Oh! Lesley’s post about Doc Marten’s Boots brought me right back to my freshman year of high school! *Grunge-swoon* I am finding myself super drawn to that way of dress, yet again! I just love the combo of something femme with something more masculine: granny dresses & docs! Yo! And I was just never without a flannel. I would often wear *gulp* a tie-dyed half-tank top with a big flannel over it (my dad’s usually) with jeans. I couldn’t afford docs. I had never even owned anything name brand. A friend of mine recently asked me, “How could you have gone your entire life without owning a pair of Levi’s?” My response, “Easy! I was poor and then I was too fat!” Ha-ha! It’s true.

I didn’t own my first pair of Doc Marten’s until I was 18/19 years old and I had snagged a miraculous pair of the classic air ware bouncing sole 8 eye boots (in classic black leather) at Ross for $20!!! I thought it was a fucking joke at first. So I went up to the checkout counter and, with heart a-flutter, attempted to buy them…and then did, successfully! I felt like I had robbed a bank that day! And whoa did I love the hell out of those boots?! I could do anything in them and did! I wore them and nothing else (shoes anyway) for years. Until they died and I had to find more comfortable shoes for work. *sigh* I have yet to find a similar pair since (I’m now 33, yo).

It is interesting to me though, when a person looks me in the eyes and asks why I’ve never owned _____. I always ask myself, “Do they not see the size of me? Are they oblivious? Are they stupid?” The answer is usually the second one, oblivious! How could someone who has never been fat or had to shop for fat-fitting clothing know or understand what that entails? They can’t! And often come across as ignorant, unfortunately. But you know, when I explain that they don’t come in my size, they usually look surprised or sad. Sad! And then I find myself comforting their sadness. WTF?! Now I try to say things like, “They don’t come in my size and so I won’t give them my money.” This helps both parties I think. Maybe…I don’t know.

But shoes, well, I love shoes! They take me places! Ha!

My second pair of Doc Marten’s were also purchased at Ross for the same price as the original ones I got but were the oxford style in brown. I love them! I trekked all over Europe in those bad boys. I still wear them often. I feel so much taller and stronger and just bad-ass in them! I feel like I am daring the world to fuck with me while wearing them. Sadly, they’re not comfortable enough for work  anymore so they only get worn on my days off. I am now searching for that original style pair. I scour eBay. I hope & dream. I can’t afford ’em, but who knows, another $20 pair could some my way someday. A gal can dream!

I’ve never truly longed for anything designer labeled until this year when the Beth Ditto line for Evans came out. I told myself not to look, why torture myself?! But I did! And oh how I wanted it all! But I’m still okay with not having those things. They’re lovely, but not for everyone. It does make me happy that such a thing exists in my size. I can only hope for more and more and more. I admit that I was devastated when Isaac Mizrahi came out with his line for Target that only went up to a size 16 (or was it 18?). I rushed to my local Target and found the massive display and then, Ack! Nothing for me. I ran over to the shoe department and was surprised, suddenly, how ugly his line was and sort of walked away all limp and puddley.

There are other major designers whose styles I love: Stella McCartney, Betsey Johnson, Vera Wang & Anna Sui to name a few…but they won’t get my hard earned moolah until they can cloth my 300+lbs ass! *middle finger* And my struggle to find knee-high boots to fit my giantess calves? Forget it! I’m (almost) completely done with that. “But Sarah, didn’t you just find a pair at Avenue that fit your calves?” Yes, I did…but they ain’t comfy and they kind of piss me off because they start out looking damn good and then start to bunch and buckle around my ankles leaving them sore and me cranky as hell. WTF?! AVENUE!!! *shakes fist*

I guess I’m at a point in my life where comfort trumps all. I just refuse to suffer for fashion and style. I love looking like me no matter what’s on my body and so that is that. I’ll keep my eye out for those Docs and granny dresses, but for now I’ll just stick with what I got and what I know. And try my best not to lust after what I cannot have. Certainly my poor dear of a mind will appreciate it. Ha!

What item instantly brings you back to the good old days? What have you lusted after but could never have? Tell me about it!

It amazes me to no end the sheer greed and selfishness of humans. This time of year seems to bring out the worst in ’em, too. I don’t want to get all Scrooge McDuck on ya, but damn! People are kind of assholes sometimes. No one specific. I hold nothing back, no secrets, y’all should know this by now (and a special thanks & hug for those who commented on Friday’s post, you’re the sweetest! Well, except that one asshole! I posted their email, feel free to do what you will with it). Just you know, the wish lists! Everywhere I go, the wish lists!

