Is there anything more difficult to escape than your past or your past self? I am certainly nothing like my former selves (I feel there were several at this point). I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I would be unrecognizable, but  nearly so. We let the past weigh us down and hold us back and we keep coming back for more…why?

I used to think that the best of times were behind me. Which, if you know me at all, is pretty fucking sad, all things considered. I no longer believe this though. Why? Because I keep having more and more awesome-fun-times and they seem to be adding up to way more than my past could ever hold or promise. Yet I find myself talking about past things often. It is hard to have a conversation without referencing something in your own past life in order to relate or empathize. There’s the crux of it for me.

My past is not positive, but my present and future are. At some point I chose to stop allowing certain people and behaviors into my present life. This gave me some breathing room to let go of my past. It is never easy, but such is life. There are aspects of my past that I will probably never be truly free of. My abuse survival is one of those things. It rarely comes up in conversation, but I no longer feel shame or guilt about it and am willing, almost always, to talk about it.

I want people to see that they do not have to be tied or identified by their past forever. You are not what was. You are what is! You are here, now! Isn’t that fabulous?! Every new moment is a chance to be and do better. We can learn and grow from our past, but to constantly live in or with it will hold you back from becoming or being your best self. You cannot fully live if you’re not fully present.

I know this because I have been there. I chose to dive and dwell into some deep and dark places in my past and my psyche. I also, later, chose to leave that all behind. It is draining and life is too fucking short for that shit. I want to have fun and learn all that I can from the world…now! I don’t live with regret and shame anymore. I am who I am because of my past, but I live for me now. And I hope you do, too.

There is no better time that this very moment to decide that you are worth more than your past and deserve the goodness in your future. That you can create and pave the way for that goodness by letting the old stuff go and just move forward. Ask for support, seek it and remember to support yourself, too! Check in with yourself throughout the day and see how you’re feeling and ask yourself what would make you feel better at the moment. I have found that simply taking a 2 minute break to walk or breathe deeply can be quite the refresher I needed.

I work on myself because I love and accept myself and want to be sure that I continue to do so. I need to check in and check on me to know that I am not falling into old patterns and behaviors or letting others, or my past, bring me down. If you’re not feeling strong enough, reach out! It will be the one thing you will wish you’d done sooner…that and letting go of the past. 🙂

I am always here to talk. I do not judge and will not make you feel like a burden or obligation (the worst in my opinion). Hit me up: notblueatall@notblueatall.com even just to say hi, but know that you can always count on me to listen, hug (if only virtually) and understand.  You are amazing!