So in my last post I mentioned trying to get a great goth outfit together in time for this weekend. My BFF & I are hitting up our local goth club in San Jose for their annual bash. We go about once every 6-9 months and have been for the last two years. The first time we went it had been 11 years since I had been to a goth club. I didn’t know what to expect at this new club and since I was much larger in size than the old days I struggled with finding cute clothes for it.

I threw together some black slacks from my old corporate days (LB’s Madison trousers, how I loved thee) and a cute red tee under a black lace top from Avenue and some comfy black shoes.We had a total blast and that’s what matters, but we were dancing for four hours, y’all! It was hot and we were sweaty as hell. And that outfit? No good for dancing!

The second time we went I managed to find an etsy seller to make me a custom skirt which I LOVE! I paired that with a black Old Navy top and some hand dyed (by none other than Marianne Kirby of TheRotund.com) tights in bright red. I added my own little accents and voila:

It was cute, comfy and I danced my ass off! The only issues I had with this outfit were the ribbon & lace gloves I had made, they kept coming untied, but my lovely BFF was right there to help. Such a sweetheart! But when I posted this outfit on Fatshionista (LJ community) I got a lot of “That’s not goth!” and such and while I had said I knew it wasn’t traditional goth, I thought it more of a Tim Burton/circus goth. Wevs. I love this one!

The time after the above outfit, I wore a similar style top from Torrid, but it had white lace around the neckline and fell off my shoulders so much that I finally stopped caring and just let my bra straps be seen as they were. Ha! I don’t remember if I wore a skirt or pants. I sadly, don’t have a picture, either. Boo!

Now I want a full-on Loli-goth (Gothic Lolita or Victorian style inspired by the lovely and gorgeous Japanese trends) outfit though. But dammit if those aren’t the most expensive of things to get. And well, I did find someone on eBay who does custom ones for like $80 (Not bad at all, trust me!), they are in Asia and thus wouldn’t work for my goth night this weekend. And I never have that kind of money to spend on a damned thing. Ha-ha!

So, I am not trying to figure out a way to create my own version of this. I have some ideas, but I fear I’ll be treading in the non-trad-goth waters and well, part of me doesn’t care but part wants to look like the cool kids, ya know? But without an income I just can’t get the sweet threads I long for. I have minimal sewing skills, but I do have a sewing machine.

I was thinking of wearing this Torrid top with a Victorian collar, but it’s a t-shirt ish material and so would the skirt I wear with it. Is it okay to double up on the jersey knit? For dancing? I’m hesitant. The tights? They rock! They’re so comfortable that I will probably wear them again and again until they die.

Also, if you know of a gorgeously bright red stay-put lipstick, please let me know! And a great red lipstick for someone of my complexion would be nice. Two separate needs actually. I’m clueless about makeup though, so I am in your hands.

So I turn to you brilliant lovelies, please, give me your suggestions and pics and thoughts and let me know what you think I could/should do for my upcoming goth night. I can’t wait!  =0)

I am sorry for sort of disappearing last week my darlings. It was a strange and crazy week. It was a week of surprises, disappointments and then total elation! I had begun to write a post about fats and hair and then it sort of fizzled out and I left it alone, I could come back to it, who knows. I do have some thoughts to share with you this fine (cold & gray in the SF Bay) Monday. (And yes, I am the Queen of the Run-on sentence, yo! You have been warned.)

I own a small (tiny really) cafe near SFO (it’s an airport) and across the street is a hair salon geared towards kids, but they do everything. The woman who owns the place has become not just a customer and business neighbor, but a friend and mentor. I was helping her with her English for awhile and she’s been ever so encouraging of me in general, but specifically style & beauty. I have since become her “hair model” or so she calls me. Basically, I let her do whatever she wanted with my hair back in March and now it’s sort of a regular fun/free-for-all thing. I love it! I mean, I get free hair cuts and a bit of color (I freakin’ love the splash of black in my red hair). This last week she wanted to try something truly radical and I went for it head first. Ha! Well, the result was exactly what we had discussed and there was a mini freak out on my part, but I not mad at her. She was trying to shave a heart in the back of my already short hair. Well, this caused her to have to really shave it down and in the end it’s more of an upside down tear drop than a heart. I panicked and wore a bandanna on my head, but then I finally gave up and just rocked it.

A couple of days later Marilyn Wann (author of the zine & book “Fat! So?” and inventor of the “YAY! Scale”) came into my cafe for lunch. We’d been trying to meet up for a year! We just kept missing each other at various events. So when she came in with her love and a good friend and she said she liked it? I nearly died, you guys! I was so excited that she came into my humble little cafe. We chatted and they all seemed to enjoy my offerings and I was elated! She signed my copy of “Fat! So?” as well…it was already a prized possession, but now? It’s my precious! Ha-ha! Her book just inspired me so and then seeing the Fat Fly Girls in June and all…it was all so amazing!I feel so very fortunate. I cannot believe that this world famous author and fat activist came into my shop and ate my food and drank my drinks and enjoyed it all, too! She even wrote up a yelp review! I nearly died, I tell ya!

Yes, we talked about all things fat. I told her the short version of how I found FA and discussed some of the more negative aspects in the fat-o-sphere and I explained how I am committed to putting out the positive only. There were things I had forgotten to mention, but no worries as she has said she’ll be back for sure. Squee!