Really?! In this economy? Wish lists?! I could see a kid doing this, sure, no problem there. A lot of what kids do is hope/dream/wish/pretend/play (I miss that). But adults more than ever! To them I say, “Do you have no one in your life in need? No one for which you might feel ashamed about wanting frivolous garbage in front of? We all want things. We all want comfort and perhaps a bit of luxury, but shit if you see me doing this right now. Everyone in my life seems on edge lately and it’s no wonder: We’ve all taken quite the proverbial beating this year! Sure, I want frilly dresses and satin bows. But not because of a holiday and not because I feel I deserve such things. I most certainly do not.

I don’t like the word deserve. It’s an ugly word to me. I don’t think that people deserve things, ya know? Don’t get me wrong, I believe all people have fundamental human rights and with that some dignity and respect, but sports cars? Designer clothing? Not so much, actually. I believe in equality for everyone. I’m not educated enough to declare myself a socialist/Marxist/communist or anything close to any of those, but I just think people should be treated equally. People tend to misunderstand me when I say that, but it seems plain as day to me. We were all made the same and come into the world naked and slippery and should be treated, in my opinion, the same until proven otherwise (aka: you kill somebody? Yeah, you don’t get to have the same equality as the rest of us, just sayin’).

I know how easy it can be to get caught up in the spirit of the season (I’m not at all religious and no longer celebrate any particular holiday though the husband is a bit of a pagan and would like to begin celebrating solstices), but give a thought to those around you. There is something to be said of humility and modesty in such matters. Growing up I would never have asked for something outright. I would long for something and ache for it, but to ask straight up? That just seemed awful. Of course I grew up poor enough to know better than to ask; it would most certainly be met with words of admonishment and shame. However, my grandma always had a way of knowing exactly what I wanted or very close to it and I never once complained (too bad this non-complaining didn’t get passed to the rest of my family).

I just don’t think that people are present enough to appreciate what they have or to acknowledge the suffering of those around them. Yesterday while doing a craft fair with a friend (Ugh! Won’t be doing one of those again!), someone she knew saw her and they were catching up and then suddenly the woman began to cry. She kept apologizing profusely for her tears, but as it turns out, her husband passed away suddenly and now she’s about to lose her home and truly has nowhere to stay very shortly. I don’t know her, but offered what advice I could on the mortgage side (I used to work in that industry, before the bubble burst) and wished her the best while being simultaneously surprised by my friend’s offer of her couch & home to this lady. And that is how it should be! When times are at their toughest, we should be offering what we can to those who need it, especially those we know and love, no matter how long it’s been since you’ve been in touch.

On Friday, as I was having my stress-induced breakdown/panic attack, a good friend whom I can’t say that I truly know, offered me and my husband and our two babies (tabby cat and puglet) a room in her house if we should so need it. I was touched beyond words. Here I was at a very dark moment in my life and this truly amazing woman, who is going through a hell of her own at the moment, offered me more than I could ever ask of another person. That pure love extended its light to me and I felt it, yo! I felt it and it warmed my heart. Call me cheesy, but it made me think. It made me cherish and it made me humble and grateful. So when I turn around after this special moment and see nothing but “I WANT!!!” “HERE’S MY UNSOLICITED WISH LIST!” “BUY ME THINGS LOLZ!” it makes me fucking nauseous!

There is always, ALWAYS!, something to be grateful for. I know life can be in the shitter from time to time and sometimes that may seem like more than you can handle, I get it! But please, take a moment to think before proclaiming your wants. And maybe? Consider doing something for someone instead of buying them a gift wrapped with ribbon. Volunteer if you can or simply offer your services and help openly to those you know and you may just be surprised by who accepts your assistance and where this new path may lead you.

A big fat serious thank you to my readers & commenters. Sometimes, when I don’t know where else to turn and I feel completely bat-shit crazy, you make me feel so much better and worth something. Thank you! <3

We’re all busy people just struggling to keep our own minds together lately and then lo and behold: The holiday season arrives! UGH! How do you maintain the relationships you have and even nurture new ones? Plus, everyone’s broke as a joke and the immediate challenge of the holidays is heartbreaking. These have helped me and my own sanity lately:

