NotBlueAtAll

I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

Live Longer Through Community

April17
I’ve read a few articles lately about the one thing allows people to live longer and healthier lives and I was not at all surprised, though many have been. It’s feeling connected to community. I can honestly say without hesitation that without that connectedness, without my local fat community, I wouldn’t be here. Fat community keeps me alive when even I don’t want to be. That is the truth in it’s purest form, folks. I have gone through many big life events in the last ten years and fat community was there for me at each and every turn.
Your community may not be fat, it might be queer or feminist or all three of those things at once. Your community may be nature fungi foragers, only you know what your identities and people are. How does one find their community, though? Ultimately, that is something I cannot answer for you. I can say that you have to seek it out, that it may suck at first, you may feel more lost or unconnected, but you should definitely keep trying! My first several attempts at fostering fat community locally failed, but in the end I found my peeps and some lifelong friends, too.
My fat community finding/fostering began with setting up a meet up at a local mall. I think I posted on Fatshionista, a LiveJournal group that I adored and was popular at the time. It was more of a “Hey would anyone be interested in meeting up and going shopping together?” We met up at the Cheesecake Factory and it was my first time meeting folks of size outside of work/school/life things. I was still new to calling myself fat in a positive way. It felt radical to be meeting in public as fat people, we took up space and then some and it was awesome! We ordered our food without guilt, though other needs were discussed (for medical or other reasons). We chatted and relished stories of coming out as fat, so to speak. We had about 12 people, if memory serves me, from the entire spectrum of fat (babyfat to superfat, if you will).
After we ate we decided to hit up Torrid in the mall. I had only ever been to Torrid once or twice at that time, I didn’t really have a sense of my own style as I had spent my youth hiding beneath layers of baggy clothing to conceal both my fat body and my femininity. But I was soooooo stoked to be in a fat pack of awesome people cruising the mall together. Torrid didn’t know what hit ’em! One couple bought each other sexy things to wear and even modeled for us and it was so fun and empowering and visually dazzling! I bought two heart necklaces that I still own and wear regularly (I cherish them, even if they are plastic).
Next we headed to Lane Bryant, the only other option in that particular mall. At LB I did try on clothes and had fun with some of the other folks from the meet up in the dressing rooms. Just that feeling of, “Oh hey this is cool we all get that this is hard so let’s make it fun” sort of a thing. Like tossing each other things to try and others running to get each other different sizes. I recall a classic trench coat I had wanted badly, but even their 26/28 was ill fitting in how the buttons gaped. We discussed sizing bullshit and size-ist bullshit and it was a great time. I never really heard from or saw those folks again, save one.
I tried several more times and once I opened my own cafe I started a regular one on Saturdays there. It was great to have my own space and to host, something I’d never been able to before. Accessibility being a struggle, always, it was so important to me that my own cafe be open and inviting to all, but it was also a historic building where there were no ramps. My meet ups there were intermittent in attendance, but I was there and hopeful for every one we scheduled! More often than not, no one showed, but I shrugged it off and kept at it. Luckily I had also started this blog around this time and got to meet some of my readers this way. I made great friends at that time and some I still consider tried and true, though I’ll admit that others have come and gone, for better or worse.
I first realized that I had fat community, and that I was (am) fat community at a Big Moves dance show, the first I attended. It was also my first time going strapless in public and I was accompanied by my two bffs. I had chatted with Marilyn Wann online about something (honestly can’t recall) and we were to try to meet each other after the show. The show itself was a life changer! Never before had I seen such joy embodied entirely, start to finish. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much! After the show we waited outside, but Marilyn never showed. Through happenstance we asked a nice person nearby to take our photo. It just so happened to be one of the original Fat Lip Readers, former professional portrait taker, and the ever lovely and fabulous Carol Squires who supports Big Moves to this very day!
I did end up meeting Marilyn Wann at my cafe not long after. She signed my copy of her book, “Fat! So?” and even made me feel better about a haircut mishap I was feeling bad about (though the front was hella cute). Through these meet ups and Fatshionista and Marilyn, I was riding high on my fat activism and positivity at that time. It was 2011 and International No Diet Day was an epic event for me, still is. I met people at that “Flesh Mob” that I still call friends (I have written about it here).
Soon I was attending NAAFA and NoLose conferences, BBW Dance Clubs and a Bash and figuring out where I belong, if I belonged at all. The short answer is that I didn’t belong, at least not in those specific groups/conferences. So I started Fatty Affair, which was a fat positive event in San Jose, California, free to the public, that included performances, a clothing swap, a bake sale and vendor tables. It was intended to be a one-off event, but turned into two; the first in 2012, the second in 2013. I have had many people ask me about another (some downright demanding), but alas we outgrew our awesome venue and I have yet to find another suitable spot for our fabulousness.

