Were you on the call last night? What call? The BodyLoveRevolution.com Telesummit! That’s what call! Last night’s guest was none other than Marilyn Wann! Can I just say now that I loved every moment?! It felt an awful lot like listening in on some secret fat-rebel meeting or something. Like I was peeping the fat secrets! I was inspired, of course. I am not sure anyone wouldn’t be listening in. I took all kinds of notes, but I think I need to let some of them simmer a bit to fully plot what I want to do with them. If you haven’t been on any of the telesumit calls (last night’s was the third), go register now and you can listen to past recordings, too!

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Fat Hate: We Just Wanna Live Our Lives!

Something struck me last night when the topic of fat hate and it’s various results and consequences came up; all any of us want (dare I say anyone in the world?) is to live our lives! That’s it! Just live and let live, right? So why do people feel the need to interfere, intercept or downright intervene?! It’s silly, really. What good thing as come from hating a specific group or person? Anything positive at all? I can’t think of anything.

When I was five (or four, can’t remember) my first self-chosen record (this being vinyl, not cassette or as yet invented CD), it was Cyndi Lauper’s “She’s So Unusual.” And of course the big hit off that record was “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!” It was everywhere, it was 1983 and Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” was the next one I got (though the entire family enjoyed it). Something about Cyndi struck a chord with me and hasn’t let up since. I begged my dad to let me do my hair like hers: shaved on one side with wild ratted-up colors on the other! I was FIVE! He said no. No debate, just no. Ha-ha!

The message in her songs and especially her big single was simply that girls (people) want to be left to do as they will. Not in spite of or despite other people or opinions, but to just be and do as they like. Isn’t that what freedom is all about? While listening to Golda & Marilyn last night I was suddenly reminded of that feeling I got, laying on the living room floor, reading the lyrics on the jacket while Cyndi blasted through the speakers of the family turn table. The feeling of joyous rebellion! The feeling of finally knowing what I wanted! The feeling you get when you identify with someone else’s thoughts/beliefs/opinions/ect. I wanted to be free to do what I wanted with my hair and my life. Profound for a five year old, perhaps, but I do see now how this shaped my life.

As fats, we don’t always get to live quite as freely as we’d like. Sure, we can walk down the street and not care what anyone thinks. But then someone drives by and yells some hate at us. I’m making no comparisons here, but replace the word fat with something else and it will come across as far more violent and scary a thing to experience. And it can often feel like you are being physically attacked. In a way, we are, we all are! There’s no proper or helpful response to this, either. There is no recourse or a mode of action that would prevent it from happening ever again. We choose to walk anyway. We choose to go about our lives as we please. All the while hoping that one fine day the hate will stop, and we’ll be free of that, too.

It seems a daunting thing to consider when you just want some fresh air or to walk the dog, for fuck’s sake! But it is a reality that we deal with. I hate to think about the fatty that cannot bring themselves to go out and enjoy such a simple thing due to the fear of being attacked for simply looking a certain way. But it is a reality. And sadly, it is one that there is no easy solution for. You can let the absurdity of that hateful moment roll off your back, it may hurt too much to do so, but we grow stronger over time or we find a less populated route to walk in. And some of us simply go about our lives knowing this will happen, and ready or not it will at some point, and either don’t care or somehow find a way to relish in the stupidity of such shallowness and hate.

I don’t have an antidote or solution for such things, but I do still walk the dog in my neighborhood. I am still fat in public and I don’t care who knows about it. Let’s face it, my size cannot and should not (in my opinion) be hidden. I live a life out loud, so to speak, and would rather enjoy what I can while I can than hide from the world that would rather have me disappear all together anyway. Why live on someone else’s terms? Why hide? It’s not easy, sure, but wouldn’t it be better to at least try to live in your own terms even if that bubble gets popped from time to time? For me it is. And it is easier when you’re not alone.

I do find my version of rebellion to be a joyful experience. Whether this means going strapless in public or having some pretty deep discussions about body politics with my cafe’s customers, I find a way to get joy from that. When a customer said that she’d rather have the terrible chemicals in a sugar-free syrup (I refuse to offer such things in my shop) regardless of the consequences (and there are many) than to ingest the calories? Well, I had no response for her. I smiled and let her be. In my heart I knew I had tried to reach her with the truth and some people will simply never accept anything other than their own beliefs. Just as I have given eggplant oh so many chances to taste better and be more palatable (oh so many attempts you have no idea), in the end I do simply hate it. Nothing personal against the eggplant, it’s a pretty thing really, but it’s just not going to happen for me.