• Tell someone you love them, out of the blue, unprompted and do not expect a response. Just do it!
• Smile & say, “It’s so good to see you!” and mean it, every time!
• Send someone a thank you note once a week. Even if it’s for something silly or seemingly unimportant. (Handmade is best.)
• Hug someone you would normally give a handshake to. Just throw yourself around them (not in a creepy way, please) with love.
• Offer a helping hand to a stranger or acquaintance. Especially if they haven’t asked.
• Host a holiday card making party! Tell your friends/family/neighbors to bring their own decorations, glues, glitter, etc and you’ll supply the card stock. Double points if you make it a potluck, too! Get one of those plastic party tablecloths to protect your table. (If you can’t afford this or your living arrangement makes this impossible, consider teaming up with someone else or make postcards instead. Tip: Buy cheap postcards at a drugstore or thrift shop and just redecorate the front.)
• Host an indoor picnic! Everyone brings something, very informal and you don’t need a better excuse to enjoy some cheap wine & cheese!
• Write a friend a letter. It doesn’t have to be long or well thought out, just grab some paper and tell them about your day or write a haiku or something. They will enjoy the arrival in their mailbox and cherish the thought that you were thinking of them.
• Email someone once a week to tell them you’re grateful to know them even if you’re not in touch as much as you’d like to be.
• Go to the web sites of all of your favorite places (restaurants, craft stores, anything!) and sign up for the email list! You’ll get crazy-good coupons and can always invite a friend when it’s BOGO time!
• Hate walking your dog alone at night in the cold? Buddy up with a neighbor or check out your local meet up group! You can take turns making cocoa or tea!
• Sign up for Google Voice so you can give one phone number out without having to give out any of your actual phone numbers! Saves time, safer and you can even have your voice mail messages transcribed and sent to your email! Sweet!

Do you have a sanity saving tip? Tell me all about it! <3

It’s Friday, I’m in a great mood and well, just thought I’d give ya a nice fluffy post to encourage you to indulge yourself while saving a pretty penny at the same time. I am in no way affiliated or being paid to endorse the following products/companies, I just think they rock!

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This is one of those if I knew then what I know now kind of moments. Ugh! So, here’s my deal, I bought two pair of these mega-rad jersey-knit capri pajama pants from Old Navy a couple of years ago. Had I known that they would be the most comfortable thing I own, I would have bought ten! They have this very wide elastic waist  band that’s actually too big for me, but I roll it over a couple of time and they are just right. They have split cuffs with lace trim. I have one in black and one in cream, both with a simple floral-ish print. They are my go-to when I’m sick or crampy or too tired to do anything at all or just wanna sleep comfortably. I have other pajamas and wear them too…but these ON Capri pants? They rock, y’all!

Since ON doesn’t make them any longer and I can’t find them on eBay (you can often find last season’s stuff on there) I started to look for other similar styles and fabrics and whatnot and well, I’m quite disappointed! I cannot do flannel, I do live in California and while it does get cold at night (I know not that cold as my Mother in law would say -she’s in Maine), but I also have a down comforter that keeps me plenty warm. I don’t like the typical flat cotton most pajamas are made of and I would feel just silly in satin. The jersey-knit is just right, I think. And would prefer the capri/cropped length since regular PJ pants tend to flow well over my feet and onto the floor (perfect lure for kitty revenge).

OneStopPlus has some things, but nothing like what I’m looking for and the ones that come close are a but pricey for what they are. Although, I had no idea Torrid was added to OSP, Awesome! (And damn, I love the brand Taillissime their entire line is too cute! I wanna own it all!)

These are close from Lane Bryant (Ugh! I really don’t want to give them my money though) and on clearance, but I would have to try them on and I don’t think my local store has much clearance right now. I suppose I could have them shipped to the store…but again I’d rather give my money to another store.

Target had nothing in my size. I don’t really know why. The highest their PJ’s go is XXXL, which sometimes, but very rarely works. But they do have cute stuff. *sigh*

Avenue has some cute stuff and I cannot believe that this is a robe, it looks like a friggin’ dress (and doesn’t come in my size, dammit)!

I did some eBay searching, but nothing popped out at me. I just don’t know. I mean, my two pair are fine. I just want more! I don’t know how many times one is supposed to wear a set of pajamas in a row, but generally 2 is my limit, depending. So this leaves me with having to wear my other pajamas the rest of the week and that’s fine. One pair of actual PJ pants I have are crazy comfy but the tags are long gone and I can’t remember where I bought them. Ack!

Maybe I should just try to make my own damn pajamas! Ha-ha! It could happen…maybe.

So, what do you wear to bed? What are your dream pajamas? Do you lean more sexy or comfy? Do you sleep in the nude (I used to and still do from time to time)? Do you have plus sized pj wishes? Lay ’em on me! Thanks! =0)