With the whole lapband thing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lapband Note: no % of successes given) and of course the classic gastric surgery (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric_bypass_surgery mortality & infection rates are greatly underestimated on wiki), you’d think you’d be covered if you were looking for insane ways to fit into a thin-fantasy-centric society…but no! There’s a new way to hurt yourself:

http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/life/tongue-patch-hard-to-swallow-85182722.html

Yes! They are sewing onto her actual tongue a polyethylene patch so that eating food is painful! Aren’t you stoked? (Totally sarcastic, of course!)

Still think there’s a thin person inside of you waiting to get out? WAKE UP! If you’ve considered any scary procedure then you’re probably fat and so fucking what?! 2 in 3 Americans are fat! So you have friends! You are worth more than what any thin-inspired marketing campaign tells you. You are a human being who deserves to live without being discriminated against or shamed!

STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!