From Maxine, “Dieting is a way to improve your health, enhance your appearance, and live on food you wouldn’t feed a warthog.” I love that crabby old lady! She speaks the truth, man, I tell ya! Ha-ha!

When I read Health At Every Size by Linda Bacon PHD, I was astounded by the part about being conscious/present and enjoying your food and how that simple change can actually allow your body to absorb MORE NUTRIENTS?!!! Yeah, that was so rad! And I think it’s true. I mean, I know that society preaches the whole, “Eat to live don’t live to eat” thing, but I do not! But I have friends who feel that way. To them, “It’s just food” is a statement that makes sense. To me that statement is offensive!

Growing up a poor kid I didn’t crave candy and soda (though I did love me some “now and laters”), I wanted crisp, fresh veggies and salads and fruits! Those were true treats for me! If we bought a bunch of bananas at the store in the morning? They’d be gone by lunch…gone! I didn’t have a big family, either. My lil’ bro was born when I was 5 and my sister when I was 9, so there’s plenty of years spread out there. I know my mom & dad did what they could with what they had (my motto, always). Mostly our dinners consisted of some type of frozen generis(generic foods used to come in yellow boxes with black writing when I was little) veggies, some type of minute rice (though not always or that often) and ground beef. I don’t remember having chicken or any other type of meat very often and fresh stuff was a rarity. About every other week or so my dad would take whatever leftovers were in the fridge (all of the above ingredients) and mix them in a pot with cream of mushroom soup. He dubbed the concoction, “Goup!” It was my enemy! I hated “Goup” so much and he knew it! But when you’re poor you don’t have other options or choices. You eat or you don’t. So many dinners with lima beans I had to cry and gag my way through. It was either that or go to bed. Ack!

Growing up this way made me grateful and taught me to take pleasure in anything I ate. So when my husband and I first started actually cooking at home? It was miraculous! Flavors! Textures! Shiny rainbows of fruits and vegetables! If there was ever a reason to get religious, that would have been it for me! Ha! It all began with my husband wanting to try to make an omelet. We bought all of these veggies and in the end made massive omelets that we’d have to cut up to share and eat. Later we used Alton Brown and Rachel Ray cookbooks for recipes as well as inspiration. Once we took off those training wheels though, we started to truly experiment! Sure, there were a few failures, but you can always go get take out if all else fails, ya know? So we have fun with it and the reward is threefold! We get to make this magical creation together, enjoy all of the textures and aromas and finally sit down and eat! Woo!

Of course, I do get cravings. Pretty much at the exact same time every month. It’s always the same, too! It’s always bread, chocolate and a roast beef sandwich. Always. Nutritionally I know why the red meat (I never eat the stuff except when I get that craving) would be wanted, but bread and chocolate? Ah, I’ll chalk those up to my love of carbs! Ha! I always lose it when people say carbs are bad. I always chime in with, “Entire cultures and nations have been built upon the foundations of rice, pasta and bread! None of us would have been born without them!” as though it is a personal offense to me. Strangely, I have never made bread by hand. I did it once in a bread machine, but I wasn’t impressed with the results and gave up after that. My husband longs to make his own bread. We have books even! Ha-ha!

There are still some things that I feel left out about. Like seafood. It seems so vast and varied and socially acceptance and fabulous. That is until I try to eat some. Bleghck! I keep trying and I keep hatin’! It’s usually a texture thing, but some stuff just tastes bad to me, too. People flip out when they hear I don’t eat seafood. My husband’s family is from Maine, y’all! It’s hard! They look at me like some kind of weirdo-serial killer because of this. When we went out there, they had their big lobster dinner thing and I was fucking horrified! All of the cracking and sucking and picking and…sorry, I must stop or I’ll be sick. Anyway, I felt like I was watching a massacre. I know this is a tradition for them and I was trying my best to be all smiles and love, but it was a classic case of culture shock, I think.

I grew up on pretty bland food, too. So my palette hadn’t been exposed to much until I met my husband. His family would go to Indian Buffet and this fab Szechuan place (RIP Szechuan Garden, you are truly missed), not to mention real Mexican food! Oh my love! All I’d ever had was friggin’ Taco Bell and Mexican food that is not! It’s tasty when I am in the mood, but I’d much rather have a true enchilada from my fave local place! Now? Now I’ve tried cuisines from many nations and cultures and it’s so fun and exciting! Even if I don’t like something, it’s an adventure! And luckily one we can afford about once a month.

