I have been carrying small clutches and wrist-lets instead of a purse or messenger bag since I sold the cafe. Monday I was focused on tying up as many loose ends as I possibly could before starting the new j-o-b the next day. I cut my nails, I bought things for breakfasts and then I wanted to get together the things I may want or need for when I’m at work. My water bottle came to mind first, but then I always want a notebook and since I’ll have a lunch break I want my book club book (we’re reading Jane Austen’s “Northanger Abbey”) and things I already had in my clutch like chapstick and a Tide pen and a sharpie and lip gloss and you know…things I usually need. But this new commuter load needed a new vessel!

I have a drawer that is full of nothing but purses. They vary in size, shape and color and have accumulated over the years but has recently dwindled. Mostly because I have been preferring smaller and smaller bags. Also because some were so worn or damaged that I could no longer justify their sentimental value. Some I will never give up, like the green corduroy hobo bag I bought on my honeymoon when we were in Paris! Others were gifts from friends or handmade delights. I realized that I used to be bag crazy the way some gals (okay, me too) go nuts for shoes!

I had forgotten about this part of myself. I had to carry so many things to and from the cafe and my apartment that I went from my stylish and seasonal collection of bags, even some custom babies, to a plain, brown corduroy messenger bag. I decorated it with some of my pin-back button collection of course. But style? Not so much. And then after I sold the cafe I wanted to really pare down any and all baggage in my life! So of course I went for small clutches and wrist-lets and such. I was subconsciously trying to break free from all of the stress the last three years were on me. It feels good to acknowledge that.

This period of time right after New Year’s day always leads to reflection and deeper thinking. I know that’s not just me. But it feels quite different for me this year. I feel more hopeful, more positive, more open and just fucking ready to DO ALL THE THINGS! I feel more accomplished and more prepared for life and all of it’s surprises than I ever have before. January for some reason has always been hard for me. Things in my life tend to fall apart in January and/or October. Could be planetary, could just be me, could be bullshit…but I tend to hide myself away from the world this time of year because of that. But not this year!

2012 (Woo!), is going to rock! It started out fantastic and I have this gut feeling that this is just the beginning of a great year! And I trust my gut, always! I rang in the new year wearing my fat necklace in a strapless gown, shaking my fat ass and not giving a damn! Revoloosh! I feel a sense of freedom from the past. I feel like the opposite of a failure and a loser and a dropout. I feel triumphant! I don’t know what I triumphed, but fuck it!

The purse I’ll be carrying and has now changed my perspective is by Relic. I’d gotten it at Kohl’s a few years ago. I remember it because my husband and I drove to several locations to find the black one. It was the perfect bag! It’s a great size, shoulder strap length was just right…it’s stylish and a little sexy with a touch of elegance. It’s moi! Ha-ha! But seriously folks, I had purchased this bag and barely used it and now I am rewarded for my past efforts by having it handy and ready to rock ‘n roll! I don’t know why this has me so stoked, but it does. I wish I had a picture to share, but my camera is not cooperating. I don’t think it would look as lovely as it is to me, anyway.

This silly purse represents new beginnings with a foundation set firmly upon my own skills, talents and abilities! It is my lasso of truth or my utility belt. I feel more confident and ready. And isn’t that something we all want? I guess I didn’t know I wanted it or how to articulate it until now. Perhaps I just feel unafraid of possibilities now. I recall a time when that would seem a dream on it’s own. It’s certainly not a destination I had in mind, but it feels good to be in this new head space.