I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Leaps & Plunges


So, I’ve been watching “My So-Called Life” on Netflix streaming. I never watched the show when it was originally aired (from August 25, 1994, to January 26, 1995), but I think I may have caught an episode once. Anyway, I’m watching now since it seems such a part of pop culture and I actually  I wouldn’t like it, but was pleasantly surprised. The thing is, it’s almost a guilty pleasure. Well, in that I can’t watch it when my husband’s home (I know he’ll hate it and I am a little embarrassed) and maybe I just prefer to watch it alone and revel in all of that old teenage angst.

The things in this show?! OMZ! I’m only on episode 13, but holy shit, y’all! Had I seen this show? Well, it was created too late to make any impact on my life when it would have mattered, but just wow. This is going to sound so cliche, but I can’t believe how much like Angela I was! And her friend Rayaan? So my friend Joyce! The boys, the booze & drugs, it’s just there. And while my first guy was no Jordan Catalano, he was every bit as dreamy and cold and pushy and a guy as that character. I just watched the episode where he’s all pressuring her into having sex with him. I lived that, dude! Only my guy was 18 and from France and well, he was the spitting image of Jim Morrison. I’m hoping that Jordan & Angela find a way to work it out and all, but I did what she didn’t. I finally gave in. I thought on my own terms, but in retrospect it was just terrible and fuck I should have waited. Does everyone regret their first time? Ha-ha!

It also brought up a lot of the same feelings I had when I was first considering opening my own cafe. That fear and anxiety and angst (Oh the angst!) and just wanting to fight the man and all. Yeah, I’ll never stop fighting “the man” but shit, this show is feeling so good right now. I mean, even the Ricky character? He is so my BFF Jery it’s a tad scary! I can’t wait to see what happens with him joining the drama club! (My BFF Jery is an actor, dancer, choreographer, blogger and writer…did I mention handsome, too?!) I feel 14 again watching it, in good and bad ways.

And the clothes?! OH MY GAWD YOU GUYS!?!?! I’m dying for these red boots Angela wears and some of the amazing plaids they had back then?! This is like almost twenty years ago and I’m reliving the glory of high school I never had, ya know?! Fuck it! I’m going head first into this baby! Ha-ha! But life is feeling a bit like that right now anyway. It feels like we’re all transitioning into some new phase of life or whatever. I dunno how to describe it. It just, well, there’s lots of stagnation and major changes happening all around me and suddenly things just seem fucking possible again. Like in a real way!

We get into these ruts and routines and we don’t stop to look at the world and enjoy it. The rain was spattering my glasses as I walked out of a discount store this morning and it felt metallic and gritty and I enjoyed it somehow. It just felt more real than anything else has lately. I just have all of these ideas and there’s so many awesome people in my life I just feel like something big is going to happen. Something fantastic! I hope so anyway. I hope something positive and major happens. Fuck knows we all need some of that!

I am asking you, as a friend and confidant, that if you know someone who is thinking of doing something that sounds risky or sudden or too big to handle? Cheer them the hell on, will ya? For me! Give them practical (not critical or harsh) advice or offer your support if you can. Just, you know, encourage them! I was encouraged by my friends and husband and I did what I thought I could never do. I know had I been left to my own devices I would have talked myself out of every single step of getting there. Be kind. Give love. Be you! <3

posted under inspiration, Sex, Television
20 Comments to

“Leaps & Plunges”

  1. On June 1st, 2011 at 6:12 am erylin Says:

    as usual love you and love your rants. i am your biggest non-stalker-y fan! thanks for the dont dream it be it…really resonated with me today……

    if you get really still, and push through the bs of your life and really trust yourself you WILL feel your way to the correct place in the universe. and the feelings of breaking through stagnation…omg SO true….spring is here and life is in flux everywhere…and omg i sound like a stoned new age hippy…but anyway

    thanks again and i feel ya every step of the way.

  2. On June 1st, 2011 at 8:21 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Absolutely nothing wrong with sounding like a stoned new age hippie! And yay to non-stalker-y fans! You’re too cute! Love ya, doll! I do! <3

  3. On June 1st, 2011 at 6:44 am Shieldmaiden1196 Says:

    Oh girl.
    The plaid flannel trapeze dress with the black tights and red boots? So want it. STILL want it. My husband got the whole series from Netflix when he found out I hadn’t seen it. Its another one of those shows that I can’ t believe was ever cancelled. We loved it. I was just a wee bit too old for it to be targeted to me (I was married and 26 years old in 1996) but it still spoke to me and just had a great feel to it that you don’t see much. I place it among my long lamented list of high school shows that should have been on longer (Freaks and Geeks, Veronica Mars) but weren’t.

  4. On June 1st, 2011 at 8:23 am Not Blue at All Says:

    I still have to watch Freaks and Geeks! Man! Ha-ha! But yeah, you nailed the outfit! That’s the one. But there’s so many other little things, too. Accessories and sweaters and just small details that I had forgotten. Things I actually wore or sold (I worked at Contempo Casuals at age 16). Too cool! I often wonder if I’ll ever not be so heartbreakingly connected to that time period, but then I think who cares! Ha-ha! Thanks.

