I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Judging Others


Can we all agree it’s just wrong to judge people?

I’m sure we’ve all at least heard of a certain big box store chain that people secretly take pictures of their patrons and post them on a certain web site (the people of…). I recently got a touch caught up in a thread on facebook about this specific site. A friend had posted about it saying something to the effect of it is just wrong wrong wrong to body shame and make judgments about people. Her friends didn’t agree. They felt that a post on that website was in fact deserved since the woman was wearing “two bandaids and a cork” (which sounds painful, where does the cork go?) and this woman should have more respect and should think of the children!!!

What in the hell and the how? I mean, really?! Look, I get that some people may have a preference for certain fashion norms. I understand that you may have been raised to dress a certain way in a given environment. But hey, not everyone buys into that or was raised that way. I don’t think it’s right to judge anyone, period. Not on how they dress or look or what have you. Our actions should speak for themselves. When you judge someone on their appearance you are making many assumptions about them. You wouldn’t want those assumptions made about you, I would think. They may dress a certain way and see nothing wrong with it. Who the hell thinks about children when getting dressed in the morning? F ’em all, I say!

I will wear what I want when I want to where I want. If you don’t want your children to see a giant fat lady? Keep ’em at home! I am sick of society protecting and always thinking of the children. Why can’t you as a parent just explain to your child that different people dress in different ways and have different body types and that is what makes the world go around? I would. I don’t believe I was ever protected from this shit as a kid anyway. Part of learning is seeing the world around you and deciding for yourself how you feel about it.

I’m not saying that I’ve never judged people, but I stopped judging others when I realized it only made me judge myself more harshly. But body policing? When is that okay? NEVER! But to say that someone has to dress a certain way? Not cool (and it gets me all riled up, frankly). It just goes back to all of those bullshit fashion rules we were taught growing up. Nor horizontal stripes if you’re a fatty fatterson? Bullshit! You should see what I’m wearing today (grey and black striped v-neck from Avenue, thank you). White shoes after labor day? Fuck that! Fuck all of these stupid goody-goody proper-bullshit rules. I’m so done with that.

The point of my friend’s post was simply about the site itself and how wrong it is for people to take people’s pictures in secret only to post and ridicule the person online. It’s wrong! It’s bullshit! It’s what is wrong with society today. We somehow think it’s okay to do this? Since when? Oh yeah, since the internet. Ha-ha! Not really, but I was raised to believe that we’re all equal, no one is better or worse. I still believe this. It keeps me grounded. It allows me to see people and the world on a somewhat more even playing field. I know stuff is shitty in the world, I’m not delusional. But shit y’all, you cut someone? They bleed! End of story!

That site is offensive. It should be offensive to anyone and everyone who views it. Yet somehow it is still up and still getting new posts. It perpetuates classism, ablism, sizism, sexism…every “ism” there is! It takes more than a simple dissenting voice to rid the world of this shit, but it can’t hurt, ya know? And what if it was your mom or brother or aunt or granny on the site? Would you still ridicule or play the blame and shame game? I don’t think you would, but I don’t know you, so I couldn’t possibly know what you would do. Funny that.

Your thoughts?

25 Comments to

“Judging Others”

  1. On May 27th, 2011 at 10:52 am erylin Says:

    i totally agree… a best of the people of (blank) was recently making the rounds on Facebook…and i just had to say something….im sorry i don’t care what they look like or what they are wearing….YOU DON’T GET TO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE. PERIOD. what did you people fail PRESCHOOL.

  2. On May 27th, 2011 at 10:58 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Right?! Ha-ha! Thanks!

  3. On May 27th, 2011 at 11:35 am Twistie Says:

    The ‘think of the children’ excuse for bullying really steams my corn.

    You know what? When I was a kid, my parents mostly had the channel set at PBS, so from an early age I saw nekkid grown up peoples… and now I’m a productive member of society. Ask me how!

    Oh, yeah, I was exposed to differing cultural norms across time and geography by people who seriously believed in the whole all of us are created equal deal.

    In fact, I remember once as a very small (probably pre-school or just in kindergarten) child pointing at a man in public and commenting on how weird his hair appeared to me. My parents hauled me off into a corner and gave me a (literally!) unforgettable lecture on the many, many, MANY ways in which that behavior was unacceptable.