It’s not that easy when you’re dealing with actual people. To be told to your face that you are unacceptable and nothing will sway or change this person’s opinion because they choose to hold onto this hateful belief of their? Well, it sucks and it’s bullshit but you have to find a way to deal with it to remain an active person in modern society. We all have our own ways of doing that, but I always feel that in that moment, all of my fat acceptance community friends are sitting on my shoulders cheering me on! Is that so strange? To know in my heart that I have the support of so many amazing people? I don’t think it is, because I’m sitting on your shoulders, cheering you on, too! Every day! I’m right there, “You can do it!”

Thank you for that. <3

This is a TMI Tuesday post, you know the drill by now don’t ya? If you know me or would just rather not know icky/personal things about me, please come back tomorrow for your regularly scheduled program, or something. HA! <3

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What band? How about the bra band and waist band? Good enough for ya? Yeah, famous! Ha! I’m talking about the issues that these areas have to deal with thanks to the ridiculously designed garments we’re supposed to wear. Ugh!

Waist band issues are certainly something all walks of life can relate to, right? If you wear pants, skirts, certain styles of dresses, tights, pantyhose, underwear, diapers…anything with a waist band, then you know what can happen. On the milder side you can get those indentations or lines from the garment or elastic pressing against your tender flesh. No fun, but usually not painful. Though I used to enjoy rubbing those lines in a relieving sort of way. But waist bands can cause way more problems than just that! And how?! Rashes, dryness, sores, boils, sweating, blisters, infections…the list goes on!

I used to wear classic 5 pocket denim jeans from Lane Bryant way back when (I’m talking 1997-2000 or so). They were thick and sturdy and did alright for the music store job I had. But man, those waist bands sucked! I would work my ass off all day just to have to deal with this extra thick band soaked in my own sweat that would thus give me pimples and all kinds of other issues. I remember long days of more manual labor intensive work where I would be in total pain and completely distracted because of the friggin’ waist band of these jeans. Luckily, years later, I found a style more suiting to my shape at Avenue and have since bought 7 pair so I won’t have to put up with that shit again! They are thinner and have some stretch and they lay just under my waist when standing (though lately the button seems to want to invade my belly button without it’s prior consent) and since I am my own boss they are fine for work.

I know jeans are difficult for anyone to find no matter their size, but I have had a terrible time finding ones that work with my giant thighs/ass but also work for my shortish legs. I am willing to bet that this is a typical thing though. And the issue with the waist bands causing a skin reaction, y’all have had this, right? I only occasionally have issues with this now, but when it’s crazy hot out it does come back. Perhaps more of a heat rash though.

Bra bands! Oh the under boob issues! This one I have yet to truly remedy for myself. I get mad issues from bras, man. I know I’m not alone! I have fairly big boobs (50DD I think, though I wear a 44DD in a specific LB bra because that’s as big as it goes and it’s comfy for a bra) and I guess somewhere along the way just assumed or was told that if you are big breasted you must a.) wear an under wire bra your entire life and b.) put up with marks, scarring, blemishes and such under your boobs and just shut up about it will ya?! NO! Do I shut up about anything? Heeeelllll No! Ha! But this is a never ending battle for me and a lot of ladies.

You get a bra that’s cute, but it hurts. You get a bra that’s comfy, but it’s ugly or wears out crazy fast. You get a bra that specifically does something (minimizes, cushion straps, insulated wires, etc) and either it doesn’t do what it promised or it wears out too fast and is no longer effective. And let’s not even get into the sizing issue! Ugh! But the fabrics used to construct these wonder garments? Mostly synthetics and rarely are they soft or supple at all and some are downright rough on the skin! I used to buy the criss-cross in the front style bras that were so popular in the 90’s, but then I found Lane Bryant’s bras to be more supportive. Then I couldn’t figure out my size (they didn’t offer fitting then) and would often have quadra-boob and not know it. Then I would get cotton ones from LB, loved them, but they would poke me in the arm pits! Or the under wires would pop out the sides. BOO!

The bras I have been wearing for almost 7 years are the convertible bras from LB. I bought one for my wedding (needed a strapless one that would stay put) and then kept going back for more and more until that was all I owned. What I love about it is that it has this gel/silicone piping along the bands and cups and it really keeps it in place, thus no chafing or rubbing. Plus it has some light padding so if it’s cold, no one can tell that my headlights are on! They have round and smooth cups. I can’t stand pointed or tubular cups. And yeah, it’s nice that if I have a dress or top that may require a different style that I can just convert it to suit my needs. However, I’ve only done this a handful of times as I use it as an everyday sort of bra. What I don’t like about it is that it doesn’t come bigger and so the first few wearings can be a bit uncomfortable. I’ve learned to hang dry them, but they still go into the washing machine. I don’t hand wash a thing! And I don’t iron or do windows, just sayin’! Ha!

