Energy & Life
“Nobody, but you, is responsible for your life. It doesn’t matter what your mama did, it doesn’t matter what your daddy didn’t do. You are responsible for Your life. And what is your life? What is all life? What is Every flower, every rock, every tree, every human being? Energy. And you’re responsible for the energy that you create for yourself. And you’re responsible for the energy that you bring to others.” Oprah Winfrey (from her very last episode)
This can be a difficult concept for many to fully understand let alone believe or try to incorporate into their own lives. I’m actually a firm believer, but not fully there in practice yet. I work on it everyday. I notice it most, though, when around people who have no idea what energy they bring with them everywhere. Have you ever been at a friend’s or perhaps at a party and someone arrives and the energy of the entire room shifts? Not always in a negative way, mind you, but it definitely changes.
Last week my husband and I were having this very deep conversation, and it was almost like a stream of consciousness type of thing for me, but the phone rang and so I got up to pee while he answered it and we just couldn’t find where we were again, energetically, and so we dropped it. While having that conversation, though the topics were heavy and dark, I felt sort of energized or like I was tapping into something important. Once that phone rang (oh noes! The outside world!) the spell was broken.
It’s sort of like when I was a kid hanging out at my BFF Riana’s house all day long and then it began to get dark but we didn’t want our good times to end so we would beg our parents for a sleepover. We felt like there was just no way for us to pick up where we left off the next day, ya know? It felt like the end of the world. Like a big bummer cloud decided to park right over us and pour down it’s bummer-ness. Boo!
I find that as I become more mindful of my own energy and how I carry it with me, the more sensitive I am to negative types. I mean, I can generally make conversation with anybody, but sometimes I will be frozen in place by someone’s total negative vibes, man. It can feel suffocating. It can stop me in my tracks, literally! Yet I would probably never feel comfortable enough to explain that to them. How could I? Yet they affect me so greatly.
I do know that when I am feeling drained/low/exhausted/stressed, it helps for me to sort of check in with myself energy-wise. What made me feel this way? Can I do anything about it now? What would help? Is there a first step I can take to get the ball rolling? If it’s all no’s, then I breathe deeply a few times, listening closely to my breaths and try to picture something tranquil. It doesn’t always work, but it can help a bit. I’m not talking about severe anxiety/panic episodes. Just blah-ness or feeling rough in general.
How do you channel or use your own energy? What have you experienced in regards to others’ energy affecting you? I’d love to hear more thoughts and ideas on this subject. Thanks for reading! <3
The brother I mentioned yesterday who wraps himself in his self-pity? At 51, he’s still blaming our mother for every single thing that’s ever gone wrong in his life. You see? It’s Mom’s fault that he never got his PhD! It’s Mom’s fault he never became a teacher like he wanted to! It’s Mom’s fault that he lost his job and had to live on my charity for five and a half years!
Never mind that Mom died in 1990 and all of these things have happened since.
Trying to live with that soul-sucking energy in my house really did a number on me, let me tell you. Oh, and about two weeks after I told him if he wanted to talk to me while I was on the computer he needed to ask me if I had time first (because it’s so FUN trying to write a coherent article for one of the blogs I get paid to write up against a deadline while someone is nattering at me endlessly about the latest dustup on an RPG board I’ve never logged onto), he suddenly found that he could manage to move out. Should have thought of doing that years ago.
I know what you mean about that person walking into the room and changing the energy in one way or another. My brother is an extreme example of energy vampirism. He walks in and sucks all the good and happy and considerate out of the air. I’ve known other people who can make everybody more creative or happier simply by showing up, too.
But since the whole debacle with my vampiric brother, I’ve been working hard on minding my own energy rather than that of others out to bring the world down to their level. It’s a work in progress. My natural bent toward empathy can sometimes cause me to get stuck in emotional feedback loops with people. Mostly, though, I’ve been working on being the person who brings positive energy into the room.
My parents, hometown, circumstance and experiences shaped me. They will always influence me. But it’s up to me to decide what I do with those influences and what new experiences I add to my pot. My mother was, is, and always will be a tremendous influence on me not just because she raised me, but because I consider her such an amazing example to follow. But she hasn’t been around for more than twenty years. It’s no more her fault than her glory what I’ve done with my life since… and she would be the first person to tell me that right out loud, if she still could.
It’s my life. I’m the one living it. If I make a decision, it’s on me, for good or ill. I’ve done stupid things, cowardly things, brave things, and generous things. All in all, it’s a life I’m not ashamed of. It’s a life I don’t regret. It’s a life I’m enjoying. And it’s all mine.
@Twistie: Oh empathy! I’m guilty of that one to the nth degree! At one point, in my old career, my husband actually sat me down and told me that all of my empathy couldn’t save the people’s jobs I was freaking out over, scrambling to try to find them something. He said my empathy, at that time anyway, was hurting me! It had never occurred to me that that was even possible. Now I understand that I can get very caught up in such things and that is one part of why I try to focus and refocus my energy. I mean, it’s part of self-care for me.
I’m sorry you’ve been through so much with your bro. I guess family is sometimes given to us simply to test us and make us grateful for the other stuff. <3
I’m sorry but I really cannot come away from that Oprah quote with anything other than “Everything is your fault.”
@Meerkat: I understand how it can come across that way. For me it’s just about mindfulness. Being mindful of what you being with you into a room/situation/etc.