I found this article quite interesting given it’s domain name and subject matter. I appreciate how it points out how she was happy with her size/looks prior to the Jenny Craig thing. Funny, how those ads show clips of her hating her body so much she just felt uncomfortable…Hmm? My fave line from the article is this: “Rue is talented, radiant and deserves to be happy at any weight, whether she’s plus size, skinny, curvy, thin or whatever coded terms casting agents and journalists like to throw around.” Thank you for that, Emily Shetler!

I know this is everywhere today, so I won’t go into it. I just wanted to share my experiences with going to nail salons.

I’ve been getting pedicures for about 8 or so years now. For awhile it was a monthly treat for myself on whatever day off I had when I was a retail manager in a mall. I would just hit up the nail salon around the corner and never felt particularly uncomfortable. I pretty much stuck with the same salon until they moved and then when they re-opened went back to them until one day I walked in and there was a man at the register/podium thing. He gave me the up-down (when they look you up & down in that judgey sort of way) and said, “You come back in 2 hours!” I said, “Yeah right!” and left. It wasn’t busy in the salon, I even saw a couple of the nail technicians chatting on a couch. Never went back. I’d been going there for almost six years, even had my nails done for my wedding there (took me so long to grow them out, too). I had never seen him before, but I also didn’t see my usual gal, Tina.

I tried several salons after that trying to find one with both the right price and quality work. (A bad pedicure, no matter it’s retail price is just never worth it!) One time a friend gave me a certificate for this shi-shi-la-la salon on Santana Row (fancy outdoor designer mall pavilion thingy where the rich and pretentious shop near San Jose, CA).  It was terrible! They treated me like a beggar with his first dollar ever! Obviously I didn’t go back (and I wrote a review of my experience on yelp.com).

Then for a few months I went to this seemingly shi-shi place but it was a great price for what you got. For $28-$30 you’d get a spa pedicure with parafin wax for your feet and a leg mask! But it was always crowded, I never “fit in” there and the quality went down over time.

Then I found this great little shop by my apartment. For $20 I could get the spa pedicure and read good magazines (I secretly love “Lucky”) and the gals were nice and liked to chat with you (all previous salon experiences differed from this). They also enjoyed nail art and I would always get a lovely flowery design on my big toes. For like $2-$3 more. They always looked fabulous and I felt great after. I was very faithful to that place until I was laid off a bunch of times and just couldn’t afford the luxury any longer. (I know, $20 isn’t much, but it’d be $30 by the time I left and again, it was a luxury.)

After a few months I’d long for a pedicure and break every now and then and get one at some random place. I began the habit of checking with the health department web site before going to a salon after the whole black-death-fungus-scandal (involving Paula Abdul I think). Then I stopped getting them again.

Now? UGH! Now I do them myself exclusively. Why? Money! But also, there is a certain vibe I would get from certain gals. Like they didn’t want to touch my cute little fat feet. My feet are adorable, too! But no, they’d rather care for the feet of a thinner gal who has hammer toe and some sort of awful going on (this is what I saw I’m not slamming all thin gals) who just wanted to tell everyone about her rich husband and all that he buys her. So money talks, I get it! But damn! Don’t I deserve to have cute colorful toes, too?

I don’t know if I’ve ever been discriminated against in a salon (aside from that one guy), but you can sometimes tell that you’re being treated differently or condescended to. That is unacceptable in any arena and I will tell people. I used to be more of a meek gal when it came to complaining. NO MORE! People need to be told when they suck and when they rock! I am liberal with my feedback because I would want to know if I’m giving someone shitty or awesome service. It is the only way to truly know how you’re doing . Because people will tip out of guilt or obligation or whatever, that is almost never an indication of service, more like common practice.

I am so glad that this woman stood up for herself. I wish more people had the nerve. Because, damn, people can walk all over you and then you just go home and feel bad about yourself when it’s so not your fault! I have been there and have resolved to never again! And shit, talk about biting the hand that feeds! Most if not all of the fat gals I have ever known knew how to pamper themselves at a damned salon, yo! But hey, if my money isn’t green enough for ya, I will gladly go where I am wanted!

Okay, so on the “Snark” thing, I don’t really want to snark about anything specific, I am just still sleepy and a tad cranky and I just love the word “Snarky!” Ha-ha!

I love this: Your Permission Slip From The Universe

Randomly, I typed “Fat Acceptance” into google and the only ad on the page: Feminist Therapy Associates

Did you know,I Have An Etsy Shop?