As I get older and wiser and have found that it really is the simpler things in life that matter most, I take in and enjoy things like never before. When I walk in my neighborhood, I smell the flowers and take in their colors and shapes, too. I smile at people and say, Hello! When I sit down for a meal, I savor and enjoy each bite. And since choosing to enjoy it more, I fully grasp now what full feels like for me and this helps me with not only eating, but shopping for food, too. While I occasionally suffer from eyes-bigger-than-my-belly syndrome, it has greatly decreased since adopting HAES/Intuitive Eating techniques.

What do you enjoy? What gives you the most pleasure? Has maturing changed your food preferences? Tell me about it! =0)

I heard a concept on the Body Love Revolution Telesummit with the Curvy Coach a couple of weeks ago that struck me as both wrong and true: Being Self-Conscious about your size carries over to other aspects of your life. Wow! At first I was all like (inner dialogue here), “What? No! That just can’t be!” which quickly turned into, “Oh man, you know what? That’s totally true! *headdesk*” Ugh! It IS super true! I/we just don’t look at it from this perspective regularly.

You may not even realize it, but if you are often or even sometimes self-conscious about your size, you can almost bet it’s affected other aspects of your life. For a very long time I was aware of my size, but not necessarily how my size might be perceived by others. Then I started to assume (you know what happens when you do that?!) that everyone KNEW that I was OMZOBESITYFATZDEATH! Case in point: I used to shop at Whole Foods and would find myself and my little handy-basket squidged into a tight corner up against a column or pillar so that someone else could get by me on an aisle. This may sound like nothing out of the ordinary, but when you look at the size of the aisle, the size of the other person plus their full-size cart and the size of me and my little handy-basket? Well, it’s ridiculous that I would feel the need to contort myself in such a way for someone else to get by me when there was actually plenty of room for all to move about. Part of this was because of my own feelings about my size and how I must appear GINORMOUSLYGIGANTIC to a “regular” person. The other part is how those other shoppers made me feel (stink-eye, the up-down, eye-rolling, nose-in-the-air-in-disgust, etc). I now boycott WF because of how they treat their employees (thinner workers get a grocery discount while those with higher BMI #’s do not), but I get similar bullshit reactions from other shoppers at Trader Joe’s. However, I no longer contort myself for the benefit of anyone but myself while shopping at Trader Joe’s or anywhere else!

While I was working a corporate job I often felt left out or looked over. I assumed it was due to my size. I think now that it was because I was too damned quiet! Hindsight being what it is and all. Ha-ha! My boss would often say, “Whoa! Keep it down over here!” joking about how quiet I was. My husband has often said that I can be loud, even just talking (I don’t wholly agree, but wev) and because my dad is always loud I just figured it best to keep my mouth shut until I had something good/important/worthy to say. Now I see that I didn’t want to bring attention to myself because OMZ!I’MTEHFATZ! My first few forays into public speaking were a total nightmare, but I had such love and support from my boss and colleagues that I eventually loved it! I got over my size being my focus and started to really hone my skills and have fucking fun with it! What a wild ride it was, too!

Such a simple thing, but sometimes we just need something explained in a way that speaks to us or is brought to our attention so subtly or simply that we suddenly get that “Ah-Ha!” moment and learn from the experience. This happens to me more often now than ever. Perhaps I’m simply more open to alternative opinions and ideas than I used to be. But having a peer tell me that no one wants to see another fail when in attendance of a workshop or seminar, we all just want to learn whatever it is we’re supposed to be learning about. Simple as that. What? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Yeah, I know! But it’s true! Public speaking would be hard for me now because I’m so out of practice, but I don’t think that I would be as concerned about people judging my body over my performance as I was back then.