It seems through all of the great fat things I was doing and attending, I gathered my own version of community close to my heart unwittingly. I began performing with Tigress in the annual Big Moves shows. I started to find power in my vulnerability and a strong sense of responsibility to do the very things for others that were such an inspiration to me before I was part of that world. That is what keeps me going. It’s a belonging, it’s a connectedness, but it’s also a community of misfits.
When you think about community as a basic word, we often think our neighborhood or schools, associations we may be a part of. When you think about what you truly feel connected to, when the chips are down as they say, what do you envision? Do you see your city council members or mayor? Do you see the PTA? Do you see your family and friends? What makes you feel most fulfilled and connected? For me that has been fat community, hands down.
I was recently out of work for a spell and not just down on my luck but truly heading towards dire straits. My blog’s annual hosting bill was looming and as the deadline drew closer I was afraid that I would have to lose it entirely. I didn’t want to ask for help, but didn’t know where to turn. I didn’t need to look far, my local fat community stepped up in a big way! I was so surprised and moved! It actually got me back into writing again, too! My blog saved and so many people wishing me well and sending good vibes and love, I felt connected and seen and humbled and inspired. You can’t put a price on that.
Rad Fatty Love to ALL,

<3
S

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Instagram & Facebook!

Check out the Fat AF podcast on your favorite podcast app for all things fat sex with me and my BFF, Michaela! (You can listen straight from the web, too!)

Donate to this blog here: https://www.paypal.me/notblueatall

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (and updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

Are you on MeWe? I started a fat-feminist group there called, Rad Fatties Unlimited, look for it!

I also have an Instagram, though I need to get back into posting there: https://instagram.com/notblueatall/

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

posted under Blog, Buzz, fat, Fat Acceptance, FUN!, inspiration, news, Politics | No Comments »

Beth or Bust!

March26

This past weekend was full of such fun, but such struggle for me, too. After a whirlwind of a week at work office manager-ing, there was a dance night in downtown San Jose: Madonna Vs. Blondie, that a bunch of friends were meeting up for. I was so excited for it! After work I went home to rest and unwind before getting ready to dance the night away. I just kind of spaced out completely for two hours as I was fucking braindead! I did finally get myself together and changed and made it to the club before anyone else. It was more new wave music than just strictly Madonna and Blondie, but it was great music over all. When I first arrived though it was like a bad junior high dance flashback with everyone clinging to the walls and the deserted dance floor looked haunted! Ha-ha! I grabbed a cider at the bar and people watched until my friends arrived. Once they played the first Madonna song folks started to flood the dance floor. Once my friends arrived we spent the next three hours solid on the dance floor and I could barely walk the next day! So fun, though!

