The other night my husband was pondering his physical circle of influence, like where he walks the dog, places he interacts with basically. He wanted to clean up litter (angry that doing so on the freeway can get you arrested) in our neighborhood and possibly around his work. He considered the people he interacts with regularly, too. Co-workers, myself, neighbors or other people walking their dogs. This concept had never been made so plain to me before. I always appreciate his grand scheme ideas, but don’t always get or follow them. Or I’m that ugly voice of reason telling him that he can’t do it on the freeway. It’s no fun being that voice, but someone has to be it or we’d lose everything in the name of bail monies! Ha!

Last night we went to see the new film “Contagion” for the $4.50 Tuesday deal our local place has. I will say that the film is good, convincing, effective, horrifying…it’s good, I’ll stick with that! And it made me consider what/how/where/who I touch or come in contact with. Since I’m already fairly germaphobic, this just sent me right into a tizzy! Usually though, my toughest germ-zones are public restrooms or food places that don’t follow the safety laws. I have no trouble shaking someone’s hands or hugging my pals or what have you…but this film made me rethink it all! They quoted a statistic in the movie, something about how we touch our faces 3,000 times a day! Yikes! This freaked me out and I will probably obsess on that awhile. Ha-ha! But seriously folks, it made me think about what I influence on a daily basis. This has significantly changed for me ever since selling the cafe, but I almost think my human interaction (as well as sheer mileage) has increased!

I was chatting with a very good friend on FB the other night and we were talking about “The Man” and all of that sort of thing (“Damn the man! Save the empire!”), and I think I have come to some sort of chill head space around our current social situation. And I said to her, “I try not to dwell too much, but everything is so fucked up everywhere. All we can do, all I think I can do, is to have as much of a positive influence on myself and those around me.” I really liked the sound of that, as vain as that may seem. What about our influence on ourselves and others? What do we think and say to ourselves and how does that affect us on a daily basis? What about others? I mean, I can remember things said to me and around me at age 4 and 5 that still mess with my head. I didn’t choose to be influenced by that, it just stuck in my subconscious or whatever and I’m stuck with it until I can address and process it out I guess.

Because things are fucked up everywhere, we can only do what we can actually do. Ya know? Does that even make sense? It’s late when I’m writing this and so I’m not sure. But fuck it, I’m going with this…

Why not try to begin by influencing yourself in positive ways. You can branch out and try to influence your loved ones and co-workers and postal workers and so on. Why not? It doesn’t hurt! I mean, I forget myself sometimes and I really noticed when I started to pay closer attention to this stuff. And I feel so fabulous right now I can’t even tell you! I’m not drinking or anything, I’m just, like, I dunno…awesome? Can I just be awesome? That’s weird sounding, but it’s how I’m feeling at the moment. I like this feeling and want to perpetuate and infect it into everyone I know, in the best possible way! Ha-ha!

You ever hear someone laugh in a restaurant and their laugh makes you laugh? THAT!!! I want to do that to the people of the world, yo! Again, why not? I cannot think of a reason why I shouldn’t at least try. It’s like that whole random acts of kindness thing, or paying it forward. It makes total and complete sense to me. Perhaps it’s my grandma’s influence over the years (she was an RN), but most of my family has been service people. I’m damn proud of that, too! I often apply to jobs with something in my cover letter like this: I get a real kick out of helping people in nearly any arena. Customer service is a life philosophy for me and not just a career choice. I just believe in treating people with respect and a dose of humor and trying to help those who could use it! That could be why I have had so many spells of unemployment in recent years, but maybe not. It’s honest. Honesty is powerful! It can scare people. It can help people. It can hurt people. I get it, I do, but it’s also important. If you are not first honest with yourself, how can you be honest with others or expect  them to be honest with you?

Ever hear of fake it until you make it or some variation? That’s kind of what I recommend. I chose to stop lying to myself years ago and felt better about myself. I then stopped lying to my loved ones and eventually everyone. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be. I no longer say something looks nice on someone if I honestly don’t believe that it does. Seems trivial, but you try it out and get back to me! Ha-ha! And while part of me can be very negative and untrusting or protective of myself and others, there is always a little nugget of sunshine in there that seems to grow brighter as I trust in myself and in the truth. I have seen the power it has on me and its influence on my friends and strangers. It was easy to gauge in the cafe of course because people came to me. Now that I’m a free agent, I go out into the world in an active way. It’s much more difficult to see a change in people if you just happened upon them in some scenario. But sometimes I catch it! I can see it! Sometimes, I swear it’s true, just seeing a fat redheaded lady with a giant hot pink flower in her hair is enough to see a change in a person.