I do still get a pretty impressive amount of blemishes/bumps/sores/etc under my bra band. It sucks! I try to give my rack a day off about once a week, but I generally feel immensely self-conscious when not wearing my usual bra. Both because the ladies aren’t where they usually are and this causes my clothing to fit strangely and so I am just not feeling like myself. But when I have an under boob sore? I try to wear a sports bra instead. Or, if I am at work or some other need-to-look-nice or be confident setting, I will wear a Pambra under my bra. A Pambra is basically a liner that sits between the bra and your skin. They also make them for tummies now! I don’t wear my Pambra every day, just when I have a painful sore or it’s going to be a hotter day and I may sweat there. I have tried powder to remedy this (I also get pimples or whatever between my thighs, arm pits and where the leg holes of my underwear sits due to what I believe is Hidradenitis suppurativa though I have not been diagnosed) but to no avail.

I recently heard about women who get these same types of issues where their bra straps lay on their shoulders. Oh man, I had not known about this and I am sorry to anyone who deals with it. Please share your tips or suggestions or horror stories in comments, you never know who you may help!

What issues have you encountered with the above bands? What has helped? What’s made it worse? What bras should I try out? Because I am seriously not loving LB these days and want to find a more permanently comfortable bra and with a 48/50 inch chest (under boob) it’s hard! Tell me all about it! =0)

Without anything specific in mind to write about today because I’m on a mission to rid myself and my business of traditional big-banking and merchant services (most ironic name for an industry that does nothing but rip off merchants) I figured I’d give you a bit of a potluck, if you will, of things and links of love and more! Enjoy and please, as always, go bananas with the comments! I love it! <3

Our own beloved Mrs. Sprat from lipidlove.blogspot.com gives us the total treat of a sex toy review! I heart her so!

Great friend of this blog and it’s writer (c’est moi), WithoutScene has gone and outdone herself by starting TWO new blogs. Yeah, she’s kind of amazing in an out of this world yet so down to earth you can’t believe it sort of way. Just the names of the blogs are fantastic, but then you read her posts and you just know there is a reason she is in our lives (she also blogs on bigfatblog.com): badassfatass.blogspot.com and finessingthefuckyou.blogspot.com check it out and prepare to be glad that you did! <3

Charlotte Cooper responds to a piece in The Guardian and if you don’t already read her blog all of the time, man, you are missing out! This post in response to the Guardian thing is ripped right out of my own brain, I tell ya. Keep on rockin’, Charlotte! We need your voice and your magnificent brain in this big fat fight!

Tomorrow evening is the 3rd telesummit from Golda Poretsky’s Body Love Revolution and her guest will be none other than Marilyn Wann of “Fat! So?” fame! You cannot miss this, I promise, it will be tons-o-fun! I’ll be there! Register for the call Here!

Get 20% off your entire order at Eden Fantasys with the coupon code SEXYTWIST with $5.95 flat rate shipping, discreet billing & shipping and free returns and exchanges. How could you possibly go wrong with that?!

Brian from Red No. 3 had an amazing post up about privilege. And for the record, I would probably link to nearly any post on this topic, but he simply has a way with words that always strikes a chord with me. Follow is rad blog and be struck as well.

Have you been catching all of the rad fatty love over at Adipositivity.com? I have! It’s def NSFW, but it’s so radical (in both meanings of the word) to see these amazing fat bodies doing such, well, normal things, but in front of a lens for all of us to enjoy. And I do! <3

In case you missed the post today, redvinylshoes.com’s Tasha Fierce is now over here at sexandthefatgirl.com and that is just the coolest name for a blog I’ve heard in ages! She will also be writing for Bitch magazine with a column of the same name. Woo!

I may be late to the game, but I love the new look of NAAFA’s blog! Check it out.

I had a bit too much fun Saturday night at a friend’s for a board game night and felt pretty cruddy yesterday, but still managed to get out and enjoy the unseasonal California sun with my husband, bff and pug. Quiet night in last night and since I’m no sports fan I could honestly not care any less about that whole super bowl thing yesterday. Ha!

What’s on your mind today? How are you feeling? What do you need to get off of your chest? Tell me about it! <3

Sometimes it can feel as though the world literally hates me/us/fats and wants us to know it! (Also, I swear a lot, you’ve been warned!)

Sometimes I just want to catch up on some fucking world news (funny doing this online when my community radio does a much better and stellar job: KPFA.org) without getting hated upon! Is that so much to ask? Of course it is, when you’re fat!

