I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

My Brain Is Tired


My interview outfit from last night. Ugh! You can’t really tell, but the tights are a violet purple. I’m wearing t-strap mary jane docs (with a chunky square heel). The dress is from Eshakti (I don’t see black available but it’s come back before, also, splurge and get the custom sizing for $7.50, it’s so worth it!). Clutch is Avenue from several years ago and the headband, as always, from Ross (dress for less).

I don’t know if I got the job. The whole thing was a bit strange and not in the awesome way I had hoped. I couldn’t read the interviewer well and while I think she liked me, she seemed to believe the job was  beneath me. I am sick of that! Just give me a job, people! Who cares if my talents and abilities are beyond what the job will utilize, let me suffer through it if I must! Ha-ha! But she did say I was the most elegantly dressed interview she’d had all week. My response, “Thank you! I’ll remember that!” What? I know! I say silly things that make no sense to me. When I said that to my husband he said, “Well, you will remember that.” He’s right. ha-ha! Oh well.

I’m not terribly excited about the job anymore. Turns out I had it confused with another job listing. Ugh! My brain! She fucks with me sometimes. I am quite embarrassed actually. So, the job listing I thought it was, was for a “Bad Ass” admin…the job I interviewed for yesterday? “Office manager/admin” Shit! I wrote the word “Bad Ass” all over my screening submission! I’m an ass! Oh well. It wasn’t as creative/exciting a place as I’d imagined anyway. It was kind of fun to get excited about something so unknown for a minute and I did school them on “the obesity epidemic” bullshit they’d bought into prior to my submission. To quote a White Stripes song, “Oh well oh well oh well!”

It’s Friday! I’m in a good mood despite the fucked up and weird week I’ve had and just chillin’ with my puggyman today:

Also, going to finally test out my new and bizarre espresso machine this weekend! Just gotta get a couple of supplies this afternoon and I’m set. What beans did this connoisseur of coffee ultimately buy? The Garuda Blend from Peet’s! Ha-ha! I can’t get enough of that stuff (whole bean always and forever babies!)!

17 Comments to

“My Brain Is Tired”

  1. On September 30th, 2011 at 10:48 am Amanda Says:

    Wait…they brought up the “obesity epidemic” at your interview? huh? How unprofessional is that.

  2. On September 30th, 2011 at 10:54 am Not Blue at All Says:

    @Amanda: No way, I’d have flipped out! Ha-ha! No, it’s a design company and while doing some research checked out their portfolio that had a product for kids. It’s a great product, but their motivation and writing about it was all about obesity prevention and shit. I linked to the NAAFA child advocacy tool kit and linda bacon’s page and other resources while explaining the problem with the language they used. But again, I thought I was applying for a “Bad Ass” role and not just an office manager, so I may have over done it a bit.

  3. On September 30th, 2011 at 10:57 am Chutti Says:

    Wow! You had a real adventure, didn’tcha grl? I know you had mentioned you were going to engage with them on their “obesity epidemic” marketing for kids. But to go all BAD ASS on them inadvertently? Oh, you rock. Even if it wasn’t on purpose.
    Yes, Me thinks you SHALL remember this one.

    Even if it wasn’t what you intended to do, you still put your best self out there.

    Oh, and I totally feel ya on the ” you’re overqualified” BS. It is totes up to me to determine whether I am comfortable doing a job or not. For many years, I had a “fancy” job and a blue collar job at the same time. I actually worked on a loading dock in a dress and Doc Martens. It’s up to me if I KNOW I can do the job and hang around, OK??

    You are so brave putting your real self out there in interviews. I hope it pays off in a job where you get respect for doing something you care about. Work it, grl!

  4. On September 30th, 2011 at 11:06 am Not Blue at All Says:

    @Chutti: Had I known this wasn’t the “Bad Ass” job, I doubt I would have put myself fully out there like that. So this is what I’m taking away from the experience. You know, why not be myself as much as possible?! Thank you!