    Besides, my father had a habit of going to grocery and home improvement stores on the weekend in whatever he happened to be wearing, which, as often as not, was a ripped t-shirt, stained pants, and a stick of licorice root in his mouth. I can just imagine what these terribly ‘witty’ souls would have to say about how he looked. But you know what? He was the best man I’ve ever known.

    If someone had a problem with the fact that he had no interest whatsoever in being a fashion plate, then I feel sorry for them. They missed out on someone special.

  4. On May 27th, 2011 at 11:49 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Me too on the PBS and dad clothing thing. Ha-ha! My parents were near nudists at home, too. So meh to the lot of it.

  5. On May 27th, 2011 at 11:47 am Bree Says:

    There was one picture on there that I liked because the shopper was a dead ringer for Lady Gaga and I posted it on FB and some friends and I were having fun, using her song titles as items you can find in the store. Never once did we make fun of the person’s appearance as we’re all Lady Gaga fans.

    I think this particular site is more classist than anything. Of course there is the inevitable “hardy-har-har, look at that fat woman wearing little clothing” post but since this particular store and its shoppers are stereotyped by socio-economic status, it seems nobody, regardless of weight, is safe from being mocked.

    The site in question also has a sister site which makes fun of people using public transit, which irritates me even more because when you have to rely on buses, subways, etc. to get around, there’s really nothing much you can do, so why even be made fun of, you know?

  6. On May 27th, 2011 at 11:51 am Not Blue at All Says:

    I didn’t even know about the other site. Ugh! So disgusting, this judgy behavior. Cool about the Gaga thing. I know I would have enjoyed the song titles bit. Thanks.

  7. On May 27th, 2011 at 12:24 pm Raven Says:

    it’s interesting to think how much this photo judgmental ass monkey site really makes an impact on me. I love the (major box chain) near where i live, it has an awesome fabric department. However I have become hyper sensitive to what I wear when I go there; for fear some one will snap a picture of me and send it to that site.
    I love to dress in a myriad of interesting fashion choices, from retro, vintage, punk and comfortable worn jeans and a concert shirt. the sad thing is I try to tone it down if I know i’m going to be shopping there. I might not cover my tattoos but I darn well am not going to wear anything to draw attention to my self further.
    The fear of public ridicule on the internets, based only on my size and my clothing choices, is too much for me to process. Especially after reading time and again how the site deals with the complaints they receive.

  8. On May 27th, 2011 at 12:25 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    I have not heard about it, how DO they deal with the complaints?

  9. On May 27th, 2011 at 12:35 pm Raven Says:

    they post them on the site for more public ridicule

  10. On May 27th, 2011 at 12:37 pm Not Blue at All Says:

    Oh of course they do! That makes complete sense. Ha-ha! I’ve only seen the site once, still can’t wass my eyes enough.

  11. On May 27th, 2011 at 6:59 pm Rebecca - The Plus Side of Me Says:

    I really feel like everyone else expressed my thoughts towards this better than I can (and possibly because its 11pm and my brain is fried :)), but I totally agree with you. People get off on trying to force their beliefs/norms on others and ridiculing anything that is “other”. I was posted on a site after I tweeted the word “fat”, and the site allowed people to vote if I was hot or not and if I truly was fat. Needless to say, I was not happy that they posted my image without permission. It really feels like a violation, and I hate it for the people on that damn site.

  12. On May 28th, 2011 at 8:47 am Not Blue at All Says:

    That is awful! I’m so sorry to hear that this happened to you. I can’t imagine what that feels like. I mean, part of me would probably pretend it doesn’t matter, but no one wants to be judged and ridiculed. No one! And what recourse is there for the victim? Little it seems. *hugs* Thank you for sharing this with me. =0)

  13. On May 28th, 2011 at 7:17 am Amanda Says:

    I always think stuff like this comes down to people feeling like they have the right to speak about people and deem them worthy or not. I know with myself I might now like something about someone but I also know thats what makes them who they are and I have no right to change that about them. Sites like the only you are talking about is disgusting and really shows how class is viewed by a lot of people. Those sites also show how much more original and unique those people are, instead of shopping at a place where everyone is dressed the same and drinks the same kool-aid.

  14. On May 28th, 2011 at 8:49 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Hm, good point. I love individuality and have hated conformity since, well, for a long-ass time! Ha-ha! Let’s all celebrate diversity in all of it’s wonderous forms!

