I had read a comment on a blog yesterday from someone who said that when they were “heavy” (no weight stated) that they felt sluggish, hindered and just “gross.” And, well, quite frankly this pissed me right off!

We all have days when we aren’t feeling our absolute best, but I’m sick of people saying that weight holds us back from living a life we want. That is utter *bullshit! I’m somewhere between 300 and 340lbs and I don’t feel sluggish or hindered at all! My fat has never kept me from doing anything I wanted to do. NOTHING!!! I have flown all over Europe, walked the many streets of Rome & Paris (honeymoon) and taken a helicopter ride over Maui (only time I was required to buy two seats, based on weight: totally worth it!), worn a bathing suit in Hana, Maui in front of a bunch of surfers and tourists, amusement park rides (okay, one ride I couldn’t go on ’cause I didn’t fit but I secretly didn’t want to go on this one, it looked scary!), I walk and run and play with my puppy…you name it! My fat is my BFF and not my enemy, yo!

And since I’m already talking about what pisses me right off, I am sick of people telling me about their diet or weight loss as though it’s a positive thing. I won’t always rain on their parade with comments like, “You know weight loss is the key indicator of many fatal diseases?” but I have occasionally said, “Oh, I’m sorry for your loss.” And yeah, perhaps this comes across as snarky or mean, but shit, I didn’t ask about your fucking eating habits or ass fluctuations and you certainly have never asked about mine (you totally should though, it will be fun to think of a witty remark just for you). And the people who binge eat for two months solid, basically from Halloween to NYE, only to swear off “bad” food forever come January first. Fuck all of that!

I live each day in my body. I live each day and eat to live. I wake up in the morning and need to fuel my brain and body. I could give a flying leap if ignorant jerks want to judge me based solely on my size. I don’t judge you, please stop judging me! And celebrities and their ridiculous shilling for diet programs?! JUST STOP!!! No one believes you! In a year or two or five when you’ve gained back 20% more than you lost to begin with and you’re depressed and your career is floundering? Well, Oprah won’t be there for you to cry on and to relaunch a new diet program. And don’t come cryin’ to me after the way you trashed the fat! You’re a human with a brain, do the research! Read a damned book! Don’t take any corporation at their word, ever! And stop spreading fucking myths!

Please stop believing every word your doctor says. Your doctor is subsidized by big pharma! And who makes diet pills? Big pharma! Who makes diabetes meds? Two guesses! Who wants us all sick as hell so that they can keep shaking us by our fucking ankles? Big pharma! And I’m sick of it! I am fat and I am healthy and best of all I am mutha-fuckin’ happy! And thanks to FA I have no problem telling someone in my life that I don’t want to hear about their diet or new exercise routine. I make no bones about asking someone, respectfully, to filter me from their LJ when talking about these things. I don’t wanna hear it. If you don’t wanna hear something I have to say, tell me, I’ll filter you or ask why and try to understand your side. No worries! But to prescribe hundreds of millions of people to change all at once for no reason at all (IMHO)…FUCK YOU!

Just had to get this off my chest. Hope you understand. Feel free to gripe away in comments. Thanks! =0)

*I do realize that there are many people in the world with various health and mobility issues where their weight may be a hindrance to them. I am in no way representing anyone but myself here.

I had recently read a post on Tumblr that included the quote, “EATING SUGAR DOES NOT CAUSE DIABETES.  It just doesn’t.  You cannot eat your way to diabetes.” And it blew my ever-loving mind! But then, then I made the mistake of saying that exact quote aloud, to my friends. You can guess what the response was. Sadly, I hadn’t researched it and was given a giant shutdown by my nearest and dearest and with nothing to back myself up, I fell silent. You know that had to be hard for me. Ha! But seriously? Why isn’t this information out there? Why do people believe that fat = diabetes? Because it’s bullshit if you ask me.

Last night my husband and I got into this conversation again and again I explained my side of it and while he admitted he didn’t know much about diabetes (he has an aunt with it, she’s thin), he still held to the myth. In fact he said, “You or I could have it right now and not know!” to me, straight-faced. I was gobsmacked. WTF?! I explained that I know I don’t have it for two reasons: I have been tested every fucking time I walk into a clinic/hospital/doctor’s office simply because they take a look at me and demand the fucking tests (I just know now, no matter what my ailment to fucking fast the night/morning before the appointment). Also, no one on either side of my family has ever had it. Simple as that. My dear husband then pointed to the foods we eat and the foods I grew up with. HELLO? NOT GENETICALLY PREDISPOSED!!! Also, not good enough for him.

I don’t want to start a fucking debate or shit storm here. I honestly, just want the TRUTH! I understand lifestyle and environmental factors vary, but seriously, is everyone at risk? I don’t believe that my fat will suddenly cause me to have diabetes, but it bothers the shit out of me that he thinks it’s possible. UGH! Please, give me information, experiences, links, anything!

Here’s what I’ve found (but still reading through):

http://www.diabetes.org/
http://fa-diab.com/home.html
http://www.second-opinions.co.uk/diabetes_index.html
https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Diabetes

Please do not attack anyone, you will be removed permanently! Use your manners, have some respect for your fellow humans and let us all discuss this openly and honestly, together!

Thanks. Y’all rock! (In case you didn’t know!)

Well, hello there!

I hope the past weekend didn’t do you in. I survived, in-tact even!