Yeah, it’s cheesy! Fuck it! By being happy I can make or help others be happy, so why the hell not?! You can do it, too! If you wanna…this isn’t like a mandatory thing. Ha-ha! By not actively hating myself or my body, I can go about the world with confidence and see how people respond to that. It’s shocking! And it’s just good for my mental health. I first saw body acceptance and fat liberation and purely political, but I’ve come to see it as down right therapeutic, too! I couldn’t as for more! <3

“God, it took me forever to be able to wear something without sleeves, but when I started, I really threw myself into tank tops, tube tops, spaghetti straps and halter tops. I’m not sure at what point I stopped wearing 3/4 length sleeves in the summer (with long jeans I might add)…. in North Carolina. I know it was before I knew anything about fat acceptance, but damnit, I wanted to just be able to wear clothing like everyone else! I think when we moved to an apartment with a pool and my (then) 4 year old son insisted on going up every single day that the pool was open and I had to dust off that bathing suit I got more comfortable with my body even before I knew that that was a thing. Yeah. Speaking of my son.. I am constantly aware of and grateful for the fact that I discovered body acceptance before I had a chance to rub off any body hate onto him. When he finally asked me why I was fat (and he and daddy weren’t) I just said “because my body is really good at storing energy!” and “everyone’s body is different- isn’t it awesome that people come in all shapes and sizes?” This is from my son’s first day of school.

Lovely picture & dress, Heather! Thank you so much for sharing this with us all here. I love your ability to rock magenta hair, too! Ha-ha! Just proves that we (fats) can do anything. We can be mothers/fathers/aunts/uncles/etc…and still lead happy and healthy lives, too! Woo!

I am taking submissions from anyone who wants to exercise their right to Bare Arms for future Tank Top Tuesday posts! Email your pics here: notblueatall@notblueatall.com, please include the name you’d like in the post, a blog or etsy shop you wanna plug, your thoughts on bare arms or other fatty philosophies. It does not have to be in a tank top, so long as your arms are bare. Have fun with it!

Also, feel free to still treat comments as TMI topic/discussion/venting area! Feel free to ask TMI questions or just vent/rant about your own stuff. I love it! We all do! =0)

**Friend of the blog Erylin, has a clothing swap coming up in Kansas city mo. we will be having one on September 25th at the north Kansas city library right off of armour and I-35. (if you need more info leave a reply and we will connect you somehow). **

Yesterday I was headed out to a fatty meet up across the bay and as per usual, I was stressing on what to wear. WHAT TO WEAR!?!?! It is the question that never truly gets answered. We are left constantly unsatisfied with our own wardrobes and styles and long for some mythical perfect outfit of splendor! Psshht! I’m slowly but surely getting over that concept, but I still struggle. I am always fearful of over or under dressing. I am usually a jeans and cute top type of gal, but have begun to explore, experiment and play with fashion more than, well, ever before! I am loving it, too! Overdressed? Oh well, ain’t like I’m doing manual labor, it’s just a meet up after all, so I went for it. I went and tried to put together the nuttiest thing I could with what I had. Mind you, I love lots of colors, but usually don’t go for anything super bright. But I’m getting there. I tested the waters of the color Hot Pink with great delight. So, yesterday I really dove in head first into colors…no, I mean COLORS!!! Prepare your eyes, babies, prepare them, shield them and remember that fashion and fatshion should be fun!

Bam! COLOR! But I felt like a little kid and maybe not in the best way. So I asked my husband to snap a pic and I text it to Nicole to ask if it was too much (I also had a yellow cardigan to go with it, ha!). She responded that it may be bit too much but that she liked it over all. My husband said it did in fact look like I was trying to dress and as a kid and I did feel a tad silly in it. Perhaps if I had a specific occasion for this type of technicolor outfit I would rock the hell out of it, but I just didn’t feel that the meet up (first impressions being what they are) was the right time or place.

So I headed back to my bedroom for a  wardrobe change and I actually love what I ended up wearing even more than the mega-brightness you see above. All of what you see in these outfits are mostly newly swapped or given pieces and I am so grateful for such opportunities when I am out of work and without the moolah. And yes, the TEGGINGS!!! The hot pink ones above as well as the black ones below are made of awesome sauce! I can’t say enough about them and feel compelled to own all of the colors they come in! Oh yeah, the outfit:

I friggin’ love this dress (it has pockets)! I got it at the Cupcakes & Muffintops event last month and it fits like a glove! It’s so me! I love daisies! And that gigantic purse is actually a “bocce” bag from Tokidoki for Le Sport Sac in “arancia.” I’m a major Tokidoki fan and lusted after the Le Sport Sac stuff for ages before finally tracking down this little baby for myself when I opened my cafe two years ago. Who knew it would fit so perfectly with this outfit?! I love it! And yes, the wingtips are Doc Martens (via eBay). You can’t see it, but I have the black flower headband rockin’, too!