I literally spent Saturday just resting and recuperating from the previous night’s fun time. Everything was stiff and sore and I definitely over did it but no regrets! I had a blast and got to see my favorite people and hear awesome music all at once! Can’t beat that! I wish I had thought to take pics, but I also know that was the furthest thing from my mind at the time. I was so looking forward to that night for so long, ya know? But in the end I has to just sit at the bar until everyone was ready to leave. I felt really down for bit about it, too. But I know better and eventually snapped out of it. Aging bodies, injured bodies, require different things and can’t just keep going all night like the old days.
Sunday I had a ticket to see Beth Ditto at the Regency Ballroom in San Francisco, a favorite venue of mine! Only my anxiety was running mega high (for me) all day and because of this I didn’t think I would end up going. My bff Michaela text me encouraging things, even called the box office about ADA seating in an attempt to alleviate some of those anxious thoughts, too. In the end it didn’t matter, my anxiety was in charge and it was up to me to either just sit with it or push through. I did a bit of both, actually, but did manage to push through and mostly have a good time. I sort of talked myself through it as I would a loved one. “You can just get ready, you don’t have to actually leave the house. You can just look cute and take selfies, no one will be the wiser!” I told myself as I got out of the shower and started to get my eye makeup going. Then it was, “Maybe you won’t find parking and that’s okay, you tried, that’s enough, you can just go home.” as I was driving up there. Once I got there and ended up finding pretty darn great parking, I told myself, “You’re a grown up, no one is making you be here or stay, you can go home whenever you like and that is perfectly okay.” And so I went in!
Once inside I hit up the merchandise tables hoping for a 3x in a certain pink tee, but they had already sold out, as I gotten there just after the opening act started, so they had been open for over an hour already. I will get that shirt online, no worries. The merch lady was deeply sorry and insisted that Beth always has 3x in all her merch, and I know this to be true, but it’s also rare to get a not white or black t-shirt in a 3x ever, so that is why I’ll grab mine online for sure. After that I headed straight up this very long marble staircase (it’s a very old building) to the balcony area. If it’s a general admission show, and it was, anyone can sit up there. As I had partially torn my achilles tendon the week before, I needed to sit for this show, and really all shows going forward, no choice in the matter. There was also a bar up there, so I grabbed my vodka-cran and grabbed a nice aisle seat pretty close to the stage, but up above. I stayed in that spot the entire night, except when a couple wanted to get passed me to sit further down my row. I was worried a bit that if I got up for another drink I could lose my choice of seat and having the aisle meant I could stretch my poor Achilles nicely without bothering anyone. I also didn’t want to have to deal with the bathroom situation in such an old building that usually houses punk and electronica shows. Ha-ha! All in all it worked out great!
Honestly, this was my fourth concert flying solo, but my first as a single person. I had also never had anxiety that bad and pushed through for such a public outing. So while I enjoyed myself over all, it was really fucking hard and weird to be in the moment and get into the right state of mind. Luckily it was a Beth (motherfucking) Ditto show and she keeps it 100% real, always! She came out in shining silver sequins and just lit up the entire place with her effervescence! My love for and of her knows no bounds, obviously, as I did all I could to get there and see her. I bought my ticket months ago when I was out of work because I needed something to look forward to. I should have been excited, but anxiety was such a killjoy that entire day and night. I did enjoy the show, she is an incredible vocalist, and I couldn’t believe the show wasn’t sold out. She was very funny and candid, gave the band a hard time, even got some rimshots for her cornier jokes. She had an issue with something in her eye but she was so cute and funny about it and just kept talking and singing, like the pro that she is. This was a Beth Ditto show, not a Gossip show. That was apparent, as I’d seen Gossip play years ago when their album “Music for Men” came out, at this same venue. Different vibes, but honestly, her voice was better than ever! After her “last song” she came back out for the encore in a red lame` dress (with pockets!) and did her big solo single, “Fire” as well as some Gossip songs that she threw in some other sort of mashup-y things into; such fun!
I will say that going down that marble staircase was much more difficult (and honestly a bit scary) than going up, but I managed alright and took my time. Luckily I just missed the crowd when I hit the exit and saw everyone flooding in behind me. Whew! I’m super glad I went to the show, but I cannot believe I had to push myself so hard to do it! I do not think I will make an attempt to go to a show alone again unless it’s The Cure or Portishead or some other amazing and legendary concert that I have not yet seen and would be rare to catch on tour. Like last year I had to see TOOL and it was amazing!
I used to work in music, both as a promoter of new artists for an industry magazine (HITS), as well as manager of a music store for several years. I have been to hundreds of shows. I would get tickets from labels all of the time or just happen to get on “the list” or whatever. I feel like I have seen and done it all and honestly it is rarely worth the trouble anymore, not to mention the cost. My ticket for this show was $25 + whatever absurd service fees they tacked on, and I found great and free parking. I really do like the Regency Ballroom though, both for it’s size, as it’s not too big and still feels mostly intimate, but more so it’s accessible seating for me. I was comfortable and didn’t feel squished, though I know others wouldn’t feel accommodated at all and I’m certain that there must be an elevator in the building as the ADA seating is limited on the floor with more up in the balcony, too. I considered leaving early a couple of times due to the anxious feels, but I’m glad I powered through and got to see what was a really special show.
Beth Ditto is a personal hero of mine. I have read her autobiography (and even shipped it to a friend on the east coast when I was done, Hi Charlie!), have followed her career for many years (and through many of my own careers – Ha!), bought a crystal barrette from Fat Fancy (Portland, Oregon) that she once owned, followed her fashion lines and endeavors, and truly find much inspiration in how she has handled it all. To see someone close to my size (though for sure I’m bigger than she) look so confident and present is such a gift! Her vocal abilities never cease to amaze me, and believe me when I say that she is a big reason why I wanted to start singing again at all. Her realness, her whatever we’re fucking doing this thing – ness, is something missing from our western, over-curated experiences. I did see phones and lots of videos and selfies being taken, but most folks were really there in the moment, too. That is a rare thing these days. Even at a punk show last year I was distracted and irritated with phones surrounding my eye-line to the stage that I really struggled to even see let alone pay attention or enjoy the show. I hope the rest of her tour is just as amazing! I wish her the very best, as she has given me so much over the years!
Rad Fatty Love to ALL,

