Today’s Tank Top Tuesday Pic comes from Hanne Blank, about to head out to walk errands. Support your right to bare arms.

My lifestyle has absolutely changed as a result of the economy. Well, that and three lay-offs and cutting off my own unemployment benefits to open my own cafe. But I digress! Ha! I spent 24 months in and out of work. During that time, about 18 months of which, I looked for work and that was my full-time job! Between scraping the barrel of online job sites and going to actual interviews, I grew exhausted and weary. One thing kept my spirits up through that time: Fat Acceptance blogs!  I love FA like I love my own fat ass! It’s there for me when I need it! It is my best friend and no longer an enemy!

Specifically, the Fatshionista community on LiveJournal.com has truly given me the confidence and strength to do all of the things I never thought I could. Sounds silly, right? I mean, a fashion community? Um, Yeah! You see, I was never confident in my style. I didn’t think I even had a style of my own until I started to read and then later post my own OOTDs (Outfit of the day). And the feedback? Tremendous! I mean, the people who commented were so loving and kind and encouraging. They said I was beautiful! No one but my own husband had ever said that to me, let alone a bunch of strangers. I cannot express in words what that felt like, but it was a revelation. (I’m not putting a bunch of emphasis on the beauty thing, just explaining that as part of my own very personal FA journey.)

Suddenly I didn’t feel so alone. I had this community of people who knew what it was like to be fat. It was okay to call myself fat! FAT! OMZ! FAT! Hooray! And I felt compelled to continue posting my own OOTDs as a result of all of that love. I had an income after all and I did enjoy me some shopping at that time. I had just discovered Old Navy (though too late for the in-store period) and was loving their basics and some of their trendier pieces at what seemed like crazy-cheap pricing. I admit, I went a bit overboard. And with ON, well it’s easy to do and their sizing is so wonky that I’d always order way more than necessary because I’d have to return half of it anyhow.

I would usually just pair my new stuff with old stuff and throw in some random accessories or an Etsy.com find and post it as an OOTD. It became a regular hobby. I would shop and then share what I found on fatshionista. Part of this for me was also sharing with other fats what certain clothing would look like on a Death Fattie body, since none of the usual places even use fat models. I felt like I was giving perspective & a personal review. And everyone was so kind and sweet! I cannot even begin to tell you what that felt like for me. I grew up a Tom-boy and so it was all very new and alien.

After opening my cafe I suddenly found myself without an income at all. The only thing I took home (and still do) were my tips. At first? That was like $3 a week! Yeah. I know! I am so grateful and lucky and gobsmacked that I have a husband who can support us on his salary (though that’s been and still is quite a struggle). So I stopped shopping. I stopped posting OOTDs on fatshionista. I no longer had the free time anyway and I did still enjoy seeing others OOTDs. I did sell things on fatshionista for awhile, to try to get some cash for some little something I had my eye on. eBay has been a great resource for that, too (both buying & selling).  But I did find myself sort of distanced from fatshionista either because of my lack of new things to show or due to my own insecurity because of my sudden lack of income, I’m not quite sure.

A couple of months ago, I was feeling especially sassy, I decided to throw together a fatshionable outfit with just my usual wardrobe and post an OOTD of what I wore to work. Well, I was nervous because I usually just wear a top & jeans. Comfort is all that matters to me now and if it’s cute, then yay, if not? Oh fucking well. I was pleasantly surprised by the response. I still somehow had style even with my old stuff! WOW! I guess it hadn’t occurred to me that I could put together old things in new ways and show it off in a positive way. I wasn’t terribly confidant about it, but I began to realize what I could do with a bit of creativity.

Here they are! My first two OOTDs after so long without a single post on fatshionista:

And you know what I learned from all of this? You don’t have to have money to make something work. You can be a “Dime Store Diamond” and hold your head up high! You can thrift your way to fabulous or dig through your closet to gorgeosity! And while I still struggle with the money thing, I don’t sweat not having a new and in-season outfit every single day. I live in California where that’s not a big deal anyway. My motto has become (since starting my own biz), “I do what I can with what I have.” My hubby thinks that sounds sad, but I see it as a major positive! We’ve come so far together and worked so hard for every damned thing we have. And to me? That means more than any paycheck can provide! So what if I’m not on-trend?! I think being a fatshionista is a state of mind and I can be that in my pajamas!

What is your fave or creative way to work something new out of your existing wardrobe? Would you like to be my “Tank Top Tuesday” pic? I still need some pics. Otherwise it’s gonna just be me every damned week! Ha-ha! =0)

Thanks for reading as always. You rock my socks! <3

So I subscribe to this club or email list or whatever it is and I wanted to share today’s message from the universe with you. It actually reminded me immediately of that Unicorn post the other day.

