I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

May it all be well with you


I would like to thank those who reached out to offer their support. You have truly touched and humbled me. Thank you!!! <3
Asking for that support was one of the hardest things I’ve done as of late. While nowhere near my goal, the little I did receive helped and I was able to borrow the rest in time to make my rent! It was really down to the wire and with my monthly hormonal surge along with mercury in retrograde and all of the stresses that my life has provided lately, let’s just say I spent all but three hours on Sunday crying.

Awhile back Stephen Colbert was talking about his Irish heritage and he shared a saying his mother had always said, “What’s the use in being Irish if you don’t know that life is gonna break your heart.” it rang true for me in a way I couldn’t articulate, but it has stuck with me and it’s meaning has evolved since. Yeah, I am also descended from some heavy Irish heritage. Ha! Not to appropriate, but I see it as a yin-yang sort of thing. There’s a drop of sorrow in every bit of joy you have and a tiny glimmer of light in even the deepest depths of despair. I just can’t always see those tiny spots when in the thick of things, ya know?

My friends, though! My friends are everything! It’s hard to care for folks in a meaningful way when they’re going through tough times and you can’t influence or control things to help them. It’s hard! People stop messaging you, stop calling and texting. No one knows what to say except asking about job stuff (seriously we are All so much more than what we do to earn a living!) Soon no one invites you to things. Next thing you know you’re more isolated than ever and carrying all the shame about it, too. My very nearest and dearest (My Boys, if you will) always make the effort, even when they’re not sure how or if it’s the right thing/timing. They try and really that’s all that matters to me. It’s the ones who pop up out of the blue to invite you to something absurdly expensive or to donate to some run/walk/etc when they’ve been absent in your life for ages. It hurts, it’s insulting and if I’m being absolutely honest, those are the ones that need to be cut out entirely. Like, c’mon, if you cannot be bothered to even know that I’ve been out of work for a YEAR maybe just fuck right the hell off! Harsh? Perhaps, but I also think it’s necessary.

Things are looking up, though! I had an interview today that was so great I’m meeting with the CEO tomorrow! It’s only part time to start but come August/September it would go full time with full benefits! Woot! So…FINGERS CROSSED!!! It feels right and they really like me! They said I was just what they needed and a perfect fit for their small company and it feels good to hear that, ya know? I’m doing my best to look on the bright side and all of that. Tigress and I are rehearsing for the big moves dance show once again (this is our fourth year!) and that has been great! We’re really stoked about our costumes! Very exciting! And it’s nice to have something to look forward to again even though I always freak out right before! Ha!

I’d love to start writing about fat stuff again. International No Diet Day is coming up May 6th! What are you doing to celebrate? I’d love to hear about all of the rad fatty stuff happening and even participate if possible! I’ll keep y’all updated when I have some news. Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement, kindness and generosity.

Rad Fatty Love,

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2 Comments to

“May it all be well with you”

  1. On May 4th, 2016 at 4:02 am Nicki Says:

    I love love LOVE Bessie Smith. I needed to hear that exact song this morning. 🙂

    Keeping my fingers crossed for ya, the potential job sounds awesome!!!

  2. On May 4th, 2016 at 11:59 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Nicki: Yes! Bessie is the best! I’ve had that song in my head since Sunday night explaining to my bf all of the shame I’d been carrying. He’d never heard the song and I just couldn’t believe it! LOL! Thanks for your kindness and encouragement. I’m getting ready for my second interview now! Fingers crossed! <3

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