After my Woman Within Fail post yesterday, I realized that many people do attempt communication with retailers. To this I say, “KEEP IT UP!” & “THANK YOU!” Because every time I have tried to rally fats together for a letter writing campaign or anything close to it I get nothing but negativity and, “It makes no difference.” “Who cares?!” “They won’t listen, what’s the point?!” And that bugs the hell out of me!

I’m a firm believer in feedback. Both in life and business. I would not own my own cafe without feedback. I would not still be in business without feedback. And I give feedback to the businesses that I support and who support me. It’s vital! I know to many who just shop at larger “big box” type stores it may seem futile, but I can assure you, even at the store manager level, feedback is a remarkable thing!

How I know this? I worked in retail (from clothing to music) for over ten years. I have held every position from stock girl, fitting room attendant, cashier, assistant manager and finally store manager. I know how feedback can impact a store/retailer. Feedback can hit you like a ton of bricks, sure, but it’s what you do with it that counts!

See, retailers who receive little or no feedback, they breeze right along, growing and strong, thinking the world is their oyster. They become bigger and more arrogant. They become “too big to fail” and such bullshit. And it is these that ruin an industry! I believe the key to success, no matter what the industry or field, is feedback and using this feedback to focus, restructure, maintain and grow!

I have written many letters to retailers. I have approached overworked and underpaid retail managers with my feedback and have been given that look of, “Are you fucking kidding me with this?!” and still do it today. And you can tell right away what type of manager/company you’re dealing with by their response. Sure, e-tailers will send you a form letter with a “you will receive a personal response within 24 hours” line. But it’s what is in that response that counts. They all claim “your feedback is important to us” but if they do nothing with that feedback? If they sit on it and it never reaches the right ears/eyes? It can seem utterly pointless. I get that, I truly do. But when you get a manager/company that does get it? Well, you get results!

I am still working on a specific Target store with my feedback about their plus size section (zero signage, always messy, shoved into a tiny corner), but I’m patient & persistent! Plus, I understand retail management structure, so that helps. Sure, one letter to a giant retailer may fall on deaf ears/blind eyes, but if many people do it and all have similar feedback? It should land in the right hands!

Take Dominoes pizza for instance: they received tons of awful feedback and I don’t know if they have a new president or CEO, but that guy in the ads sure seems to give a shit about what his company is serving its customers! That is golden! I talked smack about Dominoes for ages, having never liked their pizza. After all of those ads (specifically the one with the photo of the mushed pizza) my hubby & I decided to give ’em a try. And you know what? It was fabulous! I love that garlicky seasoning they put on the crust! But I never would have tried them again without those sincere ads!

That is what it’s all about! It doesn’t have to be thousands of emails/letters, either. It is more about the feedback itself. If you write Old Navy a letter saying, “You suck! Put plus size clothes back in your stores!” it’s not going to get any attention. And I know for a fact that they have received hundreds of those. Ha-ha! But if you’re more specific, “The sizing of your jeans varies so greatly that I’m spending too much on return shipping. HELP!” you should get the help you need while also letting them know that their shit is all wongo in its sizing! This is information they need to know!

Look, I love that fire-in-the-belly, rallying the troops sort of moments when people unite for a common cause or action…but the truth is not everyone feels the same things about the same companies. Certainly there are fats who still love Lane Bryant & Torrid. While some of us reminisce about the days when things uniformly fit across style lines or were more on-trend and less polyester. Ha-ha! Telling a retailer that fat people deserve cute and comfortable clothing at affordable prices? Certainly an important message, but not an actionable thing for one retailer.

The other thing to consider is that a lot of the associates/salespeople are  women (for women’s clothing anyway), while their higher-ups or executives are often men. Huge disconnect! (Speaking from experience here.) So I must repeat: Be specific, be clear, (don’t put ten things in your feedback) and keep it simple! I’m also a firm believer in giving positive feedback, too! Just think how your day would be brightened if a customer called your manager and said, “Wendy was so sweet! She really helped me decide on the perfect outfit! She was very patient with me and helpful in suggestions and options.” Let me tell you, I have had this happen, and I wanted to leap for joy and sing from the mountain tops! So don’t hesitate!