Okay, so I tried super hard not to be a big geeky fan-girl and I think I succeeded, but I was also just super fucking stoked to meet some local FATS! I love meeting new people of all sizes, don’t get me wrong, but I have no fat friends and meeting fats is just the greatest thing ever. I’m not expecting to become BFFs with every fat I meet or anything, but it’s so comforting to talk with people who understand what it’s like to be fat in a world that says it’s not okay to be so. *sigh* So good!

There are plans of a “Yay! Scale” making session here at the cafe (OMZ!) and I really would like my little place to be a safe and comfortable space for fats. I dream of meet-ups and swaps and whatever! I’m currently putting together a fat band (know any drummers?) and cannot wait to rock everyone’s socks off! What began as a bummer week turned into a surprisingly awesome one. Even saw “Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World” on Saturday with my BFFs and it was great!

Now, to put together a goth outfit for this weekend…

ETA: The lovely Claudia of http://fatbodied.wordpress.com/ has request pics of my hairs, so here it is:

That’s me & my hairs, today. The left is of the shaved bit and the right is my do du jour.

I’m sure this is already everywhere, but I just found it and got all squee-ful over it. I just love “Huge” you guys! It’s that ABC Family show I won’t shut up about. Anyway, I saw that the cast took the Body Peace vows and I just loved what they said. You can catch it all here:

http://www.seventeen.com/health/peace/huge-cast-member-body-peace-treaty

And the original Body Peace Treaty:

http://www.seventeen.com/health-sex-fitness-old/body-types-old/body-peace-pledge

I just had to share this remarkable video. It makes me want to watch “You, Me & Everyone We Know” and “Napoleon Dynamite” and “Juno” and every other quirky indie movie I’ve ever seen and it just makes me smile because I’ve been going to the movies by myself for years and have always relished not having to make small talk before the movie and walking out into the afternoon light afterward is somehow magical to me.

This video makes me want to start a band called “The Cozy Sweaters” and we’d be ever so Twee!

Also, I would like a video of this nature for fats. Being alone with your fat, going out with your fat, getting to know your fat and how it feels and moves and jiggles and squishes. Going out with a strapless top or sleeveless one and not worrying about people staring…

Anyway, here is this lovely & amazing video about being alone. Don’t worry, it’s not sad at all (or blue, ha!) it’s nice:

I saw this on one of my fave blogs: http://kindovermatter.blogspot.com/

My Fat Acceptance journal began many years ago when I first discovered BUST magazine and their article on the Chubsters of the U.K. (WOW! I still, so want to be an official Chubster!) I was directed to various web sites and blogs and came to choose my own faves along the way. Yesterday I was going through said faves and cleaning out some old links that are no longer updated and realized just how long it’s been and how far I’ve come.

It amazes me! It truly does. While Fatshionista (a livejournal community) has given me the most empowerment I think, I have found so many incredible people in the fatosphere and beyond. While I don’t know any fats in real life (as they say), I feel that I know many in the world and enjoy being a part of the FA community overall. But now? Now we have podcasts and t.v. shows and new blogs and wonders abound!

You guys?! There are ZINES, Books, fat yoga, Big Moves (Fat Fly Girls), events…you name it! We’re out there, being fat, in yo faces! Ha-ha! Sorry, that cracks me up! (I think almost anything you follow-up with “in your face” is hilarious). I just feel so very fortunate to be a part of this and bear witness to it and participate and we all get to enjoy this thing that we’ve all helped create. It’s AMAZING!

Y’all saw me struggle through the Big Fat Summer Challenge and you’ve inspired me. You’ve encouraged me and I feel so loved. Thank you for that. Thank you for reading this blog and sharing your thoughts, too.

I want to share a recent revelation with you now. Last Sunday, driving back from the Renegade Craft Fair in SF with my BFFs, my friend Q and I were chatting about our lives and hopes and dreams and fantasies. We talked about my cafe and how that’s going and how I feel about it. I feel good, but overworked. I have good days and bad like anyone else at any job. I explained my constant struggles with money (both direct and emotional). And somehow the conversation turned into what I want to do next.

It turned into this fantasy of starting my own fat thrift/consignment shop! What? I know, never thought of this before. But the words came out like nothing else before. I pictured a couple of rounders of clothes organized by sizes and styles and gorgeous accessories and other things and I would have a men’s section and have consignment offerings of gorgeousness and a big chandelier in the middle of the shop and I would have a little cake stand (vintage) and would offer mini cupcakes to my customers and tea and just enjoyment. I want it to be a destination for the fat community and to have events and just be a great big fat haven!

Holy crap! I cannot believe I never thought of this before! And then my logical self piped up, “Oh! But to start a business from scratch all over again?! UGH!” But, wait! This would be much easier. No food safety courses or health department inspections (though I don’t mind them a bit) and expensive equipment and supplies to source…this could actually be a lot easier! But the biggest issue we talked about was location. Big problem! Location was something I struggled with for my cafe. Happenstance stepped in though and I ended up just fine, but I took a humongous risk! It was terrifying, I won’t lie to you. It still freaks me out from time to time, just the instability of starting and owning a business. It could all go up in a wisp of smoke in a second, or so it seems at times.

I don’t know that I will absolutely do this or when, but it was so wonderful to daydream about. And who knows? Anything is possible. I’ve done what I and others said wasn’t doable. I feel like I can tackle anything now. So? Bring it on! Life is a lot of work, but so very worth it every step of the way. I cannot believe I have this rich & full life (without money Ha-ha!). I am amazed at the things I have accomplished with the support of my friends. And you!

“I’m Fat! Let’s Party!”

http://www.seibei.com/shop/iflp.html