It took me awhile to find him, but this used to be the blogger/founder of Fabulon! J’adore! <3 Thombeau!

A friend told be about Questionable Content and now I am obsessed! You have to read it from the beginning. It’s magical! And this sums up how I felt on Saturday night:

My friend Jery has a fab blog about our local arts scene, theater, movie reviews and so much more. He does a podcast, too! Check it out here

What do you like to read about on Twitter? I’ve been on Twitter for years, but rarely use it. I follow too many people to keep up with, but I do enjoy it now. Before I just sort of ignored it. I enjoy posting things, but would love to know what people are looking for there. Thanks!

Have you heard of Current T.V.? One of my fave channels and a lot of viewer generated content. YAY!

I have had the pleasure of getting to know this amazingly talented artist, Carmen Reid. She was at first a customer at my cafe and now a good friend. She is a freelance graphic designer and enjoys taking on new and funky projects. Need her help? Find her here! I also feature some of her paintings in my cafe.

Looking for some cooking/baking inspiration? You gotta check out my friend Steph’s gluten-free blog

This website lets you create a font using your own handwriting. FUN!

Tie your shoelaces in different and fun ways!

Go on, Ask Me Anything!

I bought Linda Bacon’s book “Health At Every Size” a few months ago, but only recently cracked it open for some reading. I admit that I have not read a book in quite a long time. I used to read everyday, now I read the internet & magazines and little else (I mean, catalogs don’t count, right?). Of course I’d heard nothing but rave reviews from all over the FA/SA community, but it still took some self-urging to not only buy it, but read it. I plan on doing a series of posts about the book and my thoughts on certain things therein. I’m only up to the fourth chapter, but some things in chapter three really made me stop and think and reflect on my own life and I have to tell you, I’m floored!

Here is the first part that truly made me stop and think about my life:

“In one very interesting experiment, scientists subjected mice to stress by locking them in a case with a more aggressive mouse. Some of the mice were given standard feed, and the others were fed the mouse equivalent of a processed food diet. The stressed mice eating the processed foods gained a significant amount of weight, much more than the stressed mice fed the standard feed. They also gained significantly more weight than mice consuming the same processed food diet that were not subject to stress. If this translates to himans, it suggests that it’s not just the stress, but the combination of stress and a nutrient-poor diet, that does you in.”

So, full disclosure here: I grew up poor. We didn’t have a lot of food in the house and when we did have food it was generic, yellow boxes of processed things. Fresh fruits and veggies just didn’t occur on a regular basis. I’ve mentioned in a  previous post how I would look forward to our Sunday dinners at my Grandma’s house due to her crisp green salads. Hello? Malnutrition? Yeah, hi! We know each other, remember?!  Wow!
Then when I was 14, I met a guy who turned out to be an abuser. I spent the next five years, basically as a hostage. He beat me up a lot. I didn’t start gaining weight until I was about 15 or 16 years old. I was eating less, exercising more, yet somehow also putting on weight. WTF?! (I never really dieted. I did slim fast a couple of times, but it always made me barf and so I would stop after a day or two.) Can you say STRESSSSSS?! Ha-ha! (Yes, I can laugh about it now, it’s been 13 years.)
So you can understand why that paragraph about the mice really struck a chord with me. Like, whoa!

The book also mentions mothers who diet during pregnancy leading to adults who are “overweight.”  Yeah, my mom struggled with her weight as long as I can remember, so she probably also dieted while pregnant. Just an assumption, but I believe a fair one. And here I am. I have lived exactly the opposite lifestyle as my mother (haven’t seen her since I was 15) and yet I have her hips/ass/boobs/etc. Genetics are some strange things, man.

Also, there are three paragraphs on sleep and sleep deprivation. I won’t recount them here, but I’ve struggled with insomnia since I was 12. I have had some pretty horrible times due to this. You can imagine how enough sleepless nights can affect ones life. Yep! While I have it mostly under control now, it’s never too far away, either. Linda Bacon specifically points to weight gain and sleep deprivation. WOW! You can imagine how much sleep I got during those five years of terrible, right? Barely any! It’s as though those five years of emotional and physical terror were also compounded with my insomnia and poor nutrition. Yikes!

While this may be full of obvious for some, this combination had never occurred to me before reading it. I am in awe of this book. The amount of facts and medical information is astounding. When I mention to a friend how dieting can mess with your brain chemistry so that you no longer hear/respond to your body’s natural hunger/fullness cues, I get the dear-in-the-headlights look.