Also, don’t hesitate with the bad feedback! It is so important for a manager to know what’s going on when they’re not there. And believe me, it gets ugly! I had an employee stealing x-boxes and game boys. I knew who it was, but never had proof (he was the only other person with a damned key to the store). If you receive bad service (or good) get names. If you’re uncomfortable telling someone to their face that they are being inappropriate or rude, get their name or a good description at least (including time of your visit/purchase). It is near impossible for a manager to ignore feedback that has all of the facts and details straight.

I hope this all makes sense. I would love to hear from anyone who has received a decent response from a retailer or even had something changed due to their feedback. I know it’s tough. But damn, we spend our hard earned monies and so much energy to give these companies our business! We vote, so to speak, with our dollars. We need to follow it up with our words! =0)

It’s Friday and while that’s usually my fave day of the week, I’m just not feeling well today. I don’t know what’s going on with me, I’ve tried both cold and allergy meds and neither have made a dent. I’m a true mess. But I’m alive and grateful as hell for that. =0)  So I thought I would share some interesting tidbits from the interwebz. Feel free to comment, discuss, etc. Hope you have a fabulous weekend.

Too many people feel let down because their life and looks aren’t ‘fabulous’ all the time. In Making Magic 2: On the Tyranny of Image, Rachel Hills says, “…One thing I believe quite firmly is that we’re sold a lie that through changing our appearance, we can change our lives. That if only we lost weight, had “better” hair, the “right” clothes, we’d be able to access that certain, indefinable magic we’re convinced the people who do have that aesthetic possess. I’ve been speaking with women who do have that magic – that capacity to make amazing things happen to them – and unsurprisingly, what I’ve found is that it isn’t about what you wear or how you look at all.”

Did you get a chance to read Lesley’s post about Public Health Programs? You totally should, it’s rad!

You simply must read this speech given by Andrea Zanin at The Floating World, a supercool (and absolutely massive) sex-positive annual weekend conference in New Jersey. “This is a talk about the lies we tell ourselves and the rest of the world. It’s a talk in which bullshit will be called, hierarchies challenged and strong statements made. It’s a talk about polyamory, and BDSM, and queerness, but above all, it is most definitely a talk about sex.”

Love Ryan Freitas‘ 35 lessons in 35 years!

A new approach for pan handlers, free credit cards? I truly enjoyed reading this.

And this weekend, I shall be making some pear gelato! I’m so excited! I bought these Bartlett pears at the store $2 for 3lbs and they’re a bit overripe. Perfect for gelato! I’ve only ever done sorbets, so I don’t know how this will turn out, but here’s the recipe.

You can ask me nearly any time of day or night what song I have in my head and I will most certainly sing or hum it for you. Last night while watching tv a commercial came on with a “Fascination” re-do and I was suddenly confused between three songs all at once. This is not unusual for me. I often hear songs within songs or just have a bunch playing at once in my head. Could this help my problem?

Have you been following the fatcasts? You totally should be! They are so fun and informative! And there’s a new one up today! Squee!

There are two other podcasts I’d like to give a shout out to:

Soulful Blend Radio: R U Real? I Am Plus! Thursdays if you happen to listen to last Thursday’s episode, you will hear yours truly sounding like a total valley girl. Oh well, it was a total blast! (Main page: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/soulfulblend)

And Golda Poretsky’s Body Love Wellness podcast! Be sure to stay up to date on her blog, too: http://www.bodylovewellness.com/

That’s it for today. What’s on your mind? What are your plans for the weekend? Tell me about it! =0)

OMZ! (The “Z” is for “Zod”, FYI.) The season finales are over and done and Whoa! Which season finales? Drop Dead Diva & Huge, of course! You know, the two fattest shows on Cable T.V. Ha-ha! It’s true though. And I have enjoyed them both, so very much.

I’ll admit, when I first saw previews for DDD (Drop Dead Diva), I was so not amused, let alone sold on it’s plot. It did seem a bit too silly. But then I read Margaret Cho’s blog and the way she described it and talked about it’s overall message and all, well, I had to at least give it a shot. And I did. And I fell quickly in love with it’s flawed characters and sometimes silly writing style. It is a Lifetime show after all. And so I watched and watched and well, the DVR is truly a fab technology (because the commercials are straight-up unnerving!) and now that the second season is over? I can’t wait for more!