Best of all, I had a great time hanging out and meeting new fatties, catching up with good friends and just enjoying a lovely Sunday afternoon in Oakland. Woo! Thanks to Lisette for organizing the meet up! Thanks to Jeanette for driving me all over the place! Thanks to Nicole for the help, the dress and for hanging out even though you got blisters from having to walk so much, and hanging out with me. Thanks to Marilyn Wann for being so rad and kind and just a great listener and advice giver! <3

Now, for more fatty events!!! I am hitting Club Anton in Oakland on Friday for their Full Figure Entertainment night! Then on the 23rd is Big Moves Bay Area’s “Fat Dance: Oh What A Feeling!” in Oakland. And what I truly cannot wait for (but in a way I’m nervous because I’m gonna sing some karaoke, y’all) is Marilyn Wann’s “Squak & Gobble” B-day & Fundraiser bash in Oakland on the 25th! Woo Hoo! I suddenly fucking love September! Ha-ha! It’ll be the fattest month of my 2011, that is for sure! Thanks for reading. Hope you have a fat-abulous day! <3

My husband and I recently watched the documentary, “Pregnant In America” on our Netflix instant watch (gotta love it). I had wanted to see it for awhile. Having previously watched “The Business of Being Born” another birthing in the US related doc by Rikki Lake and, “At Your Cervix” where the truth behind pelvic exams was revealed. All great documentaries! I highly recommend them all if you are even remotely interested in having a child in the United States of America. Because a lot of what we’ve been told, taught or marketed to in regards to women’s bodies and reproductive health, is, well…BULLSHIT!!!

I was born in a hospital. No complications, just a typical 1977 birth. My younger brother and sister, however, were born at home with a midwife. They, too, had no complications in their births (or should I say our mom didn’t). Yet somewhere along the line I grew a nice big prejudice against home births. I am not entirely sure why, other than I typically will rebel against anything my mother is for (I have not seen her in over 15 years). But getting my info on and watching these incredible documentaries has completely changed my mind!

I had grown fearful, over the last couple of years, of having a kid because of a lot of things. Mostly passing on genetic stuff, but also because there’s a damned good chance that I’ll have a fat child (who may also end up with my hair color, not bad, but kids are merciless towards redheads). Would the government take my child away because it’s fat? I couldn’t bear the thought of living through that. Or would I even get a say in the birth of my child while also being seen as too fat for anything in the eyes of the medical world? I read the blog WellRoundedMama and have found some great articles/info/resources there, but that fear still lingers.

When I read this post on AmpleProportions I was quickly reminded of my fears and the real threat to our rights as women in America, let alone the rights of the fat! Watching “Pregnant in America” sort of snapped me back to my germaphobic self in a way: hospitals are for the very ill, not for the newly born! I mean, babies don’t belong there! They don’t have fully formed immune systems and who knows who is touching your baby and if they’re washing their hands appropriately?! My husband has long said that he doesn’t want to have our baby in a hospital because they snatch it away from you the moment it’s released from the birth canal and instantly inject, weigh, test, “clean”, etc… when the natural thing is to clutch the infant to the mother’s breast, leaving the placenta in-tact for awhile, so that the natural hormones kick in and do what they need to do: Bond, initiate natural breast feeding and so much more.

Is it possible that the rise in postpartum depression has something to do, directly, with the westernized pathology of handling birth? To inject drugs (epidural) into the spine of the mother (can lead to so many problems I don’t even wanna talk about right now) so that she cannot feel the baby moving and may even be temporarily paralyzed until after the baby is born? You see, we’re natural baby makers, women. We and our bodies know exactly what to do, if we are unaltered and uninhibited. We will find the right position for us while giving birth, naturally! While OB/GYN’s have been trained to find pathology and complications where none exist all in the name of efficiency and profit! Laying on your back, legs splayed in the air, is not only not natural, but damned uncomfortable while pushing out a baby! I have completely changed my mind and I have no intention of going anywhere near a sick house (hospital) unless it’s an absolute emergency. They don’t want me anyway, I’m fat and have no insurance. Fuck ’em!

I’m not pregnant and don’t have immediate plans to get there, but if and/or when  I am ready, I thank the stars above that these films and the experts and resources available today are there to inform and help me along the way. I cannot stand the thought of not being in control of my own body or infant. To interfere with a natural thing? Well, that’s bullshit! I won’t stand for it and I most certainly will not pay for it!

You know when you get a new bra, how it’s suppose to just fit the last row of tabs? It’s sort of tight/snug, but not unbearably so, so you just deal. Well, that is how it was for me at least. But the last time I bought a pack of bra extenders I found out the hard way that they simply don’t (or very rarely) come in a row of five like my actual bras do. Having just purchased four new bras and not wanting to just deal with the initial tightness of them, I decided to take matters into my own hands…literally!

I took a pair of scissors and snatched the two broken bras from my trash can and cut the hooks and tabs out of them. You can see in the first photo here that one side is all tabs and the other is a row of hooks. I wasn’t sure at first how I’d go about attaching them, but I just went ahead and dove in head first! I simple flipped the hooks under the tabs and sewed them (I do have a machine, though I’m not fully skilled at using it yet) on the opposite side (facing the appropriate way so that they could be used of course). I couldn’t manage to sew a straight-across line with all of the hardware in there, so instead I went in short bursts between each hook:

You can see on the beige one (’cause I used black thread) where my stitches are. I made one black and one beige since that is what I had on-hand and pretty much all I wear. And they worked like a fucking charm, I tell ya! Perfection! They fit, I don’t even notice them when they’re on and best of all my new bras fit spectacularly! It took me all of five or so minutes and didn’t cost me a dime! I love stuff like this.

Do you have a cheap and simple DIY projects you’d like to share? Hit me up! I’d love to post about it here and try it for myself, too! notblueatall@notblueatall.com