If suddenly and without warning, Notblueatall, you had absolutely nothing to worry about, do you know what the world would begin to look like?

Un-huh, exactly the same as it does right now.

Alright, if suddenly you had absolutely nothing to be afraid of, do you know what you’d begin to look like right now?

Yeah, cool as ever.

OK, OK. If suddenly you had absolutely no expectations to live up to and no one to disappoint, do you know how free you’d suddenly be?

Yeah, same, same.

Get it? The only thing that would really change is your thoughts. And you don’t need circumstances or other people to help you with that, do you?

I say it’s time to blow the lid off this popsicle stand –
The Universe

It just goes to show you that a lot of what holds us back is us. A lot of what stresses us out is us! And often when it feels that the weight of the world is on our shoulders? Well, it’s our own doing. Not always, I realize, but often. I know this is true for me.

Want your own messages from the universe to help you realize your dreams? Sign up for free here!

It’s Friday and while that’s usually my fave day of the week, I’m just not feeling well today. I don’t know what’s going on with me, I’ve tried both cold and allergy meds and neither have made a dent. I’m a true mess. But I’m alive and grateful as hell for that. =0)  So I thought I would share some interesting tidbits from the interwebz. Feel free to comment, discuss, etc. Hope you have a fabulous weekend.

Too many people feel let down because their life and looks aren’t ‘fabulous’ all the time. In Making Magic 2: On the Tyranny of Image, Rachel Hills says, “…One thing I believe quite firmly is that we’re sold a lie that through changing our appearance, we can change our lives. That if only we lost weight, had “better” hair, the “right” clothes, we’d be able to access that certain, indefinable magic we’re convinced the people who do have that aesthetic possess. I’ve been speaking with women who do have that magic – that capacity to make amazing things happen to them – and unsurprisingly, what I’ve found is that it isn’t about what you wear or how you look at all.”

Did you get a chance to read Lesley’s post about Public Health Programs? You totally should, it’s rad!

You simply must read this speech given by Andrea Zanin at The Floating World, a supercool (and absolutely massive) sex-positive annual weekend conference in New Jersey. “This is a talk about the lies we tell ourselves and the rest of the world. It’s a talk in which bullshit will be called, hierarchies challenged and strong statements made. It’s a talk about polyamory, and BDSM, and queerness, but above all, it is most definitely a talk about sex.”

Love Ryan Freitas‘ 35 lessons in 35 years!

A new approach for pan handlers, free credit cards? I truly enjoyed reading this.

And this weekend, I shall be making some pear gelato! I’m so excited! I bought these Bartlett pears at the store $2 for 3lbs and they’re a bit overripe. Perfect for gelato! I’ve only ever done sorbets, so I don’t know how this will turn out, but here’s the recipe.

You can ask me nearly any time of day or night what song I have in my head and I will most certainly sing or hum it for you. Last night while watching tv a commercial came on with a “Fascination” re-do and I was suddenly confused between three songs all at once. This is not unusual for me. I often hear songs within songs or just have a bunch playing at once in my head. Could this help my problem?

Have you been following the fatcasts? You totally should be! They are so fun and informative! And there’s a new one up today! Squee!

There are two other podcasts I’d like to give a shout out to:

Soulful Blend Radio: R U Real? I Am Plus! Thursdays if you happen to listen to last Thursday’s episode, you will hear yours truly sounding like a total valley girl. Oh well, it was a total blast! (Main page: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/soulfulblend)

And Golda Poretsky’s Body Love Wellness podcast! Be sure to stay up to date on her blog, too: http://www.bodylovewellness.com/

That’s it for today. What’s on your mind? What are your plans for the weekend? Tell me about it! =0)

A couple of months ago I was chatting with a friend when she mentioned wanting to go back on Weight Watchers because she’d gained ten pounds. She knows how I feel about these things, she’s heard some of my FA/SA stories and struggles. I let out a big sigh. I paused and looked her in the eyes and said, “You know how I feel about this. I don’t want to get on my fat acceptance soapbox, but c’mon! I know it’s not easy for any of us, but you’re amazing and beautiful. I mean, look at me! I’m happy & healthy and I weigh over 300 lbs! I’m not even supposed to exist! I’m like a damned fairy tale! I’m a fucking unicorn!” Ever since that conversation, whenever I’m having an awful day or what have you, she always responds with, “You’re a Unicorn!” and it makes me smile. Because it’s true. My life doesn’t exist in the eyes of fat haters. My struggles and strife, love and compassion, hard work and successes…none of it exists if you buy into the myths of the diet industry.

Please allow yourself some pleasure in life. Don’t put off a damned thing because of your size. Live your life as you see fit and don’t worry at all about what others may say/think. Unicorns don’t exist they say, but I’m right here, and I do! =0)