Truly, Margaret Cho’s character, I think, doesn’t get enough scenes/lines. I just love her so and her character is so witty and hilarious and real. There was an episode of the second season where her character is asked to go into a police hangout/bar and she has to explain that she can’t because, um, they’d like all know her in there! Ha-ha! Some of the plot twists fell flat for me, but the last two hours/episodes? OMZ! So good! And I’ve been quite impressed with the development of the “Stacey” character. And dear sweet “Fred” with all of his naivete and sweetness. Aw!

But that moment, when “Grayson” tells “Jane” that he would like her to be his best man…Oh My Gah! My breath caught in my throat! I felt for her! Here she was about to lay it all on him, the truth, the reality that is being in “Jane Bingham’s” body all of this time? And then when he gets hit by the car and looks up and calls “Jane” “Deb”? Whoa! Okay, I was expecting something like that, but just not quite like that. Ha-ha! It’s fun, but I can’t wait for more more more!

As for Huge? Well, I won’t even attempt to recap it here. Not when the masterful Lesley Kinzel of Fatshionista does it with flair here. Such a great finale! I mean, you really get to the heart of these characters we’ve all come to know and love over the course of the very short season. I never thought I’d be watching anything but reruns of a sit com on ABC Family, but I am glad I found out about Huge!

The finale was actually a “to be continued” venture and began last week with “Parents Weekend.” Which tells me that there will be a second season, if for nothing other than my own glimmer of hope, considering where they left us at the end and all. I almost wish this show was on a major network, but I tend to dream big. (Pun-fun!) This last episode had some incredibly emotional moments: “Becca” confronting “Chloe” about their defunct friendship! “Will” and “Amber” sort of almost bonding! “Ian” kissing “Amber”! (EW!) And my favorite: “Alistair” beginning to create his own identity! I totally welled up at that point, you guys! I love him so! He is beautiful!

What I don’t love is the “Ian + Amber” thing. I mean, it just seemed like she was settling and not truly interested in “Ian” and I love him too much to see him get hurt by her. I honestly thought that when he asked “Will” to stick by him while his parents were there was a step in the right direction. When she touched his arm? I nearly died! I have so been there, thinking I was making some giant/scandalous move when in reality it was so subtle the guy hadn’t even detected it! UGH! Guys!

It was sad to say goodbye to these shows after such  great season. I usually can’t find a single thing to watch during the summer months, but this year was the exception. And it is because of this that I am going to give “Mike & Molly” a try. Yes, it’s a show about two fat people who meet at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. He’s a cop, she’s a grade school teacher. Hilarity shall surely ensue? Ugh! I hate how they meet, but am semi-optimistic that the entire show won’t be a bunch of “Look at my hilariously fat ass” writing. Also, I LOVE Melissa McCarthy! She was so adorable and sweet and cute on “Samantha Who?” and I just want to see her again. I won’t hold my breath, but I will tune in on 9/20 to catch the premiere.

Are there any other fat shows I’m missing out on? Tell me all about it!  =0)

Okay, so on the “Snark” thing, I don’t really want to snark about anything specific, I am just still sleepy and a tad cranky and I just love the word “Snarky!” Ha-ha!

I love this: Your Permission Slip From The Universe

Randomly, I typed “Fat Acceptance” into google and the only ad on the page: Feminist Therapy Associates

Did you know,I Have An Etsy Shop?

It took me awhile to find him, but this used to be the blogger/founder of Fabulon! J’adore! <3 Thombeau!

A friend told be about Questionable Content and now I am obsessed! You have to read it from the beginning. It’s magical! And this sums up how I felt on Saturday night:

My friend Jery has a fab blog about our local arts scene, theater, movie reviews and so much more. He does a podcast, too! Check it out here

What do you like to read about on Twitter? I’ve been on Twitter for years, but rarely use it. I follow too many people to keep up with, but I do enjoy it now. Before I just sort of ignored it. I enjoy posting things, but would love to know what people are looking for there. Thanks!

