Oh! Lesley’s post about Doc Marten’s Boots brought me right back to my freshman year of high school! *Grunge-swoon* I am finding myself super drawn to that way of dress, yet again! I just love the combo of something femme with something more masculine: granny dresses & docs! Yo! And I was just never without a flannel. I would often wear *gulp* a tie-dyed half-tank top with a big flannel over it (my dad’s usually) with jeans. I couldn’t afford docs. I had never even owned anything name brand. A friend of mine recently asked me, “How could you have gone your entire life without owning a pair of Levi’s?” My response, “Easy! I was poor and then I was too fat!” Ha-ha! It’s true.

I didn’t own my first pair of Doc Marten’s until I was 18/19 years old and I had snagged a miraculous pair of the classic air ware bouncing sole 8 eye boots (in classic black leather) at Ross for $20!!! I thought it was a fucking joke at first. So I went up to the checkout counter and, with heart a-flutter, attempted to buy them…and then did, successfully! I felt like I had robbed a bank that day! And whoa did I love the hell out of those boots?! I could do anything in them and did! I wore them and nothing else (shoes anyway) for years. Until they died and I had to find more comfortable shoes for work. *sigh* I have yet to find a similar pair since (I’m now 33, yo).

It is interesting to me though, when a person looks me in the eyes and asks why I’ve never owned _____. I always ask myself, “Do they not see the size of me? Are they oblivious? Are they stupid?” The answer is usually the second one, oblivious! How could someone who has never been fat or had to shop for fat-fitting clothing know or understand what that entails? They can’t! And often come across as ignorant, unfortunately. But you know, when I explain that they don’t come in my size, they usually look surprised or sad. Sad! And then I find myself comforting their sadness. WTF?! Now I try to say things like, “They don’t come in my size and so I won’t give them my money.” This helps both parties I think. Maybe…I don’t know.

But shoes, well, I love shoes! They take me places! Ha!

My second pair of Doc Marten’s were also purchased at Ross for the same price as the original ones I got but were the oxford style in brown. I love them! I trekked all over Europe in those bad boys. I still wear them often. I feel so much taller and stronger and just bad-ass in them! I feel like I am daring the world to fuck with me while wearing them. Sadly, they’re not comfortable enough for work  anymore so they only get worn on my days off. I am now searching for that original style pair. I scour eBay. I hope & dream. I can’t afford ’em, but who knows, another $20 pair could some my way someday. A gal can dream!

I’ve never truly longed for anything designer labeled until this year when the Beth Ditto line for Evans came out. I told myself not to look, why torture myself?! But I did! And oh how I wanted it all! But I’m still okay with not having those things. They’re lovely, but not for everyone. It does make me happy that such a thing exists in my size. I can only hope for more and more and more. I admit that I was devastated when Isaac Mizrahi came out with his line for Target that only went up to a size 16 (or was it 18?). I rushed to my local Target and found the massive display and then, Ack! Nothing for me. I ran over to the shoe department and was surprised, suddenly, how ugly his line was and sort of walked away all limp and puddley.

There are other major designers whose styles I love: Stella McCartney, Betsey Johnson, Vera Wang & Anna Sui to name a few…but they won’t get my hard earned moolah until they can cloth my 300+lbs ass! *middle finger* And my struggle to find knee-high boots to fit my giantess calves? Forget it! I’m (almost) completely done with that. “But Sarah, didn’t you just find a pair at Avenue that fit your calves?” Yes, I did…but they ain’t comfy and they kind of piss me off because they start out looking damn good and then start to bunch and buckle around my ankles leaving them sore and me cranky as hell. WTF?! AVENUE!!! *shakes fist*

I guess I’m at a point in my life where comfort trumps all. I just refuse to suffer for fashion and style. I love looking like me no matter what’s on my body and so that is that. I’ll keep my eye out for those Docs and granny dresses, but for now I’ll just stick with what I got and what I know. And try my best not to lust after what I cannot have. Certainly my poor dear of a mind will appreciate it. Ha!

What item instantly brings you back to the good old days? What have you lusted after but could never have? Tell me about it!