To top things off there was a couple pages about weight loss surgery. And the facts, side effects, complications, mortality rates and everything else were so much worse than I already knew. What really scares me now is that my dad is being urged by Kaiser (hospital & insurance provider) to get the lap band surgery. While I have a very strained relationship with him and can’t simply say, “OH MY GAWD DON’T DO IT! PLEASE DON’T FUCKING DO IT!” I did ask him if he’s done any research on the subject. He said yes and that he feels the risks are nothing to worry about. And as I’m reading this book, and turn each page to read the next, all I can think about is possibly losing my dad because of a stupid insurance company’s urging him to get this dangerous procedure. UGH! I want to give him this book, but I’m not even sure he’ll read it.

Sorry. I get a bit swept up in these realizations. I probably think too much and too intently on certain things. But damn! I just cannot believe that this is the world we live in. I want it all to go the hell away, like NOW! *sigh* But I get up every day and do what must be done and take care of business. And we all do. We have to. If we let this shit get to us we’ll freak out and that’s no good. Might end up in the hospital for the freak-out and end up getting involuntary WLS! Okay, wow, sorry…carried away! But I also don’t think I’m too far off base here either.

I just don’t understand how anyone thinks it’s okay for health professionals to recommend such things.

But that is our society. Our culture has been usurped by this nonsense. These lies. And it is up to us to try to reverse the damage.

Thank you for reading.

I have just not been very posty lately. Sorry ’bout that. I have no excuse, really, just lack of inspiration.

I wanted to talk about our Inner Critic & My Fat Band. These things belong together for me, at the moment. I have long dreamed of starting a band. My first year of high school was a magical time for music (’91/’92). Yep, Grunge! At heart, I still feel 14 and flannel clad and all. *sigh* The good old days, as they say. I have wanted to be in almost every type of band. From L7-esque to Lush-like. I have wanted to be Joey Ramone as well as Frente’s Angie Hart. As the years went on I sort of put all of that on the proverbial back burner.

Then not so long ago I started to dream of a fat band! Yes, a band of fat musicians! I would wax philosophically with my friends and they would just smile and nod because that’s what friends do when they think you’ll never actually do whatever it is your talking about. Not to knock my friends, they are the best, but it’s true, I can be full of whimsy and day dreams. But a couple of weeks ago, after getting fed up with musician ads saying “No Chick Singers”, I put an ad of my own on craigslist. Lo and behold, I got a few bites, too.And just when it started to feel like it wouldn’t happen for me, ever…I heard from a guitarist and a bassist. And now? OMZ! We’re meeting up this weekend! And I can’t friggin’ believe it!

The moment this all came together (yesterday) I panicked. My dream might just become a reality! I may actually get to be in a fucking band! I’ll finally sing, in public, and not just at karaoke! Holy shit! And thus my inner critic was awoken: You don’t know what the hell you’re doing! You don’t sing that good! They will take one look at you and say, “Um, no thanks!”

That stupid irrational fear. The fear that makes you dream of going to work/school/etc naked. That fear that lurks within us all that bubbles up from time to time to piss on your cheerios. Damn! I hate that inner critic. Such an asshole! And so not helping me at all. WTF?! I mention my fears to my hubby and he was understanding of the fears. He has the same ones and thus has never been in a band because of it. Though he does play a mean guitar!

A couple of years ago I read Eckart Tolle’s “A New Earth” and it helped me squash my inner critic/ego. It taught me to be in the present. Not to think too far into things and to somewhat separate the emotional side from the logical. This helped me so much, especially in job interviews! Ha-ha! I remember walking into some nondescript office building, riddled with fear, and repeating to myself with each step, “Calm & Confident” until I walked in the door. I would smile, hold out my hand, and say, “Hi! I’m here to see ____.” Like, a giant fucking smile! This worked for me a lot, though not enough to land me a new career.

This helped me, too when I was constantly in a state of anxiety over opening my own cafe. We’re all human. No one wants to see us fail. Yet that is our biggest fear! Failure and humiliation. I don’t so much fear those simultaneously, but nobody wants to make a giant ass of themselves, either. Ugh!

So this fat band dream of mine, it may just come true. But I have to look my inner critic in the eye (or whatever it has-I think mine is a gray vapor, to be honest) and tell it that it’s simply not needed and walk away. It’s worked before and it should work again. Because deep down I know that trying to do this for real will mean so much more to me than if I didn’t try at all. Even if it blows up in my face, it will be an experience and I can finally say I did it!

What does your inner critic say? Do you have a dream you’re too afraid to attempt? Tell me all about it! =0)