When we are constantly concerned with our body image and size (consciously or not) it does affect the rest of your life in ways you may not see yourself. I never asked for a raise in my life. I would rarely be the first person to speak out or about anything in my career. It wasn’t until I was welcomed into a creative group of people that needed my input to make a project work that I was able to use my voice and later own it! Yes, I took ownership of my own voice. Sounds funny, but I think, especially with women, we’re often told or simply believe that we should be quiet so as not to offend or what have you. It’s bullshit! Being my own boss has taught me that no one will help you or be on your side or whatever until you speak the hell up and out and be heard, even if you must demand an audience! And thanks to FA and friends and my husband and a lot of self-work and care (self-care is vital in this journey, I promise you that) I rarely even think of my size as possibly affecting someone else except for a few rare circumstances.

I no longer squish myself into small spaces for the visual comfort of others. If you want me and my girth to move, you must ask, and be polite about it! Manners are Free, Use them Freely! Because you can give me and my giant ass all of the dirty looks you want, that is not going to get me to do a damned thing for you and your judgy face! That is your problem. It really is Ms. Lady with the scrunched up nose looking down on me at Trader Joe’s! I can buy wine and cheese and gummy bears and you can fuck right off with that look of “oh, this is how she got so fat, everyone look!” bullshit! Ahem, sorry. I just don’t see the point of visibly judging people right to their face this way. If you have something to say to me, SAY IT! I will happily give you my thoughts on any given subject. I welcome your concern trolling, if that is all you have for me. And I will quickly, politely and confidently engage in a conversation that is not based on faux facts and media buzz words. I will!

Has being self-conscious about your size affected other aspects of your life? Am I using affected when I should be using effected? Ha-ha! Tell me about it! =0)

Thanks,
<3
S

I struggle with physical activity. It’s a complicated issue for me and many fats, actually. What is amazing is how I forgot how athletic I was in school, that is pre-high school anyway. I loved basketball and was on the Jr. USTA in 6th grade (tennis). Volleyball was always a treat and my bro and I would go head to head on teatherball until one of us got the other laughing and then we’d just collapse in a pile of giggles. Good times. So what happened?

Boys. Drama. Drugs. Drama. Boys. Life. Work. Chaos. Work. Etc.

Things got in the way. I lost my motivation or even my desire to get out and move. Then I was working such long hours on my feet that by the time I got home I would just collapse from exhaustion. And that’s sort of where I’m at now. Not that my hours are that long (I have a fabulous fatty boss…Moi!) but it is both physically and emotionally taxing to run your own business. I’m not making excuses here. Just telling it like it is. It’s what I do, I guess. I struggle with exercising in public, even just walking. I feel people’s eyes on me and it BURNS! Ha-ha! Sorry. Ahem. It can feel awful though. And when you actually catch their eyes? Awkward! Not to mention the possibility or likelihood of harassment.

So what’s a fat to do? I got a puppy. I figured I’d have no choice but to walk him. And I do. Well, my husband and I do. It’s helped. It’s still hard, but I can’t look into those puggy eyes and say no. He is so hyper, too, so it’s nice for him to burn off some energy on a walk. I wish there was an indoor space you could go to so that we could play off-leash and out of harm’s way and he could just run and run and run. Oh well. We used to go to the dog park, but other people and their dogs created some major discomfort and problems. I wonder if being a big fat fatty and having a little dog is some sort of joke to some people? Probably, but fuck ’em!

A few months ago my husband bought me a basketball when he heard me reminisce about playing back in the day. But I’m terrified! I haven’t even dribbled a ball since 7th grade, yo! I feel like I need a few friends with me to even attempt it. Maybe that’s what I’ll do! I’ll grab some friends and hit the court! Could you imagine if I just showed up on my own and there were like regular jock-dudes there? I wonder what would happen?

I love to dance, but don’t have the space to do it. I would dance three times a week if I could, maybe even more. I looked for a long while for a space I could rent for 30-60 mins in my area, but no dice thus far. I hate class situations as I prefer to just “rock out”, which for me is more of a free-form dance style that would incorporate all of my favorite moves I’ve gathered over my lifetime. I just can’t get comfortable with a teacher instruction while I just wanna bust a move, ya know?

How do you like to move? What motivates you? What do you struggle with? Tell me all about it!

Thanks,
<3
S

**I’m terribly sorry if I offended anyone with yesterday’s post. It was not my intention at all. Nor was it my intention to come across as critical or dictating what should or should not be part of FA blogging. There is room enough for everyone. We all have a voice and it is because of this community that I have found my own. Thank you all.