<3
S

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Insta & FB!

Check out the Fat AF podcast on your favorite podcast app for all things fat sex with me and my BFF, Michaela! (You can listen straight from the web, too!)

Donate to this blog here: https://www.paypal.me/notblueatall

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (and updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

Are you on MeWe? I started a fat-feminist group there called, Rad Fatties Unlimited, look for it!

I also have an Instagram I’ve finally started to actually use: https://instagram.com/notblueatall/

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

posted under fat, Fat Acceptance, FUN!, inspiration, Music, Rad Fatty Alert | No Comments »

Current Obsession: Miranda

March2

I have been obsessed with the show Miranda (streaming now on Hulu), a British comedy series, since Christmas evening 2017, whilst trying my hardest to snap out of a really terrible pit of despair. It worked fantastically that night. I just finished watching the entire series (4 seasons in all, 6 episodes per season, but the last has only two) last night for the fourth time and it hit me right in the feels, again, but it was for a different reason. It’s funny how every time we watch something over again and again we pick up on new things or don’t know how we missed something on the first or second viewing.

Miranda, the character and the comedian playing her, is self effacing and aggrandizing. She bemoans and bemuses the minutia of life’s daily struggles. I adore and envy her relationship with her best friend Stevie in the show. She celebrates her single life, living alone, being a quirky, and often called a weirdo. She struggles with her size, but mostly (and only, IMO) due to the lack of acceptance from others. SO RELATABLE! In fact the romantic interests in her life never mention her size at all, only her quirkiness.
Miranda is a bit clumsy, a bit gassy, always hilarious – even if she’s the only one laughing, and truly and completely lovely. I won’t give away anything or the overall story arc of the show (it’s so good!!!), but I would encourage anyone to give it a shot. I think it’s the perfect sitcom, though it’s a few years old, it’s mostly a critique of the path of the traditional, cis-hetero woman in England/the west, from dating to marriage to reproducing, only she fights it every step of the way. She questions and protests, despite, or to spite, her overbearing mother’s constant intervening.
She celebrates silliness, has vegete-pals and fruit friends, creates games for her own pleasure like snack fishing and muffin tetherball. Amazing! She tries to travel solo but ends up only going to a hotel around the corner! Ha-ha! But she thoroughly enjoys herself there, perhaps a bit too much! I found such comfort and connection to all of the shows characters. I feel like she gets single life in a way I haven’t found for myself yet, but I’m getting closer thanks to this show.
Every time I watch it, I am floored in the best possible way by this line:
“Women like me can be sexy. It’s just, the world might never affirm it, so it takes us a little longer to realize it.” THIS!!!!
I hope you give Miranda, the show, a chance. I’ll be looking into reading Miranda Hart, the comedian’s books, too!
Rad Fatty Love to ALL,

<3
S

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Insta & FB!
And the hashtag #DateMyDamnSelf on Instagram if you feel so inclined

Donate to this blog here: https://www.paypal.me/notblueatall

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (and updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

I also have an Instagram I’ve finally started to actually use: https://instagram.com/notblueatall/

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

posted under Fat Acceptance, FUN!, inspiration, Reviews, Television | 2 Comments »

Masturbating While Fat: The Reach!

December22

I want to thank the readers of this blog for the endless support and inspiration! It was a reader comment on a masturbation related post that lead to this one. Please comment with your thoughts, tricks, and tips! This post is centered around vagina having humans who may have trouble reaching said vagina for pleasurable penetration/stimulation. If this is a topic you’d rather not read about, or would prefer to not know my own preferences and experiences on the subject, I hope you will return another day or dig into the archives for some fat-positive fun!