  5. On September 30th, 2011 at 11:49 am Fattiboombalatti Says:

    That dress is so delicious on you I LURV it. If you aren’t feeling the interview then its probably not for you. Interviews go both ways, its not always “will you hire me?” but also “do I want to work with yinz?” (yinz is Pttsburghian for you all!) I am job hunting now so I am having to constantly keep that in mind for myself!

  6. On September 30th, 2011 at 11:57 am Not Blue at All Says:

    @Fattiboombalatti: Yep, you’re super right about that! I had a strange moment when I realized something wasn’t right during the interview. She asked what made me apply, and I said that the ad was so unique and she said, “It seemed like a standard job listing to me.” OOPS! This morning I cross checked and sure enough, wrong job! Oh well. Thank you, I do love that dress!

  7. On September 30th, 2011 at 1:07 pm Twistie Says:

    Love, love, LOVE the dress. I’ve been considering ordering it for myself once funds are available.

    You know what? If that job isn’t for a BAD ASS, it wasn’t yours to begin with. OTOH, you never know what your badassery will open their minds to, even with one exposure. And if they do decide that your badassery is useful to have around, well, that would be cool.

    Whichever way it goes, I think you took the right tack. After all, if they were horribly put off by the real you, you wouldn’t be who they wanted to hire anyway. And if they do decide they’d like to hire you, well, you know then that they are open to your fabulosity and non-conformist self.

    It’s sort of like when my brother the alpaca rancher used to wear his Bullwinkle tie to accounting job interviews. He did it deliberately, because he knew that any place that noticed the tie and hired him was one where his sense of humor wouldn’t get him into trouble. And anyplace that would turn him down based on a cartoon character tie wasn’t anyplace he wanted to work, anyway.

    My advice is to approach every interview as if they were asking for a BAD ASS, whether they are or aren’t. You’ll be much happier working someplace that has room for your brand of badassery, and they’ll make better use of your mad skillz.

  8. On September 30th, 2011 at 3:00 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    @Twistie: That is what I needed to hear! Thank you! You’re so right. Even though it was my mistake, I certainly don’t regret doing it the way I did. =0)

  9. On September 30th, 2011 at 6:09 pm thirtiesgirl Says:

    Good for you for schooling the organization on size acceptance. I think I would have been way too afraid to do something like that (potential authority figures can really freak me out), but I’m so glad to hear you had the strength to do it. I wish I had it myself.

    I recently heard from my ex-boyfriend who’s been unemployed for almost 9 months. He just got hired at a new job utilizing his social work skills after nearly 9 months of looking. He’s making a little less money than he was making at his previous job, but he’s happy to be using his skill set, and the organization has told him that he may get a raise if their grant comes through. …Point being, don’t give up hope. If he can find something after 9 months (and he’s got some issues on his employment record, like 2 DUIs, which can be problematic in getting hired), I have hope that others looking for work will find something, too.

    And of course I love the pug. They’re adorably cute. One of my favorite dog breeds.

    …Now I have some kind of personal questions, if you don’t mind me asking. If you don’t want to respond to them publicly on your blog, or respond at all (which I completely understand; not everyone wants to share personal info), you can send me a message at, my personal e-mail addy. Here’s a little background before my questions. I’ve lived in Los Angeles for almost 14 years and have been considering leaving LA for a while. I grew up in SoCal, have visited NorCal many times, and the Bay area is one of my favorite places in the world. I know you live in the area, or a suburb of it, and I’ve started to notice that several other size positive bloggers live in or around the Bay area, and of course there’s the NoLose conference in SF every summer. With that in mind, would you say that the Bay area is becoming a more size friendly place, or at least a place where there is a growing population of size activists? And here’s where things get more personal… does your hubs work in the IT industry, or do anything in Silicon Valley? I ask because as a single gal, I’d like to move to an area where I can hopefully meet more guys who are not always looking for the “Hollywood hottie,” and because I have this (perhaps mistaken) assumption that guys who do some kind of IT work, or possess the ‘nerd cred’ to have a Silicon Valley-type job, are more accepting of women with different body sizes. I could be completely wrong about that, not having a whole lot of experience dating IT guys. I’ve dated my share of nerdy guys, but their ‘nerd cred’ basically extended to computer games and monthly Dungeons & Dragons meetings, erring more on the side of ‘geek’ than ‘nerd.’ So I don’t really know too much about Silicon Valley guys, and am just curious if you have more knowledge than I do on this subject. …Ugh. Ok, now I’m completely embarrassed, but you don’t learn unless you ask, and I’m in a position to learn.