  15. On May 28th, 2011 at 8:26 am jery Says:

    I think the internet has allowed a new type of cowardice to be unleashed upon the public. People think it’s okay to hide behind their little computer screens and bully others. It just goes to show bullies are still cowards. Even on the web.
    Is this one particular company that you are talking about? Is it staff people taking these pics? If so why not call them out. Shame on them for promoting this intolerant behavior.

  16. On May 28th, 2011 at 8:51 am Not Blue at All Says:

    No, it’s customers taking the pictures mostly. I think it’s different if the person is putting their own image online as they would have control over it’s representation, at least to a certain extent. And yes, “hot” people are being judged, too. I think maybe there is a grey area here. I mean, I put my images online from time to time (please tell me you didn’t see that one of me in my undies, gurl?!), but luckily to my knowledge no one’s snagged it for ridicule and shame in some little hovel of the web. The lack of control is the scariest bit, but judgment overall hurts people. Thanks.

  17. On May 28th, 2011 at 8:27 am jery Says:

    But, on the flip side of the coin: If you are finding pictures of hot people online, isn’t that judging in a way?

  18. On May 28th, 2011 at 9:21 am Shieldmaiden1196 Says:

    I think Jery nailed it in the above comment– the internet allows people to be meaner than they’d be face to face. Its one of the weird paradoxes of this medium of communication — it has brought me friends I never would have met without it, but at the same time, it provides a forum for judgement and unkindness because everything that can be photographed and uploaded is seen as a depersonalized source of amusement. Worse, its amusement with no consequences.

    I learned this the hard way, and it was humbling– a couple of years ago I made a rude remark on Twitter about someone who was competing on Jeopardy that night. Somehow she saw it, and she came and commented on my blog. I ended up writing a post that was a formal apology to her and we mended fences, but look how so easily, and in a way that would have been impossible without the Internet, I hurt someone I didn’t even know because I saw her as on TV and ‘not real’. When we sit at this keyboard, we live in a village.

  19. On May 28th, 2011 at 9:30 am Not Blue at All Says:

    I had a similar thing happen with a show I’d seen a magazine ad for, I said the model looked CGI and she commented on my blog to say that she’s real. I felt awful about it. I didn’t mean anything by it, but yeah we can hurt without intent. Thank you!

  20. On May 28th, 2011 at 11:11 am withoutscene Says:

    To say it is *only* about class is to miss the fact that class is inextricably linked to race, gender, and fatness–class is not only communicated by those things, formations of class are raced, gendered, and sized. Just because they make fun of all poor people doesn’t mean all things are equal and that race, gender, and size aren’t important/integral parts of that constellation of disrespect.

    This site makes me so angry. That newest video really has people celebrating it…even people I’d expect to be more critically minded.

  21. On May 28th, 2011 at 11:15 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Hmm, I haven’t seen a video, but have heard about it making the rounds as they say. I’m with you. I hate that this is somehow okay when people who know better are participating. FAIL!

  22. On May 28th, 2011 at 8:51 pm JeninCanada Says:

    I watched the video and I HATE the sight as well for all the reasons mentioned above. I also loathe Walmart itself for being the prime example of capitalist corporatism run amok. Thank you for standing up and saying “This is NOT OK.”

  23. On May 29th, 2011 at 8:48 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Yeah, I refuse to go to that site, so I am not familiar with the video, but it seems to be making rounds. Thanks hun, honesty is my policy. Ha!

  24. On May 29th, 2011 at 12:36 am Veronica Says:

    I’m proud of you speaking up when you saw this on FB, and trying to stem the tide of cruelty!
    One thing, you wrote, “You wouldn’t want those assumptions made about you, I would think.” And just so it’s said, in my experience, the people who do this would absolutely expect the same kind of treatment if they wore the same thing.
    The “what about the children!?” argument is complete bullshit, it’a about as genuine as “what about your health!?” Also, where I’m from we try to make sure children are comfortable with nudity and their own bodies, and them seeing naked people of different shapes and sizes is part of that.

  25. On May 29th, 2011 at 8:50 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Yes, you’re super right about the “children” thing. Thank you for being proud of me, but it wasn’t just me on FB pointing out the blatent “ist” judgment. My friend Margarita deserves much credit, too. And she inspired me to write this post. I just think that the more we call bullshit on stuff like this, hopefully, the more people will see how wrong it is. Thanks so much. =0)

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