When you feel better about yourself, your desires change. When you go about your life and into the world each day with your head held high, you attract different things and people into your life, too. It’s sort of amazing. It’s not just your perspective that changes and not just about yourself, but the world seems to open up in new ways.

I’m not at all saying that once you accept and love yourself that the world and your life become paved in gold and roses, hardly. I would never even insinuate such a thing. The haters aren’t going away anytime soon, but you don’t have to listen to them either. That is the lovely part of not giving a shit what other people think of you. It’s no easy feat to achieve and there will always be someone whose opinions will matter to you. I’m talking about the general haters and jerks. It is a lot easier to let the hate and idiocy roll off your shoulders when you know in your heart that you are made of awesome (you are)!

I have found that what I want out of life has dramatically shifted thanks to loving my own fat ass (and more). I no longer minimize myself, my size or the space I need to walk/sit/stand/live. I am just me and I make no bones about that. Why the fuck should I? No, I choose to live the life I want to every single day. I have found that people are more inclined to talk to me or ask me questions. At parties I am more comfortable introducing myself with a smile than ever before. I’m not saying that my social anxiety is miraculously gone, but it has improved and I continue to push myself to get out of my comfort zone and let my guard down.

The people I want in my life have shifted, too. I simply cannot be around people who hate their bodies. I cannot indulge in the endless gym/diet/food guilt chit chat that permeates our modern culture. I want to talk to geeks and nerds and freaks and weirdos and glean all I can from them. MORE!!! I want to have people in my life that I can learn from and who will enrich my life somehow. I don’t even care how. I will no longer enable or politely smile and nod while someone insists on complaining about every detail and facet of life. If you don’t like something, change it!

I feel a need lately to cling ever tighter to those nearest and dearest to my heart. I am so grateful for the gift of their love and friendships that I am often without words (shocking, I know). I never used to be the gal who would weep openly with tears of joy at the site of a home cooked meal from her BFFs…but I am now. My BFFs have seen me change so much over the years, it amazes me that they still hang around. Ha! But they know me, they know what’s in my heart and because of this they can see I’m not bat-shit crazy (I swear!).

When I think of the friendships that have come and gone or those that seem to last but only ever at a distance, I am just as grateful for them, too. They have all touched me in some way and I am a better person for having known them. I could not be the confident fat gal that I am today without each and every one of those experiences. Because of what they brought into my life I have more room for the goodness the world has to offer me now.

We do need to make room and make time for the things we love and that includes ourselves. We must love and nurture these incredible bodies we were given and support them in every way that we are able. We must seek support and offer it, too. If you haven’t noticed, community matters to me. The fat acceptance/liberation community has given me the love and support I need at every turn and obstacle on my journey. I could not have accomplished even half of what I have these last few years without it.

I know we all sort of live in our own bubbles, but please consider reaching out to a fellow fatty, even if just online. You are not alone. You are not some freak of nature. You deserve all of the love in the world. Some of my online friendships have given me more than my in-person ones and I am so lucky and honored to have them in my life. There are people I have never met yet feel I know and they know me so well and so deeply. Please do not deprive yourself of these relationships because it’s “just online” or whatever. We are all people and have so much to share and give. So reach out. I’m always here, too: notblueatall@notblueatall.com <3