**********************

To begin with, I just want to say that there is nothing wrong or shameful with self-stimulation and masturbation, period. I think everyone should be getting off in whatever comfortable and safe way they see fit, regardless of size, ability, gender, age, race, etc. We all deserve pleasure and it has been proven time and again in scientific and medical journals that masturbation is a healthy practice! It’s heart healthy and stress relieving, we all need more of that!

***Please do not masturbate in public or in front of others without their prior and expressed consent. Thanks!!!***

I have what myself and my BFF call a “B-Belly” because it sort of looks like the letter B in profile, or a double belly if you will.  While I have taught myself to love what my body has to offer, it can occasionally present issues in the boudoir and without. I also have a knee that won’t bend very far, so some things I simply cannot do without accommodation. There are other things, like using a menstrual cup, that I can do that other friends simply cannot. This is because of reach. It could be for a variety of reasons, but for me, it’s my boobs and belly often get in my way or prevent my reaching. (Seriously, restroom sinks/counters are the bane of my existence.)

I hope you can try these or any self-pleasure experience in a relaxed state and take your time, too! Try not to have any expectations other than fun and exploration. Getting to know yourself in your own way, in your own time, is so important and exciting, but also the first step, I believe, in being an even greater lover for others. We all just wanna have fun, but when you know what you want you can make your lover feel more confident in pleasuring you, too! It also takes some of the pressure off when you’re first getting acquainted with someone new, or yourself for the first time. Set the mood, take some time, breathe deep into the glory of all that is you and your fabulous body and how amazing it can feel!

I realized that I had only mentioned the subject of reach, previously, and I have a couple of options that may work for you, but please see this as a starting point and not the end-all of what may work best for you. Positions for digital or toy penetration may prove difficult depending on your personal flexibility and mobility levels, but I have found that laying on my back, with a pillow or two under my butt/hips, and my legs straight up the wall in a v-shape, provided more access/reach. It sort of redistributed my belly/boobs in such a way that allowed me to reach, and because this of just who I am I guess, I quite enjoy the scenery of my topography, too!

Another old favorite for me is a sort of squat position with my back against the wall or even just against the side of my bed with my feet on the floor (this is how I first discovered that I squirt/ejaculate, so have fun and don’t be alarmed if things get wet – I panicked). The edge of my bathtub (when I had one) also worked great for getting a wide enough spread for better reach, though I prefer my massaging showerhead than penetration in that position, I did occasionally throw in my “Lucid Dreams” when the mood demanded it (I friggin’ love that toy – mine is old enough that the vibration died but the shape of it hits my g-spot perfectly)!

My immediate thought for reach for vaginal penetration was to suggest a dildo with a suction cup base. I have personally tried this, though I was a bit too excited by the idea, and ordered a size far too large for my anatomy. I have had friends who have used this style in the shower (suctioned to the wall for a bent over position), the tub ledge -if you have one- for a seated option, and even suctioning it to the toilet seat lid (sounds strange but they really liked the height of their toilet). This seemed like a cheaper option for me at the time, but as I quickly regretted my size choice, I also struggled to get the base to stay stuck on my bathroom tile. I will always recommend reading reviews online, but if you have an awesome store in your area like we have Good Vibrations here, where it is a friendly, inviting and educational environment, I hope you will ask your local experts, too!

I happen to be friends with a couple of sex education professionals and my BFF who has taught fat specific sex workshops, so I hit them up for ideas, too! They suggested some toys you may be interested in checking out and I can vouch at least for the womanizer pro 40, though pricey (it was a 40th B-day gift from my BFF), and only for clitoral stimulation, once I got used to it, it became quickly my preferred toy (even over my magic wand!). If you already have a magic wand (or a knockoff) you might check out an attachment for g-spot stimulation, mine came with two attachments, one straight and one curved. I remember enjoying the hell out of those and the wand provided more than ample reach. I have always wanted a glass dildo, but have never tried one. I’ve heard that the option to heat or chill the glass is a nice thing to play with. Please do look into different materials and how best to care for them. Regardless of your own personal hygiene, different toys require different care and cleaning solutions, so be aware before buying and never share an unclean toy.

Please also check out the fat-specific sex shopping guide here, as provided by my friend Andy: https://www.goodvibes.com/s/sex-toys/c/gv206/shopping-guides/shopping-guides/fat-positive-shopping-guide You can find more content/info and fun on Twitter and Instagram @GoodVibesToys and @EducatorAndy

I hope you find what works best for you! And either comment here or let me know what you think: notblueatall@notblueatall.com

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Insta & FB!