  10. On October 1st, 2011 at 8:22 am Not Blue at All Says:

    @thirtiesgirl: Didn’t you know that I’m the “Queen of TMI?” No worries! I do live in the Silicon Valley! I love it! I grew up about 20 miles north and prefer the south bay. Having said that, this has been the fattest summer of my life! Yes, more activists in general live here, fat ones as well. But I have spent the last several weekends driving to and from Oakland and San Francisco (but mostly Oakland). There are many fat bloggers and authors and activists (sometimes that is all in one person!) but I wouldn’t call it a fat utopia yet. Though Marilyn Wann is working towards a fat community center, so that sounds like utopia to me!
    Guys? Uhh, all kinds of guys. I mean, it really depends on what you’re looking for. I didn’t dip too far into the geek/nerd pool back when I was dating (though my roommates were those dudes, easily), but there is such a variety of men in the bay area that I wouldn’t even try to limit yourself like that. Ha-ha! My guy is not in IT, furthest from it actually, but I would guess that the IT types of jobs are fairly spread out all over the area. Perhaps concentrated in San Jose, Mountain View and SF.
    As for my job hunt? I just started looking and not yet full of misery, but thank you. I spent the better part of 18 months out of work the year before I opened my cafe. I have been through the worst of it (I hope) and came out okay I think. It is surprising the types of jobs or how some typical positions have evolved as a result of the economy. But I’m still quite optimistic on the subject. =0)
    Ask me anything, I don’t mind one bit!

  11. On October 1st, 2011 at 8:58 am Twistie Says:

    @thirtiesgirl: As another fat activist living in the Bay Area (East Bay, for those keeping track), I agree with what Not Blue is saying about this area. It’s not so much that the dominant culture is more accepting, but that there’s a pretty high concentration of loud fringe types of all types in this area. So yes, there are a lot of us fierce, fabulous fatties who are ready to Live Fat openly without apology. That means that you do get more than average amounts of support around here.

    As for whether IT guys are more accepting of alternate versions of body beauty… I think that’s more of an assumption than a verifiable fact. It’s a big field, and – as with any large field – you will find people who are open to less culturally stereotypical kinds of beauty, and those who are not. In short, they live in the same culture we do, and get just as influenced as we do by the dominant paradigm.

    The thing is, the guys who love larger women or who care more about the gift inside than the packaging do exist everywhere and in just about every field. Don’t get too hung up on the job thinking it will lead to more possibilities. Look at more possibilities and see what you find in them.

    Love is out there, thirtiesgirl… but the most important thing is to fall a little in love with yourself. That way whether or not you find romantic companionship, you’ve still got an awesome you to come home to.

    I will say, however, that I found Mr. Twistie at the Renaissance Faire. While IT experts may or may not have alternate theories of what’s hot, I do find that historical and fantasy re-enactors have a high tendency to find hot what the general population ignores. Hobbies probably will say a bit more in this area than what they do for a living does.

  12. On October 1st, 2011 at 9:04 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Ooh! Yes, I agree with everything Twistie is saying here! <3

  13. On October 1st, 2011 at 10:53 am thirtiesgirl Says:

    NotBlue and Twistie, thanks for answering and giving me some things to think about. For informational purposes, I’m probably a little older than both of you and have been doing the single and dating/relationship thing for a while. Not that it makes me any more experienced than either of you, and I haven’t been able to maintain a successful relationship and have it bloom into marriage the way both of you have. But I’ve been on my own for a good long while, so I know how to be single and know myself and what I have to offer pretty well.

    Prior to moving to LA in ’97, I was living with my boyfriend of 5 years. When I moved to LA, I was living on my own, hoping the boyfriend would follow. When it became apparent, after 5 years, that he didn’t share the same relationship goals, I ended things and slowly moved on. I was single for about 2 years, getting over things, and eventually started long-distance dating a guy I met online for about 2 years. Then I was essentially single for another few years, with a few short-lived relationships that lasted maybe 3-6 months during that time. I dated one guy for about a year, and then went through another period of being single and dating off & on again. Then I met my last boyfriend online, another long-distance thing that lasted a little over 2 years.

    Point being, I’ve essentially been single and living on my own for a good long while. I’ve come to know myself pretty well during those years, and know what I’m looking for in a relationship partner. Unfortunately, I haven’t found it yet, at least not in LA. The longest relationships I’ve had while living here have been with guys in other places, which suggests to me that I’m not going to find what I’m looking for in LA. Most of the guys I’ve met here just aren’t looking for a fat, intelligent, independent gal like me. They might want me for a booty call, but they don’t want to date me or build a relationship with me.

    Which is why I’ve been wondering about guys in the Silicon Valley, Bay area and suburbs. Since there does seem to be a larger activist community in NorCal than SoCal (not just size activism, but activism for lots of different issues), I’ve been wondering if guys in the area are more open to activism and open to fat, intelligent, independent gals like me. At least, moreso than I’ve found in LA. …But I guess I won’t really know until I try.

    The other tough thing I have to consider is that I work in public education as a school counselor and all California school districts are suffering through major budget cuts right now. I nearly lost my job at the end of last school year and was only saved because I have enough seniority with the school district I currently work for. I know for a fact that San Jose Unified School District got rid of their school counselors over 5 years ago, so that’s not an option for me. Of course there are lots of other school districts in the area, but the fact that a relatively big school district like San Jose Unified got rid of their counselors doesn’t give me a lot of hope for other districts in the area. Scary times. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.

  14. On October 1st, 2011 at 11:46 am Not Blue at All Says:

    @thirtiesgirl: Yeah, the job thing takes precedence for sure. I think as far as relationships go, the right person comes into your life when and where they do. I mean, I couldn’t tell you how to find love or anything, but I’ve only ever known the bay area. I have dated all over the area and have found a variety of guys who were into and not into me and my fat. However, I was never self accepting when I was single. Having been with my husband 13.5 years, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what the dating world is like right now. Glad you’re thinking things through. Take care!

  15. On October 2nd, 2011 at 3:01 am Chutti Says:

    @ thirtiesgirl-
    I absolutely echo what Twistie said. Being a native of the Bay Area, and just returning after many years away….yes, this area is full of the loud, proud and fringe-y. So probably a lot easier to get your thang on than LA.

    I wanted to chime in on the school career ops; I work with school districts as a service provider, so see a lot of patterns. SJUSD is a bit more stable than other districts, but very fiscally conservative. There are, I think, TWELVE districts just in San Jose. It’s not uncommon for folks at all levels to get pink slipped each year. Then they start up the job search and, well, stability in the South Bay is at an all time low….lots of job hopping across districts for administrators and teachers.

    I may be wrong, but the Bay Area proper seems less flaky than Silicon Valley for school jobs. As long as you are willing to keep applying and commute, most folks find something that works for them.
    The hour or more commute is pretty much a way of life for educators in the Bay Area, but it seems to work for a lot of people.

    Good luck in your searching. I find community wherever I go, and it does seem a bit easier here. Oh, and San Jose is lovely; hubs( who I met around age 40, if that helps) is from there, and I love to go every chance I get.

  16. On October 5th, 2011 at 2:45 pm Vanessa Says:

    Pretty dress; and I love purple tights!

    I would not have been gutsy had I been in your shoes but I am pleased that you had that experience and that you shared it with us 🙂

  17. On October 5th, 2011 at 2:50 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    @Vanessa: Gutsy? More like confused!! I had the jobs mixed up. Had I known which job I was applying for I would have dressed business formal as per my usual interview attire. But what can ya do? I fucked up, I own it, whatever. The lady liked me and so that’s, uh, something? I don’t even care at this point. Ha-ha! Thank you!

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