So I was checking out some news stories and saw a head line that grabbed my eyes:  New Anti-Sugar Ad Is Very Graphic (Trigger Warning as the video in the link depicts some nastiness) Hmmm…so I clicked it. *head desk*

I’m still on the fence about sugar. I love the stuff, don’t get me wrong, but I also know that what we use it for and how much of it and how processed the shit is…well, it’s scary! I have personally cut back on my sugar intake for no reason other than things started to become too sweet for my taste buds. My husband and I have to water down juice and other such things and often cut the sugar in a recipe or substitute for agave or honey when possible. I believe that he is a little more concerned about sugar than I am, but I’m very aware of what I eat and its ingredients. This is a personal choice and I am not promoting a damned thing! And I don’t believe that the ad inside the link above is the right way to go about it.

For one thing, it’s packed full of bullshit! The video, that is. Not only do we get the treat (SARCASM) of a few headless fatties, but we also get graphic images of gangrenous toes, someone being resuscitated from a heart attack and more. Why is this bullshit? Well, as the article attached to the video states:
“Those [effects] are not that common. They’re usually very end-stage,” Fendt said. “Those are generally in people with very, very poor control and not a lot of follow-up. It’s not like you get diabetes and you wake up a day later and your toes fall off.”

DAMMIT! Really?! Okay, before I move on, let’s address that quote: “poor control and not a lot of follow-up” BULLSHIT! “Poor Control” hmm…when the water that comes out of your fucking tap has more chemicals in it than your average energy drink (YIKES!!!), there’s a reason we fall victim to the tastiness of just about everything else. (Not really victim, poor attempt at humor on my part.) Not to mention that we have been marketed to since we were children that “Coke Is It!” and all that shit. So what if I am part of the “Pepsi Generation” (I think everyone in the world is according to Pepsi, ha!) and want a nice cold one from time to time. No, I don’t personally have soda on a daily basis*, but there is nothing inherently wrong with that if I chose to, either.

Control: It’s bullshit! Just like “will power” and all of those other so-commonly-used-they’re-obviously-bullshit-phrases/words. What it boils down to, I think, is that everything we do is a choice. You can absolutely choose to have a super big gulp for breakfast and a twinkie for lunch. No worries from me. It’s a fucking choice! There’s no morality here. There’s nothing that requires control or regulation (Maude knows they have been trying though), but to put out a “PSA” that basically says through images that if you eat/drink this way you will OMFGDIE! It’s just not that simple. Now poor nutrition can make anyone sick. Look around the world and you’ll find evidence of this. But it’s generally in nations and areas without options/choices at all. Are they “bad” people for not eating a healthy and balanced diet? Should they elicit some magical will power to hold out for better food? Fuck all of that! They eat what they can when they can to fucking survive!

And here we get yet another fat = death bullshit line. The fatty on the scooter may have had other issues besides his weight that has left him with mobility issues. And hey what’s that? Another fatty walking beside him! What about her? Is she going to die, too? (Oh wait, is that a spoiler for a sequel?!) Hey NYC Health Department!!! Over here *waves hands violently-arms all a-flappin’* You’re all kinds of wrong with this message. You guys should seriously check out our own US Surgeon General‘s thoughts on the subject.

I personally believe that the way to get people to eat healthier is to educate them on what they are eating and how that affects their body/mind/overall health/etc. And then leave it up to them! It’s a free country after all, no? But I also know that the choices you may have are much more difficult to make when you are near or below the poverty line. My husband and I can’t afford all of those gorgeous organic fruits and veggies that we used to love cooking with. We have to choose one thing over another. Growing up it was much much worse, too. My family subsisted on little more than rice/pasta, frozen vegetables (nothing wrong with that!) and ground beef. Bright yellow packaging with bold black lettering (nothing brand name entered our house that I can recall, except kool-aid and that was a treat.) A lot of people don’t have a fresh food type of grocer near their homes at all. Please, if you’ve read this far, do not comment that there is a choice regardless of income, I haven’t the energy or will to argue right now and I’ve had that argument too many damned times, I’m done.

Shocking people into not drinking sugary drinks? Poor choice NYC Health Department. Why not take the opportunity to explain how sugar works once ingested? I bet most people in this country don’t know or understand this. I just found out that a very good friend’s gall bladder ruptured from an overdose of vitamin B (Rockstar energy drinks are to blame, specifically). I had no idea that this was possible. And I love learning about nutrition and its affects on the body. But let people decide on their own what to do with this knowledge. And why not work with these major manufacturers to see if they could reduce the sugar in these things by 25% (without adding a damned thing else, please)?! And while I’m at it, why don’t we address the affects of Aspartame (what’s in most diet drinks)?! I think that’s doing more damage to more people than any of us realizes.