Have you heard of Current T.V.? One of my fave channels and a lot of viewer generated content. YAY!

I have had the pleasure of getting to know this amazingly talented artist, Carmen Reid. She was at first a customer at my cafe and now a good friend. She is a freelance graphic designer and enjoys taking on new and funky projects. Need her help? Find her here! I also feature some of her paintings in my cafe.

Looking for some cooking/baking inspiration? You gotta check out my friend Steph’s gluten-free blog

This website lets you create a font using your own handwriting. FUN!

Tie your shoelaces in different and fun ways!

Go on, Ask Me Anything!

I am sorry for sort of disappearing last week my darlings. It was a strange and crazy week. It was a week of surprises, disappointments and then total elation! I had begun to write a post about fats and hair and then it sort of fizzled out and I left it alone, I could come back to it, who knows. I do have some thoughts to share with you this fine (cold & gray in the SF Bay) Monday. (And yes, I am the Queen of the Run-on sentence, yo! You have been warned.)

I own a small (tiny really) cafe near SFO (it’s an airport) and across the street is a hair salon geared towards kids, but they do everything. The woman who owns the place has become not just a customer and business neighbor, but a friend and mentor. I was helping her with her English for awhile and she’s been ever so encouraging of me in general, but specifically style & beauty. I have since become her “hair model” or so she calls me. Basically, I let her do whatever she wanted with my hair back in March and now it’s sort of a regular fun/free-for-all thing. I love it! I mean, I get free hair cuts and a bit of color (I freakin’ love the splash of black in my red hair). This last week she wanted to try something truly radical and I went for it head first. Ha! Well, the result was exactly what we had discussed and there was a mini freak out on my part, but I not mad at her. She was trying to shave a heart in the back of my already short hair. Well, this caused her to have to really shave it down and in the end it’s more of an upside down tear drop than a heart. I panicked and wore a bandanna on my head, but then I finally gave up and just rocked it.

A couple of days later Marilyn Wann (author of the zine & book “Fat! So?” and inventor of the “YAY! Scale”) came into my cafe for lunch. We’d been trying to meet up for a year! We just kept missing each other at various events. So when she came in with her love and a good friend and she said she liked it? I nearly died, you guys! I was so excited that she came into my humble little cafe. We chatted and they all seemed to enjoy my offerings and I was elated! She signed my copy of “Fat! So?” as well…it was already a prized possession, but now? It’s my precious! Ha-ha! Her book just inspired me so and then seeing the Fat Fly Girls in June and all…it was all so amazing!I feel so very fortunate. I cannot believe that this world famous author and fat activist came into my shop and ate my food and drank my drinks and enjoyed it all, too! She even wrote up a yelp review! I nearly died, I tell ya!

Yes, we talked about all things fat. I told her the short version of how I found FA and discussed some of the more negative aspects in the fat-o-sphere and I explained how I am committed to putting out the positive only. There were things I had forgotten to mention, but no worries as she has said she’ll be back for sure. Squee!

Okay, so I tried super hard not to be a big geeky fan-girl and I think I succeeded, but I was also just super fucking stoked to meet some local FATS! I love meeting new people of all sizes, don’t get me wrong, but I have no fat friends and meeting fats is just the greatest thing ever. I’m not expecting to become BFFs with every fat I meet or anything, but it’s so comforting to talk with people who understand what it’s like to be fat in a world that says it’s not okay to be so. *sigh* So good!

There are plans of a “Yay! Scale” making session here at the cafe (OMZ!) and I really would like my little place to be a safe and comfortable space for fats. I dream of meet-ups and swaps and whatever! I’m currently putting together a fat band (know any drummers?) and cannot wait to rock everyone’s socks off! What began as a bummer week turned into a surprisingly awesome one. Even saw “Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World” on Saturday with my BFFs and it was great!

Now, to put together a goth outfit for this weekend…

ETA: The lovely Claudia of http://fatbodied.wordpress.com/ has request pics of my hairs, so here it is:

That’s me & my hairs, today. The left is of the shaved bit and the right is my do du jour.