  5. On June 1st, 2011 at 9:06 am RachelB Says:

    Coincidence– I watched My So-Called Life again a couple weeks ago. (Like you, I didn’t see it when it was initially aired. But I watched most of it on video about five years ago.)

    I wish it had had a longer run. I, too, love the color palette and the big stompy boots. And– I don’t think this is too much of a spoiler– I desperately want to step into the screen and protect Ricky.

  6. On June 1st, 2011 at 9:15 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Whew! Don’t you dare spoil! Ha-ha! But yes, I feel that way about Ricky a lot, too. <3

  7. On June 1st, 2011 at 10:21 am Nikki Says:

    One of my favorite quotes: Leap and the net will appear.

    My So Called Life was one of my favorite shows when it was on. I was in college. Ahhh. The memories.

  8. On June 1st, 2011 at 10:28 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Oh I like that quote! Thank you for sharing it here. <3

  9. On June 1st, 2011 at 10:30 am Twistie Says:

    Mmmm… Rocky Horror, FTW! Every time I see that film or hear it referenced, I’m sixteen all over again and dancing the Time Warp in the aisles in spite of my night blindness.

    I totally get the thing about the rain. Sometimes the oddest things make us feel more connected to the universe than we have in ages.

    And yes, support people making huge leaps into the unknown! I wish I had been more supportive when my brother decided to give up accounting to start an alpaca ranch. I was worried about how he would get by, and yes, he and his wife have struggled quite a bit here and there… but they’re HAPPY.

    Financial stability is a great thing, but I sometimes think overrated.

    After all, blogging is unlikely to ever make me rich in the monetary sense, but damn is it satisfying! And I get paid and everything!

    Oh, and on a completely tangential note, I GET MY NEW STOVE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!! It’s being delivered and they will haul away the old hunk ‘o’ junk crapped out electric nightmare, replacing it with a gorgeous, glorious gas stove with an oven lined in pretty cobalt blue enamel that plays a little tune when the timer goes off instead of honking at me!

    Plus my CSA box will have blueberries and nectarines in it!!!!

    There are times when life isn’t just good, it’s GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

  10. On June 1st, 2011 at 10:33 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Me too! The Rocky Horror thing, totally!!! I was 16 when I got cast for Magenta at our local group’s theater version. So fun!
    Are you going to name your new lover, er, I mean stove? Ha-ha! <3

  11. On June 1st, 2011 at 10:40 am BillyTable Says:

    This is great! Though I read it while being in a horizontal position on my bed, unshowered and unemployed.

  12. On June 1st, 2011 at 10:42 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Thanks! Nothing wrong with hanging out in bed. Wishing I could about now. =0)

  13. On June 1st, 2011 at 10:47 am Twistie Says:

    His name is Algy. You know, what with being an LG, and all.

    My first choice going in was a Bosch which I was going to name Hieronymous, as you do. But when I got up close and personal with it at Sears, the oven racks were appallingly flimsy. And then the LG was on sale for less than the full price of the Bosch (originally an extra $500!) and it actually was my second choice mostly because of price, and it has a slightly bigger oven with sturdy racks and it plays a jaunty tune when the time goes off instead of a nasty buzzing sound.

    so Algy it is, in part in honor of The Importance of Being Ernest… another thing that takes me back in time and delights me. I always did want a chance to play Cecily, but these days I think I would make a far, far better Miss Prism. And I would love that part, too.

  14. On June 1st, 2011 at 10:50 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Sturdy racks are a necessity! Miss Prism! Love it! You’re making me smile today, doll. Thank you for that! (Freaking out about eqiupment failure and I have no tools handy to fix it myself…frustrating!)

  15. On June 1st, 2011 at 10:49 am Twistie Says:

    @Billy Table: I would totally still be lounging around in my pjs if we didn’t have workmen in the house mucking about with our electrical outlets and fixing up the gas line so it’s safe for the new gas stove that’s arriving tomorrow.

    but I feel very sure my cat is horizontal as we speak.

  16. On June 1st, 2011 at 8:04 pm Ashley Says:

    I was in high school when My So-Called Life was on TV and to say I was obsessed doesn’t really cover it. I love that show so much it hurts. I own the complete series on DVD and periodically I just have to rewatch the whole thing to just experience it again. The teen angst is so real to me it’s palatable. I think it’s an amazing show, even though I loved it then and I love it now for kinda different reasons. I was so comforted then by the fact that there was someone else who was struggling so much, thinking so much, just trying so hard to figure out their place is the social structure of the world. I was so there.

  17. On June 2nd, 2011 at 8:28 am Not Blue at All Says:

    See, I think I missed that deeper connection because I didn’t see the show until now. But it has brought me back to some things I’d completely forgotten, so for that I am so glad I watched, not to mention it’s an awesome show all together.

  18. On June 6th, 2011 at 1:59 am Veronica Says:

    When I read things like this I feel like I just know you have to be an amazing person to be around! Supportive, and positive, and joyous:D

  19. On June 6th, 2011 at 8:11 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Wow! Have you always been so good at giving compliments? That is a doozey! Thank you, you’re a doll! <3

  20. On June 6th, 2011 at 10:38 pm Veronica Says:

    Hehe, the trick is to mean them!:) You’re welcome!

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