Also, sugar intake does not equal fat. In some it can and in others it absolutely does not! And diabetes? Don’t get me started on this again! (Great resources in comments on that post.) You cannot eat your way to diabetes!

Stop perpetuating bullshit stereotypes and start actually caring about the health of your city’s residents!
Fat people do have brains, too! Give us a chance to fucking use them!!!

Were you on the call last night? Not sure what I’m talking about? Check it out: www.BodyLoveRevolutions.com

I was, but I also had some technical issues and thus only heard the second half. Well, I was on the call 5 minutes early, even heard Golda getting things set up and ready for us and then she never came back on…that I could hear anyway. I was sitting patiently in my room, glass of wine, on the bed with my ear piece (who likes to hold the phone anyway?) and when I realized that it had been silent for 26 minutes, well, I was bummed. So I hung up and called back and somehow they were in the middle of the interview. Bummer!!!

This is why this is a non-recap. Golda interviewed Substantia Jones and some of her models. What I did hear was delightful. I heard nothing but positive fatty love-goodness and I needed a bit of that last night. The questions at the end were great, too. I am not sure that I will have time to listen to the recording of the interview today, so I apologize for this and hope that I can do a better job next week or perhaps forget trying to recap all together. Ha!

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Yesterday was my day off. I usually try to sleep in a bit and get my errands done in the morning and spend the afternoon catching up on the blogs and such and try to squeeze in a tv show or movie I’d saved for such an occasion. Only yesterday? Yesterday was weird, to put it simply. I only slept in an hour (cat decided it was time I get a move on, dammit). Then for some reason I wanted to do my hair differently. What did I do? All I did was part it on the opposite side. Who knew that this would become the beginning of the end of this day for me. Instead of my hair falling in my face and my just flicking it to the side, no, I would flick and more hair would be in my eyes! Duh! It was on the other side now! This was a constant issue as I tried to eat, walk, drive, type, you name it. Silly thing really, but it was there.

Then I was having some underarm and underboob issues (I get these sores/boils/blemishes that get very tender to the touch form time to time) and decided it best I give the gals a day off and put a sports bra on instead of my usual convertible cacique underwire bra. Then I grabbed a fave shirt I hadn’t worn in awhile and pulled a quick look together to go fetch some coffee and get those errands completed. The shirt has a gathering just under the bust, which looks lovely normally, but because my boobages were a bit lower than usual, well, this shirt sort of reflected my hair parting issue, I’d pull the sports bra up and the shirt down and so on and so on and so on…I changed into a t-shirt the moment I got home, but until then and as I went about those errands I felt so self-conscious and uncomfortable! Gah!

Then Trader Joe’s was out of my beloved Newton’s Folly Authentic Draft Cider *sob* and so that was a wasted stop. My bank fed me a line about my not having to incur the upcoming monthly fees and so I spoke with a “banker” (those guys at the desks as poopsed to the tellers up front). As I suspected, it was a line of crap! We will be switching banks by the end of this week and hopefully not incur a single fee. I’ve been banking in the same damned building nearly twenty years. The place keeps changing names (it is currently Chase), but it’s the same people who work there and I’ve had the exact same account and services…why the hell should I have to pay a monthly fee all of a sudden just because their share holders are greedy? (I’ve done the research and despite what you’ve heard it really does boil down to that.) I thanked the nice kid (he had to have been 22 tops) and left. He tried. Oh well.

I finished my errands and headed home. I had some things planned, but none of them panned out. NONE! I tried to keep it together, and I did okay, but after a truly wonky day and then the technical issue with the telesummit call? Well, I was frustrated. Had wanted to hit a movie last night with my BFFs, but that fell through as well. Finally my husband talked me into going out to eat (Denny’s is nice when you’re in the right mood) which helped a lot. In the end the day was a bust and I wanted to hit reset on the whole damned thing! When you’re getting ready to go to bed and all you can do is ask why over and over of yourself or the various choices you made that day? Yeah, the day is through.

I’m better today, hair is parted properly and as per usual, I’m comfortable and all…I’m now stressed out because I get that way sometimes. I’m okay though. And I feel like I’m not alone in yesterday’s weirdness. I saw quite a few of my friends/fellow fat bloggers saying similar things. I wish we could hug each other and reassure one another. I wanted to post something on my Twitter about it, but in the end I fell silent. I felt I could offer nothing. Not even comfort. That is so unlike me! Ha-ha!

If your February started off in a strange way, you’re not alone. I feel for you! What can we do to make it better?

Thanks!
<3
S