I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Intersecting Communities


Through my own fat acceptance journey, I have been exposed to other intersecting communities. Some of these communities I had had some misconceptions, preconceived notions and absolute prejudices about. Because of fat acceptance, and attending fat events, I have realized just how wrong I was about every single one of them. Yep, I am checking all of my privileges and myself and opening my heart and mind to these communities, experiences, choices, lifestyles and people! And guess what? I am loving every minute!

I actually had a bit of an awkward conversation with my husband about this exact thing. Many years ago he’d been invited to an event that one of his peers was participating in. How it was presented to me colored how I saw it and I, being the stubborn Scorpio that I am (and I cop to and own this about myself, though I work on it, too), simply said, “No way!” But time goes by and things happen and minds can and do change. I had to explain to my husband and partner of over 13 years that, well, my views of the world are actually quite different (and I hope more mature) than they were back then.

I’ve always considered myself a tree-hugging hippie sort, very open and loving. But somehow some of these communities hadn’t touched my life or been presented to me in the way they have been since I found fat acceptance. And let’s face it, fat/body/self acceptance intersects with many communities! I hadn’t previously considered myself a feminist. Relying on the very old concept and representations, I had thought of the cliched “femi-nazi” bullshit. Wow! I was so very wrong. Not only am I a feminist, I’m loving learning about the various aspects and communities within the feminist community online. So many blogs, so little time. No, they don’t all get fat acceptance or even positive body image stuff right, but what I take away is what I want to and I choose my battles carefully.

I am only recently discovering and participating in the more femme-queer communities and events in my area. While I’ve participated in and organized and donated to the gay community over the years, I never considered myself more than an ally because of my current relationship. I felt like an outsider because of it. I felt as though without my BFFs there with me as homo-cred or permission, that I would be kicked out or something. Silly, I know. But I did feel this way for awhile. Now I see how very queer the fat community is and can be and my own sexuality isn’t as simple as “straight” or “hetero” but a much more flexible thing that I am not sure I’ve completely sorted out yet. For now I shall call it situationally hetero, but a great and fabulous friend recently said it was hetero-flexible, which I also like.

The simple fact that I am secretly (though not so much since I’m about to spill some of them beans) fantasizing and dreaming and plotting my very own  burlesque identity and show says everything about how far I’ve come in accepting myself and just about everyone in the damned world! I keep talking myself out of the idea, but then a song will come on, my hips start to sway and shake and then I hear Virgie in my head yelling, “Sexy Bitches!” and I can’t help it! I might just have to make this happen…just to see that I can do it. Ya know? Ha-ha! I still get the ugly thought monster, “Old broad! You think you can strut your stuff and strip in front of people? You’ll clear the place out!” That damned inner critic ain’t as dead as I’d previously thought, but I keep kicking her ass to the curb as much as I can.

Truth is, none of this would have come into my life without FA and most definitely not without pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. Going to fat and queer events. Meeting new people! *gasp* Being more social! What? I know! I even accept more invites than I turn down now days. That’s saying a lot considering my complete lack of an income, but I make it work and all of these new people in my life are so rad they totally understand! I still get shy and have days when I wanna hide under the covers, but all I have to do now is remember those times when I did push myself (like the flesh mob with Marilyn Wann) and I soon find myself smiling so big I forgot why I wanted to hide to begin with!

So, my lovely readers, what has fat acceptance made you change your mind about? What have you been exposed to for the first time because of FA? Do you find it easier to get out of your comfort zone? Tell me all about it!

7 Comments to

“Intersecting Communities”

  1. On June 27th, 2011 at 9:55 am Emily Says:

    My first introduction to FA was through my current therapist, about 2 years ago. I was talking to her about my struggle with my body (constant weight gain, only diets that work are starvation diets, etc.). I don’t remember my exact words to her, but what she said to me was “That sounds like so much rejection [of your body].” I was floored. I mean, of course it was rejection- I’m fat- I’m SUPPOSED to reject my body. Her idea that I should accept my body no matter that it was very fat was RADICAL to me at the time.

  2. On June 27th, 2011 at 10:03 am Not Blue at All Says:

    You have a rad therapist! I wish more would get on the FA boat! Thank you so much for sharing your story here.

  3. On June 27th, 2011 at 9:58 am Emily Says:

    And also, I meant to add that I like the feminist communities Feministing and Feministe, both of which deal with fat issues from time to time. They are not perfect, and many commenters are not on the FA track (although many are). Feministing has a comment policy of “no fat-shaming,” and Feministe has some great posts in the archives on fat, such as the similarities between “slut-shaming” and “fat-shaming.”

  4. On June 27th, 2011 at 3:56 pm sandrad Says:

    Making assumptions about people based on appearance – we all do it – i did it a LOT. Now I mostly don’t, and am likely to call myself on it when I do. I think this makes me a better person. Thanks FA !

  5. On June 28th, 2011 at 10:47 am Not Blue at All Says:

    Woo Hoo!

  6. On June 28th, 2011 at 3:15 am Kath Says:

    I have always been a pretty liberal person, even when I was a teenager forming my ideas. Part of that was rebelling against my conservative family. But since finding fat acceptance, boy have I learned a lot and fast… and that’s AWESOME!

  7. On June 28th, 2011 at 10:47 am Not Blue at All Says:

    It is sooooooo awesome! Thanks, Kath! <3

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