Look y’all, I’m not saying I’m the best at any damned thing, but there are some things I’ve seen around the old ‘sphere lately that have left me, well, sad/mad/cold/angry/disgusted/etc. This is what I think would improve posting & reading for all of us:

1. Realize that your readers come in ALL shapes & sizes! It’s true! They may not exclaim their BMI in every comment, but you may have *gasp* very thin or very fat readers! Please consider this when writing your post. You may have a size 00 or a size 56, do not for one second believe that your readers act and look just like you. They do not.
2. Please oh please proof read before hitting that post button. I know I’m super guilty of this, especially with more emotional posts, but this is even more important with those. Also, maybe, consider reading your posts OUT LOUD before hitting the publish button. It helps with all sorts of things like grammar and spelling and sentence structure. I don’t have the basic education on these things, but I try. I am always open to polite corrections/suggestions. We should help each other! <3
3. Giveaways should appeal to all of your readers! Not just one gender or size or what have you. We kind of fall into a “girl thing” type of system sometimes, but guys do read our blogs (and thank Maude for that!), so please consider offering either two or more items that would appeal to either sex or consider something gender neutral. (My bad on this one, too!)
4. Reviews: When you review a product, show pictures of you using that product! Give a balanced and HONEST review. Please do not just give rave reviews because you got free shit. It is so transparent sometimes it hurts. Just sayin’!
5. Try something new! You don’t have to post the exact same things all of the time. Even if you have a fashion blog, try a more personal post now and then. Your readers already like what you’re doing, let them get to know you a bit. Or explore a hobby with your readers. It could be fun! Don’t be afraid to ask your readers what they’d like to see and evolve as you go along.

And to head my own advice here, what else would help the fat-o-sphere improve? What do you love to see? What bugs you? What’s missing from the ‘sphere? Do tell! And thank you for reading! =0)

<3
S

**I am still accepting questions for the “Dear Auntie Fats” posts. Please ask any/all questions by emailing them here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com you will remain anonymous. Thanks!

They DO exist! They aren’t mythical creatures from the great unknown. And guess what, you may already know them and they may already be on your side (or by it)! Remember an ally is someone that has joined together in an association for mutual benefit or to achieve some common purpose, whether or not explicit agreement has been worked out between them. And just because someone isn’t fat does not mean that they don’t identify with the body politics of fat acceptance. We can all agree that the “cultural ideals” we are inundated with on a daily basis are no good for anyone. Also, by meeting new people and developing relationships you can inform them on your own beliefs and find how much they agree or have in common with you. 

I have been surprised to find how many of my friends share similar beliefs but perhaps didn’t know how to express it. When I tell them about fat acceptance and what it means to me and has done for me, there’s really nothing to argue about. We can agree on so much and build from there and that’s mega-rad! I think more and more people today are sick of being told what is acceptable and what isn’t. We all just wanna live our lives the best we can and not be dictated to on a daily basis, ya know?!

One thing I think we all need to remember is that our allies, be they fat or not, are in it for the common good. FA is not a selfish endeavor, hardly. It’s a heck of a lot of work and you have to have the spoons or sanity points to stick with it and not cave to the haters. You have to be brave enough to not hide and to be fat in public. Our allies may or may not know what that feels like, but we ca tell them and we can show them, no fat suit required (or allowed, thanks).

I think we must also be a bit more welcoming of newbies. Please, don’t automatically smack someone down for using the wrong terminology for something. If they use the word “overweight” explain why it makes you uncomfortable or is not an acceptable term in FA (this applies to many words, obviously). Just as someone new to say feminism may not know on their own why it’s not cool to use sexist language, they may not even know that what they are saying IS sexist, you don’t have to beat them into submission to get your point across. “Manners are free, Use them Freely” (Whoa, I so just quoted myself, Ha-ha!)

No matter what our allies look like or where they may come from, it takes more than adipose tissue to be Fat Girls* and I do think that anyone can be, it’s more in the spirit than the flesh! It’s the simple philosophy of non-conformity and rebellion! So don’t be afraid to have deeper discussions on the matter or to reach out to someone who is struggling with their own body issues. We all started somewhere. If you can love without judgment then, I think, you can live without fear.

Thanks,
<3
S

*Y’all! If you haven’t seen the movie “Fat Girls” go rent it! It’s fab!