What are we doing?! Hypernormalization!

First articulated in 2005 by scholar Alexei Yurchak to describe the civilian experience in Soviet Russia, hypernormalization describes life in a society where two main things are happening.

The first is people seeing that governing systems and institutions are broken. And the second is that, for reasons including a lack of effective leadership and an inability to imagine how to disrupt the status quo, people carry on with their lives as normal despite systemic dysfunction – give or take a heavy load of fear, dread, denial and dissociation.

The strongest of us are struggling. The softest of us are absolutely terrified. Every morning I wake up, and for nearly a minute, I forget about the state of the world and the horrific crimes perpetuated and committed by my country. Once my brain sort of comes online, and the weight of it all hits me, I want so desperately to go back to unconsciousness. It is all too much to bear. Yet I have to keep a roof over my head, because homelessness is now illegal in my country. I can’t make it make sense. I brush my teeth with the light off, not yet ready to look in the mirror and admit to myself that I am here, I am real, it’s all real. I hate it.  

The phrase, “the cruelty is the point” gets bandied about a lot these days but it is absolutely correct. I hate it. The current Republican party is all about “We tell you what to do, but no one gets to tell us what to do!” and you see it in every single one of their policies. It has been this way for years. I hate it. Please don’t get me wrong, though. I have no love for the so-called Democratic party who fill their pockets from the same coffers as the Republicans. We have seen a few dems stand up and get loud in opposition to the bills being pushed through, but it feels very performative and I believe that it very much is that and nothing more. I hate it.

I never thought I would live in a fascist country. I never thought I would see my country’s citizens lick boots without hesitation. I am fully aware of the history, not just the propaganda fed to me in school. I don’t have a higher education, so I had to seek out this knowledge and I am glad to have it. Knowing the truth will keep you grounded in reality when sooooo many would prefer to hide their heads in the sand and insist everything is fiiiiine! I hate it.

A moment will arrive that no one will be able to ignore. A. moment like so many others in history where we can all look back and say, “This is when we said no more!” but I have been waiting for that moment for years. I am GenX, I don’t carry a lot of hope, but it is still there. I have the heart of an activist and will almost always try to inform those who are interested. People don’t want to know, though. They don’t want to know because deep down, they already know it’s past the point of no return. 

Some think I’m doing too much by still wearing a mask to prevent the spread of covid. Some think I’m doing too much by calling and emailing my representatives about various bills and measures. We have such little power over much of our lives, what I can control, what tragedies I can prevent, I am going to do all I can to live a long and fulfilling life. For me, fulfilling means more than just “happy & healthy” because I know that health is never a choice one can make and can vanish in an instant. And these so-called representatives need to be told everyday what to do because they really don’t care about us until we make them care.

So, What are we doing?! I get up and go to work and I smile at the front desk at my colleagues and our guests and manage all of the offices that I do while just under the surface I feel like I am screaming internally constantly. I go home and change into soft and comfy clothes and space out on the couch for the evening because my brain is fucking fried by this point. I read, I listen to podcasts, I watch my cartoons and k-dramas and I try to be okay. I text with friends and support where I can. I send my brother memes or nostalgic commercials, and I try to just be okay. It is maddening.

A teammate strongly suggested that I try in-person classes on meditation. I do feel a pull towards something spiritual or grounding, but I have never been able to meditate in the traditional sense. CPTSD brain won’t allow it. I also think that individualism got us into this mess in the first place so certainly individual-based “solutions” aren’t going to get us out of it. Part of me feels the need to suffer out loud for a change, too. I’m usually of the mind that if no one can help you with a thing then there’s no point in bothering them about it (and getting gaslit by loved ones is not what I need in my life). I never want platitudes, even well intentioned ones. I know it’s too much for anyone to handle and there is no one and done answer. 

I think it can help others to vocalize what you’re feeling or dealing with, often it leads to better connection and understanding. For me, I can be a bit blunt and maybe too right to the point for some, but many have thanked me for saying what they couldn’t. It leads to great conversations and my teammates and I are closer because of it. If we don’t share our struggles we will feel more alone in this world that is already built to make us lonely. We are a species that has lasted because we are social. Capitalism pushed us to where we are now, its fall is inevitable.

It is easy to preach about community but very difficult to find and create in your own life. I have begun to talk to my neighbors more. Not like in a let’s be friends way, but I do think it is good for folks to know each other and what is normal for your neighborhood. This way when something is off it is easier to point to or support each other and approach the situation together than to just stick with a “not my problem” mentality. I am usually very much a “mind your own business” type of person, but I have neighbors that make their business everyone’s to deal with and newer neighbors who I think are an improvement to our building and want them to stay. I have thought about creating a small free pantry in our laundry room (we have old wooden lockers with missing doors that would be perfect) but I am not sure how management would take it. I like things being under the radar, ya know?

So, WTF are we doing?!?!? How are you managing the feeling of constant doom and dread these days? How do you handle your day to day life with this running in the background always? How are you protecting yourself from our government basically trying to kill us all at this point? N95/’sKN95’s help filter out pollen and air pollution as well as respiratory viruses and infections. Just saying! We can’t fight for revolution and liberation from beyond the grave, I checked. 

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I’m here for realness and sincerity, honesty and vulnerability, I’m here for the good and juicy bits of life that shine for me when I know I’m heading in the right direction.

Rad Fatty Love to ALL,
<3
S

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