I had an exciting interview Monday afternoon on the Apple campus. It wasn’t a position working for Apple, but with them. Eh, it’s complicated. Anyway, the interview was over so fast that I have no idea how it went. I do know that I looked cute and did my best to sell my skills, ask the right questions and exude confidence. Well, I fucking faked it, anyway! Ha!

Interview Outfit. "Would you hire me? I'd hire me. I'd hire me. I'd hire me so hard!"

This is my go-to interview outfit. I’ve had the same few pair of LB slacks for ages (size 28), they’re classic and simple and black. This Eshakti blouse (size 28) I wasn’t sure I liked when I first bought it now seems to be my dressing up for any occasion top. Woo! And my pearls? Well, they’re a seriously prized posession (gift from my ex-husband) and I wear them with pride as often as I can. As for shoes…

Born T-Bar Janes/Heels

I randomly snagged a pair of Born shoes on eBay a couple of months ago for a steal! I didn’t think I’d actually win them, but I did. And I wasn’t sure how they would fit, but to my delight they are quite comfortable. I’m a sucker for a Mary Jane shoe anytime, but a t-bar and a comfortable heel?! Perfection!

Born T-Bar Janes/Heels: Yay eBay!

They have this adjustable Velcro on the sides for optimal customizing comfort. I think they look cute, maybe a bit funky, but hey that’s me! I can actually do quite a bit of walking in these, provided my hamstring isn’t doing some strange thing at the time. I trekked quite a bit in these when I first bought them for an interview in Oakland. I’ve had a few compliments on them so I figure I’ll keep wearing ’em.

Sleepy Pug

I always post pics of my puggyman sleeping, but honestly it’s the only time I can snap a photo! He hates having his pic taken…but damn, look at that mug!!! <3

Fake it 'til I make it 😉

Oh I look so confident and sassy-cute. LIES! Ha-ha! Fakin’ it until I can make it, babies. Inside I am a tornado of emotions, whirling and whizzing around and making me feel crazy! Ha! I know I’ll be okay, everything will sort itself out somehow, but right now I am a puddle of worry and fears. But shit, my hair looked hella cute so I snapped a bunch of selfies. 😉

How I really feel

No cause for alarm, mind you. Just feeling worried and anxious about a lot of stuff right now. Not knowing something that feels like it will steal the life from you, well, it’s a heavy burden to carry. Even if the thing I don’t know isn’t the most important thing in the world, it’s a big and scary thing to not know when all else tells me it should fit right into place.

Bright Eyes

But that’s not life, eh? What fits into place? We’re not machines or puzzles. We’re messy sacks of blood and organs and a brain full of worry and doubts. My self esteem must have been leaking lately, I seem to have depleted most of it.

How I want people to see me

I know for some folks taking selfies can be incredibly difficult. For some reason today, it felt necessary. Making funny and happy faces hit a brain button and I’m feeling less afraid because of it (its’ an actual science/brain chemistry thing, trust me).

"No really, I'm okay. Ha-ha!"

I am okay. Just…the waiting! Ugh! I hate waiting and might actually suck at it. The things I want and need are so very worth waiting for. I know this. Oh gawd how I know it! But it doesn’t make the waiting easier.

I’m grateful for so much while worrying about so little. It all seems so urgent and important and stupid and trivial at once. Such is life. So be it.

<3
S