I think it’s important to have someone to call/text/email when you’re going to be dealing with family for the holidays. That support is so vital. I know it is in my life and if you have someone like that in yours you know all too well. But without that support such endeavors can seem futile or worse. So I think we should start setting up little networks of support with and for each other online so that when we are in that mega time of need we will know who to reach out to for support!

Please comment with your concerns or email addresses and we’ll see if we can get people connecting. For now I offer my own email for such support, and now that I have one of those smarty phone dealies, I can read those emails on-the-go! notblueatall at notblueatall dot com, do reach out if you feel the need. Don’t hesitate, second guess or question yourself…just do it!

And don’t worry, my “life stuffs” series isn’t over yet. But in case you missed ’em, here ya go:

Step 1: Stop Giving A Damn

Step 2: Do What Makes YOU Happy

Step 3: Keep Going

Step 4: Be Honest Even When It Scares You/Them

Step 5: Be Brave

Step 6: Take Lots Of Pictures

Step 7: Let Go

I do hope that these have helped you as much as they have helped me. I hope you keep these in mind when dealing with haters and assholes and people just who just don’t get it and may never will…but also for those who may also need such guidance and advice when they are dealing with their own struggles and journey.

I would love to hear from anyone who has had any experiences using the steps. Have you tried taking pics of yourself? Have you bought a cape or tiara? Have you been truly honest and stopped lying all together? Have you considered letting go of a relationship in your life? How are you brave today? I want to hear from you! I would love to do a series of guest posts or picture essays…I know how much it helps me to see others doing radical and awesome things and I want you to know that I know for a fact that it helps sooooooo many people when you do.

So as you go about your holiday business, don’t forget to honor and trust yourself. Be honest with yourself and others. Let people know if they have disrespected you or if they rock your socks! Keep going!!! Because you are incredible and amazing and you are worth every ounce of effort and energy and love in the universe! <3

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I’m also planning a big fat liberation/acceptance/pride event in San Jose, CA this January. I don’t have an official website for it yet, but here’s the FB event page if you’d like to share…please do! The website should be up soon and more info will be added to the event page as things get confirmed. Hope to see you at “Fatty Affair!”

You ever get ready to go out but don’t wanna fuss or anything and truly you just wanna be comfortable? I think we have all been there in some way, right? Well, last Monday night I was getting ready to go to karaoke with my BFFs and I just wasn’t in the mood to dress up. I was already wearing a perfectly comfortable t-shirt and jeans, why fuck with a good thing? So I threw on a necklace and a vest and this neat-o feather thingy I got at Joann’s and just went with it. The feather thingy sort of looks like a little flower, but it’s feathers, so it looked like a casual boutineer. I was feeling quite fabulous actually. This insta-outfit was almost exactly “my style”. I popped on a couple of bracelets before heading downstairs and ta-da!

I’d wanted a classic black vest for years and finally found one a couple of months ago at Kohl’s of all places! I had a ten dollar off coupon and was shocked when the vest actually buttoned up! I wore it with my costume for Halloween this year, but this is my first attempt at rocking it classic old school 90’s style, yo! What do you think? I still like it, though I’m not as in love with the outfit now that I’m not wearing it. The necklace was on clearance at Avenue, the t-shirt is old navy from about 3 years ago, the jeans are Avenue Denim Lite straight leg-discontinued, and I’m wearing my not-yet-famous-but-totes-should-be five dollar doc martens. They’re a size too big, but for five bucks including shipping? I couldn’t say no…and they’re so comfy!

I’m so over other people’s expectations anyway, this outfit to me says exactly that. This is who I am, take me or leave me, that’s your choice, man.

What outfit makes you feel this way? Are you secretly wanting to rock a style you’ve never tried before? What’s stopping you?

am sick and tired ofhttp://www.allpricer.com/dental/dental-costs-estimate

This is the sixth in a series of things that have helped me, I believe in, or people have asked me to share. Basically, things I do or think or whatever that have helped me be a better person, activist and positive fat lady. Check out  Step 1,  Step 2, Step 3, Step 4 and Step 5.

