I'm just a fat gal with a blog and an opinion. Well, lots of opinions.

A Gift From Me, To Me


I haven’t truly celebrated X-Mas, or whatever they’re calling it these days, in years. Originally it was due to the icky feeling of consumerism that took hold of me and all I knew at that time and working in malls would sour even the most spirited of people. Later it was out of necessity due to poverty. I had had high hopes this year. This year I had a job with a big income (relatively speaking) and I was going to buy a new ___ for everyone I know and love!!! Until I found out that my job is ending. Boo!

Now I don’t have the income I thought I would and haven’t bought a thing and while I ache to do so, I just can’t. I love to give gifts. I will take any opportunity to give a gift, usually. Gifting is my love language, it’s how I show someone I’m thinking of them and care for them. I’ve done the all handmade holiday gifting thing before, but it was so stressful! I really don’t know how or if I’ll be celebrating this year.

One thing I am giving myself though is some health care. I will have health insurance until the end of January. And with that I took it and ran! I have a OBGYN appointment on the 23rd and an eye exam on the 24th and soon after a dental exam and cleaning. I haven’t had insurance in over 7 years and I know I gotta take advantage while I can! Even my HR guy was like, “Be sure to use your insurance until the end of January!”
I am infinitely grateful to have no major health concerns. I have not been to a doctor since I first opened my cafe and had to go to urgent care when I had my first vertigo episode (BPPV is what I have). I haven’t been to a gynecologist in, well, damn! A long time! I’m sure everything is okay with my lady bits, but it never hurts to get checked out. And since I’m now the ripe and lusciously juicy age of 36, I figure now is the best time to check it all out!
Am I nervous? A bit, but only because I want to go in prepared and worry about forgetting something. I even printed out my dates and charts from so I can literally show the gyno my cycle patterns. On top of that, though, I’m walking in armed with all of the wonderful knowledge and resources that my fat community has provided and thus, I will not be getting weighed at my appointment. I know that this is within my rights to refuse and will gladly explain my reasons. I am confident, regardless of who or what I am up against. That is the biggest difference for me, I think.
I’m also going to ask for a referral to a dermatologist to do a mole check. I’ve never had one done and so many people in my life have had skin cancer removed in the last year that I think I need to! I’ve always worried about skin cancer. My skin burns so quickly and I have freckles all over, so it’s a major possibility! I just hope I can do everything in the next month. If there’s anything I need after that I am on my own, literally! This doesn’t scare me, unless of course they find something in my tests/exams. Fingers crossed, okay?!?!
I know a lot of folks who don’t have health insurance. I also know plenty who have it but never use it. USE IT! Get your annual exams and just make sure everything is working and feeling good. Especially your eyes! Oh man! I know people who have never had an eye exam. If you have fears or anxiety, bring a friend and/or talk to the doctor beforehand if possible. You should do whatever you need to in order to feel comfortable. Call and ask about the chairs in the waiting room, parking and accessible entrances. You have every right to do what you can to make your use of the healthcare available to you as accessible and comfortable to you as possible.
I just think it’s important to take care of yourself as much as you possibly can. Until now, I haven’t had access to healthcare in years. No matter what is happening in your life, you only have this one body. Yes, the stress of life and work can and will directly affect your health. If you have access to healthcare, you have a shot at nipping some things in the bud, as it were. Ignoring issues will never make them go away and while I’m a firm believer in the power of positive thinking, you gotta support all of that positive thinking with some science, too. We’re not machines, thank goodness. So, yeah, our maintenance is different and will change greatly as we get older.
A new year is upon us, and all of the resolution garbage aside, it is a fresh chance at doing right by you. This is what I’ll be focusing on. Being a better me for me, surrounding myself with folks who lift me up (not bring me down or hold me back) and really doing all I can to make today great. Cheesy? Perhaps. But I intend to live well past 90 years old and so I gotta do the right things now while I can.
I am going to face my fear of riding my bike and just do it (as soon as I get a tire pump). I’m going to keep my head up and not fall back into that pit of despair I spent my summer in. No thanks! I am going to listen to my gut and go wherever this journey takes me. I’ve done pretty great on that part so far. 😉
Take care of you,
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