Donate to this blog here: https://www.paypal.me/notblueatall

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (and updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 

Or get the same “shared” content on Twitter: @NotBlueAtAll

I also have an Instagram I’ve finally started to actually use: https://instagram.com/notblueatall/

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

posted under fat, Fat Acceptance, FUN!, inspiration, Rad Fatty Alert, Sex, Shopping, Uncategorized | No Comments »

Curvy Girl Lingerie Fashion Show 2017

October20

*Waves* I’m back! I had no internet at home yesterday, so couldn’t post anything, but it’s back and so am I and hey let’s do this! Woo!

(I was in no way paid, reimbursed, or asked to write this post in any way shape or form! The lingerie I wore in the show I paid for myself, with the discount that Chrystal gave to all those modeling in the fashion show.)

Curvy Girl Lingerie has been a silicon valley gem for some time. I have been fortunate enough to be invited as a guest by my dance partner and dear friend Tigress for the last couple of years and have enjoyed myself as I got to watch the show from the audience. This year was the first time I was in the actual show. It was kind of funny how that happened. Tigress and Saucye had at first talked me into that modeling audition this past spring (Oh, I guess I should post about that, too? OKay, will do!) and I couldn’t believe it when I got a callback for it. It was an interesting experience, but when all was said and done and Saucye’s gorgeous face lit up and said, “So are you hooked for life?!” I don’t think she expected my response. “Fuck no! This isn’t for me.” Ha-ha!

I knew they’d be in the Curvy Girl show because they have been for the last few years (3-4, not sure). Tigress asked if I would and I hemmed and hawed. I was kind of avoiding it, to be honest. Once the application date passed I thought I was in the clear! Nope. Chrystal, the owner, reached out to me directly and asked me to be in the show. How could I say no? I didn’t. I said yes and then tried to choose something to wear but honestly I’d never bought lingerie before and it suddenly all felt so surreal and not applicable to me and my fat life. There was a models only group page on facebook and that helped a bit to see what others were wearing and how their individual looks were coming together. We were encouraged to be creative and have fun showing off our personalities.

I was clueless and while I did ask for help, I suck at it and didn’t really say what I needed, and I’m just always convinced that I’m an annoying bastard who should leave people the heck alone. Introverts high-five! Ha-ha! In the end Chrystal suggested something different than I originally picked out due to my particular body dimensions and I was finally relieved. Chrystal had a store closing party on her last day of business in her brick and mortar store (the online store will be her main focus and shuttering the shop in San Jose was due to health concerns – This is the exact reason I sold my cafe, owning a small business is incredibly taxing on one person). I went to buy my lingerie for the show but also to try it on first to be sure of sizing.

I went with the Stephenie in a 3x/4x and it fit fantastic, but I will say that the straps were a little tricky to get right at first. Once a fellow model leant me a hand (I think there were 4-5 of us in the exact same item) and cinched my straps all the way to their tightest setting, I was good to go! I had originally wanted the same item in this sort of purply-wine color, but they’d run out of my size and I was kind of digging the vibe of this peach number with black trim. I thought it was a girl-next-door with a naughty side sort of a thing! That was where my look was heading and I was stoked and went to the fabric store and bought some fun remnants to play with. Thought I’d make myself a little hat or fascinator, but I just couldn’t get it together.

The night before the show I sat on my little loveseat and watched a marathon of Good Times (70’s sitcom about a poor working class black family living in Chicago’s projects, my favorite of all time for sure). What can I say? Inspiration took over! That peachy color? Very 70’s! The fashion in the show always dazzled me, even as a kid, but this was all about the higher cut babydoll style tops and dresses back then and that was sort of how my lingerie was cut and them BAM it hit me: A glamorous wrap! I took this peach chiffon remnant and laid it across my lap and started to just think really hard about how this could work. I soon realized I didn’t have enough fabric, but then I tried something different and pinned each side horizontally and tried it on and yep yep it all worked out. I made a fancy (not really at all) shrug! I just watched my fave show and hand sewed the seams and finally the marabou-like trim for the cuffs. Perfect!

