I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

When the going gets tough…


The tough get going, or so they say.

This past weekend was a lot of going. Saturday, I woke up with very red and swollen eyelids. No other symptoms, just looked like I got socked in each eye for no reason. I put an ice pack on them and got ready for my fancy tea date with my bff “Q”. She has wanted to take me to Love Joy’s in San Francisco for ages and promised to as my x-mas present, we’d gone to Lisa’s Tea Treasures in both their Campbell & Santa Row locations and always enjoyed ourselves. Love Joy’s, if the hype was to be believed, would be so much better. I can’t say that I was disappointed, per se, but I think perhaps my expectations were elevated from said hype and I wasn’t expecting such a small and noisy space. In any case, we had a blast! We dressed up, her in all white mod fabulousness and me in my retro-chic, Eshakti-loveliness. We gabbed and laughed and enjoyed our tea and sandwiches and scones. Then we ordered more sandwiches and scones…BECAUSE!!!

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There was an antique store across the street related to Love Joy’s that we had to check out. I was so glad that we did! I got this gorgeous black vintage hat to add to my collection. *Squee* “Q” got all kinds of neat-o things. We love little boutiques and antique shops so this was right up our mutual alley. With bellies full of too much tea (for real) we headed back down to the south bay for a trip to Daiso! We’d been talking about staring a YouTube channel “Daiso Life” for awhile and decided we should go to the one in San Jose neither of us have before. It went so well that we ended up going to Jo Anne’s Fabrics to choose the backdrop for our show and then to yet another Daiso. I should also point out that we’ve been friends for over 23 years.

With our loot loaded up in the car and my evening plans canceled we decided dinner was appropriate and had a lovely meal at the Elephant Bar nearby. YUM!!! I friggin’ love their food, even though I always get the same thing. I just know what I like! We were so exhausted after our full day of fun that she simply dropped me off at my place afterwards. I was grateful for the alone time to relax with my puggo.

The night before I’d had dance rehearsal with Tigress, we’re nearing the night of our big moves show and I’m turning into a basket case about it! They keep telling me I was just like this last year and it turned out alright, but somehow that’s not helping. I mean, I don’t consider myself anything close to being a perfectionist. But it has been giving me some heavy anxiety this past week. My job’s been keeping me nicely stressed and busy, too. After dance rehearsal my roommates dog was acting strangely and we all got very worried about him very fast. My roommate ended up staying home and staying up with him all night. The next morning she took him into the emergency vet and they discovered he had congestive heart failure. They insisted this could be managed with medication and care, keeping him calm would be important from there on out. She’d asked me to check on him when she was at work on Sunday.

My fella had been sick all week so I didn’t get to see him until Sunday. When he picked me up that morning I explained Toby’s condition (my roommate’s dog) and how we couldn’t play tug and fetch with him anymore. My roommate had text me just before he arrived that she took Toby back to the ER. As we pulled into the parking lot of Peet’s Coffee she text me that she had to put Toby down. I was in shock! I’d just seen him two hours ago! I couldn’t believe it. We were very quiet for awhile after that, but we both started to worry about my roommate. He thought of getting a picture of Toby framed to give to her and I just happened to have a recent one of him that looks like he’s smiling (he’s a Jack Russell Terrier). Then we got her favorite flowers and brought this all home to check on and give to her.


Needless to say that she is beside herself with grief. This all happened so fast and seemingly out of nowhere. Our landlord dropped off some gorgeous variegated roses for her. I gave her chocolate (a Toblerone, I used to call Toby that sometimes). Later I gave her wine and just let her cry and hugged her as much as she wanted. I knew there was nothing any of us could say or do to take that hurt away. My puggyman didn’t seem to know what was going on, he kept looking for Toby on and around the couch. Our house feels so differently now. I had no idea such a small creature could fill a house with warmth like that, so much so that it feels so empty now.

Monday when I woke up my eyes were worse than ever! They were so swollen that I could barely open them. I called in sick to work and put an ice pack on my eyes, then a hot compress and so on. In the end it was Benadryl that did the trick, but also knocked me out! I ended up sleeping a lot, but I think I just needed to. Marius is still looking for Toby every time he goes into the living room. He’s been giving my roommate snuggles whenever he sees her. I’m sure he knows something is up, but not what to do about it. Monday night he barked nearly ever ten minutes all night long! I barely slept and even still today I’m exhausted.

Last night I had another dance rehearsal with Tigress and we finally have our choreography down after a few tweaks here and there. We decided on costumes and scheduled our last rehearsal for Monday. I can’t believe it! It’s so soon! I did something to my left foot and have been limping all day at work. Ugh! I felt fine when I went to bed last night, so I don’t know what the hell happened. This morning when I was leaving for work, Marius tried to come with me. He’s never done that before. 🙁 I was supposed to see “Q” and her new animal companion (a gorgeous white cat) Luna Pearl tonight, but decided I needed to rest and try to not stress about everything instead tonight. There’s so much stuff I’ve been putting off doing, mostly cleaning my room and car out. I just don’t have the time or the energy lately.

It feels like everyone is going through some heavy stuff right now. I wish I had some incredibly positive and inspiring thing to say right now, but I don’t. I guess, I mean, just be kind. Take care of yourself and be patient when possible. I feel like we’re all just whizzing by each other in the world without seeing each other, without noticing or realizing the impact we have on one another. Be kind. Love. Find reasons to laugh. Hug someone. Pet an animal. Talk to nature. Do something silly.



For info on the Big Moves Dance Show, go here: events/the-next-big-thing/
here are two performances, one on Saturday June 14th at 8pm and Sunday June 15th at 2pm, in Oakland at Laney College. 🙂

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