Step 6: Take Lots Of Pictures

One thing I realized while recently going through old photos was that there are very few pictures of me between the ages of 14 and 19. You see, I was in an abusive relationship. I had my once vibrant and endless self-esteem taken from me by an older man who took more than just that. For five years I was hidden away from the world and my friends and even my family. I had no joyful times or travels or anything other than misery to possibly capture on film. The few times I did snap some pics were mostly of still life/nature things. I have no idea what I looked like or how a camera would have captured my misery, or not, during this time. It seems once I escaped the clutches of abuse, the camera was once again an often present companion seeking out new adventures and friends and things. I also realized that there are very few pictures of my little brother and sister after my mom left.

Pictures are a funny thing. We love to look at our parents old pictures and laugh at their hairstyles or fashion choices. We love to see our grandparents wedding photos and sigh and swoon at the old timey romance of it all. Baby pictures are typical fare and are a great conversation starter for family gatherings; everyone saying the infant in question looks like old so and so. Then you reach whatever age it is that self-consciousness feels like knives in your face and you don’t want your picture taken or for anyone to see photos from your past, either. And if you were fat before or during this “whatever age” then it can be all the more painful to see or remember.

The thing is though, pictures are bookmarks in time. That Smurf top from Kindergarten? My fave! Oh how I wish they could make that exact top with the peter pan collar and key hole tie in front in my size now! I loved that shirt so much. It may have been the first and last item of white clothing I’ve owned. Ha-ha! And I know that at that age I wasn’t yet concerned about the giant gap in my front teeth. This was before the bullying and the abuse, before mom left. Before I cared what anyone thought of me. I was terrified of adults that weren’t my parents at the time, but kids? I loved them all and instantly made friends, if even for an hour, on the playground of the local parks. Without that picture of my five-year-old self in front of the kindergarten playground in my Smurf top I might not remember all of those details.

And some of you  may recall my post about a picture I’d found from when I was about 15 or 16. It still surprises me what others see in photos of me. There was a picture of me looking very odd and sort of out of it and a friend’s boyfriend at the time said I looked super hot in that picture. I thought it looked like someone else entirely. Perception is a funny thing. And it changes so much over time. And this is why I ask you all to take more photos! You may not enjoy or appreciate them now, but you will, I promise! I can look at that photo from back when and see the innocence I’d once had. And to look back and actually think, “Wow, I don’t know what that boys’ problem was, I was fucking hot!!!” it’s fun and nice. I think about how far I’ve come since then I have to step back and breathe for a minute. It’s just astounding!

If you’re reading this, you’ve already decided for yourself that there is a better and healthier way to live your life than the bullshit self-hate/diet cycle. You’ve already realized that you’re better than that. You’re on your own journey toward self-acceptance or perhaps you’ve been on your journey for some time now and all of this is old hat. Either way, take more pictures! You don’t have to share them online if you’re not ready, but it is quite fun/exciting/liberating sometimes. No one says you have to take nudie shots or whatever. I’m more talking about capturing moments in time anyway. But whatever you do, just do it for you. Do it for the future you and your future relatives and whatnot, because someone will enjoy them!

I highly recommend practicing taking pictures on your own first. It is how I learned what angle/face/etc looks best or works best for me. I even went out of my way on occasion to take the worst pics ever so as to not repeat later on and to see just how “bad” they could be. This way you also control who has access to those pics and wether or not you’d like to keep or delete them. Gotta love digital cameras! Now I don’t shy away from the camera anymore. In fact, I don’t even shy away from the video camera! I recorded a video of my friends and I singing the other night and I am enjoying the editing process simply because my inner critic seems to be on permanent vacation! I love it!

So, invite some friends over, have a few drinks, bust out the camera and see what happens! It sounds like a super fun time and you should totally invite me over, too! Ha-ha! Seriously though, once you get passed all of the body hate we place upon ourselves, often unwittingly, you can start to appreciate and have fun with this stuff. Try different angles or candid shots or action shots. There is nothing I like to see more than fat-in-action shots! Which, hey, I need to take some of those! Put up a fun/funny background and do silly portraits or corny poses. Wear matching scarves or something and have a blast! Once you start, if you allow yourself some judgment free head space and time, I know you will start to enjoy it, too.

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I hope you are ready to experiment, not just with taking pictures, but of trying the other steps in this series. Have you been liking this latest series of posts? Have you tried any of the steps? I would love to hear from you! In fact, I would love some guest posts with your thoughts/experiences/pics/etc from the series.
Please hit me up! notblueatall at notblueatall dot com

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