. Fears don’t have to be rational. Ha! But being fat or exceptionally fat (I like that, I’m exceptionally fat, yo!), it can make things feel even more intense than they are for many of us.

What have you done to squash your fears and anxieties? Have you kept yourself from something you want to do because of them? What has being publicly fat been like for you? Tell me about it! 

Thanks,

<3
S

My usual morning routine: *alarm goes off* Jump out of bed, head to the restroom to relieve bladder, take a shower, moisturize like the dickens, blow-dry hair, get dressed while being attacked by a tabby, put on shoes while being mauled by a pug, kiss husband goodbye, head to the grocery store for supplies for the cafe, buy said groceries, drive 45 minutes to the cafe, park and carry many bags, drop bags and turn on many machines, prep/load groceries to their proper places, open cafe for business, make a cappuccino for myself. Ah!

I’m a no-fuss kind of gal. I don’t put on make-up unless I have tons of extra time (I always make a mess) or it just tickles me to do it or I have an occasion to wear it. I only started to blow0dry my hair in the morning when I got my hair cut short, it’s so fast and easy this way. Before, when my hair was shoulder-length or a bit longer, I would simply pull it back while wet. My work uniform is basically jeans and a top, rarely varies. Running a cafe is messy work and coupled with an apron this uniform allows me comfort and durability. I exclusively wear Keen brand shoes to work as they are the most comfortable I have found.

I don’t dress for anyone else but myself. This hasn’t always been the case, but it is now and I’m quite fine with that. In my last career (corporate trainer in customer service and computer skills), I had to look professional. I was surrounded by the upper reaches of the corporate ladder and thus had to “fit in” or look a certain way. When I was first promoted to this position, I barely had a thing to wear. I relied on Lane Bryant and Avenue because they were local and I could just pop in and buy one piece at a time. When I found LB’s Madison Trousers (R.I.P.) I was in love! I have short legs, ginormous ass/thighs and a waist (not a small one but it’s there). Their 28P fit like a dream! My first pair were black, but I later got them in grey and a heathered beige. LB’s camis also saved me plenty of times when I didn’t have much to wear but a cami and a cardigan! Man, those things rocked!

When I began to give presentations and things in front of large quantities of people, I sought out blazers and more classically professional gear. And there in lies the expensive bit! A blazer, even the halfway decent one I got at Avenue, costs hella money, yo! I think I paid $49 just for my plain, simple, classic, black blazer. Yikes! I also already had a tuxedo style one from LB that I would pair with dressier tops. I mixed and matched and added little things to these staples as I went along. But that wasn’t the end of the fitting in thing. Oh no!

OMG! SHOES! For many a fat, shoes are the playing field leveler! Anyone can wear shoes, duh! NO! Here I was in an office full of fancy ladies: fake nails, perfect tans, flawless make-up, dressed to the 9’s and very high heels! What?! Oh Noes!!! Yeah, I was doomed. I had never worn the things, never had to and never felt terribly inclined. At this point in my life I knew I had wider than average feet, but I was still shopping at Payless Shoe Source because that’s where I’d always bought my shoes! Not only that, but I would later discover that I’d been wearing the wrong size shoes for many years! (I was wearing 7’s and 7W’s, but I’m truly an 8W.)

I bought some shoes with shorter heels. I tried wedges and chunky heels and everything in between. Kitten heels were in suddenly and I had one patent leather pair I adored! But they all fucked up my feet like nobody’s business! I would dread having to walk or stand for very long. I would make excuses to not go on lunch dates with work pals. I was missing out! Because of some silly notion that I had to wear heels. When a new co-worker moved into our office we bonded over shoes and our in-common wide feet. I shared catalogs and we placed orders together. It was like when you first start dating someone and everything is just clicking.