Before the show everyone was getting ready, but when I put on that shrug, well, I was worried at first that it wouldn’t look right. All the other models seemed to have more put together looks. So I popped on a spooky new batwing-bow headband and my shrug and just worked it! And I got so many compliments on my handmade shrug! I was so proud, if not a little embarrassed at how much so. Ha-ha! But it looked great and sort of looked more me anyway. I always gotta have a little retro in my look! I love classic with a twist, ya know? So I finished my makeup and lined up with everyone and got ready to walk the runway.

I’ll say right here and now that I think I’m one of the most awkward human beings ever, but Tigress has twice now insisted that even if that’s how I feel, that is not at all what comes across to others in my interactions. I’ll accept this. That said, I was the most awkward fucking model on the damned runway! Ha-ha! It was fine, I didn’t fall or have any wardrobe malfunctions, but I didn’t hear them call my name at first so that was a bit funny. In the end I was on the runway a total of like 30 seconds, so who even cares?! I haven’t seen any of the professional pictures yet, but I’ll add the ones I have that Tigress took of me and include some from the site as well so you can see the same item on different bodies.

The event itself is super fun, very empowering, positive, and just a great time! It’s attended by all women and there are always great vendors selling awesome body positive things and stuff. I actually didn’t get to check out the vendors tables until after the show, but I was also between paychecks (and now unemployed – who knew?!), so I really barely browsed. There was a latex-wear table that I found very intriguing and the vendor was super gorgeous and sweet to me, but I was not in the right headspace for such a purchase as I had a billion questions but little time. I had intended to have a drink before the show, even brought some moscato to share, but time and nerves did not allow. Tigress and I had a glass after the show before we went to Ross and Smashburger! Ha!

All in all I am glad that I did it! Who else can say they modeled lingerie just a few weeks away from turning 40?! Let alone at 325 lbs?! That’s right! Breakin’ all the “rules” and barriers over here! Ha-ha! That is what that show is, though. It is really the customers and community that was built by and around Curvy Girl! Chrystal built it from the ground up, so to speak, from a pleasure party business to a full on community of awesome people! And that is what it felt like, it seemed that everyone knew each other or were becoming fast friends. I was abnormally shy feeling that day and really just stuck to myself when not getting ready with Tigress and Saucye. Oh! Speaking of…Tigress and Saucye also gave keynote speeches at the start of the show! So fantastic! I think if you go to Curvy Girl’s facebook page you can still watch the original livestream. Always worth paying attention when either of these incredible fat activists are speaking, lemme tell ya!

Do yourself a favor, seriously, and get yourself something you feel fabulous in! Check out the shop online and if you have questions about sizing, or anything, ASK!!! Chrystal steered me away from ill fitting things and into something that works for my body and my comfort level! Those are reasons alone why it took until 2017 for me to buy myself lingerie! I even busted out my Size Queen booty shorts to wear underneath my babydoll! Fun! I hope you can support this really great, fat accepting business. A great place to shop for toys and lubes and all of your pleasure-related needs, it’s also fantastic for gifts!!! You might even have some time left to get yourself a sexy lil’ something for your halloween celebrations! Woo! And onto the pics!!!

  

 

 

I am ceaselessly inspired by Tigress as well as local fat community, and am so grateful to have access to it where I live. I hope that you’ll also check out her blog here: iofthetigress and here for GREAT pics on her Instagram!

Check out Saucye West’s Instagram for all things #FatAndFree, not to mention fucking FABULOUS!!!

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

If you feel so inclined (Ranges from $2 – $150):
My 40th Birthday Wish List: http://a.co/0a2nLYO
Cash & Gift cards also appreciated…I just lost my job! 😛

P.S. Check out and use the hashtag: #FatAndFree on Insta & FB!

My blog’s Facebook page for things I share that aren’t on this blog (and updated daily): http://on.fb.me/1A18fAS 
Or get the same “shared” content on twitter: @NotBlueAtAll
I also have an Instagram, I rarely use it but would like to more…encourage me to?:
https://instagram.com/notblueatall/

And as always, please feel free to drop me a line in comments here or write me an email, I love hearing from readers. (Tell me your troubles, I don’t judge.): notblueatall@notblueatall.com

If you would like to support this blog (the hosting bill is $150 and coming up next month!), and it’s archives, via paypal, you may do so here: paypal.me/notblueatall and you will have my undying gratitude, too!

posted under Blog, fashion, fat, Fat Acceptance, FUN!, Shopping, Uncategorized | No Comments »
« Older EntriesNewer Entries »
Subscribe to my feed