For today’s Tell Me Tuesday I want to talk about things we feel guilty for having/doing.

Today I will be participating in our second annual “Pajama/Video Game/Donut Day” which will include a movie this time around. I do feel guilty for having the luxury, but since I don’t get any sort of true vacation except this one week a year after the holiday, I’m not going to be too hard on myself.

What do you feel guilty about doing/having? Did you receive a holiday gift that makes you feel uncomfortable or question the relationship with the person who gave it to you? Did something happen over the weekend that you just have to tell someone or otherwise get off your chest?

Tell me about it!  =0)

Oh! Lesley’s post about Doc Marten’s Boots brought me right back to my freshman year of high school! *Grunge-swoon* I am finding myself super drawn to that way of dress, yet again! I just love the combo of something femme with something more masculine: granny dresses & docs! Yo! And I was just never without a flannel. I would often wear *gulp* a tie-dyed half-tank top with a big flannel over it (my dad’s usually) with jeans. I couldn’t afford docs. I had never even owned anything name brand. A friend of mine recently asked me, “How could you have gone your entire life without owning a pair of Levi’s?” My response, “Easy! I was poor and then I was too fat!” Ha-ha! It’s true.

I didn’t own my first pair of Doc Marten’s until I was 18/19 years old and I had snagged a miraculous pair of the classic air ware bouncing sole 8 eye boots (in classic black leather) at Ross for $20!!! I thought it was a fucking joke at first. So I went up to the checkout counter and, with heart a-flutter, attempted to buy them…and then did, successfully! I felt like I had robbed a bank that day! And whoa did I love the hell out of those boots?! I could do anything in them and did! I wore them and nothing else (shoes anyway) for years. Until they died and I had to find more comfortable shoes for work. *sigh* I have yet to find a similar pair since (I’m now 33, yo).

It is interesting to me though, when a person looks me in the eyes and asks why I’ve never owned _____. I always ask myself, “Do they not see the size of me? Are they oblivious? Are they stupid?” The answer is usually the second one, oblivious! How could someone who has never been fat or had to shop for fat-fitting clothing know or understand what that entails? They can’t! And often come across as ignorant, unfortunately. But you know, when I explain that they don’t come in my size, they usually look surprised or sad. Sad! And then I find myself comforting their sadness. WTF?! Now I try to say things like, “They don’t come in my size and so I won’t give them my money.” This helps both parties I think. Maybe…I don’t know.

But shoes, well, I love shoes! They take me places! Ha!

My second pair of Doc Marten’s were also purchased at Ross for the same price as the original ones I got but were the oxford style in brown. I love them! I trekked all over Europe in those bad boys. I still wear them often. I feel so much taller and stronger and just bad-ass in them! I feel like I am daring the world to fuck with me while wearing them. Sadly, they’re not comfortable enough for work  anymore so they only get worn on my days off. I am now searching for that original style pair. I scour eBay. I hope & dream. I can’t afford ’em, but who knows, another $20 pair could some my way someday. A gal can dream!

I’ve never truly longed for anything designer labeled until this year when the Beth Ditto line for Evans came out. I told myself not to look, why torture myself?! But I did! And oh how I wanted it all! But I’m still okay with not having those things. They’re lovely, but not for everyone. It does make me happy that such a thing exists in my size. I can only hope for more and more and more. I admit that I was devastated when Isaac Mizrahi came out with his line for Target that only went up to a size 16 (or was it 18?). I rushed to my local Target and found the massive display and then, Ack! Nothing for me. I ran over to the shoe department and was surprised, suddenly, how ugly his line was and sort of walked away all limp and puddley.

There are other major designers whose styles I love: Stella McCartney, Betsey Johnson, Vera Wang & Anna Sui to name a few…but they won’t get my hard earned moolah until they can cloth my 300+lbs ass! *middle finger* And my struggle to find knee-high boots to fit my giantess calves? Forget it! I’m (almost) completely done with that. “But Sarah, didn’t you just find a pair at Avenue that fit your calves?” Yes, I did…but they ain’t comfy and they kind of piss me off because they start out looking damn good and then start to bunch and buckle around my ankles leaving them sore and me cranky as hell. WTF?! AVENUE!!! *shakes fist*

I guess I’m at a point in my life where comfort trumps all. I just refuse to suffer for fashion and style. I love looking like me no matter what’s on my body and so that is that. I’ll keep my eye out for those Docs and granny dresses, but for now I’ll just stick with what I got and what I know. And try my best not to lust after what I cannot have. Certainly my poor dear of a mind will appreciate it. Ha!

What item instantly brings you back to the good old days? What have you lusted after but could never have? Tell me about it!

Notblueatall Podcast Episode Two (Player at the bottom)

Or on iTunes (Please subscribe if you can, Thanks!)

My guests this time were Brenda & Julie of TheBustyTraveler.BlogSpot.com Do check it out!

The post we were talking about “Double Double Featurette”

We talked about her friend Psycho Sue’s Blog: Sew Misunderstood-Fashion for Wayward Girls

Brenda’s Skirt tutorial!

Road to Wellville Trailer

This is the Etsy shop I got my “Know Fat Chicks” button!

Post on the LiveJournal Community Fatshionista about activism and grass roots ideas

My post with the business card that has a positive body message.

You Are Beautiful

Scene from Heathers that Brenda quotes: