I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Music Heals, Music Saves


You know how I talk about pushing myself out of my comfort zone a lot? Well, I do that shit! But sometimes, it’s extra hard to do that shit! Even when it’s something I really wanna do. Even when it’s something I’ve done hundreds of times. We change so much over time but we don’t realize it until we hit that comfort zone wall. Like, “Oh! I didn’t see you there. I’m sorry….wait!” That’s pretty much what happened when the day came for me to go to a concert I’d been dying to go to for 22 years! What?! I know, that IS a long time! I’d missed seeing L7 in concert so many times over the years it’s embarrassing!

22 years ago I went to a Benefit Concert (link to MTV News segment about the benefit concert with Nirvana interview and L7 performance clips: to see headliner Nirvana. That night before Nirvana took the stage my mind was blown so many times by bands I’d never heard of: The Breeders & L7 (funny ’cause I wouldn’t hear of the Pixies until years later! Ha-ha!). The day after this show I went to my local Warehouse Music and asked for those two bands’ albums. They handed me L7’s “Bricks Are Heavy” on cassette and insisted that “The Breeders aren‘t even a band. You must have their name wrong.” Ummm…NO! August 28t, 2015: I finally got to see L7 again and I just can’t believe it! My life is so different now and I couldn’t be happier for that, but I’m living in my hometown again and that on it’s own is blowing my mind daily. The picture below was how I looked at the time of the concert. “I think I’ll do my hair like that for the show tonight.”


I was sixteen years old and suffering some of the worst violence my abuser ever provided, but music was my life and savior then. I went to so many concerts from the age of twelve on. I’ve been to hundreds. I have seen more bands play live than I could ever recall. I used to love it so much! The excitement before the show, getting in and finding your seat or claiming your spot near the stage. The headbanging, the moshing, the crowd surfing. Good times! Those concerts provided temporary escape from the hell that was my regular life back then.

Later when I worked for a music magazine promoting new artists and managing a music store I would get tons of free concert tickets. Sometimes for bands I didn’t even care about, other times awesome ones like getting great seats to a sold out show from the record label/company out of the blue. I just never knew when or where but I was always somehow going to shows. I never had anxiety back then. I guess you could say that it was the real life shit I was dealing with that caused me more harm than the demons in my head.

I particularly loved L7 because they were loud, angry ladies from Los Angeles who knew how to shred and write a damn good song and guitar riff! Hey, it was the 90’s and while it wasn’t so rare, it’s pretty fucking rare to see women thrashing on guitar like them nowadays. Just sayin’! But I would blast their album so much and so loud and it would drive my abuser up the wall! There was a specific song he hated most, it soon became my favorite because it was awesome and because it would make him so irritated he would often leave the house! Score! That song was “Slide” and it’s about kicking out some loser-asshole who is fucking up your life and your shit and he just needs to fucking GO! Ha-ha!


Every time I would hear about an L7 show it would be too late to get a ticket or it would be the day after a local show. Ugh! All of these years later I still follow them and their careers and music and what do ya know, they decided to do a reunion tour and I nearly shit a brick! AND they were going to play San Francisco. AND it was at one of my favorite venues! AND it was (relatively) cheap to get a ticket! YES!!! So I did! I got my ticket and while I would have loved to go with someone else, I didn’t have anyone else to go with. So I got my ticket and said fuck it!

Cut to the day of the concert and I’m having some low grade anxiety about going alone. I hadn’t been to a concert in years. I’d grown sick and tired of the bullshit of parking, ticket prices, crowds and assholes on the cell phones. I decided after the last concert I went to solo (Madonna Hard Candy Tour) that I’d never go to an arena show again and that I’d only go show that I felt the absolute need to go! Thus, L7 was a must! I kept trying to psych myself up for the show but ended up just sort of procrastinating the entire day in an attempt to avoid my anxiety hitting full blast. I did okay with that but then time got away from me and I had to scramble a bit to get ready. Well, I did my hair earlier in the day since it was hot out…


I tried to recreate the ‘do of yesteryear but only had little red rose clips. No idea what happened to those cute sunflower ones, but hey, in a pinch?! Ha-ha! But then I didn’t know what to wear! I must have changed outfits four times before finally deciding comfort must reign supreme! Which resulted in this fine outfit…

11219309_10153034216431078_7483371907528185668_nThis pic was taken after the show, but you get the idea (can’t see my awesome limited edition Dia de los Muertos Doc Martens, but they are still my go-to boots). The Bow belt is from Torrid four years ago. The top is also Torrid from two years ago, size 4. The jeans, Torrid curvy-skinny jeans size 26.

I left my house a bit later than I’d intended, I had to really give myself a pep talk the whole drive there, but ended up finding parking just two blocks away (golden!). The opening band, Fright Wig, was kick ass! But my left knee kept popping in and out of it’s place and causing me more pain that I care to think about and standing on the general admission floor for L7 just wasn’t going to cut it! People were shifting away from me because I couldn’t keep still and I’m sure made some horrific faces from the pain of it. So I decided to see if I could get up into the balcony without having a reserved ticket. But that meant navigating a very intimidating white marble staircase that seemed to go straight up into oblivion! Hey, when your knee is fucked that shit seems impossible! But going up was doable, I just had to try!

Try I did and I succeeded! Then I talked to the kind butch at the top of the stairs to ask about the seating. It was hard to hear each other but she explained that only seats with signs on them were reserved, the rest were up for grabs. Hell yeah!!! I was saved! I found some empty seats to the right side of the stage and sat on an aisle to let my knee stretch if need be. Luckily for me the seats next to me were only occupied temporarily as the seats themselves were broken. So I didn’t have to get bumped into or harassed or just annoyed by jerks. Nope! I had it made in the balcony shade! Woooot!

And you know what? I had a fucking blast! L7 puts on a fantastic show, y’all! Ohmigosh! And being there and feeling the music vibrate through my skeleton (it’s in there, I swear, under my protective layer of fat! Ha!) and when the aroma of all of that patchouli and weed and beer and sweat hit me…I swear it’s like a time machine! It was the 90’s in the Regency Ballroom that night! At first it seemed a regular audience but soon a mosh pit formed and the moshing and crowd surfing commenced and it was allllllll good! There is one image I just can’t shake though, man buns in the mosh pit! Just swirling around with everybody else…man buns. Weird.

Then, just as they finished their last song, I popped up out of my seat and made a bee line for that terrible white marble staircase again. This time it was worse than I could have expected. Going down stairs is already so much harder for me and a lot of knee pain sufferers, but now someone had spilled their beer down the entire thing and folk were already visibly slipping and screaming trying to get down to the bottom. I took a deep breath, grabbed the handrail and went for it! My boots gripped the wet marble with a squeak and grabbed that handrail for dear life. With great focus and resignation I fucking made it to the bottom without injury! I made it back to my car within a few minutes and ended up catching my dear friend and dance partner Tigress at her job at the end of her shift where she bought me a drink and an ice cream cone. She knows how to treat a lady! Good times!

I not only survived my anxiety and fears and worries and being in “the big city all alone” and everything and had a killer time at the show as well as a great nightcap with a close friend! I couldn’t have asked for more! But then I did have some trouble getting home when the shut down the highway, but I managed on surface streets since I grew up on the peninsula and even made it to McDonald’s drive thru to find that they had after midnight breakfast! Y’all don’t even know! I only like one thing at McDonald’s and that’s their sausage McMuffin! I’ll eat a McChicken in a pinch, but I don’t really like anything else on their menu. So I lucked out and felt like a winner over all when I got home at about 3am! Ha-ha!

I slept like a rock but woke up only a bit sore from my knee stuffs. I am so glad I went! I am so happy that I got to see such a legendary band that has influenced me and helped shape me into the radical fat feminist that I am today. And if I hear that they’re coming back to the bay I will be sure to go again! 😉



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2 Comments to

“Music Heals, Music Saves”

  1. On September 13th, 2015 at 4:56 pm Beej Says:

    Glad to see you’re back and with some great food for thought and experiences! You’re a bad ass chick and I love ya<3

  2. On September 15th, 2015 at 9:57 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Beej: Aw! Love you right back! <3

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