Labels-Judging
You have surely read on this blog at some time or another my thoughts about judgment. Not just being negatively judgmental of others and ourselves, but more recently I have come to realize that our modern society has built itself upon a foundation of judgment/s. It seems we simply cannot go about our daily lives in this world without labeling and judging every little thing, living or no. This concept crystallized in my mind the other night while talking with a friend. It made me realize that I, too, am guilty of these endless and unconscious judgments. I have to be honest, it made me kind of sad. I had thought I was beyond this stuff. That by ceasing to judge myself so harshly and later other people that I had somehow come to some magically enlightened state of being. BULLSHIT! See how I delude myself? I suppose we all do in our own ways, but damn, dude.
As far as I feel I have come and have surrounded myself with like-minded individuals, I realize now more than ever that to participate in modern society is to label and judge all things. We do it without thinking. We were taught and trained to do this. You cannot look at a person without thinking: male/female, age, race, etc. When talking about someone we often say these things as well. It is interesting to me that I find the use of “skinny bitch” utterly offensive, yet I almost tried to argue that it’s completely okay to say someone, anyone, is “hot.” Why is that? It is still objectifying! It is still dismissive and even othering. And I am guilty of saying people are hot, even once saying everyone is hot.
The point, I feel, of the size acceptance/liberation movement is purely equality. We want to be treated like everyone else and have the same rights and access as everyone else. I cringe when hearing about something only being available to “pretty” or “good looking” people and would never participate in anything I felt followed that line of thinking. Like when someone will say, “Ugly people need not apply” or whatever. Hate that! Who is to say who is or isn’t beautiful/ugly/etc. It’s completely subjective. When a friend calls themselves “ugly” I am so quick to insist that isn’t so, that they are amazing and lovely and beautiful…because to me they are! But these things shouldn’t even matter, yet they do and that sucks! Why should it matter? And how did we get to this superficial place?!
I don’t believe that it is purely an evolutionary thing. Certainly the type of beauty sought after today has little to do with reproduction or furthering our species. I believe all of these things and yet I participate in it as well, we all do. It is so hard to remove these behavioral patterns. I have been able to enjoy nature without feeling the need to label and judge and all, but people? It’s how we relate to one another. I have had many red headed lady friends and I have to wonder if it is because I feel a special kinship with them due to our hair color. Seems trivial, I know. Just like I and many of us feel a special unspoken bond with other fat people. We feel that we somehow understand each other on another level or something simply because we share a body size or type. These things do affect us, I get that and am not dismissing them at all. But I have to wonder how that came to be and if such things existed and how far back in history.
I guess I don’t really have a point to this. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about and discussing with close friends and there’s really no solution/end to it. It just is. I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject. Please, de-lurk and comment! It always makes my day! <3
Delurking to ask– did you ever see the post by Erin McKean at A Dress a Day titled “You Don’t Have to be Pretty?” It has a lot of memorable sentences in it, but my favorite is Prettiness is not a rent you owe for occupying a space marked “female.”
As someone who finds “interesting looking” or “clean and dressed” a much more attainable standard than “pretty,” I found that sentence game-changing. As long as getting dressed up and putting on lipstick is playtime, I’m happy to do it. The minute it feels compulsory, I start noticing what the makeup doesn’t cover. And that feels not-so-good.
RchelB: Woo Hoo to de-lurking! And that quote is fantastic! Thank you for sharing that. I will read the entire post, too. You rock!
What’s scary…I think I sort of need my label. What does goth mean, exactly? Or dark. Different for everybody. But during my coming of age, I was labeled as such and now I find I cling to it. Like there is a safety in it (and there might be, as I’m not expected to want to be like everyone else if I still hold onto that label, especially in regards to being fat). I sort of hate it, too. There are positives, like the above in which it can give you some direction of what you might like, but most of it is bullshit and horrible. I hate it. I hate participating in it. But I still scan every room I enter and assign each person a label (I’m essentially looking out for people who are going to cause me a problem or who I should avoid speaking with) and generally I’m surprised at how incorrect my initial judgments were.
e burden: See, I used to think that way as well, trying to spot those who would hurt/judge/ridicule me before they had the chance to do so. But like you I found I was often wrong. And what an amount of energy to be constantly on the lookout like that? I do understand wanting to keep a nice comfy label for yourself. It is a community after all and I do feel more comfortable in goth-friendly spaces (even though I don’t “do” goth “right” for most peeps). It’s probably for the same reason I only sing karaoke in gay bars, it just feels safer somehow. I saw a thing yesterday that said we shouldn’t be bending to fit into society but that society should be constantly changing to fit us…I liked that.