When I broke my foot on the job (just walking, nothing crazy, wasn’t even wearing heels that day), I knew I could never worry about fitting in or wearing heels again. I had had enough! Not to mention that I had to wear a splint on my foot for what seemed like ten years (a few weeks). What became so apparent to me then was how important comfort and support are. Not just in footwear, but fashion, friends, significant others: Love and support and comfort are necessary to be your best you! Radical stuff, no?

While I love fashion’s wild side and often wish I could do my eyeliner evenly (let alone those lovely winged liner styles) and wear my hair in all sorts of over-the-top dos, it’s just not me. I’m a Doc Marten’s and denim gal. Gimme a flannel and a granny dress with combat boots and watch me conquer the fucking world! Sure, I go through phases when I wear a certain style OUT! But in the end I just wanna be comfy, ya know? I just want to be me, whatever that means on that particular day. When I find myself in the job market again, I’ll wear my business attire, but the shoes will be my own choice! I shall not bend to peer pressure or long to be someone else.

I was reminded of this several months ago when a friend began a new job. This friend and I had so much in common, especially when it came to dressing comfortable and not wearing make-up, things like that. This new job she started, well, most of the ladies she worked with had fake nails, wore Mary Kay, smoked cigarettes and dressed more fancy than she was used to. She resisted at first. I encouraged her to stay true to who she was. In the end though, they won. She started smoking again (after having quit for quite awhile), got fake nails, started buying make-up. While this is hardly the reason we’re no longer friends, I have to admit it was a bit bizarre to see someone I thought I knew transform, almost before my eyes, into someone else entirely. It made me sad, ya know?!

My point is (what? a point? I know, right?! ha!), when you get dressed in the morning, ask yourself who is it all for? If it’s not for you, then who? And why? Are you being your best you or trying to fit into something you’re not entirely comfortable with? I encourage everyone to do this:

Question        every        damned        thing!!!

<3
S

I was so fortunate to have a chance to talk with Dr. Pattie Thomas about all things fat! I had such a blast, I know you’ll enjoy this one. Please check out her book (I am saving my pennies y’all!) and let us know what you think!

You may listen to the podcast here on the page (player is below) or on

iTunes here or search podcasts for: NotBlueAtAll (please subscribe if you are able).

Her book and info can be found here: www.ITakeUpSpace.com (it’s also on Amazon.com)
www.PearlSongPress.com publisher of fatty books!
Fat Liberation Manifesto
Fat! So? by Marilyn Wann
http://fattypatties.blogspot.com
Health At Every Size By Linda Bacon PHD
http://2011revolutions.blogspot.com/  So much stuff in this one, really take some time to explore!
#HAES from Twitter.com

NAAFA National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance

Thanks so much for listening/reading!
<3

S

Podcast Episode Three.lite

Not sure about you, but I sure as hell am sick and tired of the “status quo” and all of their supposed quo-ness! Ha! If you haven’t heard about Golda Poretsky’s tele-classes, well, you’re in for some good stuff!

I first found Golda’s blog over at bodylovewellness.com and signed up for a free tele-class with the topic “Feel sexy at any size.” I found it quite informative and fantastic for those who haven’t been around teh fat-o-sphere for very long or who are struggling with their body acceptance. I was quite happy to be in the class, however, even though it wasn’t something I was struggling with at the time (because Maude knows we all struggle from time to time).

Now Golda has assembled a group of amazing women who are at the forefront of the revolution for a free tele-summit! They will explore everything from plus size fashion to bigger bodies in art and the science of Health At Every Size. And the people she has lined up? Well, I am just in awe and cannot wait for this to begin! You can view the schedule and guests here. You can register here. I registered and am so excited!

I think that this will be quite an important event for the fat-o-sphere. I’ll do my best to recap the day after each call for those who are unable to attend, but I’m sure Golda will also have recordings available after as well. I would love to hear from anyone else on the calls, too. Perhaps the day after each one I’ll post some thoughts and topics and we can get to discussing in comments…sound good?

Please do consider registering, it’s free and for sure you’ll learn something from these amazing, revolutionary women!